6 Human Needs - 4: Connection
by Seth Monk
4. Connection The need for connection is a core human necessity, essential for emotional well-being and psychological health. It reflects our intrinsic desire to belong, to love, and to be loved, forming meaningful relationships with others. Understanding this need within ourselves helps us recognize our vulnerabilities and strengths in seeking and maintaining connections. In relationships, acknowledging the mutual need for connection fosters intimacy, trust, and support, creating a foundation for a resilient and nurturing bond. It encourages open communication and empathy, allowing individuals to feel understood and supported. Ultimately, understanding and nurturing connection enriches our lives, providing a sense of belonging and shared humanity.
Transcript
We're having a party in here,
Apparently.
Alright,
Quiet down everybody.
Getting a little excited.
Enjoy yourselves.
Happy Valentine's Day.
What do we think about Valentine's Day as a holiday?
Does it do more damage than good?
It just makes people who aren't in a relationship really sad,
And then people who are in a relationship have to spend a lot of money.
It gives you the opportunity to wear red.
Let's do the positive,
Yes.
It gives you the opportunity to wear red.
The opportunity to wear red.
Because Carrie never wears red otherwise.
Right?
Fact.
So welcome everybody to this very special edition of Seth Monk and the Six Human Needs.
This is the series that I have been on for the past couple weeks.
It's special for us here because we are in a different room today,
Which is cool.
It's a little more intimate and cozier of a room.
And also today the human need that we are on is connection,
Which just happens to perfectly fit with today being Valentine's Day.
So when we talk about the human needs,
These are the basic human needs for all of us.
These are kind of what drives us,
What motivates us.
I believe that if you dove deeper into them,
You would also potentially see that every time you get really triggered,
It might be because one of your needs is not being met or even is being directly frustrated,
As it were.
So the six human needs are certainty,
Uncertainty,
Significance,
Connection,
Growth,
And contribution.
Each of these needs has its place.
They are all important.
There's no good or bad needs,
But there are definitely healthy and unhealthy ways that we try to get these needs met.
When we were talking about certainty as the first need,
Certainty,
It's like this feeling of safety and consistency and you know that everything is going to be in order and people that are really focused on certainty,
They like having structure.
They like everything being in its proper place.
They really like to feel like they're organized and they know where everything is and it gives them this feeling of control and safety.
The downside of that is when they don't have that,
Because life happens all the time,
Our plans do not always come to fruition.
I was just listening to the Surrender Experiment.
Michael Singer.
He was talking about how we humans have this framework of how we want things to be and we overlay it over the world.
When it doesn't work,
We get upset.
He's like,
What if instead we see what the world is trying to do to us and go with what's happening versus trying to force what we want onto our surroundings.
Each of these needs,
As we try to get it met,
It can really bring us a lot of.
.
.
Sorry,
I'm hearing I should talk louder.
It could really bring a lot of difficulties into our lives if we're not aware of it,
But if we are aware of it and we know how to meet these needs,
Then it can really source us with energy and really fill us up.
Today,
The need is connection.
Last class was significance.
Significance,
It's more about me.
Significance is very me-focused.
I want to be important.
I want to be meaningful.
I want to be seen.
I,
I,
I,
I,
Me,
Me,
Me.
This is another way for us to feel safe.
It's another way for us to feel like we belong,
Like a sense of value within a tribe.
It's important that you feel valued and you matter because if you're booted out of that tribe,
You're dead.
So there's something in us that's biologically wants to feel significant.
We want to feel like we matter.
It's a reason why people go on their vision quests and get their names and do their,
You know,
Tribal cultures.
I was born Jewish,
Even the Jewish culture,
Like you got your bar mitzvah,
Right?
It's like you have that thing where everyone celebrates you and your coming of age,
Right?
It's important.
But then this connection piece,
The next need,
Which is about we,
It's kind of the opposite of significance,
Right?
Significance is about us trying to get all the attention,
All the energy for ourselves.
Connection,
It's this externally focused one.
It's feeling connected to others so we don't feel alone.
So we feel things like love,
Right?
Someone who's very significance-focused,
They'll maybe not be able to feel love,
Or what them,
For them,
What love means is that somebody is showering them with praise,
Right?
But connection,
It's actually genuinely connection,
Feeling like we are a part of something bigger than just ourselves.
It's something that is almost like the opposite of Instagram culture,
As it were,
Right?
It's something where it's really this focus in looking to others,
Connecting with others,
Seeing others,
Becoming this bigger unit of consciousness,
Right?
Becoming the unified field,
The group.
If you look at a pod of dolphins or a flock of birds,
They kind of move in these amazing unison patterns,
As if they're sharing one mind,
As if it's one being in many bodies,
One energy in many bodies.
And it's so beautiful and harmonious and it flows,
Right?
And it all works together.
Or a colony of ants as well,
Right?
Some cultures on Earth as well,
Some countries,
Some countries are more focused on the individual,
Like our country.
Like the U.
S.
Is very significance-based.
But then there's other countries,
Like I think Japan might be one,
Where people more think for the collective,
They're more,
They keep themselves quiet and respectful and in line because they want everything to be harmonious for the whole.
They want to flow as a unit,
Right?
And that's really beautiful.
That has this real beautiful side to it.
The shadow side of the us,
The shadow side of connection,
Is that when we don't feel that connection,
Then suddenly we feel like we don't exist.
Suddenly we feel like we're threatened,
Like we're in danger.
And also for those of us in our lives who are too focused on connection,
I'm sure some of us are that person and some of us know people like this who are very externally focused,
It's almost like they're placing their identity outside of themselves.
And when they're talking to you and doing things,
They're just staring at you and everything's,
You know.
And they don't have a strong sense of self.
They don't have a ground in themselves.
If you're in pain,
They're suddenly in pain,
Right?
If you're upset,
They're upset,
Right?
That there's this instability that's created.
Because,
You know,
In a flock of birds,
If one bird goes left,
They all kind of go left.
But if there's people that are like that,
If you,
Like,
I know my mother kind of had a little bit of that growing up.
That,
You know,
If I felt sad,
Then my mother suddenly feels sad.
And once I went through the monastery training that I did and I came home,
I had a moment with her where that pattern played out.
And I said,
I could never say this to you when I was a kid because I didn't have the words for it,
But now I can.
I want to be able to be sad and I want you to not be sad so that I feel safe to feel sad.
That I have space and the safety to feel my own feelings.
If by me feeling upset,
You get upset,
Now I feel like I'm making you upset and I feel guilty and so I'm going to hold back my feelings because I don't want to hurt you.
And this is a common pattern,
I think,
Between children and mothers and just in general,
That there's this cross-identification going on that sometimes we think we're being loving,
We think we're being compassionate,
We think we're being caring,
But actually we're taking up all of the space.
We're taking up all of the available space.
If I was in the kitchen and my mom would come and she'd say,
What do you need?
I would say,
Space.
I need space.
I need space.
I need to be able to exist separate from you.
And so this need of separation,
Of feeling that I am okay in myself and I am stable and strong and healthy and capable as an individual and I can also connect and become part of a group or be on a sports team,
Right?
So to be able to go between both of them is,
So to say,
The ideal.
Is that we can thrive in being significant and having our own likes and our own personalities and our own hobbies and the things that we're known for and notable for.
When you think about Seth,
We think about this guy,
The meditation guy doing this,
Right?
But simultaneously,
To be able to be a part of a group,
To think together,
To not need to stand out always,
Right?
We all know people like that too.
It's exhausting.
A person always needs attention,
Always needs to be special,
Always needs to be different because when they're in a group,
Suddenly they feel like they don't exist anymore,
Right?
So simultaneously,
On the other side of that,
People that only really know how to relate through the group and through a partner and through a thing,
That struggle to feel their sense of self,
That's the other side of the spectrum.
And so today,
We're going to dive into that.
We're going to dive into connection and both sides of connection.
So both that beautiful feeling of being connected,
Of us all just being this one beautiful consciousness soup,
As it were,
And simultaneously connecting to that feeling of safety,
To know that when I'm also just by myself,
I'm good,
I'm stable,
I'm strong,
I'm healthy,
I'm happy.
Cool.
So I invite you all to get into positions that feel comfortable to you.
This could be laying down or sitting.
I'm going to,
I guess,
Unplug these lights.
Yeah,
That'd be great.
And so as we get comfortable,
We really take this moment to return to ourselves,
To return to your nervous system,
Your nervous system as separate from everyone else's nervous system,
Separate from everything that's happened to you today,
Everything that's happening in the world,
To coming back in touch with your own nervous system,
Your own body.
Valentine's Day celebrates the connection to others.
So we're going to also just take this moment to celebrate the connection to ourselves,
Recognizing that you have the power to relax your own nervous system through your breath,
Through your intention.
The word that I often utilize in these situations is the word soften,
Giving the body,
The mind permission to soften.
And feeling,
What does it feel like to breathe?
What is that sense of the body expanding,
Contracting?
How the breath brings the body to rise and to fall.
As we relax,
We also feel the ground beneath us.
Imagine that you are sinking down into the ground.
Imagining that you're connecting all the way down to the center of the earth.
Just imagining that you can feel all the way down there.
Just as if you were to throw a stone into a lake and the rock would just sink down to the bottom.
Just allowing your energy to naturally flow downwards towards the center of the earth.
And as we begin to expand outwards into the space around us,
You're connected to all of the life on this planet.
From the grasses and trees and bushes,
To the little bacterias on the wingtips of flies,
To the giant elephants and whales,
To the dogs in people's homes and the birds up in the sky,
To all the humans,
Those in this room,
Those beyond.
And expanding out beyond this planet.
Just imagining that you're going up into space,
The stars and the sun,
The moon.
We are connected to these too.
The sunlight which grows all of the food that we have ever eaten.
This body itself is a product of sunlight.
As we just connect to all of the stars in the sky.
Like the ancient temples.
Megaliths,
Stonehenge.
Places that when you entered into them,
You were reminded of the bigger constellation that you are a part of.
The night sky as the original church walls.
Our very place in this galaxy,
In this universe.
Exactly where we're supposed to be connected to the rotations and flows.
The great cosmic dance.
Opening up through time,
Connecting to our parents and their parents and their parents and their parents.
The ancestral line that stretches back through time,
Of which we are connected to and a part of as well.
Unshakeable.
Our evolutionary line on this planet.
Connecting to the level of spirit,
Soul,
Consciousness.
Connecting to the greater unity of our shared conscious energy.
As if each individual awareness is just another ripple in a giant pond.
Just imagining a beautiful white light coming down from above you.
The origins of that light reach far off into the infinite center of the universe.
Just allowing this light to reach you,
To gently shine into your body.
Allowing this light to travel through you.
Warming you.
Allowing you to feel,
Remember this connection that is always there.
You can imagine this light coming down through the top of the head.
This white warming light coming through the body.
And even reaching the base of your spine,
The tailbone.
Traveling down through you into the earth.
As if you are this bridge between heaven and earth.
Spirit and material.
Completely connected,
A part of something.
Vast,
Timeless.
Infinite and yet very much an important individual component.
This light shines through your body,
Shines out into your life.
To all of the situations,
All of the people you encounter,
Your relationships.
It shines into your past.
Filling up memories,
Dark places.
Traveling through your ancestral lines.
Back to the beginning of time.
This light travels also forwards,
Onwards to your future.
To the people you haven't even met yet.
To those who come after us.
What will this earth look like in a thousand years?
This light even reaching the people who will be living there.
Allowing everything to dissolve into this light.
Total connection,
Total unity,
Oneness.
Dissolving boundaries,
Borders,
Self,
Not self.
Thoughts,
Feelings,
Consciousness.
Allowing everything to dissolve into one light.
One peace.
Resting.
Relaxing.
Effortless.
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5.0 (4)
Recent Reviews
Tatyana
May 13, 2025
Amazing session just like everything you teach . Much love and gratitude ❤️🙏🕊️