6 Human Needs - 1: Certainty

Certainty:

The need for certainty is a fundamental aspect of human psychology, deeply ingrained in our desire for stability and predictability in our lives and relationships. This need is driven by our instinctual aversion to uncertainty and the discomfort it brings, as unpredictability can often be perceived as a threat to our safety and well-being. Understanding this need in ourselves is crucial because it influences our behaviors, decisions, and how we interact with the world around us.

Recognizing our own desire for certainty can help us manage our reactions to uncertain situations more effectively, fostering resilience and adaptability.

Transcript

Good evening,

Everybody.

Try it again.

Good evening,

Everybody.

It's a rousing chorus of voices.

My name is Seth Monk.

I was gonna say,

Like,

I will be your host for this evening.

Thank you all for coming.

I started last class a new series about the six human needs.

Who was there for that one?

So just to give a quick recap,

There are six human needs.

I learned about these when I went to a Tony Robbins seminar and he was chatting about them.

Six human needs are kind of what make up a lot of our actions,

Our behaviors.

They inform a lot of our choices and decisions.

Fortunately or unfortunately,

Our human needs also will sometimes override our value systems.

So if you ever notice that you do something that doesn't quite align with your own values,

Sometimes it's because you're trying to get a need fulfilled.

That's something that we all need to find ways to reckon with.

So the six human needs are certainty,

Uncertainty,

Significance,

Connection,

Growth,

And contribution.

So what you may have already noticed with the first two,

We have certainty and uncertainty.

So even with the first two needs,

We see that there's a contradiction.

That there's two needs that we have and they both want different things.

Parts of us want to feel safe.

Parts of us want to feel secure.

Parts of us want everything to be the same forever.

That part of you that's like the little kid that wants to go home and have like a nice happy home if you have that.

Everything's nice and you curl up in bed and I just want this forever.

Or a long beautiful summer day with friends.

There's another part of us that wants uncertainty,

That wants variety,

That wants newness,

That doesn't want to eat the same thing every night,

That wants to try something else,

That doesn't want to live in the same house,

That doesn't want to live in the same state.

The part of us that wants to travel.

There's almost two different ways that I watch Netflix.

Both of them involve me scrolling for like 30 minutes to find the right movie.

One of them is then choosing the movie that I've already seen 20 times and falling asleep to it.

And the other is watching something that's new and maybe falling asleep to it also,

But maybe actually watching it.

So there's a part of us that wants that familiarity,

That safety.

We see this in relationships.

We want a partner,

We want to get married,

We want this thing,

This person that's there,

That's familiar,

This thing to have in a very safe and secure and continuous way.

And then other parts of people,

Right,

They want to go and date and meet new people and go out and have fun and they want to make these totally new experiences.

And so when I work with clients,

We often talk about parts of me.

Changing our languaging to say parts of me.

Parts of me really want to feel safe and settle down.

Parts of me want to go on adventures and do things that are dangerous because they're fun.

Parts of me wants to save and slowly build up my money.

Parts of me wants to put it all into cryptocurrency,

Right?

I have these different parts that have different needs that are trying to get met.

So tonight I was going to talk a little bit specifically,

It's tonight's kind of night one of the thing,

Last time I talked about this overview.

So tonight I thought I would just say a few words on certainty.

Certainty is the part of us that wants to feel safe,

That wants this continuity,

That wants to know what to expect.

Yeah,

When we're gonna go somewhere we ask what's the vibe like?

What's it gonna be like there?

We go to a restaurant,

What's it like?

How's everything?

We want to know.

We want to have this sense of certainty.

Certainty can,

However,

Also become a bit of a trap and a bit of a prison.

Certainty can also suck the life out of life.

If we look at ourselves,

The parts of us specifically that are looking for certainty,

And maybe as I'm talking you're already like reflecting on yourself.

Is it your home,

Your job,

Your partner?

What is the things that fulfill the need of certainty and regularity and continuity for you?

You know,

In ways it gives us that calm nervous system,

But in ways it can also act as a limiting factor.

It can also be,

Again,

Like a prison for us.

That we don't make new experiences,

That we're even afraid to make new experiences,

Fear of the unknown is a huge thing.

The part of us that fears the unknown is the part of us that craves certainty.

It gets interesting when we also talk about something like growth,

Because we all want to grow,

But if we're afraid,

If we're afraid of the unknown,

If we're afraid of something new,

How are we going to make that space to grow?

If you're in an unhappy living situation,

An unhappy relationship,

An unhappy job,

How do you expect to motivate yourself,

To leverage yourself to get out of that if you're looking for safety,

If you're looking for certainty?

Sometimes the search for certainty,

The wish for certainty,

The craving to fill the need of certainty keeps us in unhappy situations longer than we want to be in them,

Because it's familiar.

So this evening I invite you as we do our little guided journey,

And I'll play some handpan for you,

Is to look at your own life and see which parts of my life am I kind of holding in place to feel safe,

But it's actually stopping me from really being happy.

It's actually stopping me from being who I want to be,

Living the life that I want to live,

Experiencing what I want to experience,

Allowing this reality to be what I know that it can be.

Where am I holding on?

Where am I afraid?

Where am I very clear that I'm not doing the thing that I actually want to be doing,

But I'm just afraid to do something else?

So with that,

I invite you all to get comfortable.

Lay down these seats,

The backs pull forward,

Then pull back.

As we begin to relax,

We take a deep breath.

I invite you to take a breath in through the nose,

Down into the belly,

Out through the mouth,

Allowing yourself to begin to relax.

Had a long day,

A long week.

Even though it's only January 24th,

You've had a long year.

So taking this moment to give yourself a break,

To arrive fully here in your body,

In the space.

And just for a moment,

Dropping into the feeling of the body itself.

Making this shift from living inside the thinking mind to experiencing the body,

Body consciousness,

The body awareness.

Another deep and full breath.

You matter.

You matter so much.

You're so loved.

You're so important.

And you deserve to feel safe.

You deserve to feel safe in your own body,

In your own mind,

Your own thoughts.

You deserve to be safe in your relationships.

And at home.

You deserve to feel safe at work.

And when you're out in this world,

You deserve to feel safe.

Always.

As we expand outwards,

Expanding out past your body into the space of the room,

To the space beyond the room,

Into the space beyond space.

If we hold on to a rope that's being pulled from our hands,

We get something called rope burn.

It's painful.

Friction between us holding on tightly to something that is moving and that can't be stopped.

Where in your life are you experiencing rope burn?

What situation,

Dynamic,

Person,

Behavior?

What in your life is trying to move,

But you keep holding it still?

This could be your own words that you were trying to say and express,

Holding them in.

This could be somebody you're keeping in your life,

Even though it's time for them to leave.

It could be a situation.

Where in your life right now?

Some part of you know,

Actually,

It is time to let go.

Even though I'm afraid.

And can I still feel safe?

Can I still feel safety?

Even while releasing this pillar in my life?

Letting go of something doesn't even have to mean that that thing leaves.

Sometimes letting go of a partner actually strengthens the relationship.

But letting go means that you are no longer forcing your certainty upon this person or situation.

And the other side of that coin is recognizing who in your life from your past forced their certainty upon you?

Who tried to make you a certain way so that they felt safer,

More in control?

Who in your life right now?

Are you still giving away your freedom to so that they can feel more safe and certain and in control?

And what if just like in the Dead Sea?

Stop swimming,

Stop struggling.

Stop trying to control.

You are naturally carried to the top.

Through surrender.

We are brought where we need to go.

Imagining that we are unfolding,

Softening,

Relaxing,

Releasing.

Imagine that you are floating in a sea of safety.

In a sea of security.

Like you're back in the womb.

Realizing that you're already there.

From the higher levels,

The soul level.

Nothing can actually hurt you.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Until you reach that place that feels safe,

Feels infinite.

Allowing yourself to rest there.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting up.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting to that space far above you.

Connecting to that space far above you.

High above you,

Past.

This room,

This sky,

This atmosphere.

Connecting to that space far above you.

Connecting to that space far above you.

Reviews

Thank you for this session . Very informative and explains a lot .
Love the meditation and the handpan .
Much love and gratitude ❤️🙏🕊️