Stir Up ~ Serenity Wellness Podcast E61

We can move through our day in storytelling mode, judgmental mindset, and reactive cycles. The more we connect within, the more opportunity we have to let ourselves Sit and Settle instead of Stir Up our whole system. As you’ve been exploring how you show up, you might have started to notice a bit more about your perception and inner dialogue. Learn the ways we stir up ourselves and situations and gather tools to create something new.

Transcript

Hello,

Welcome to Serenity Wellness Podcast.

My name is Nicole White.

I'm here to help you build your wellness toolbox for mental,

Emotional,

Physical,

And spiritual health.

Welcome to episode 61,

Stir Up.

Thank you all for continuing on this path with me and I really look forward to sharing more wellness tools with you.

As you've been exploring how you show up,

You might have started to notice a bit more about your perception and that inner dialogue.

We can move through our day in storytelling mode,

That judgmental mindset and reactive cycles it can often create.

The more insight that we have and connect with,

It offers us more opportunity to let ourselves sit and settle instead of stir up our whole system.

Before I share the sit and settle tool,

It's important to have awareness around the different ways that we might stir ourselves up.

We can get into that illusionary mindset,

Those assumptions and hold strong to judgments and expectation.

We might find ourselves even slamming doors,

Missing opportunities for connection and understanding.

When we slow down,

We can hear and know ourselves.

We can notice when we're creating worst case scenarios,

Holding on to all of those assumptions,

Where we might be placing our shoulds onto others,

But it also lets us recognize who shoulds were living.

Are you living your life or someone else's?

Who do you tell yourself you are?

Having mindful awareness around these questions and the answers to them,

It's going to align you more with your authentic self.

It's going to open up space for others to be who they are.

I posted a quote actually this morning from Nelson Mandela.

As we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

The space we hold,

How we show up,

It impacts everything,

Not only ourselves,

But you know,

How we're interacting and digesting the world around us.

At times,

Society or others along the way teach a mindset of competition,

Conditional love and creating separation.

At our core,

Many of us want just the opposite.

Many desire connections with unconditional positive regard.

The desire to share kindness despite differences.

The more we each embody this,

The more it comes to be.

When connecting to the stir that you carry around,

Be the observer of your mind and your actions.

The more you step into that wise mind,

The more you're connected to that authentic self.

Remembering wise mind is that combination of more of like scientific or concrete mind,

The intellectual conceptualization of things and bringing in the emotional part of ourselves as well.

That's where you blend to get into wise mind.

Another thing to consider in this stirring up is if you have a connection to control.

If you might notice that you have a strong hold on control,

This can make our mind go into overdrive.

We'll walk around pumping up our adrenaline and reaction cycles.

At times,

Getting so wrapped up in the mind and the mind that we are wrapped up in,

It's not usually pleasant stories or positive perceptions until we train ourselves to go there,

But the automatic cycles that we can find ourselves in,

It's more about the overdrive,

Pumping ourselves up,

Stirring things up within.

Through this consideration,

This concept,

Idea or awareness about the stir,

There's some other things to take into consideration if you're having a conversation with another person.

Take notice where you might be holding on to control,

Where you might stir up instead of sit and settle.

An example would be if someone's asking for space,

Maybe to think things through or maybe they're having a lot of emotions themselves and they want to calm down their own potential reaction cycle.

In this example,

We can choose to offer that space or stir it up.

By stirring up,

We might continue to call or text repeatedly,

Follow the person around,

At times even saying things like elevating things,

Not kind,

And attempt to pull the other person in the direction of our own emotional elevation,

Our own experience we're having.

Instead of moving more into the pause,

The reflection and allowing a bit of our own balance in mind and emotion.

If someone is wrapped up into a bit of this,

They might also have with them some other manipulative communication styles or defensive ways of being that they're bringing in.

If you're on the receiving end of that,

That Dear Man technique that I went over in Pushy People could be helpful.

If this is you who is carrying around the stirrer,

Let yourself slow down a bit.

Give yourself some insight and embrace the opportunity to break the cycle,

To start making different choices and connection.

Another example of an area to consider with the stirrer is how we are showing up,

How we're engaging,

Communicating.

One area would be at times people will show up like they are a detective.

They'll place the other person in an interrogation room.

It's like they pull out this folder of all these things they've been silently collecting along the way.

Meanwhile,

Through the experience,

They've had different thoughts that they've built up or feelings that they have collected along the way but also didn't talk about it as things came along.

Finding that folder and that often will lead to showing up in a way of a bit of a tone or speaking in a way of condescending nature towards the other person versus again opportunity along the path to talk about things as they occur versus putting them in this folder and then putting the other person in this role of they're suddenly finding themselves in an interrogation room or sometimes people will put a hidden bomb in the field full of a meadow of beautiful flowers and encourage the other person to go walk around and explore.

These ways of communicating or stirring that up in that way,

That's about setting the other person up to fail instead of engaging in open and genuine conversation.

This avoidance of open and genuine conversation,

It can also lead to us making the other person be the detective.

We'll drop clues around like the other person is Sherlock Holmes or Inspector Gadget.

We find ourselves thinking,

Well,

They should just know.

They've known me so long.

I hear this a lot from married couples,

You know,

Well,

They've known me for years and years.

They should just know.

Well,

People can't read your mind.

And when we do that,

When we put the other person,

Whether intentionally or unintentionally,

Into the role of being the detective,

That's us training that person to make assumptions about us.

Most people don't really want that happening.

How often do you find yourself thinking,

Oh,

I really appreciate and enjoy when other people are assuming things about me.

Much rather that happen versus them actually getting to know me.

That's really not something that we often appreciate or enjoy.

This is being placed on us.

So be mindful,

You know,

If you're getting in conversation loops or lack of conversation loops that lead to you being the detective or someone else putting that responsibility on them to be the detective,

Slow down and notice what you stir up there.

In reality,

We owe it to ourselves and others to show up as our authentic self,

To speak our own truth.

When doing this,

It's important though at the same time to do this in a place of curiosity,

Openness and compassion,

Which is why this sit and settle,

Which I'll talk about in just a few moments here is important.

It allows us to not be the stirrer if we can hold curiosity,

Openness,

That compassion,

Dissolving those judgments and assumptions,

Putting the books of illusion away,

Maybe not even on a bookshelf.

There's so much to learn in our differences and we can only do that when we open space and not throw daggers.

We don't hold these expectations that someone has to be or think or do a certain thing because we assume or expect it.

It's about allowing ourselves to get out of avoidance,

Getting out of those escape cycles and working through difficult thoughts and emotions.

It takes time,

It takes practice and that dedication to make the change,

But you owe it to yourself.

As we discover ourselves,

It's also important to hold space for yourself with those same things,

Curiosity,

Unconditional love and compassion.

Offer yourself forgiveness versus punching yourself in the face repeatedly and continuing the same story.

It's not easy.

I get it.

I've been a therapist for over 20 some years.

It is possible.

It takes a bit of practice,

But also patience and love with yourself.

You've been collecting various tools through these episodes.

So to assist with some of this further,

I'm going to talk to you a bit now about the tool that I call sit and settle.

When you're working through the pausing,

The slowing down,

The starting to get out of your own way,

It can be helpful to connect your mind to your body's reaction at that time.

Slowing down and starting to connect to where you're at.

Are you at a boil,

A simmer or a settle?

Take notice of any turbulent energy and mindset.

And as you sit with the awareness,

You can practice bringing that down to a settle.

I do not recall what episode it was at all in my brain right now,

But at some point along this,

I talked about some visual techniques that you could use to settle.

Didn't talk specifically about sit and settle,

But I incorporated some other tools for your awareness.

And so as a reminder,

One was thinking about being in a snowstorm.

We're supposed to get 12 inches of snow tomorrow or Sunday,

I think.

So that will be happening maybe here,

But you can think about yourself,

Imagine yourself in a snowstorm,

Blizzard.

That would be maybe when you're at the boil and then you allow yourself to sit with what that feels like,

The emotion,

The experience in the moment,

And then allow the snowstorm to start settling down a bit.

So that simmer,

It might just be like a nice even snowfall.

Maybe no wind,

Nice big fluffy snowflakes.

And then you would move it down to the settle.

Maybe it's just a bit of flurries or maybe the snow has stopped and it's a beautiful white blanket over everything.

The other example I gave was in the ocean,

Imagining yourself maybe far out,

The waves are kind of knocking you around.

I don't want you to think about yourself in an undertow because that's kind of pretty dramatic there for the system,

But just think that you're out there,

A little far and the ocean's knocking you around a bit.

That would be the boil and then the simmer.

You're kind of a little bit more on shore.

Maybe it's still a little turbulent there for you,

But you're pretty grounded in your feet.

And then the settle might be you're right at the shoreline,

Feeling your feet sink into the sand as the water recedes back into the ocean,

All that beautiful stuff.

So those are some examples too of how you can bring in some of the mind and the body with where you at.

Like are you at this boil?

Are you at a simmer?

Are you at a settle?

And how to begin to settle that down a bit.

You can use that technique,

But again just practice of sitting with self with compassion and curiosity.

It does a whole lot.

That pause and reflection,

Noticing what you're actually carrying around in your own backpack and recognizing how you're showing up,

What level of your own emotional ladder you're standing on.

If this is your first time listening,

You might want to go back and check out the titles of some of the previous episodes to gather additional tools in those areas there.

Or as many others do,

You can just go back and start at the beginning and build up your wellness toolbox.

There's a loud plane going over it if you hear that,

Sorry.

But this idea is slowing down enough to get to know yourself,

To understand how you think,

What your emotions even are.

And through the awareness we can see when we're in a place of rubbing our ego.

Look at your pointer finger.

Say hello to your ego.

Every time you find yourself feeling or witnessing that you're actually doing this pointing your finger at someone else,

Pause.

Ask yourself what that's about within you.

What areas within yourself are asking for your attention,

Your love?

That is where the answers are.

I've been teaching a 30-day stillness training for Serenity Wellness community members.

Tonight's actually going to be day 28,

So we'll be on 45 minutes.

And we started at five minutes.

Many individuals had never sat in stillness,

Silent stillness,

But through this process,

Many are reporting how they now desire silence,

How they've learned aspects of themselves that were under the chitter chatter of the mind behind those corners.

And they're also reporting more balance in their emotions and sleep.

We can go through life intentionally or unintentionally avoiding this time in silence with ourselves.

There's an abundance of answers within you that are not in your mind.

Your soul has the map,

Not your mind.

Slowing down,

Hanging out with yourself in silence,

It brings an opportunity to get to know yourself,

To love and heal yourself,

To celebrate you.

It also does a whole lot of extra.

Silence with yourself,

That stillness.

It also rebalances and settles your nervous system.

Bone output,

Inflammation,

Creates new neural network pathways,

A whole lot in the underneath.

Silence with another person,

That can be something that creates a very deep connection,

But that topic will be for another time.

For your own personal silence,

Just start with five minutes a day and build your time up maybe gradually to 30 minutes.

If you're interested in deeper training,

There are several different 30-day programs that are available through the Serenity Wellness Community Membership.

And that stillness training includes different meditation tools throughout it.

And although it won't be live for you,

I'm finishing up the live part here in just a few days,

It's still going to be just as valuable if you follow the program.

It's a one day at a time program,

But you can hop over to serenitywellnesscommunity.

Com if you want some more information on any of that.

Remember,

Avoidance of our inner wounds keeps them playing out in our decision-making and perceptions of the world around us.

It impacts how we digest our life and engage in our humanness.

Ignoring elevates and illuminates judgment and feelings of unworthiness.

If you pause and reflect on this,

Do you notice your own examples of how avoidance creates some of these things?

You have the power and opportunity to create a different relationship with yourself.

Put down the stirrer and open your arms for a hug.

Please take a moment to subscribe and share this with others that you know who want to expand and explore wellness.

Many are working through some really difficult mental health situations right now.

Let's work together to spread free wellness tools to the collective.

Stay tuned,

Stay well,

And thank you my friends.

Talk to you soon.

Reviews

Hi Nicole and welcome back! I could resonate with this episode so much. I’ve actually been doing this for a few months now or at least making every effort. It was not until I could sit in silence that my life begin to change for the better. I became much more calm in situations and I learned to respond vs react.

If one is just starting this journey and it seems like a daunting task just stick with it. It will become easier day by day and one day soon it will all come together for you as it did with me.

Thank you so much for these gentle reminders and I too would suggest starting from the beginning if you are a new listener.

Have a beautiful day! Beverly ☮️💟🎆

Very interesting talk! Thank you!