Dissolving False Self ~ Serenity Wellness Podcast ~ E74

What are the environmental, situational, and personal factors that impact your life roles?
Perceptions and belief cycles sometimes run on autopilot. We may lose sight of the messages we tell ourselves and how we present ourselves to others. Finding that the person we tell ourselves we are is false. The obstacles we create in front of us are sometimes only a mirage, an illusion created by a false sense of self.
Gain valuable insight and wellness tools.

Transcript

Hi there,

Welcome to episode 74,

Dissolving False Self.

Today we're going to look at areas related to environmental,

Situational,

And personal,

And how it plays out into how you're living right now.

As a therapist,

I am fortunate to have clients all over the country,

But also in different countries,

And it's allowed me the opportunity to get first-hand knowledge of really the differences in these factors and how they play out in our life roles.

The thing to keep in mind as we move forward is everything is changeable,

So even if you have strong imprinting or strong learning styles,

That can change.

We have a wealth of information at our fingertips now to learn,

Explore,

And reprogram our system.

Neuroplasticity is real.

We can rewire the systems and automatic structures within our body and our mind to become more in alignment.

So let's get started today.

We want to first be thinking in these these ways,

The environment,

The situational,

And the personal,

Kind of our earlier childhood experiences,

That which you remember.

I know many of us might not remember elements of our childhood,

And that could be due to putting things in folders from trauma experiences or just emotional overwhelm.

When we're thinking about environment,

Environment means a lot of different things.

Our home,

Our school,

Our community,

In our earlier stages of life have fundamental aspects that teach us,

Teach us mentally,

Emotionally,

Physically,

And spiritually,

As well as some other things we'll talk about today.

But this environmental factor,

And what was your environment like?

How does that play out into what your mind and your body learned,

What it experienced as well?

If we were raised in a secure and safe environment,

Then we might feel a bit of stability.

If we were raised in a chaotic and uncertain environment,

We might have a lot of difficulty with decision making and feeling uncertain in our life now.

Or if we were raised in an abusive environment where we often felt unsafe,

Or our basic needs were not met,

We might also find ourselves really stuck in certainty in our life of safety and security and feeling really rooted and grounded in our surroundings.

So how our environment played out around us impact how things happen within us at that time.

Situational factors have to do with our personal lifestyle around that experience as well.

The family that we were born into,

Socioeconomic status,

Country,

And community.

What situation were we born into?

We have our environment and we have the situations within that environment.

Some mingle,

But some are separate.

But each greatly impact how we play life out along the way.

And then we have personal factors,

And that's the psychological and biological components that really look at establishing or writing the script,

The stories that we create or that we live out in the life roles ahead.

When you're thinking about psychological and biological,

Again these are all things that we have to deal with.

Again,

These are often imprinted learning styles that we had,

That we experienced,

That we saw,

And that we absorbed.

Or maybe even again,

Some things went in folders so that our body knows what we can handle at certain times.

And in early childhood development,

If there are certain factors around us that maybe we just weren't at a place to emotionally really digest,

Some things can get stuffed down a little bit,

But we can still play everyday life in a subconscious level.

How were we taught to psychologically live?

How were we taught to feel?

To have emotional intelligence?

How many of us were taught not to feel?

We're told,

We're oversensitive,

That our emotions are too big.

I remember all my emotions were too big.

I was too hyper,

I was too chatty,

Too loud,

Too quiet.

Seemed like nothing was at the right level.

I'm okay with that now.

I've learned a lot about myself and that wasn't my stuff,

That was theirs.

So I'm good with all my big emotions because they're important.

But what did we learn?

What did we learn about psychological being?

Who we are as a psychological human.

How we feel,

How we have emotions,

How all emotions are important,

And tools or no tools.

How were we taught to worry?

How were we taught to have anxiety or anger?

To manage those emotions in a healthy way without avoidance or escalation.

And then the biological part of our personal being.

How do you take care of your physical self?

That was also learned behavior.

We learn how to eat.

Not only how to chew,

Right?

Like how we teach a baby to eat,

You know,

Going from,

You know,

Milk to baby food to a salad.

Not really what I mean.

Important too,

Because it does factor in,

You know,

Even in speed of eating,

But it's not really what I'm talking about at this moment.

Oh,

Very important so maybe I will talk about that in just a second.

But the biological part of our being.

So how we are choosing to take care of our body.

What are we bringing in in terms of food?

What is our belief system around food and nutrition?

How about around physical activity and engagement in life?

Our psychological and biological being,

That personal aspect,

They're often very learned.

Imprinted cycles.

How we're taught to be.

And if you slow down,

You might even notice these environmental situational and personal aspects.

Again,

How some of it's intermixed there.

The learning and sequencing of the imprinting within our own system.

But you can you can also maybe slow it down enough that you can see whose story are you actually living.

So for example,

If we were raised in an environment that taught us things that might not be in alignment with healthy living.

No judgment towards our caregivers or parents,

Keeping in mind they only knew what they knew.

And sometimes the knowing was repeating toxic abusive cycles.

So we try not to judgment around it if we can because again that just fuels our own fire and more acceptance of understanding.

Doesn't mean not having boundaries and all of those things.

Just to clarify for in case this is the first tuned in.

How we learn these things.

If we slow it down enough,

We might see whose story we're living.

Like where these messages came from.

And if you notice where they came from,

You can ask yourself if that individual wrote a book on how to live life,

Would you purchase that book and read it as your guide?

Would that be the book that you read every night that you took notes on ideas or aspects of how they informed you or taught you to live?

Many times when individuals slow it down and they recognize whose story they are reading and living,

They also realize they're living maybe a story that's not in alignment with themselves.

They notice that they're pulling off fictional books and then they're living their life according to that.

These lies that we tell ourselves,

The fictional stories,

They become who we are.

If we're running that script,

If we're reading those stories,

If we are giving ourselves a mindset of a limiting belief cycle,

Maybe somewhere along the line someone told us couldn't do something,

We're not going to do something.

Like we didn't have the skills or we're going to fail or whatever language came our way.

Maybe we just decided like I'm gonna just pocket that and it becomes a story that we tell ourselves.

We might have even found that we got into careers and some of those life roles because that's what we were told to do.

That's all we knew.

I've worked with many clients who found themselves in careers that they have no interest in that their caregiver or parent told them that's what they should do or college students who are in majors that they could care less about but that's what their caregiver,

Parent,

Or guidance counselor told them they should do.

And then they struggle.

They're paying amounts of money to be in a major they have no interest in that's going to lead to a career they have no interest in.

So we'll start living these false lives.

We'll start living these false roles and it impacts how we're showing up for ourselves and how we're showing up for others.

It even impacts as I mentioned what roles we take on and if they even match the roles that we want to be taking on.

We'll move away from getting into roles that match our natural interests,

Skills,

And abilities.

We lose sight of who we are but the more we slow down the more we can notice.

The more we can start to move ourselves a little bit more into alignment with who we truly know we are inside.

False scripts can run really loud so we slow it down and quiet down a bit and hear what's underneath.

All of this then impacts how we're showing up in our life.

Who are we?

People will wear lots of masks.

They'll wear costumes and false senses of self.

We become like shape-shifters.

We're suddenly like shifting and forming into whatever's around us instead of who we are.

We'll go to one setting or one of those theaters and we'll be one person and then we go to another and we're someone totally different.

A false sense of self.

When we're in alignment with our true self we can truly show up.

We can just be who we are.

In an unconditional loving positive regard for ourselves and that's when we can have the most genuine connections with others around us.

If we're shifting and moving and putting on masks and costumes I mean how do we even know who we are?

Let alone how can anyone else know who we are?

It's a lot of extra work to be someone who we're not.

It's a lot easier to just be who we really are.

So how do you pull all this together?

You want to first consider these areas for yourself.

So you might want to write them down in different categories.

So you're environmental,

You're situational and you're personal.

What did they look like?

What did you learn and experience in your mind and body mentally,

Emotionally,

Physically and physically?

You might notice what book you're living.

Is it yours?

Or did you somewhere along your path decide to purchase in your mind's eye the book that someone else wrote that's full of beliefs and ideals and morals and values that aren't yours?

So slow it down,

Write down your book.

Pull apart your categories and notice maybe where that came from.

We might have to really slow it down to see this because again our subconscious and those auto scripts that were imprinted can run pretty like automatically and we might not notice and realize what's going on there until we slow it down.

So just know that you're not going to be able to do that.

You're not going to be able to do that.

And realize what's going on there until we slow it down.

So just know that this might be an unfolding.

It allows little pockets of understanding to come up to surface that might have been a little bit hidden underneath there and seeing what factors continue to impact your life currently.

And then you might want to also just have a bit of a contemplation around aspiration.

You can also do a free writing experience and in the free writing you're too guided or kind of maybe it's a combined question.

It's who do I aspire to be and what drives me?

So who do you aspire to be and what's the driving force that's taking you there?

I don't want to give too much there but the driving force of what takes you there you want to think about is it because of self internal that's driving you or is it this external drive?

The external drive being about kind of the ego stuff.

So I want this person to think this about me or I want to reach some kind of imaginary social status because that's going to do something for something.

So thinking about who do you aspire to be and what is driving you to be there.

The more our driver is about self,

Who we are in our heart space,

Who we are in our soul,

Our being,

Our true self,

The more aligned we are there the more gratitude,

Appreciation and wholeness we feel in life.

If we're running life on someone else's script it's no doubt that we feel incomplete,

That we have dread going forward in our day even sometimes.

So many people wake up and dread the day ahead but with a bit of contemplation,

With a bit of awareness you might notice it's really not.

And we're going to continue to expand on that last aspect there of really what's driving is it internal self or some of the external maybe ego drivers.

We'll expand on that a bit next week but this will give you a good starter to start in this contemplation.

I did just realize I never got back to something I was going to say before so I know it's kind of a bit away from it but I'm going to pop it in here anyway since I said I would bring it through.

And that was when I was talking about personal aspects and I was talking about physical and biological and I mentioned in there about food and I just said like a brief thing about like how fast we eat or how we teach a baby to eat and I was like you know from milk to baby food to chewing food.

How we eat the speed and our relationship with food it does impact us in a lot a lot of ways.

It impacts how we digest,

It impacts how our body's responding to the digestion process and our relationship with food but also our relationship with full self.

If we're rushed eating,

If we're shoving food,

What are we experiencing and what are we digesting and how are we moving through life?

If we are in a relationship with food that is toxic in some way,

Maybe we have an addiction to food as a way to numb out emotion but also maybe our relationship with food is not surrounded with gratitude and that also impacts how we digest.

The closer we are,

I know here I'm going off on this whole other thing,

But the closer we are we are to how our food was produced and made,

The more we not only have gratitude and appreciation but the more our body can digest the food.

So I have a garden,

The food that I grow personally and then bring into my kitchen and I cook it and I'm bringing love to the gardening because I love it.

I love the experience of it but I'm bringing love to the cultivation of it,

The gratitude for what it is providing me,

This little seed becoming something so magnificent to give my body so many nutrients and minerals and vitamins and all the wonderful stuff.

But then when I'm bringing it into my kitchen and I'm cooking it,

I'm also experiencing love in the cooking and the abundance of food and opportunity that my body will experience in the nutrition I am offering it.

And then when I'm eating the food,

I'm having gratitude for the fact that I cultivated and grew this food and cooked it and it tastes delicious and all that is above whatever your language is or maybe no language,

However it came to be for you personally,

I give gratitude to that as well and that is the easiest food to digest.

And then you can maybe take it out a branch further and maybe bought local grown or local raised,

I don't eat animal product but everyone has their own relationship with food and then you bring it home.

So maybe you got went to your local farmers market or farmers market right down the road,

Love the farmers market or you buy it from a local butcher from a farm that you know really gives their animals love and care before they are then used for food and you give all that gratitude and you bring it home and you cook it with gratitude and you eat it.

So that would be like one removed and then you could see like all the way out here is like fast food and I won't get into the many things about that and then there's a lot of in between.

So the food bring into our body but also the speed of how we're eating indicates our psychological and biological personal aspects of self and how we're relating to the world around us.

The life roles,

The social roles,

That are within life roles,

All those aspects.

So that was what I was kind of referring to you could see why I was going to leave it out because it's like that's just a little tiny nugget there it's a whole other topic food is medicine but hopefully that gave you enough to think it through.

And take a little bit of time to break some of that apart,

Write down your categories,

What factors in there,

Maybe you'll even think about this aspect I talked about about food closer to you,

More body can digest,

More you're taking care of your physical and biological being and then the stories.

Whose story are you living and what story would you like it to be?

Noticing any limiting beliefs that you have along the way and areas of resistance or dread and then again noticing all that's in front of you even if you had a lot of deep imprinting and learning from those categories in your past you have all ahead of you and we can relearn or learn new things that maybe we were never taught and we can get into alignment with really who we are and the more we're in alignment with who we are the more gratitude we have for life ahead.

Thank you,

I will see you soon.

Reviews

Wonderful, thank you. I look forward to hearing more.

Yes!!! Be in alignment with who we are!! Actions speak louder than words sometimes. 💟☮️

Dear Nicole, thank you for this potent offering. I will listen again. Grateful. Sending good wishes. 🌻