Meeting Discomfort With Curiosity (Live Recording)

This is a meditation on meeting discomfort with curiosity. It is a live meditation and includes a small 6 minute dharma talk before the 17 minute meditation. If you would like to skip directly to the meditation portion, you can start it at 17:20.

When we feel discomfort, our first instinct is often to resist, avoid, or push it away. This reaction is natural; it's a protective measure, a sign that something within us feels threatened. But what happens if we shift our perspective? What if we choose to see discomfort as an opportunity to become curious of our experience and change our response to one that welcomes the discomfort as a possible messenger of growth, healing, and understanding. Meditation offers us that space to become curious and lean into our discomforts. It is my hope that this meditation provides you with the space to cultivate a curious attitude; one that meets your daily, intimate discomforts and uses them as moments of transformation.

Transcript

Pema Chodron,

She has a quote that says nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.

And I think this is a really great quote that goes with this idea of being discomfort with curiosity.

And we can see this as like an art of transformation.

So it's not like a grand metamorphosis,

You know,

That's like something that like tales or legends are made of,

But it's more of like a daily intimate transformation that occurs within us when we when we choose to face the discomfort and we choose to meet it with an open heart and a curious mind.

And so this this quote,

Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know is inviting us to lean into the discomfort.

And it's really important to understand that this is a leaning in practice.

I know sometimes we talk about diving in headfirst and sometimes diving in headfirst does work for things,

You know,

It's like when people say just take the jump and run,

But often with really uncomfortable or scary things we have to lean in,

It's taking a little bit and then kind of moving back and then we take it a little bit more and we have that dance and it's a dance of curiosity saying like,

What's here?

Oh,

I see that.

Okay,

I'm with that.

Okay,

Now I can take a little bit more.

Okay,

Now I have to go back.

And so,

You know,

In this in this quote,

Pema is reminding us that discomfort,

Whether it be physical,

Emotional or mental,

It's not an obstacle to avoid.

But it's our teacher to be engaged with.

And when we feel the discomfort,

You know,

Our first instinct is usually to resist to avoid to push away.

And to be,

You know,

Clear,

That's a natural reaction.

That's not some type of,

Oh,

Weak or anything like that.

That is a protective measure.

It's a sign that something within us feels threatened.

And it's our reaction to try to keep ourselves safe.

But often when we're in the heat of the experience,

It can really be hard to not to resist that.

So what we do is we welcome this idea,

What happens if we were to shift our perspective?

What if instead of viewing discomfort as this enemy or this foe,

We were to see it as an opportunity to become curious of our experience to change our response to one that is welcoming the discomfort as a possible messenger of growth or healing or understanding.

And so with this practice today,

With your formal meditation practice,

Meditation allows us the ability to do so.

It offers a unique space where we can practice meeting discomfort with curiosity,

While generally not being coming too wrapped up in it in the heat of the moment.

So instead of running away,

We sit,

We breathe,

We ground ourselves in the present moment.

And this act of stillness amidst discomfort gives us the ability to have quite a radical experience,

You know,

Because you don't have to be afraid of it.

We're,

We're gently turning our awareness towards the area of discomfort,

Rather than away.

So maybe this is towards the area of discomfort in the body.

And each time we do this,

We are practicing this really,

Truly small act of courage.

It's kind of a mini revolution of sorts,

If you want to think about it,

Because it's quite counter to our habitual response.

If I feel threatened by something like a very uncomfortable conversation,

A partner brings up something about me,

That is triggering or that I don't like,

Or I don't want to see,

It's really easy to be like in that discomfort and react to it.

Because the internal experience is like,

Oh,

I don't feel safe.

This is kind of scary.

I need to,

You know,

Get away from this.

And when we're that close to the experience,

It's very hard to be like,

Wait,

Let me put some space in between it.

But with the meditation practice or with smaller increments,

We are able to build this relationship where we're welcoming curiosity as an ally in our journey towards transforming the relationship with discomfort.

So,

You know,

When we approach discomfort with curiosity,

We're not trying to change it or wish it away.

And I've been stuck on that in my past with meditation and within general.

It's like,

Okay,

I see the discomfort.

And then it kind of becomes this thing of like,

How do I need to see you so you disappear?

And we just kind of toy with the words.

And so it's still the same idea.

It's still trying to get rid of it or trying to wish it away.

But it might feel like we're working with it.

And instead,

We're just asking,

What is this?

Like,

What is here?

And so that could be like,

Oh,

This is a triggered response.

That's what this is.

This is anxiousness from a triggered response.

And what is here?

I'm experiencing this deeply ingrained behavior,

This habit.

And then we can ask,

What can I learn from it?

So what do I have to be able to learn from it?

And,

You know,

Maybe you can do it in the moment.

Maybe you have to give yourself some space.

But when we ask these questions,

We begin to diffuse the power that discomfort holds on us.

And so it becomes like less of this icky,

Ominous,

Shadowy figure that's always kind of lurking behind the corner.

And it becomes more of a familiar presence,

You know,

So discomfort's like,

Oh,

I don't necessarily enjoy you,

But I'm familiar with you.

You're not something that's gonna just magically leave my life forever.

And so because of that,

I can sit with you,

I can converse with you,

And I can better understand you.

And so this all goes into our practice today,

Which is basically gonna be a practice on meeting discomfort with curiosity.

And so I just wanted to set you up with that in mind.

And just again,

To remind you,

Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.

So with that,

Let's go ahead and find ourselves into a comfortable position for the practice today.

And that can be whatever really facilitates you to be truly present in your body,

But also holding this easeful space.

So seated,

Lying down,

Whatever feels good.

So if you're finding a comfortable seated position,

Just try to ensure that your spine is straight.

Not like stick straight,

But just imagine if your spine was a stack of coins,

Just stacking them up one on top of each other.

It can also help to imagine your ears over your shoulders and your shoulders over your hips.

And on a breath in,

Just allowing your spine to elongate the crown of your head reaching towards the sky.

On the exhale,

Slight tuck to the chin,

Softening of the belly.

And you can let your hands rest on your lap or at your sides.

If it feels comfortable,

You can allow your eyes to close.

Or you can keep a soft,

Steady gaze about six feet in front of you,

Just allowing your eyes to kind of take almost a hazy but soft gaze.

Just checking in this moment just to see what's here,

What residue of your day is with you.

So maybe the body is tired,

And you can notice that.

Or the body is maybe a little rambunctious,

Full of energy.

And that could be the same with the mind.

Maybe the mind is tired,

Or has a to-do list,

You know,

Longer than the eyes can see.

And if so,

We just notice that.

So you're just noticing where you are right now and allowing that to be your experience right now.

And taking a few deep breaths,

Inhaling through the nose,

And exhaling through the mouth.

And with each exhale,

You can imagine releasing any tension or tightness in the body.

Deep inhale,

Filling the body,

Opening the mouth and letting the breath fall out the mouth.

And one more like that deep breath in.

Maybe the breath goes to a certain area of tension.

And on the exhale,

Imagine releasing any tension or tightness in the face,

The brow,

Shoulders and chest,

Hands and toes.

And softening the belly and allowing your breath to flow in its natural form,

Whatever that looks like and feels like right now.

Knowing that there's not anything special you need to do with your breath.

And as you sit in this space,

Begin to turn your attention inward and identify any areas of discomfort that you might find.

So this could be a physical sensation of the body.

It could be an emotion or emotions.

The energetic residue of an emotion.

Or it can be a troubling or sticky thought.

Maybe something that's been on your mind for the day or the week.

And whatever it is,

I recommend that you try and choose something relatively easy to work with.

So just meaning not choosing something that you know is triggering and that could become overwhelming.

And as you turn your attention inward and identify whatever area of discomfort your attention rests on.

Instead of pushing the discomfort away or getting wrapped up in a story about it,

Invite yourself to simply observe it.

And this is an attitude of observing without judgment,

Which sometimes can be tough.

But you're observing what it feels like.

So you're asking,

What does it feel like?

Where am I feeling this discomfort?

Where is it located in my body?

Does it have a temperature?

A texture?

A shape?

Is it dull or pointy?

Hot or cold?

And how does it change as you observe it?

And the mind can like to get in the way here.

So we're just trying not to conceptualize the experience.

We're not thinking about what it feels like or what it's supposed to feel like.

We're not thinking about where it might be located.

You're actually just feeling into the experience.

You're actually just feeling into the experience.

Like an observer,

Watching it move,

Watching it rise and fall.

And if you are a very conscious analytical thinker,

Such as myself,

Sometimes this can be hard.

So just give yourself the permission to be with however your experience is.

If you find yourself thinking,

That's perfectly fine.

See if you can bring yourself back to the observer.

And so you're approaching this discomfort with a friendly and curious mindset.

And you're invoking curiosity.

So imagine you're a scientist observing this new phenomenon.

And here in this space you might ask yourself silently,

What can this discomfort teach me?

What might be the root of feeling this way?

How does it feel to simply sit with this discomfort without trying to change it or avoid it?

And if you find yourself caught up in any thoughts or stories or overwhelmed by any sensations,

Allow yourself to come back to your breath.

Maybe place a hand on your heart and one on the belly.

Let yourself ground into some slow,

Full,

Nourishing belly breaths.

And see if you can open back into the discomfort.

And if the mind wanders,

That's perfectly fine.

And if the mind wanders,

That's perfectly fine.

See if you can bring yourself back to the area or space of discomfort that you're sitting with.

And as you sit with it,

You might visualize your curiosity.

Imagining it as a gentle illuminating light that represents your curiosity.

So visualize this light shining on the discomfort.

Illuminating it.

Understanding it.

And potentially even easing it.

And if you don't connect strongly with a visual practice,

You can continue to invoke curiosity by sitting and welcoming your experience.

And I welcome you to sit with the discomfort as long as you'd like.

But if you feel ready,

Start to release your focus of the discomfort.

You might have words for it,

Parting words,

Letting it go.

And as you release your focus on it,

Return to your deep breathing.

Allowing conscious mindful breath to move through you.

Feeling your breath in your body.

Feeling the space of your body.

And the space around your body.

And grounding yourself back into this present moment.

If it feels comforting and nurturing to you,

You might place one hand on the chest,

Another hand on the belly as you breathe into your body.

And when it feels right,

You can slowly bring yourself out of the practice.

If your eyes are closed,

Slowly bringing them open.

And bringing yourself back into the space of your room.

You might just take a moment to reflect on these two questions.

What did you discover about your discomfort?

And what insights arose from your curiosity?

And as you move out of the practice,

I invite you to hold Pema Chodron's words to your heart.

Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.

So you can allow these words to guide you in moments of discomfort or uncertainty.

And when you feel those moments,

Maybe it will remind you to approach each sensation and emotion and thought with that gentleness and open curiosity.

And over time,

You'll find that in the heart of discomfort,

There lies a profound opportunity for growth,

Understanding,

And your own transformation.

Thank you for sitting with me tonight,

And may your practice be a beacon of safety and a source of strength.

Reviews

This took me a step deeper than I have ever gone, as I discovered something new about myself. Thank you! 🙏

Really enjoyed your talk. I do somatic tracking (pain reprocessing therapy) daily. Great guided practice! Thank you 🙏

Excellent guidance and pacing! This is a keeper—thank you so much.