Use this practice when anxious attachment triggers arise.
This is specifically for you if you are in a healthy relationship but you can jump to worst case scenarios or reassurance seek when your loved one is not there.
This practice is for those old wounds,
Those small frantic alarms that arise when your partner is out of reach.
And I get it,
I know and it's okay to feel this way but remember these are old echoes from your past.
It is fear and not fact and for a few moments I'm going to speak the words you're needing to hear as if from the person you love.
Think of my voice as a channel on their behalf whilst they're unavailable,
A proxy if you like,
The words that they have reassured you with before and that you know to be true.
So make yourself comfortable,
This will only be a short guide,
Just enough space to bring those triggers back down to calm.
Make yourself comfortable and perhaps even place a hand to your chest to represent to yourself that you are staying with you and that you are not abandoning you.
Breathing in,
Perhaps breathing in for four counts and breathing out for six.
Again in for four,
Out for six.
Imagine now their voice,
Loving and familiar,
Words that I know they have said to you before and will say to you again.
This is your way to self-soothe,
To anchor.
Their voice telling you I'm okay,
Of course I'm okay and I am coming back.
To you,
You know that I always do,
I always come back to you.
Right now I'm just busy,
Caught up with something,
Work,
A meeting I overran,
I lost track of time,
None of this means I've left you.
There is always a reasonable reason for where I am.
I have not done anything wrong and you have not done anything wrong.
This is so normal to have moments where we have a little separation but it does not mean that anything is wrong.
I am okay.
Remember I am an adult,
I can look after myself and I want you to trust that I am okay.
Trust me to keep myself safe and to look after myself.
Remember I am more capable than you are realizing,
Of course I am capable.
You do not need to worry about me and you are jumping to worst case scenarios.
The reason for my absence is never as fearful as you think.
It's normal to have moments of absence.
And I appreciate how much you care for me and how much you value our relationship and I am safe.
I value our relationship so much too.
I value you and I love you and I'm not going anywhere.
Our relationship is real and safe even when we're apart.
You are not out of sight out of mind,
We are still in a relationship even when we're not immediately together.
Remember that times apart are healthy for us.
When I step away for work or friends or rest,
I come back with more to give and so do you.
These breaks make our togetherness even better.
There are so many good things ahead for us,
Plans we have,
Small moments and laughter.
Of course that will come again.
Remember the times when I was busy or I forgot to check my phone,
That is all this is.
I'm simply caught up for a bit,
It's easily done.
I know you're not in a moment of that right now so you can't quite believe that but think about the times when you're caught up,
It's so easily done and I'll come back.
Just breathe and just re-grounding yourself whilst we're apart.
Remember you do not need to monitor me to protect me or what we have.
I promise we are okay,
Trust me.
The trust that we have together makes our relationship so strong.
Monitoring me does not make our relationship strong.
Your worry is understandable but you can put that down for now.
Just let yourself rest,
I will come back,
I will message you back,
Nothing has changed.
It's just taking a moment now to absorb those words,
Place a hand on your heart if it's not still there and just take in another few breathes.
Remember you know this is true and you know your partner has reassured you with this every time this has happened and there's no reason to think this would be otherwise and if anything this makes the relationship stronger,
Healthy distance and then coming back together.
You've done nothing wrong,
They're not angry at you and your relationship is still steady.
Take time now to either listen to this again if you feel you need to or do something that fills you up or something just to simply distract yourself.
You can ground,
You are your biggest anchor and remember to not abandon yourself.
We cannot be abandoned if we do not abandon ourself.
