My name is Sadie and I'm a yogi in recovery.
Step 9.
May direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.
This step has more to do with our own attitude than with the actual act of making amends.
The purpose of this step is not to gain acceptance,
Approval,
Or even forgiveness from those to whom you're making amends.
Their response is not your responsibility.
The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions states,
The atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be exhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insatiable appetite for more of the same.
Or we may be tipped over in the other direction when in rare cases we get a cool and skeptical reception.
So this is why detaching from the recipient's reaction is so important when making amends.
The reason that we do step 9 is not to get forgiveness.
It's to put right whatever wrong was made.
And please remember the willingness to stay with uncomfortable emotions from the step 6 meditation.
Remember the aspects of yourself for which you appreciate from step 4.
And remember that all humans screw up.
You are not alone in the realm of mistake making.
This meditation is intended to create connection between you and as my teacher Sarah Joy Marsh says,
The seen and unseen countless others with whom you share the human experience.
When you see yourself as equal to others rather than less or more,
The propensity for forgiveness increases by leaps and bounds.
So let's get started.
Find a comfortable position sitting upright,
Alert,
Yet relaxed.
Rest your palms in your lap face up to encourage feelings of openness,
Trust and receptivity.
Soften your hands,
Relax your fingers,
Close your eyes.
Relax the space between your eyebrows,
The space behind your eyes.
Soften your inner ear,
Jaw and tongue.
Relax all of the muscles of your face.
Take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale through your mouth audibly.
Releasing any tension or stress.
Sink your awareness down to where your body makes contact with the earth and your seat.
Now take a deep breath in through your nose directing your breath down to this connection.
And exhale out your mouth,
Relaxing your feet,
Calf muscles and thighs.
Now bring a hand to the space below your belly button.
Breathe in through your nose,
Into your hand and exhale out your mouth,
Relaxing your pelvis,
Hips and low back.
Gently guide your hand to the space just above your navel.
Breathe in through your nose,
Feeling the rise of your hand and breathe out through your mouth,
Relaxing your belly.
Now place two hands overlapped on the center of your chest.
This is where divine human connection is made,
The heart chakra.
Again,
Take a deep breath into your hands through your nose and exhale out your mouth,
Releasing tension,
Anger,
Anxiety and fear.
With every exhale,
Feel your heart center getting a little bit softer,
Warmer,
More open.
Imagine a green light illuminating from your heart center.
As you breathe in,
It gets brighter and bigger,
Reaching outwards.
As you breathe out,
It returns to your body,
Nourishing you.
Breathing in,
The light gets bigger and brighter,
Reaching outward.
Breathing out,
It returns to you.
We humans are all born into this world the same way,
Through another human.
We share the same biological makeup,
DNA,
Muscles,
Organs,
Etc.
Our bodies may have cosmetic differences,
But they are fundamentally the same.
We all go through cycles of illness and health.
We experience grief and loss amongst other emotions.
We all seek happiness and try to avoid suffering.
It's easy to see the differences among us,
But the truth is that we are more alike than we are different.
Bring to your mind's eye the image of you as a baby,
Sitting on the floor with your toys.
Across from you is another baby.
You don't know this baby,
In fact you don't even see them as separate from you,
Because you haven't cultivated a sense of you and me yet.
Picture you and your new baby friend giggling and fumbling around with your toys,
Not a care in the world.
Holding this sense of innocent joy and lightheartedness,
Imagine now you are sitting on a hilltop as an adult,
Smiling upon all of the people you have ever known in your life.
Don't worry,
You don't have to imagine each individual face.
Just hold an image of a large group of people,
All of the people that you've ever known in your life.
See the green lights in the center of their chests rising and falling with each breath as they go about their business.
You walk down the hill to greet a dear friend.
They tell you about their struggles and you can see the pain in their eyes.
You say to your friend,
I see your pain and I also see your courage.
The two green lights between you become one as you connect for a moment and then move on to greet another.
You see another friend,
This time joyful and happy.
You greet them with a smile and they return in kind.
They share with you all of the blessings and gifts they've been given.
In your mudita,
That is to say your joy for others,
Expands boundlessly.
The green light between you is so bright it looks like a sphere encompassing both of your bodies.
With each new encounter,
Your propensity for kindness,
Compassion and joy grows exponentially.
The warmth and grace of this divine connection fuels you as you continue to make your rounds through the group.
The next person you meet is someone you've harmed in the past.
It wasn't a major harm,
But a harm nonetheless.
You look into their eyes and see the green light glowing in their heart center.
Remember your ability to hold still with difficult feelings.
Remember the innate tendency to make mistakes which lives in us all.
You say to this person,
I see the pain I've caused and I'm here to set it right.
What can I do?
Notice any inclinations to close at your heart right now.
Try to keep your green light glowing bright.
Notice that this person like you struggles to keep a heart connection also.
You are both experiencing the human instinct to turn away from vulnerability.
Don't.
Shine your light brighter to encourage theirs.
This person makes their request and you oblige.
The connection you've made may feel different from the others,
But it's still a connection nonetheless.
It holds great value.
Please come back to your breath,
Inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.
Breathe deeply and slowly.
Notice any upwelling of emotions in this moment.
Place both hands over your heart and remember it's okay.
As you feel ready,
You may open your eyes.
I've heard from several of you that the self-forgiveness meditation in step 8 was by far the most difficult.
Yes,
It is.
But please stay with it for it yields remarkable results.
I hope to continue to hear from you,
My friends.
Namaste.
Peace be with you.
