It’s About Relationship: Lessons Arising From Liminal Space

In this 17-minute+ guided meditation, you’ll explore the challenges of loving deeply and how surrendering to love can lead to inner freedom and healing. With wisdom from Hafiz, Thomas Merton, and Thich Nhat Hanh, you’ll be invited to soften the walls around your heart and let go of fears and expectations. This meditation is perfect for those seeking self-compassion, emotional healing, and a deeper connection to love in their lives.

Transcript

Hi there,

Thanks for joining me today and taking the time to do this.

My name is Rod Janz.

I am a trained spiritual director and retreat leader and coach.

We're going to sit with something really simple and incredibly profound,

Love.

This is definitely not the definitive love meditation.

How could it be?

This is just a few thoughts cobbled together for us to contemplate at this time.

Love is supposed to be the foundation of our spiritual life,

Right?

It's the answer we hear over and over from poets,

Teachers,

And spiritual guides.

But if that's true,

Why do we lack love for ourselves and others?

Why do we pull back when love asks for more of us?

Why is living with our whole heart so damn hard?

Rumi said,

Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

This time together isn't about fixing our propensity to live according to the small self or making you love perfectly.

It's just a space to soften,

To breathe,

And maybe let down the walls,

As Rumi said,

That we didn't even know we built.

Now,

As a way of settling in and arriving,

I invite you to relax your shoulders and relax your chest and the area around your heart.

Take a moment to be silent and observe your breath.

Loving others,

And sometimes even ourselves,

Is hard.

Like I said earlier,

It's just so damn hard.

We carry the baggage of old hurts,

Fears of rejection,

And a culture that often teaches us that love is something that is earned.

Often,

In response to buried trauma that still exists inside us when we are hurt or betrayed,

Fight or flight kicks in and we close up,

And that's natural.

But when we stay closed,

We suffer,

And the people in our lives don't receive the full benefit of who we are,

Which is love.

Love feels risky because it exposes us,

And we don't always trust that it's safe.

Thich Nhat Hanh said something worth holding on to.

Through my love for you,

I want to express my love for the whole cosmos,

The whole of humanity,

And all beings.

When we shut down love,

We're not just cutting ourselves off from people.

We're cutting ourselves off from life,

And that's where the pain comes from.

This is how pain begets pain.

Well,

That's the stated problem,

And I feel like we need,

At this point,

To cleanse our spiritual palate a little bit before we go on.

So let's just take a few conscious breaths.

Breathe in and hold it for a few seconds,

And breathe all the way out.

Breathe in and hold it for a few seconds,

And breathe all the way out.

Breathe in and hold it for a few seconds,

And breathe all the way out.

In doing my research for this meditation,

I intentionally looked up quotes from Hafiz and Rumi,

Like the one above.

The mystics and the poets,

They got this.

They got what we're talking about,

The importance of love and opening ourselves up to love.

They knew that love isn't about getting it right.

It's about surrendering.

Hafiz,

In his classic poem,

Said,

Love has befriended me so completely,

It has turned to ash and freed me of every concept and image my mind has ever known.

I'll just read that again.

Love has befriended me so completely,

It has turned to ash and freed me of every concept and image my mind has ever known.

That's powerful,

Isn't it?

Love burns away our ideas,

The rules,

The fears,

And the small self that's totally preoccupied with itself.

But in this process,

It doesn't leave us empty.

It leaves us free.

Free to give and receive without clinging to outcomes.

Thomas Merton put it another way.

Love is our true destiny.

We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone.

We find it with another.

Maybe you're here to take one small step toward loving without conditions,

Without fear.

Let's do another quick mindfulness exercise that's going to help us to let go of some of our misgivings.

Breathe in and tighten your hands into a fist.

And as you do,

Ask yourself,

What are you clinging to or hoping for,

An outcome that is beyond your control or influence?

When something comes to mind,

Breathe out and release your grip and open your hands and relax.

Let go of your worries.

Breathe out and open your hands all the way.

Release your grip and relax into presence and open into awareness.

Three is a good number.

Let's try it one more time.

Breathe in and tighten your hands into a fist.

And as you do,

Ask yourself,

What are you clinging to or hoping for an outcome that is beyond your control or influence?

And when something comes to mind,

Maybe it's the same thing that came to mind in the first place.

Just breathe out and release your grip and open your hands and relax into presence and open awareness.

Take a slow breath in.

And as you exhale,

Imagine the tension in your chest loosening just a little.

You don't have to do anything grand or life-changing right now.

Just breathe in and let yourself be here.

Breathe in and exhale any tension that you're feeling in your chest or in your body.

Now,

With each inhale,

Picture love filling you freely without conditions.

And with each exhale,

Let go of any expectations you have about love needing to be perfect or reciprocating.

Let go of the idea that love has to be earned.

Inhale and picture love filling you freely without conditions.

And then let go of expectations.

Just one more mindfulness meditation.

Maybe you've done this one before.

It's one of my favorites.

I think I first heard it through Tara Brach.

I just want to invite you to imagine someone who loved you well without conditions.

Maybe it's a parent,

A relative,

A friend.

Or even a pet.

Do that now and just think about how it feels and then soak in that feeling for a little bit.

Now picture that love flowing outward to the people in your life.

Your children,

Your siblings,

Your parents,

Your friends.

So breathe in love.

And breathe it out toward your loved ones.

Let's do something a little more challenging.

Again,

Imagine someone who loved you well without conditions.

A parent,

A relative,

A friend.

Or even a pet.

And just get in touch with how that feels.

Soak in it for a moment.

And just soak in that feeling for a bit.

Now picture that love flowing outward to the people in your life.

To the ones who challenge you.

Or even those you've struggled to forgive.

Breathe in love.

And breathe out love towards those who challenge you.

I do this exercise regularly on my walks.

And inevitably I feel a shift in me.

And more importantly,

I find that when I get the chance to be around the people that I have,

Let's say,

Prayed for in this way,

I just feel love for them.

I just really feel a shift of love when I'm with the people that I have prayed for in this way.

So love starts small.

Right here.

It doesn't have to be big or dramatic.

It just needs to be real.

You don't need to know what to do next.

Just let these moments of getting in touch with love,

Imagining what love feels like,

And receiving love,

Just let it soften your heart.

And the rest will follow.

As we close,

I want to encourage you to let love lead.

Not your fear or your need to control.

Just love.

Let it be your guide when you feel unsure.

As I mentioned earlier,

Let love in.

Another quote from Ephesians is,

You don't have to act crazy.

We're all just a waiting room for the beloved.

Love isn't something that we chase or strive for.

It's something that we let in.

Be open to love today.

Let love in.

Be the waiting room for the beloved.

Thanks for being here today.

May you carry peace,

Patience,

Gentleness,

And kindness all the characteristics of love into your conversations,

Your decisions,

And the way you show up in the world.

Trust love.

It knows what it's doing.