Being on Your Own Side

If you're not on your own side, who will be? In this guided meditation with Dr. Rick Hanson, you will practice being a stronger friend to yourself by growing up the fundamental neural structures that support being on your own side and standing up for yourself.

Transcript

So I'd like to segue now into doing our practice.

In these presentations in the Foundations of Well-being program,

I want to make sure we have an opportunity to do some kind of internal guided practice in each one of them.

So to do that though,

I need to explain a little bit about how to do practices.

And so I'll talk about that for a moment here.

First of all,

Take care of yourself.

You know,

Feel very free to adapt my suggestions to your own needs and feel very free to ignore them entirely.

If,

For example,

I suggest something and you want to do something else,

That's fine.

Or if I've suggested something that's useful to you and I keep on going,

Feel really free to just stay with whatever is useful to you.

Second,

If anything comes up for you that's just too much,

Too uncomfortable or too disturbing,

It's really okay to stop the program or tune out,

You know,

Open your eyes if they've been closed,

Look outside,

Rub your feet on the floor,

Get a drink of water,

You know,

Do whatever works for you.

And third,

Sometimes what happens is you try to do something in a guided practice,

But you hit a block,

Something else comes up for you.

And then you have a choice.

Do you pursue that block or do you stay with whatever was that you were initially working on,

You know,

Such as,

As we'll soon move into the experience of being on your own side.

That's kind of a choice.

Sometimes it's useful to look into the block.

Usually though,

I think it's good to sort of note the block,

You know,

Sometimes it's a very familiar block like self-criticism or distractibility.

And then,

You know,

Come back to the practice itself because you can always think about that block later.

All right.

So on the basis of all that,

Now I'd like to do a little practice with you to strengthen the sense inside yourself.

And as we'll see in future sections in this foundations program,

To begin to build up the neural structures that support this fundamental stance of being on your own side.

So let's begin.

And I'll give you the guidance here that will follow along this slide about the practice of being on your own side.

So with your eyes open or closed,

To begin with,

Please bring to mind some time when you really stood up for somebody else.

You were really supportive or you protected them.

Maybe you spoke up on their behalf.

Maybe it was a situation where you really couldn't do anything outwardly,

But internally,

Boy,

You were really a strong ally.

You were with that person.

The two of you were together.

You were on their side.

You were a friend to them.

You were for them.

Not necessarily against others,

Probably not against others,

But definitely for them.

So you're bringing to mind a time when this was true.

Maybe multiple times,

Multiple people you stood up for,

You encouraged,

You were determined on their behalf.

And explore what this stance of being for someone is like as an experience.

For example,

You might find that you're sitting up a little straighter or being for someone has a quality of determination in it.

What's your face feel like?

What's its expression when you're determined,

When you're really on the side of somebody else?

Maybe there's a particular look in your eye or feeling in your eyes when you're on the side of somebody else.

How about warm-hearted feelings such as compassion,

The wish that these beings,

These people,

Perhaps others besides people,

Not suffer?

Or a quality of friendship?

Or maybe there's a certain fieryness inside yourself.

You're not tipping into problematic anger or rage,

But there's a certain fierceness,

Seriousness,

Energy,

Vitality in you on behalf of those who you are for.

What's that feel like in your emotions or body?

Okay.

And then the key step,

Knowing what this experience is like,

What this stance of being for someone is like,

Then apply this stance to yourself.

You might imagine yourself outside you,

Or you might imagine certain difficulties or challenges or situations you're dealing with in life these days.

And see if you can sustain this feeling,

This stance that you know it is like to be for someone.

See if you can sustain it for yourself.

There could be a sense of determination for yourself,

Or a sense of,

Hey,

I'm at her too.

Not getting exaggerated about it,

Or arrogant or conceited.

It's simply that same quality of healthy alliance with someone or advocacy for somebody else,

Applying that to yourself.

For example,

You could explore particular situations or particular issues in your life.

Maybe pain in your body,

Or some conflict with another person.

Or it could be a difficult situation,

Like a tough job,

Or a child with special needs,

Or a relationship breakup,

Or financial difficulty that you're grappling with.

And explore what it could be like to sustain a feeling of,

You know,

I want to help myself.

I want to do what I can to make things better.

My life matters.

It matters to me.

Try to imagine how you would act,

Or what it would look like if you were on your own side in a tricky relationship,

Or in dealing with a challenging situation.

Keep regenerating.

Keep bringing up this feeling of determination,

Of strength on your own behalf.

Get a sense of this feeling of being a friend to yourself,

With its combination of understanding why it's principled and moral and good for others to be on your own side,

As well as there's a feeling in the body of being a friend to yourself,

Also a sense of warmth and care for yourself and good wishes.

Get a sense of this stance of being on your own side,

Sinking into you.

Kind of like you're giving over to it.

You're letting this sense of being an ally to yourself establish itself in yourself more deeply.

Good.

So we are now finishing up this practice.

It's good to let a practice keep reverberating inside and not shift out of it abruptly and keep coming from this practice,

Even as it ends in some kind of formal way.

Okay.

Well,

This concludes the first section of the Self-Caring Pillar of Well-Being on befriending,

And I hope it was helpful to you.

The next section will be compassion,

And I look forward to being with you then.

Reviews

Thanks Rick. This was a great practice to start my day.

Rick Hanson has a lot to offer. This little guided practice helped me get in touch with the confident knowing that is part of being on someone's side-- and being on my own side.

I brought to mind a recent situation in which I stood up for myself, and I held onto that feeling for the 2nd half of the practice. I'm feeling proud of myself for the progress I've made in being on my own side!

I have stood up for my son in situations when he was little so thinking of doing the same thing for myself was excellent advice- thank you 🙏 💛

It was very effective for me. While I was on my friend's side I perceived very clearly the feeling of alliance as a core of energy right in my belly. On the other hand, while I thought about my difficult situations, I perceived the familiar and hateful sensation of agitation and instability, localized - as always - in the upper part of the chest. As soon as I recalled my friend's defense I was able to redirect that energy from the chest to the belly turning it from negative to positive. I think this is almost magical 🙂

Love Rick’s …..everything: the tone, the message, the delivery, the imagery. Thank you Rick for your contribution to healthy minds!!!!

i teally appreciate Rick and his message.

Interesting process and insights to be gained, thank you 🙏🏼

Thank you for this short but sweet reflection. I realize I’m a fierce advocate for MANY others’ Joy and well-being but not very often for my own. Now I can practice this until it becomes a natural response.

This exercise really helped me to have the experience of being there for myself during the time of difficulties

Rick is one of my favorites. This is a practice I need—to help me care for myself and honor my life so I can support others—keeping my bucket full. I completed Rick’s Foundations program several years ago and plan to do it again in 2019. Thank you Rick.

An important lesson for me. I'll come back to this many times

Interesting stance that shifted things for me towards meeting my needs for the day

Powerful practice.

really helpful thx

Just what I needed. Realized I never really think about what I need to do for myself.
Thank you
Look forward to next one

Great meditation to build self compassion and befriending yourself.

Such a warm and kind message! Loved his tone. Wonderful words to meditate to.

Loved this practice.....a good place to start or renew! Looking forward to next part.

Thank you. What a wonderful practice to do for oneself. I'm going to start being on my side with the loyalty and encouragement ide give to an another.