Relaxing The Inner Critic

In this discussion and meditation, Rick briefly addresses the dissatisfaction we all experience in our lives and provides a guided practice to ease the endless cycle of craving and clinging. He begins with a very short form of Progressive Muscle Relaxation, a well researched behavioral therapy technique that helps calm the body, and then guides you through a slower paced breath meditation focused on relaxation.

Transcript

Hello friends.

My guess is that if you're listening to this recording,

You want to grow.

You long to achieve lasting peace,

Maybe even enlightenment,

Full liberation,

Heaven on earth.

Well,

Me too.

As a young therapist,

I used to ask the question of my clients,

What do you really want the most?

Well,

I no longer ask that question because really,

I've found that we all want the same things.

We want to feel good,

To be happy,

Free of insecurities,

Doubts,

Fears,

And the difficult emotions that we all face.

And in this quest for this full liberation,

We chose meditation.

You chose meditation,

And so did I.

We're in this together.

Yes.

And before we begin our meditation today,

I want to briefly address the roots of our struggles.

The root of our struggles,

According to many of the great traditions,

Is some form of course suffering.

And that suffering begins with deep dissatisfaction.

We're dissatisfied with how things are,

Either in our bodies,

Our relationships with other people,

How much money we make,

Our children,

Our skin,

Our intelligence,

Creativity,

Jobs,

And losses.

And this is endless.

And from this root dissatisfaction,

We crave something other than what we currently have.

Something other than what we currently have,

Either inside or out.

We then cling,

Hold onto,

Grab,

Clutch this idea that if we just had what we wanted,

We would finally be happy.

Well,

Dear ones,

This idea is simply delusional.

The new relationship,

The sexual encounter,

The drinking bids,

The job,

Whatever it is,

Only works for a brief time.

Then the cycle begins again.

So now what?

How do we end this cycle of craving and clinging?

Well,

The good news is that there is a path through.

And like most worthwhile objectives,

The path is sometimes pretty hard.

It's not the easiest thing to sit still,

Calm the mind and body,

Let go of thoughts,

Relax,

Relax.

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Even after 30 years as a professional psychotherapist and 20 plus years of meditation,

I still struggle,

Still have my fears,

Insecurities,

Doubts,

Anger and much more.

I'm far from always loving,

Far from disciplined,

Certainly not often feeling liberated.

Sometimes I just want to stop.

But I don't stop.

And clearly you haven't either.

This stage of my practice,

I'm realizing that I'm clinging to results.

I'm dissatisfied with how far I've come with my meditation.

And many times I can't even focus on one entire breath.

But the problem is not that I should be further along than I am.

The problem is that I'm nearly or maybe fully obsessed with the results,

Craving and clinging again.

And then there's the giant critical voice inside.

Here's how he sounds for me.

I really should meditate more.

I should be able to focus on the breath and concentrate.

Why can't I just simply relax?

I should be more disciplined with my diet.

Really?

Another piece of pie?

What's wrong with you?

You know,

None of this is really working.

You've been at it for years.

Don't you think you're just fooling yourself?

Then there's the restlessness,

The inability to simply relax and enjoy the ride.

I seem to be reaching for my phone,

Playing a quick game or 10 of online chess,

Mindlessly eating,

Grabbing things out of the refrigerator,

Not even hardly knowing I'm eating,

Channel surfing,

Internet surfing,

Phoning a friend,

Comparing myself to others,

Judging on and on.

My life often feels like one endless stream of distractions.

Oh,

And then comes the comparisons.

Look at the giants,

Thich Nhat Hanh,

Tara Brach,

Deepak Chopra,

John Milton,

Eckhart Tollier.

Why can't I be more like them?

Well,

Then the ruminating.

Maybe if I didn't have a wife,

Four children,

Run a company,

Then I wouldn't be so distracted and I could finally arrive.

Bam,

Insight.

Now I'm blaming my wife and family.

Great.

What's wrong with you?

Welcome to my little circle of life.

One big addictive cycle.

Where's the relief?

Are you ready for some relief?

Well,

Me too.

So here it comes.

Ready?

So dear friends,

The good news is that we are waking up.

We are realizing that running after the next big thing is not going to satisfy.

We are realizing that the change we seek must come from within.

And this point alone is big.

I'm going to say it again.

It's good news.

We are waking up.

We are realizing that running after the next big thing will not satisfy.

The change we seek must come from within.

And this point alone is big.

Through meditation,

Slowly,

We are learning.

We're learning how to slow down,

Create some space,

React a little less,

And slowly,

Little by little,

Let go of that which no longer serves ourselves or others.

Does it really matter how long it takes?

Does it really matter how hard it can be?

Not really.

What matters is we're on the path.

We are practicing and we are on the path together.

Right here,

Right now.

We are practicing.

We are practicing together.

And over time,

Through meditation,

Another voice can emerge alongside that inner restless comparing critic.

For me,

This is the voice of my beloved grandmother.

She taught first grade Sunday school for over 50 years.

And in my entire life,

Until she acquired Alzheimer's disease,

Before that,

I never heard her say one single discouraging,

Negative,

Derogatory comment to a single human being.

Always gentle,

Always patient,

And a great sense of humor.

So her voice is in there too,

Because she's in my DNA.

She's alive in me.

And there's a sweeter voice inside you as well.

It may have been your grandmother.

It may have been a trusted childhood friend.

But there was somebody.

And that voice says,

Honey,

It's okay.

You can do this.

You can do this.

I love you.

Sweetie,

It's okay.

You can do this.

I love you.

So that critic might not ever go away.

But now,

He or she is in the company of other voices.

Those other voices,

They're gentler.

They're more patient.

They're kinder.

They're more patient.

They're more patient.

They're more patient.

They're kinder.

And we,

Through meditation,

Can start to listen to these voices.

They can grow stronger.

We don't have to eliminate the critic,

Somehow banish him or her from our minds.

We can simply live together.

And this is inclusiveness.

And inclusiveness is a hallmark of true love.

And then there's those moments when we really do become quiet.

We really are present.

We're relaxed.

We are aware of the entire in-breath,

The entire out-breath.

Wow,

Man,

Give me more of that.

Whoa!

Calm down,

Ricky.

You have enough already.

Who's going to do that?

Okay,

Grandma.

Thanks for the reminder.

So we've now arrived at our time to relax together.

Maybe the practice we're about to do truly relaxes you.

Maybe it doesn't.

No big deal either way.

We're practicing together.

We know we need to practice to get good at anything.

So before we begin,

Please remind yourself of the three attitudes we are cultivating.

Gentleness,

Patience,

And a sense of humor.

That reminds me of a patient I once had in our clinic.

He thought he was an actual dog,

A German shepherd,

In fact.

He barked,

He whimpered,

He ate dog food.

When I asked him how long he had known he was a dog,

He simply responded,

Well,

Since I was a puppy,

Of course.

All right,

Here we go.

So we're going to begin with a very short form of progressive muscle relaxation,

A well-researched behavioral therapy technique that helps calm the body and it provides a nice bridge to breath meditation.

From there,

We will progress to a slower-paced breath meditation focused on relaxation for another five to ten minutes.

This will be guided by me.

So every 30 seconds or so,

I will say something to help bring the mind back if it's wondered.

So as always,

Begin by finding a comfortable seated posture with the spine upright,

Not leaning against the chair,

But upright,

And your feet resting comfortably on the floor.

And if at all possible,

Either now or next time,

I recommend that you do this practice outdoors.

Nature rejoices when we do things that are wholesome.

And our precious Mother Earth supports this greatly in these practices.

Now,

Let's together set the gentle and determined intention to relax.

Setting the attention to relax.

Nothing heavy,

Nothing forced.

You can't force relaxation.

So now please,

At your own pace,

Just simply take in three full in-and-out breaths.

Nothing too crazy,

Just three full breaths.

Beginning with progressive muscle relaxation.

Go ahead and curl your toes.

Just pull them in so that there's some tightness there.

Again,

You're not trying to break your toes or anything crazy.

Pull them in.

Notice the tightness.

Come aware of tension.

And with a sigh,

Let them go.

Let's do that again.

Pulling your toes in,

Feeling the tension.

Hold.

Letting go,

Relaxing.

Now I'd like you to keep your toes on the ground,

But lift up your heels.

Lift them up to where you can feel tension in your calf muscle in your lower leg.

Hold.

Let go.

Notice changes.

Notice the actual sensations and the differences between tension in the body and relaxation.

Let's do that again.

Lifting up your feet,

Tensing your calf muscles.

Hold.

Letting it out with a sigh.

Noticing the difference.

Now I'd like you to lift your legs up straight out in front of you.

Lift them up so that you're feeling tension in your thigh muscles.

Notice the tension.

Notice what it feels like.

And ah.

Notice the changes.

Notice the difference.

One more time.

Lifting the legs,

Feeling the tension.

Noticing what tight muscles feel like and relaxing.

Ah.

Relaxing.

Now to the degree you can.

Again,

Nothing crazy.

Tighten the muscles in your abdomen.

Hold.

Ah.

Notice the differences.

Notice the changes.

And again,

Tensing the muscles in your abdomen.

Notice what that feels like.

Letting go.

Relaxing.

Noticing the difference.

Now I want you to pull your arms back.

Just pull them back so that you feel some tension in your back.

Hold.

Ah.

Noticing the difference.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Let's do that again.

Pull your arms back so that you're feeling the tension,

Feeling tightness in your back.

Hold.

Relax.

Hold.

Relax.

Ah.

Take a couple moments.

Take a couple moments to notice the difference.

Now I want you to flex your biceps.

Just like you're doing a curl in the gym.

Hold that tension.

Notice what it feels like.

And with a sigh,

Letting go.

Noticing subtle changes.

And again,

Flexing the muscles in your biceps.

Hold.

There you go.

Ah.

Relaxing.

Ah.

Relaxing.

Noticing any changes,

Any differences.

Okay.

Now I want you to lift up your shoulders like you're trying to touch your ears.

Lift them up.

Notice the tension.

Letting go.

Noticing the differences.

Sometimes subtle differences.

Between relaxation and tension.

It often begins in the body.

As we learn how to relax our bodies,

Our minds will often follow.

Our bodies can relax our minds.

Let's do that one more time.

Lifting up your shoulders.

Trying to touch your ears.

Nothing crazy.

Holding.

Feeling tension.

And.

.

.

And.

.

.

Letting go.

So now let's get your feet back out under you.

Upright posture.

Spine upright but relaxed.

We're going to start pulling our attention to our breaths,

To our breathing.

Simple yet profound practice.

So breathing in.

Breathing out.

Breathing in.

I know I'm breathing in.

Breathing out.

I know I'm breathing out.

Breathing in.

I know I'm breathing in.

And breathing out.

I know I'm breathing out.

Let's practice that for a series of breaths.

I'll remain silent for about 30 seconds.

Again,

You don't need to worry about the time.

I've got that.

So now let's get your hands back up.

And let's do that one more time.

Letting go.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Breathing out.

Breathing in.

Breathing out.

Breathing out.

Breathing in.

Breathing in.

I know I'm breathing in.

Breathing out.

I know I'm breathing out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Out.

In.

Out.

Breathing in.

I calm my mind.

Breathing out.

I relax my body.

Breathing in.

I calm my mind.

Breathing out.

I relax my body.

Breathing in.

I calm my mind.

Breathing out.

I relax my body.

Practice like that.

Breathing in.

I calm my mind.

Breathing out.

I calm my body.

Breathing in calm.

Out relax.

Breathing in calm.

Breathing out relax.

Practice like that.

For about 30 seconds.

Breathing in calm.

Relax.

Calm.

Ok relax Carl.

So Calm,

Relax.

Relax.

Breathing in I smile,

Breathing out I let go.

Breathing in I smile,

Breathing out I let go.

Smiling,

Letting go.

Smiling,

Letting go.

Relaxing in,

Relaxing out.

Relaxing in,

Relaxing out.

Until next time,

Peace be with you.

Reviews

I could listen to you all day and be happy.

Very calming easy to follow. You give practical and sensible guidance. I love it

Amazing 🤩. Feel so good thank you. Om Shanti 🙏

Soothing Papa Bear voice! Love the point he makes about this being a practice and being in it together

Lovely, friendly voice, easy to follow - thank you

I am relaxed and your voice is very pleasing and calming! Thank you!

Exceedingly good continual but well spaced instructions. Great style & content.

Thank you Rick, for your insight and for a deeply relaxing meditation 💜x

Superb thank you 🙏
So lovely to have some humour in what can sometimes feel an overly earnest world of meditation 😘

Thank you for this lovely session with Wayne Dyer. 🙏

Nice pace and sense of humor😁

Fantastic, I really relax with this section.

Blessed be. You have a beautiful voice, playful spirit and kind gentle demeanor all together provided a wonderful meditative experience for me.
Namaste

Thank you - your talk was reassuring 🙏