Ending Self-Sabotage: For Masculine Energy

Is self-sabotage effecting your life and threatening your joy and the happiness of the ones you love? Are you feeling like nobody thinks you're good enough? Doubting your self-worth. Wondering why anybody ever puts up with you? If it sounds like something you relate to, I want you to know you aren't alone. This meditation was created due to the MANY people out there who struggle with similar problems. I think listening to this will help. I want you to trust your inner voice again. You are loved.

Transcript

Hello and welcome.

Thank you so much for being here.

If you've been directed here by someone you love,

Thank you so much for setting your pride aside and trusting and loving them enough to be here.

If you came to do this on your own,

Amazing.

It's a very important step towards really stepping into your power.

So often it has been insinuated that seeking out help is a form of weakness,

But the opposite couldn't be more true.

Someone who has the self-awareness needed and takes the time and energy to really change themselves in this way is strong,

Intelligent,

Free-thinking,

And on their way to being an ideal emotionally mature partner and friend.

You being here makes me smile with pride over the choices you're making and the steps you're taking towards self-improvement.

Please take a moment to lie down or sit in a comfortable and quiet place if possible.

I'm going to speak to you while reminding you to do some simple breathing,

So just get as comfortable as possible.

No falling asleep.

Great.

Now try to make sure your neck is as straight and in alignment with your spine as possible.

Close and relax your eyes.

Relax your forehead and scalp.

Loosen and relax your jaw.

Imagine a magical wave of energy gently splashing over the back of your neck and shoulders.

And as this energy touches your skin,

It sinks into your muscles and melts all tension,

Leaving your muscles soft and relaxed.

It's okay.

It's just temporary.

You deserve to put your guard down for the length of this meditation.

One more time,

Just make sure everything is nice and relaxed.

Release the tension from your neck,

Shoulders,

Jaw,

And eyes and scalp.

Good job.

Now slowly breathe in through your nose,

Filling your lungs and expanding the rib cage and belly.

And now release your breath and push out any extra stagnant air that has been resting at the bottom of your lungs.

Let's take one more slow and long breath in,

Remembering that you can't do it wrong.

There's no wrong way to do this,

So breathe it all the way out and release any and all tension from your body with it.

Now continue to breathe slowly and deeply as I continue to speak.

I'm going to remind you that nobody is here to check to see if you're doing the breathing right.

It's a simple thing,

But sometimes we feel pressured to do everything in just the right way for fear of letting others down.

Nobody's here to judge you.

This is a safe and free space.

In fact,

Sometimes we worry that people are judging us throughout our daily lives when in fact they're not at all.

They're the imagined voices of people who perhaps may have judged us in our past.

Sound familiar?

When we're children,

The way we develop our inner voice,

Our conscience,

Our self-worth,

It's all through the voices of those who raise us.

Some of us learn this early on and begin to change our inner voice from theirs to be truly our own.

More often than not,

Many of us never realize that we're still struggling with the thoughts of someone else.

When you're trying your best and your inner voice calls you a loser,

You know that you're trying your best.

So whose voice is it really?

An impossible to please father,

A careless teacher,

The bullies from your past,

Parents,

Siblings,

Teachers,

They can all be the bullies too.

It's not always just the obvious.

If we listen to our true inner voice,

It would be more encouraging,

Compassionate,

And full of empathy.

Those bullies already heard us once,

It's time to stop giving them power.

Take control and stop allowing them to affect your life once and for all.

People will often say,

Why can't you just be happy?

Or why can't you just be grateful?

When they see someone who struggles or deals with their own versions of self-sabotage.

Sometimes that question feels like a knife to the heart.

We think,

What's wrong with me?

Why can't I just feel happy?

Why do I ruin things?

Oftentimes if you're struggling with these questions,

You're probably asking the wrong questions.

I'll ask the questions for you right now so that we can finally find the answers together.

Rather than why can't I just feel happy?

I believe the more accurate question is why don't I feel like I deserve happiness?

Of course,

On a conscious level,

Most of us will scoff and say,

Of course I think I deserve happiness.

But often if we look a little deeper,

It unearths seeds we forgot we had planted there so long ago.

Do you feel like your happiness is conditional?

Maybe you think you deserve to be happy,

But only after A,

B,

And C have been accomplished.

We associate tasks and productivity or material gain and wealth with our level of deserved happiness.

So why don't you feel as though you deserve happiness?

Are some of these check boxes left unchecked?

You probably already know that you deserve to be happy regardless of your accomplishments,

But maybe your inner voice,

Your subconscious,

Hasn't observed this realization yet.

Repeat these phrases either in your head or out loud with me.

I deserve to be happy.

I do not have to earn joy.

My happiness is not dependent on my success.

I always deserve to be happy.

Happiness is my right.

My accomplishments and my happiness are completely separate from one another.

I now sever any imagined ties between my joy and my ability to provide.

Now take a deep and cleansing breath in through the nose,

Deep into your lungs and belly,

Expanding your rib cage,

And release any lingering doubts all the way out.

Great job.

The voice that has been telling you that you don't deserve happiness,

When the voice tries to speak up again,

I want you to take back your power and correct it every time,

Saying,

Yes,

Actually,

I do deserve to be happy,

Until finally the doubts are silenced for good.

It takes practice.

You need to do it every time.

I promise it will slowly quiet.

Now to address the other common question,

Why do I ruin everything?

This question can be phrased differently too.

I think a better way to phrase it is,

What am I protecting so fiercely that it takes precedence over the things I most care about?

The way it's phrased now opens it up for an answer.

What are you protecting?

Sometimes the bullies of our past show up in more subtle ways than just our inner voice.

They show up with external expectations and imagined disappointment.

When these ghost expectations aren't met by these imagined judges,

Often our reaction is to be defensive.

We want to protect our pride,

Ego,

And life choices.

That all sounds very valiant and probably served to protect your heart in the past when you were a child learning how to cope with outrageous or unrealistic expectations.

I'm proud of you as a child for protecting yourself.

That wasn't easy and you did it and I'm so proud of you for finding a way to do that.

But now we can look more closely to these habits of defensiveness through the eyes of an adult.

Self-sabotage is frustrating because we don't realize we're protecting the actions and ideals that are no longer under attack.

In relationships,

This looks like assuming your partner doesn't think you're good enough and then acting out in defensiveness to protect yourself.

But in reality,

Your partner wouldn't be with you in the first place if they hadn't used their own judgment to determine you're someone they believe is worth it.

Your inner child is proactively worried that the patterns from your past are the reality of your present.

But it's not true.

You do not need to protect your pride.

Trust that your partner likes you for who you are.

The only negativity is coming from that imagined voice which doesn't exist.

Silence it.

Trust your partner's ability to choose with their heart and mind an adequate partner for themselves.

If they chose you,

Let that be evidence enough that they want you there.

In a career,

Often what we are protecting when we self-sabotage is our effort.

When we perceive people to think that we aren't good enough or aren't trying hard enough,

Sometimes we retreat and protect and defend ourselves by overcompensating.

We think,

Well,

They already think that I'm not trying hard enough,

But I was doing my best so if my best isn't enough,

What's the point?

We start to prove to this imagined judge that we don't care.

We protect our hearts from this assault on our character by throwing our hands in the air,

Thinking,

I'll never be enough for you,

So what's the point in even trying?

This happens so often when nobody is telling you that you aren't enough.

Only that inner voice of the bullies of your past.

So if they aren't telling you that you aren't enough,

Then who is?

At this point,

Does it matter?

If you're worried that your partner,

Family,

Coworkers are judging you,

Remember that you can't read minds.

I'm just going to say that again.

You can't read minds.

Don't trust your mind reading abilities so strongly and surely.

The voice that you hear when trying to read minds is your inner bully.

It's a trick.

Don't fall for it ever again.

Another option is that people are judging you.

Okay,

Great.

They can mind their own business.

Now your inner voice is strong and healthy,

And it's reminding you that you're doing your very best.

It's not always going to be perfect,

But when you're kind to yourself,

The unkindness of people in your life feels more like their problem.

As a child,

We lack the tools to recognize that the opinions of others don't need to affect us.

Now as an adult,

We can replace the habit of caring with simple observation.

You don't like me?

Cool.

Not everybody will.

I like me.

This is important because the reality is that if someone hires you or hangs around you or spends any time with you,

It's their choice.

Again,

Let's look at actual actions rather than trying to read minds.

We already have determined that unfortunately,

Our mind reading skills are so tainted by our own expectations and experiences that it's inaccurate.

Remember this and remember it always.

You are enough.

Your effort is enough.

Your intelligence is enough.

Your heart,

Soul,

And spirit are enough.

People chose you for all that you are.

Stop imagining the voices that make you doubt this reality.

Those voices aren't real.

They're outdated bullies,

And you have the power to control and the strength to tell those negative thoughts that you believed to be your own to get the heck out of your head.

Negative self-talk is no longer welcome here.

Okay,

Now take a deep,

Long breath and then let it out as you repeat in your mind or out loud after me.

I am enough.

I will no longer guess what others are thinking.

The negative inner voice is not my own.

If I think my partner or others in my life have a problem with me,

I'll remember to communicate without assumptions and trust others to be honest.

I am enough.

I have always been enough.

My productivity doesn't determine if I'm good enough.

I'm enough when I'm thriving.

I'm enough when I'm struggling.

I no longer need to protect my ego.

I do not need to defend my pride against imagined judgments.

I am practicing acceptance and surrender.

If someone tells me they think I'm not good enough,

Their opinion doesn't faze me.

I know that I'm enough.

I surrender any attempt at controlling what others think.

I surrender to the fact that not everyone will see my worth.

I'm unbothered by the opinions of others.

I know my worth.

I am enough.

When I'm failing,

I am enough.

When I'm succeeding,

I'm equally enough.

The inner voice with unattainable expectations isn't helpful.

I don't need to be bullied into doing better.

I'm already doing my best.

Sometimes people can't see outwardly that I'm doing my best,

And that's okay.

I don't need to defend my worth.

I know my worth,

And that's what matters.

I know this has been a long talk,

And I'm so proud of you for making it to this point.

The things I'm saying aren't to make you soft,

Weak,

To take the spice out of your ambition,

Or to make you feel like it's okay to be a lazy slob.

It's a reminder that being happy and having self-worth are always deserved even if your life isn't looking how you want it to.

You are not in competition with your partner or friends.

Your success is theirs,

And theirs is yours.

When you change your mindset to a compassionate,

Positive inner voice,

Rather than the scolding,

Impossible-to-please voice from before,

You will find that material and relationship success flow to you more easily.

So many men or people raised with stereotypically masculine expectations need to relearn that being kind to ourselves and patient with ourselves is so much more sustainable than any tough love,

Emotionless energy.

You're going in the right direction.

Listening to this is proof that you're learning,

Growing,

And improving.

Thank you for trusting me to unearth your old inner voice and help replace it with the one that will carry you into a happy,

Healthy,

Guilt- and sabotage-free future.

Next time you feel the defensive energy bubbling up,

Try to relax your scalp,

Loosen your jaw,

Take a big,

Calming breath,

And remind the inner bully that you're no longer listening.

I can't wait for the day you realize that that bully is finally gone.

I want to know what I'm wearing,

And perhaps on a talks about women and others,

But here you you you you you

Reviews

Thank you for recognizing this tendency that so many people carry and discussing it in such a compassionate and effective manner. Prayer hands.

Such a great meditation for me, much needed. Thank you again ✨

Definitely relate to this and need to find a way to understand my own value and worth.

Awesome

Incredibly insightful and helpful. Will listen regularly.

Exactly what I needed thank you!