Sitting With Grief, Together

A guided meditation that invites you to sit with grief. It starts with a breathing practice and heart awareness. You are invited to drop into this awareness of your feelings of grief. Next, you are invited to reflect on a happy memory of that which you have lost. You can experience both grief and joy alongside each other.

Transcript

This practice is called sitting with grief together.

I'm Rebecca Ryan and I'll be your guide in this practice.

Find somewhere to sit comfortably and settle in.

You can do this by taking three deep inhales and three exhale sighs like this.

Filling your lungs with the inhale and sitting up straight and as you sigh settling in comfortably.

When you've finished your three inhales and exhale sighs just notice where you're sitting today.

Where your body is touching your chair or your other supports.

The temperature of the room and perhaps noticing any sounds where you're sitting today for this practice.

Coming to sitting and noticing and close your eyes and as your body drops into this deeper awareness take the activity of your mind and also drop it into this noticing awareness.

Noticing what you're thinking about.

Perhaps you can notice the speed of your thoughts worrying or slow it doesn't matter the practice is to notice awareness of your thoughts as you settle in for this practice.

In this practice we're going to take some time to become aware of a grief that you're experiencing at the moment.

If at any time during this practice thoughts come up that are too uncomfortable or too painful for you please stop this practice and seek support and help from someone you trust.

It is difficult to sit with grief but we do it in the knowledge that grief is a balance of love and whatever we've lost can serve us best if we grieve it.

I don't mean let it go,

I don't mean change what's happened,

I don't mean feel happy or positive,

I mean just notice what it feels like to be in the grief that you're in now and we'll do this together.

Grief can feel so isolating but it's a universal experience to love something and lose it.

A person,

A relationship,

A job,

A valued pet,

Something that we love is no longer with us in a way that we would like and that is painful.

As we sit in this practice I'll share with you that I recently lost my father.

I'm locked down in Melbourne and he died of a quick illness in Sydney.

I didn't get to see him in person,

I did the zoom farewell that too many of us know and I couldn't attend his funeral.

This has had the effect of stalling my grief.

It doesn't feel real that he's gone.

One of the things his practice can do is to give us that realization of what we've lost and while that's painful the balance of that is to know what you had is to know that you've lost it.

So enough chitchat from me.

If you've settled in and you've decided this practice is for you today let's continue.

Inhaling deeply and doing one more sigh.

We're gonna watch the breath for a minute before we get into our practice of grief.

Watch the breath as it comes in and out your nostrils and by watch I mean be aware.

Noticing the temperature of the inhale breath,

The slightly different temperature of the exhale breath.

Noticing the quality of your breath.

Is it deep and long and slow?

Perhaps your breath is shallow,

Quick.

It's not important,

The practice is noticing.

Noticing your breath in and out your nostrils.

And as you notice the breath in and out your nostrils see if you can extend that awareness to feeling the breath in your body as you inhale.

How does your body move?

Your abdomen,

Your chest,

Perhaps your shoulders.

As you exhale how does your body relax and release?

Your abdomen,

Chest,

Perhaps your shoulders.

Watching the body as it moves with the breath,

Body and breath.

Nothing to change let's just watch.

Body and breath together.

Sometimes when we watch the breath it slows down.

Notice if that's what's happening for you.

Noticing the breath can give us an inner awareness.

Taking this inner awareness now and see if you can notice your own heartbeat.

As you inhale,

Becoming aware of the heart area and noticing if you can feel your heartbeat.

Perhaps if you can't feel your heartbeat in your heart area maybe you can notice it at your fingertips.

A pulsing sensation in your body at your heart area or your fingertips.

And with this awareness of your heart let's bring to mind the grief that you're dealing with at the moment.

Be it a loss of a loved one,

The situation,

Another type of relationship.

With this awareness in your heart call up the name of the person or name what your grief is.

Noticing if it's comfortable for you,

How it feels to say in your heart what it is that you've lost.

Do you notice any tightness in your body,

Any softening?

There's no right or wrong answer with grief but noticing how it feels to say what we've lost can help us.

And while you've got this deep sense of what you've lost perhaps if you can call to mind time in your life when you shared something with this person or in this relationship or situation.

Something that instantly makes you smile.

A recent memory or one from a long time ago.

Taking a few moments to bring to mind that memory.

Perhaps feel it in your heart,

Say it aloud if you want to.

These are your moments.

The happy memory,

The sense of connection.

Recalling that for yourself now.

One of the things that's difficult in grief sometimes is finding access to these happy memories.

So if you don't have one at your fingertips,

Top of mind,

That's okay.

Be gentle with yourself but if you've got a happy memory and you're smiling as you think of it,

Let it gently fade away knowing you can access that again.

That's yours forever.

And the final part of this meditation,

We're going to see if we can balance those two feelings.

The first one,

Recognizing what it was that you'd lost and the second one,

A sense of joy and remembering for what it was that you had.

I'm not suggesting that these two things are always going to be equally weighted in your life.

I'm not suggesting that particularly if your grief is raw like mine is,

That the happy memories will balance out with the difficulty you're in now.

I'm just asking you and inviting you to notice that you can,

In the space of a few moments,

Have both of those emotions and choosing then to access which one you feel most appropriate.

If you want to sit with the grief or sit with the happier memory,

Completely up to you.

Choosing now,

Knowing if you do this practice again you can choose differently and then when you have your choice,

Holding it lightly and we're going to inhale and exhale together.

Noticing our breath,

Noticing the breath within the body and how the body reacts to the breath.

Depending on what you're sitting with now might influence your breath,

Maybe not.

The practice is awareness and noticing.

Just a few minutes more,

Go gently.

Inhale and exhale.

You're doing so well,

It's a difficult time,

It's a difficult subject but together in our separate grief we can feel some connection and know that you're not alone in this practice.

I'm doing it with you and perhaps some others as well.

Whatever memory you've chosen now,

Let it fade.

Turning your mouth up at the edges and smiling,

Giving yourself credit for taking this time to sit with difficult feelings.

Now we're going to inhale and sigh out three more times,

Letting go of the practice,

Letting go of any tension you've built up in your body and return to noticing where you're sitting in the room,

How your body is being supported,

Perhaps the temperature,

Sounds.

Blink your eyes open and smile.

Thank you for sitting with me today for this practice,

From my meditation chair to yours.

Take care of yourself and go gently.

Reviews

So beautiful. Just the right balance of soft words, silence, allowing, receiving. Thank you as well for sharing your own story in the beginning. I shall use this meditation to remind me of the bittersweet balance grief teaches us. 🙏🧡🌸

Thank you so much for supporting me in my grief for the loss of my mother 🙏

❤️❤️❤️