Mindfulness Of Difficulty

This meditation is a practice of being with difficulty. It invites you to choose a difficulty to work with, then be with it as best you are able. We then shift to mindfulness of the good things in your life. No one thing defines you or your life!

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Dar.

Thank you so much for showing up to practice with me today,

And I am just so,

So happy to be here with you.

This meditation is going to be a mindfulness of difficulties practice.

So you can begin by wriggling your way into a comfortable posture of meditation.

Now it's best if your spine is straight,

So your airflow isn't constricted in any way,

But you shouldn't be stiff or rigid.

You should be in a posture that's dignified and there should be some energy present,

But also it's so important to find some comfort and ease.

Your posture should never invite pain,

Discomfort,

Or unease.

You should be comfortable in the posture of your choosing.

And I'll just note as well that this meditation can be done lying down,

Sitting,

Or even standing if you've been sitting all day behind a desk.

Just make sure to keep a micro bend in the knees so they don't lock.

And when you're ready,

Begin taking a few very deep breaths and just continue settling in and moving more and more toward a posture that is comfortable yet alert.

Let your weight settle into the cushion,

The chair,

The bed,

Or floor,

And allow any tension to release into the surface beneath you.

Just feeling supported,

Cradled,

And safe where you are.

If you're comfortable doing so,

Let the eyes gently close.

If the eyes are open,

Find a place to rest them,

Letting them soften,

Relax,

And go out of focus.

Now it's easier to direct awareness inward for most people if the eyes are closed,

But please do whatever feels right for you.

If you're seated and feel a lot of tension in the body,

It can be helpful to pull the shoulders up toward the ears,

Hold them there for a moment or two,

And then let go with a deep sigh.

And you can do this a couple of times if it feels good for you.

And so let the breath return to its natural pace and rhythm and let awareness settle on the breath,

Keeping the abdomen soft so the breath moves easily and naturally through the body.

And here we're just stepping back and watching the breath moving into the body and back out again in gentle wave-like motions.

Your awareness might rest at the rim of the nostrils as air enters and leaves the body.

It might instead rest in the chest as it rises and falls.

Or it might be at the abdomen as the belly expands and contracts.

No one area is any better than the other.

It's simply the one that allows you to feel the sensations of breath most vividly.

Notice how the whole body expands on the in-breath and contracts on the out-breath.

Just allow the breath to be the breath.

You don't need to change it in any way.

Just let it be.

And remember that if you get distracted,

It's no big deal.

When you notice,

That's a big deal.

It's then that you can choose to do something different.

Rather than following story lines,

Getting stuck in rumination,

Getting caught up in a fantasy,

You simply return awareness to the sensations of breath in the body.

And be very kind and very gentle with yourself.

It's completely normal and natural to get distracted.

Try not to judge yourself or be harsh with yourself.

We do enough of that.

Let's allow our practice to help change that habit.

So be tender and be compassionate with yourself.

And just know you cannot do this wrong.

Now in a moment,

We'll move attention to something that's bothering you.

Something that is not as you'd like it to be.

In this type of meditation,

It's best not to choose the biggest thing or the most troubling thing in your life.

That can be a bit much if you're new to this practice.

But you do want to choose something that is strong enough that it elicits a reaction so you have some unease or unpleasantness to work with.

It might be a fear of some sort or something that causes mild anxiety.

It might be something you don't like about yourself or a grievance with a family member,

A coworker or a friend.

It might be a medical issue or even just a task or a chore that you've been putting off and dreading.

It might be an unease related to this current pandemic situation we find ourselves in.

But it does not have to be.

It can be anything at all.

And so just begin letting something come into your mind.

And we just need to choose one thing to work with.

And once you've chosen a situation or an issue,

Begin to bring it clearly and vividly into your awareness.

See if you can let curiosity arise rather than following the natural urge to push it away.

Turn toward it,

Looking at it with kindness and tenderness,

Without the usual labels of good and bad,

And without spiraling into storylines about this thing that you've chosen.

Instead,

Step back and see if you can be a little more objective,

A little less personally involved,

Just witnessing what's coming up,

Noticing and allowing it to be exactly as it is.

There's nothing unnatural or wrong about disliking difficulty.

But if we practice working with it,

We can unlearn habits of denying or pushing it away or ignoring it,

Hoping it will somehow resolve itself.

So with a kind,

Open curiosity,

Can you identify the prominent emotion that the instance brings up for you?

And remember,

There's no wrong emotion,

No bad emotion.

Whatever is there is okay.

So is there anger,

Fear,

Sadness,

Frustration,

Or confusion?

Can you name it?

Now try not to identify with the emotion by using phrases like I'm angry or I'm afraid or I'm sad.

See if you can reframe it in some way,

Such as I'm noticing something in me that is angry or sad or anxious or afraid.

Or I'm noticing something in me that has this feeling of anger,

Fear,

Sadness,

Or this feeling is present within me.

And now that's the phrase that feels the most natural to me,

But you can put it into your own words and just see how it feels toward it and think about it in this different way.

And now hopefully if you've chosen a situation that is on the milder side,

You won't identify with the emotion it elicits so much and there will be some room around it.

A little spaciousness between you and this feeling.

So now scan the body and see if you can find a physical reaction to the emotion.

It could be anything.

The breath might change.

The heart might pound.

You might find tightness or constriction somewhere in the body.

There might be a general feeling of unease or a lump in the throat or perhaps a heaviness in the pit of the stomach.

The brow may furrow.

The jaws may clench or tighten.

Just see if you can find any physical sensation that's happening and we're just investigating how this emotion affects you physically.

And as you do this,

Don't push any sensation away or try to change it.

Just let it be.

Select it as it is.

Now it's fine to breathe into the area to soften the response,

But try not to push it away.

Just stay with it and breathe.

Be as gentle as you'd be with a child or a dear one.

You would not be harsh or judgmental.

You would offer kindness and love,

Understanding and support.

You wouldn't demand a different response than what they were experiencing.

Give yourself permission to feel whatever you're feeling because it is okay.

There's nothing wrong with you for feeling angry or sad or frustrated or afraid or confused.

You're human.

That's all.

We all experience these things sometimes.

You can place one or both hands on the heart,

Offering yourself a supportive,

Tender touch if that feels right for you.

And just acknowledge that what you're going through would be difficult for anyone.

It's okay for you to feel however you feel.

We are simply allowing the feeling to be there,

Connecting to it,

Acknowledging it,

And softening toward it.

Now I do want to say now that doing this doesn't mean that you have to like the feeling.

You're simply turning toward what you are feeling and being with it as best you're able.

And as you watch what's happening,

As you stay with it,

You'll probably start to notice the emotion shift.

It might increase or decrease in intensity.

You might find that an underlying emotion surfaces.

Physical sensations might change.

Just allow this to happen.

Be kind,

Stay curious,

And be with whatever arises long enough to connect with what you're feeling,

But not so long that you begin to move into overwhelm.

And know too that you can take refuge in the sensations of the breath anytime you need to.

And now gently let go without pushing the difficulty away and begin to shift attention to some area in your life that is going okay.

It doesn't have to be going perfect,

But something that has a general sense of okayness about it.

Someone,

Something,

Some situation or experience that you're grateful for or that gives you enjoyment.

And it could be a very small thing.

A recent compliment or a small kindness shown to you would be fine.

Now,

If you are very fortunate and there are several things going really okay for you,

Just let all of that in.

Let it flow.

Feel the gratitude,

The warmth,

And the goodness.

Hold it all in your heart and begin to notice where these emotions show up in the body.

Maybe there's a small inner smile,

A general sense of ease or lightness.

Maybe there's a little bit of warmth in the chest,

Expansion across the heart center.

Maybe there's a slower,

Easier breath.

Just investigate your own body and see how and where these emotions manifest.

Imagine yourself in the company of a person you love or in a situation that makes you feel appreciated and safe.

Add any details you want.

Where are you?

What do you see?

Is there a fragrance in the air?

Imagine how it feels to really be there.

In your mind's eye,

Transport yourself there and allow yourself to feel good.

In fact,

Allow yourself to feel amazing.

And if this is hard for you,

Just notice that.

Just notice that it's hard and that that's okay.

But try to return to the place of goodness and just spend some time here reflecting on the things for which you are grateful.

Now as you practice this,

You might find that the difficult emotion tries to resurface and just take a few breaths honoring it,

But gently return awareness to the people,

The things,

The qualities and talents that you're grateful for.

Return to all the things that are going well for you,

That are going well in your life,

That are going well in your relationships.

And now widen your view,

Like zooming out in photography to see a bigger picture.

Notice how the difficult and the wonderful exist simultaneously.

No one single thing defines you.

No one emotion is the totality of who you are or of what is happening.

It's simply the thing captivating your attention in a particular moment.

Keep zooming out.

Envision your neighborhood,

Your town or city where you live.

Envision the state,

The country in which you live.

And then just keep going,

Seeing the world as if from space,

A magnificent blue marble with swirling patches of green and white.

Zoom out further,

Seeing our galaxy,

The Milky Way,

The stars,

The surrounding planets and so on.

Now your difficult thing might still be just as difficult,

But hopefully now you can see it as part of something much larger,

Much more spacious.

And know too that this very moment countless others are experiencing the same difficulty as you.

You are not alone.

There are billions of people on this planet and some of them,

Probably many of them,

Are feeling the same way you're feeling at the exact same time you're feeling that way.

In that respect,

You are connected.

Your pain is shared.

You are not alone.

And so now just continue to sit quietly,

Taking a little time to check in with yourself.

You might find that things feel a little less solid and absolute with that difficult situation and the emotions it brings up.

Often it's the turning toward things that lessen their hold on us.

And if it doesn't feel better,

Just know it might take a few practices.

Honestly,

These things are rarely one and done.

So I urge you to practice in this way at least a few times a week.

When you feel ready,

You can begin wiggling fingers and toes,

Just slowly returning to the here and now.

You might blink the eyes slowly a few times,

Getting used to the light as you open them and slowly reconnecting with your surrounding environment.

Take your time.

There's no need to rush.

Please move slowly and gently into the remainder of your day or your evening.

Thank you so much for being with me on this meditative journey.

Namaste.

Reviews

I did this with you first time here. Love the flow of the practice and your kind explanations. Feeling lighter and more ease in my topic. Thanks!

Amazing experience, thanks a lot Dar.

What a wonderful meditation! Dar’s voice is calm, kind, and soothing. The audio is crisp and clear. The practice helps put difficult emotions in perspective and includes a healthy dose of gratitude. I feel lighter and more centered after doing this meditation today. I look forward to more meditations from this instructor. 🙏🏼