Cultivating Virtuous Emotions Using The Method

This is a 5-part series showing practitioners how to take contemplative practices off the cushion and integrate them into their daily lives to better embody their inner values. The Virtuous Cycle Method (The Method) is a systematic way of transforming destructive emotions and negative mind states to more positive, beneficial ones. This Part III is a guided meditation that takes practitioners step-by-step through the first element of The Method, which is the mental cultivation work we perform on the cushion. In this meditation, we work with ill will using awareness, reflection, analysis, absorption, and antidotes to transform this common, yet destructive negative emotion.

Transcript

Welcome friends.

This is part three of a five-part series.

This program is for those of you who seek to apply their contemplative practices,

Whether mindfulness,

Meditation,

Or yogic practices,

To their work and personal lives in ways that more fully integrate and express your inner values,

Your ethical values.

What I've sought to do in this program is to help you recognize the treasure you have in these contemplative practices and show you a systematic way of leveraging that treasure to transform harmful mind states and habits to more skillful ones using a process I call the virtuous cycle method.

The virtuous cycle method has three primary elements.

The first is what I call on the cushion work.

The second is work off the cushion and into the world,

And the third is checking our progress work.

In part one,

I provided in some detail the context for these talks,

How and why I developed this virtuous cycle method,

And I discuss my background.

I invite you to visit that session for a fuller discussion.

In part two,

I described in detail the method that is the basis of the guided meditation we'll undertake in this session.

I call it work on the cushion,

Which is the first primary element of the virtuous cycle.

It's really about how we can use meditative approaches to cultivate positive mental states such as patience,

Contentment,

And kind-heartedness to combat harmful behaviors we put out into the world,

Which in turn are generated by negative mind states such as anger,

Greediness,

And ill-will.

The method involves an analytical meditative process.

I think of it as critical thinking in a meditative state.

It's a staple in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition,

And for me personally,

It's been an essential tool to help me overcome life's challenges.

The positive use of thinking in meditation might come as a surprise to some of you because it seems that much of the teaching today is about how to reduce or let go of thoughts.

That certainly has its place in helping us to know and relate to phenomena in the world as it actually exists,

And not how we imagine it does due to the stories we tell ourselves,

In other words,

Our thoughts.

For most of us,

Our minds are actively thinking most of the time,

Even when it's not really necessary or helpful,

And we haven't developed strong mental muscles for stillness and quiet.

So using meditation to strengthen the muscle for quieting the mind,

Which has physiological and psychological benefits,

Is a very good tool to have.

In fact,

There are many different and beneficial meditative tools that we may keep in our toolbox,

And analytical meditation is another one.

This practice helps us investigate deeply a subject.

In this context of combating destructive emotions,

It helps us to understand intimately how we interact with that emotion and,

Seeing its faults,

Develop a strong determination to develop mind states that oppose it.

This method is not an instant cure for all our problems,

But if we practice regularly,

It can help us make progress in developing a wiser and more compassionate heart.

In this guided meditation session,

We'll choose the negative emotion of ill-will to work with.

Ill-will is an energetic mental force.

It's a mind that actively dislikes and is hostile towards others and perhaps even ourselves.

It's associated with aversion,

Which may include anger,

Resentment,

And envy.

Ill-will clouds our judgment and precludes clarity.

When we're captured by this mind state,

We tend to exaggerate the unfavorable aspects of a person and then cling to them as if that was all there is.

We cling to our exaggerated view.

Like experiencing anger,

We may feel righteous indignation and therefore a sense of entitlement in having these feelings.

When we're in the throes of this negative emotion,

We may feel enlivened,

Even energized.

We can feel a strong external force beckoning us to look outward at the so-called source of our hostility.

We feel aggrieved from the words uttered by our boss,

For example,

Or the way our neighbor's kids carry themselves,

Or the job applicant's appearance.

This could be a very long list,

As you can imagine.

We might believe that something opens up for us when this feeling of ill-will takes hold.

Vindication,

Righteousness,

Invigorated.

We'll explore that in the guided meditation,

But other aspects might get shut down and we'll explore that too.

It may be that when we're captured by ill- or even neutral aspects of a person or situation,

It makes it difficult to turn inward to see what we may be contributing to the situation.

We may find it difficult to recognize our interconnectedness and interdependence with those for whom we harbor such ill-will.

We may also find that our own mental peace gets destroyed when we're in the grip of this strong negative emotion.

So,

Looking at this emotion of ill-will,

We're not making a judgment about the person who harbors ill-will.

For example,

We're not saying that someone is a bad person because they harbor ill-will against another,

Nor are we saying the opposite.

Also,

We're not saying that this guided meditation and talk offer an easy and simple solution to the complex emotion of ill-will.

Rather,

We recognize that this is an emotion that many of us have,

That holds us under its sway,

But also one that produces much harm in the world and therefore one that is to be subdued and brought under our control.

This guided meditation offers a vehicle for us to gain greater insight into the workings of ill-will in our own lives and to assess whether they align with our inner values and the way we want to show up in the world.

I chose this topic because it's one that I've personally been challenged by over the years and I've noticed the progress I've made from working with this type of meditation.

Also,

In my work as an employment lawyer,

Coach,

And advisor over the years,

I've seen the corrosive effects that come from this type of mindset and so I think undertaking this type of meditation can be very useful in upending that.

But the technique that we'll use in this session can be applied to any negative emotion that you want to work with and transform.

The view of ill-will that I've discussed is at a slightly different angle or point of emphasis than the concept of ill-will in Buddhism.

There,

It's conceptualized as one of the five hindrances or obstacles to developing mental concentration and wisdom.

In today's guided meditation,

We'll use reflection,

Analysis,

And absorption to help us more fully understand how we show up presently with respect to ill- will.

What I call our current way of being.

Generate a strong intention to oppose it and cultivate a new way of being by using an antidote.

This is the on-the-cushion work that I described at length in part two.

So,

Let's begin.

Take an intentional moment to minimize distractions in your meditation space.

Silence your phone,

Turn off other screens,

Close the door.

Now,

On a chair or cushion on the floor,

Sit in a position so that your body is grounded,

Comfortable,

And alert.

Imagine yourself as a king or queen on the throne.

You're sitting in a very dignified and open position.

If sitting on a chair,

Put your feet flat on the floor or some other stable object.

If sitting on a cushion,

Cross your legs.

Let the buttocks be balanced and firmly connected with whatever is underneath them.

Now,

Lift the spine up all the way through the crown of the head as if a string connected your parts from the sitting bones all the way up the spine to the top of the head.

Dip the chin slightly toward the chest as if holding an orange there.

Let the shoulders and arms be loose and relaxed.

Place your hands on your thighs or your lap.

Allow your body to simply relax into this space.

Give yourself permission to be right here,

Right now,

Doing this work.

Acknowledge that you can pick up your worries or concerns again later,

Like putting back on a raincoat that you've taken off and put on a coat stand.

Try to generate a sense of openness,

Curiosity,

Receptivity.

Your body is relaxed and open,

Yet your mind is alert and curious.

Turn your awareness now to your breathing.

Focus on the place in your body where you most readily and deeply connect to your breath.

For most people,

This is the belly or the chest.

Let your breath be your anchor for this exercise.

As you breathe in,

Notice how the belly or chest rises as the breath moves into your body.

As you breathe out,

Notice how the belly or chest falls as the breath leaves your body.

Follow the entire breathing cycle.

As you breathe in,

Notice the pause at the top of the breath.

Breathing out,

Notice the pause at the bottom of the breath.

Don't try to manipulate the breath in any way,

Such as by consciously slowing it down or retaining it.

You're simply observing the and trying to do so with gentleness and open awareness.

Continue to simply observe as you breathe in,

As you breathe out.

When distractions come,

And this is normal,

Try to be aware that your mind has pulled away from its object,

The breath,

And gently return the mind to its focus.

There's no need for judgment or editorializing,

Just simply noting and returning,

Noting and returning,

Noting and returning.

Continue in this way.

Continue with your awareness of the breath as the chest or belly rises and falls,

The breath's movement in and out of the body,

Noting distractions as they arise,

Returning back to your anchor.

Just watching like a detective this process.

You may even notice that the quality of the breath changes,

The position of the body might change a bit.

It's all fine.

And now,

Using your vivid imagination,

Visualize a time when you encountered someone and felt ill will,

That is,

Hostility or resentment,

Arise.

This could be someone like a colleague at work,

A relative at home,

Or even strangers you encounter,

Such as at the grocery store,

The gym,

Or school,

Or elsewhere.

Try to bring to mind that encounter with someone for whom you experience this ill will arising.

Reflecting on this encounter,

Try to generate specificity around it.

Where did it happen?

Who else was involved?

Try to get a sense of the encounter unfolding and your experience in it as it did.

What was happening?

What did the other person say?

What did you say?

How were you reacting in this situation?

Try to see yourself and others as clearly as possible in the encounter,

But don't worry if the details are difficult to visualize.

When we first try to do this,

It often can be.

Even if you can't see the event clearly,

See if you can get a sort of feeling tone of the experience.

This is a discovery process,

Not one where we're looking to blame,

So try to refrain from judging or criticizing your experience.

Just be with yourself with care and compassion right now.

And now we go a bit deeper.

Can you see the trigger for your reaction?

This is the point of contact.

What was the trigger for your reaction?

It could have been the way the person looked.

For example,

They wore their hair very long or very short.

It was dyed purple.

Maybe it was braided.

Maybe they wore tattoos.

Maybe they were overweight.

Maybe the trigger was what they were wearing or their demeanor.

For example,

The way they carried themselves.

Maybe the trigger was something they said or the way they said it.

What was your trigger giving rise to these feelings of ill will?

Can you see it?

And then your reaction to this trigger.

What did you say or do?

How did your body respond?

Perhaps you physically recoiled.

Maybe you even tried to move away.

What was this body's response to the trigger giving rise to ill will?

What feelings or emotions came up?

These are not thoughts or assessments about what's happening.

Think instead,

I'm and then the emotion.

I'm disgusted.

I'm anxious.

I'm afraid.

Keep tuning into these emotions.

Maybe you felt scared.

You felt hostile.

Perhaps you even felt inadequate.

What were the feelings or emotions that came up for you in response to the trigger?

Try to stay with these emotions.

But if at any time it feels too overwhelming,

Simply let go of this visualization and return to your breath.

What thoughts arose during the encounter?

They could have been about the other person involved,

About yourself or the situation in general.

Maybe they were thoughts like,

I really dislike this person or this person is so disrespectful.

They're arrogant,

Racist,

Smug,

Entitled,

They're a bully,

They're sexist.

What were the thoughts?

What was the thinking,

The storytelling that was happening during the encounter?

Now,

Can you identify any impacts from the encounter?

For example,

On a person with whom you had the encounter,

On yourself or perhaps on others who were only indirectly involved or not involved at all.

What impacts flowing from this encounter can you identify?

Now,

What conclusions can be drawn from your investigation?

Perhaps we can ask ourselves,

What stories do I tell myself about people with whom I have some difficulty,

Who are different from me or with whom I disagree?

What's the storytelling behind this?

How am I benefiting from reacting to these sorts of triggers in the way that I do?

What opens up for me?

What does it do for me?

And what gets shut down?

If my actions are to become more aligned with the values I want to have,

With the values I say that I have,

What might I have to let go of?

And what might I have to adopt?

And now,

Let the mind simply dwell on these concluding points.

Like in Shavasana,

The final yoga pose,

We bring to an end the active work,

Letting the mind restfully integrate the fresh insights from our analysis.

This is what we call absorption.

So now,

Just let the mind simply dwell on whatever conclusions you've reached from this.

And finally,

We turn our minds now to the antidote.

Here,

We want to develop a positive mental state to combat the harmful emotions that we now have new insights into,

Including their impact on ourselves and others.

This analytical process can help us bring renewed vigor to our desire to develop these oppositional forces.

In this case,

The mind state we want to cultivate is friendliness and a warm heart.

So,

Maintaining your relaxed and open posture,

Use your vivid imagination once again to bring to mind an image of a person towards whom you feel ill will or hostility.

It's okay if you can't,

With perfect clarity,

Obtain that image.

Just try to get a sense.

Now,

With that image in mind,

We repeat the following phrases.

And we try to do so with the gentleness toward ourselves,

Without any goals or objectives.

We just let these phrases wash over us.

We can go at our own pace,

Our own rhythm.

We can repeat these phrases as many times as we wish.

This person has a body and a mind just like me.

This person has a body and a mind just like me.

This person has feelings and thoughts just like me.

This person has feelings and thoughts just like me.

This person has felt unworthy or inadequate just like me.

This person has felt unworthy or inadequate just like me.

This person has experienced pain and suffering just like me.

This person has experienced pain and suffering just like me.

This person wishes to be happy and to be loved just like me.

This person wishes to be happy and to be loved just like me.

And now let's allow some wishes for well-being to arise.

May this person have the strength to navigate life's difficulties with ease.

May this person have the strength to navigate life's difficulties with ease.

May this person have the resources to navigate life's difficulties with ease.

May this person have the resources to navigate life's difficulties with ease.

May this person have the social support to navigate life's difficulties with ease.

May this person have the social support to navigate life's difficulties with ease.

Imagine what it would be like to have an attitude of goodwill toward everyone,

Not just your loved ones,

Not just your friends,

But even strangers and those you dislike,

Those with whom you have some difficulty even.

What might your world begin to look like if you began to tear down the walls of hatred and ill will,

Beginning with yourself?

How might your colleagues,

Friends,

Or family members respond differently if you displayed uncontrived friendliness?

These are points to consider.

And now let's completely release this meditation,

Returning to a gentle awareness of our breath,

Completely letting go of the meditation.

In conclusion,

I'd like to leave you with some thoughts from the Dalai Lama.

In his book,

Beyond Religion,

Which I've referenced before,

He says that when we reflect and analyze,

We,

Quote,

Start to see that it is a mistake to understand the causes of our disturbing emotions purely in terms of the things or the people who trigger them in us.

If we step back and take some time to reflect,

We find that even though our grievances may to some extent be legitimate,

Our feelings of irritation and frustration are actually rather unrealistic and often exaggerated beyond what the actual situation merits.

We may also find that such disturbing emotions recur over and over,

Not just because of external factors,

But also because they have become something of an emotional habit for us,

End quote.

The Dalai Lama goes on to say that it's a mistake to think that we'll get rid of destructive emotions by changing everything in the world that gives rise to those emotions.

Instead,

We should look to change ourselves.

Let's now dedicate our efforts for all of the positive energy that we may have created here today.

We dedicate that energy to all beings,

Including ourselves,

So that all of us may be free from suffering,

So that all of us may experience true happiness,

And so that all of us may dwell in peace.

May it be so.

Namaste.