Healthy Shame & Intention

Come and explore with me what Buddha taught about Healthy Shame and Intention.

Transcript

So last week we talked about shame and its manifestations in spiritual bypassing,

And also particularly how it comes up with the inner critic.

And so that talk is now on the website if you wanted to listen to that.

Tonight will be,

I suppose one could say a more positive note of shame,

And the title is Healthy Shame and Intention.

So as we face each day and live our daily lives with increasing awareness in our mindfulness practice,

As we reflect internally,

We can examine our deep desires as individuals to avoid what we don't want and do all we can to get what it is that we do want.

And then externally and again through spiritual practice,

We investigate to find that our lives are actually very interconnected with those of others and even other sentient beings,

So that what we think,

Say and do affects ourselves as individuals as well as other sentient beings.

So Buddha designates the twin emotions of hiri and otapa,

Pali words,

As the guardians of the world.

And hiri as defined by Pali scholar,

Teacher and monk Bhikkhu Bodhi is an innate sense of shame over moral transgression.

And otapa is moral dread or fear of the results of wrongdoing.

So Bhikkhu Bodhi goes on to say in this article that he wrote that's on access to insight.

Org,

And it's called the Guardians of the World.

He goes on to say,

Buddha gives them this designation because as long as these two states prevail in people's hearts,

The moral standards of the world remain intact.

While when their influence wanes,

The human world falls into unabashed promiscuity and violence,

Becoming almost indistinguishable from the animal realm.

I'll read that again.

I'd love that unabashed promiscuity and violence.

He's really quite a great writer.

So Bhikkhu Bodhi says,

Buddha gives them this designation because as long as these two states prevail in people's hearts,

The moral standards of the world remain intact.

While when their influence wanes,

The human world falls into unabashed promiscuity and violence,

Becoming almost indistinguishable from the animal realm.

So heedy sense of shame is an internal conscience,

And it kind of operates a little bit like our frontal lobe in the brain,

Which I believe is located around here,

In that it acts as a restraint from doing deeds that would jeopardize our self-respect.

Ota Pa is a healthy fear of committing unskillful deeds that could cause harm to ourselves or others.

So the moral shame and fear of wrongdoing work together to prevent the mind from moral defilements.

And as we all know,

That's where everything begins,

Right?

It begins in the mind.

And from there is our outwardly manifesting in either words or actions.

A.

K.

Budha Gosa,

5th century Indian Theravada Buddhist commentator and scholar,

Illustrates the difference between the two,

Hiri and Ota Pa,

With this simile,

Which is quite,

Quite visual.

It's really like,

Whoa.

So it's a simile of an iron rod smeared with excrement at one end and heated to a glow at the other end.

And so he says,

Hiri is like one's disgust at grabbing the rod in the place where it is smeared with excrement,

And Ota Pa is like one's fear of grabbing it in the place where it is red hot.

Pretty intense.

Would you like me to read it again?

So Buddha talks about the path to liberation from suffering necessitates that we watch carefully the movements of our minds.

So we watch when an impetus arises for bodily and verbal deeds,

As well as when the movements are engrossed with self-absorptions.

And so in this self-investigative process,

Sense of shame and fear of the consequences of transgression are key.

And so sense of shame,

As I mentioned earlier,

Motivates us to overcome our defilements,

And the fear of transgression discourages us from engaging in morally risky thoughts,

Actions,

And speech due to the consequences from that.

So how are some ways to practice?

Practice to actually,

With our awareness,

See Hiri and Ota Pa work in our lives.

One good way is to really reflect on sila or virtue.

It's one of the Paramis,

One of the lists of the Buddha.

And what he has designated as ethics,

That's what sila means,

Virtue or ethics,

For lay people are five precepts.

And so a way that we can practice with that is to take one of each of the five and spend about a week or more simply contemplating and reflecting on that particular precept.

So what I'll do is I'll read the five and then say a little bit about each one and how one can reflect on each one.

So the first is,

Well,

First of all,

It's important to take the five as a kind of package,

If you will,

In harmlessness and just think about,

You know,

It's all about harmlessness towards other sentient beings as well as myself.

So that's a good way,

A good start in which to think about them as a whole.

So the first is to refrain from harming or killing.

And the second is to refrain from false speech.

The third is to refrain from moral,

Sexual misconduct,

Sorry.

And the fourth is to not take what is not offered.

And the fifth is to refrain from intoxicants that could alter one's awareness in such a way as harm will result,

You know,

Harm will be caused,

For example.

So with the first one,

It was interesting because I have two animal stories,

I'll try to be brief,

That came up for me in my practice just in really,

You know,

Thinking about what does this mean to not harm.

And you know,

Spending time thinking about it.

So the way that you would reflect on each precept is to see how it resonates for you with your deepest values.

So they're not to be thought about as,

You know,

Some authority saying this is how you need to be in your life.

It's really how does it flow in my life with what's really important to me right now because that can change,

As we all know,

Right,

As our practice deepens.

So because of the drought,

We are all familiar with how the ants have kind of been invading our homes because basically they're looking for water.

And so one of the things I have tried to do is,

You know,

Try to sweep them with a soft brush into a bag and then shake them outside.

And people have told me,

Yeah,

Well,

They come back,

You know.

And so when you do that,

You can also maybe put some sugar out there so maybe they'll stay outside.

I mean,

I was successful when I actually did that.

I know it's hard though for many other things.

Someone here long ago,

Actually,

I think it was David Borglum,

Who has since died,

Mentioned about bed bugs and really the only way to get rid of them,

He said,

Was to,

You know,

Have them in a plastic bag because otherwise they just proliferate.

So there are,

You know,

We do the best we can.

But the second quick animal story is that I had been living in California for over 20 years,

Had never been to Yosemite.

I'm just not really an innately camping person.

But we had children and Steve insisted that camping be part of our activities.

And as an artist,

I was excited to go to Yosemite.

So we go.

He made sure to pick,

You know,

Kind of end of the season so it wouldn't be so terribly crowded.

So I think it was like mid-October.

So the chill was just starting.

But we had a camper van so we weren't in tents.

And so we were there.

And all of a sudden,

In the middle of the night,

It was beautiful,

I was happy to be there.

And all,

You know,

The two of us plus the kids were inside the camper van.

Nobody was outside.

And all of a sudden we hear,

I heard gunshots.

And I was like,

What is that?

Why is there gunshots?

You know,

Really ignorant here.

And he said,

Well,

Those are stun guns.

And I said,

Stun guns?

What are those for?

Why would you need stun guns here?

And then he said,

Well,

It's for the bears.

And I just started crying.

You know,

Because I was like,

Well,

Okay,

So the rangers are stunning them because they're here trying to find food because they smell it,

Right?

Because we're here and we're in their habitat.

And so I was just really crying and feeling bad about it because I was picturing,

Oh,

They must have,

Might have stunned a mama bear that was trying to get food for the baby.

And so then Steve was like,

Well,

What do you want to do?

Do you want to go home?

And I really wanted to,

But,

You know,

Our kids had never been.

And so of course,

We didn't.

But it was a very deep reflection for me regarding this first precept.

So then the second one is refraining from false speech.

And there,

Again,

It's,

You know,

What does it mean to utter false speech?

What does that mean for each and every one of us uniquely?

Is a white lie considered false speech,

You know,

Or is outright lying sometimes necessary to do for the greater good of somebody else or some situation?

So it's important to just really,

You know,

Sit with that and think about that.

Kind of just drop it in your consciousness and see what comes up in response to your deepest,

Deepest values in life.

And then refraining from sexual misconduct.

So for me,

When I first heard the lay precepts ever in the Buddhist teachings,

This one probably resonated for me the most,

Simply because it just,

It felt like what,

How it landed on me right away was like,

Yes,

If you're in a committed relationship with somebody that you really care about,

Why would you hurt them?

You know,

By engaging in some sort of sexual misconduct.

And it landed in that way that made sense and was logical,

Rather than ways that I'd heard this subject addressed before in a different religious context,

Which really felt like,

You know,

Somebody judging and waving a finger at you.

Because what this really actually means is that,

You know,

We're all human beings.

So the sexual energy is there.

It's normal for everyone.

And any one of us could be attracted to anyone at any time,

Whether we're in a committed relationship or not.

And that's not a bad thing.

It's not something to feel guilty about.

I guess that's why it resonated for me.

That this precept says,

You know,

Is about refraining from crossing the line and engaging in sexual misconduct.

So you know,

It's acknowledging the sexual energy,

The sexual attraction we may have at one point or another in our lives as not being good or bad,

But just there.

But then deciding for ourselves,

Okay,

If we cross the line,

Then somebody's going to get hurt.

You know,

That's going to be the consequences.

And so that's an example right there of hiri and otupa.

Kind of I look at them as like our guardian angels in a way,

You know.

I have a soft spot for guardian angels,

But the equivalent in Buddhism would be devas instead of guardian angels.

And then let's see,

So not taking what is not offered,

The literal meaning of that is not stealing,

You know.

But you can think about it and consider,

Like for example,

When I walk into my gym or a doctor's office and there's a stack of magazines or something that looks like it's free,

Right,

Because it's a stack.

It's just sitting there.

There's no price next to it.

But I always ask,

You know,

Is this okay to take,

You know,

Especially if it looks interesting.

So that's an example of,

You know,

Reflecting on what that means.

And then another teacher mentioned that I thought was really quite interesting that she said,

Suppose you live in a house with many roommates and,

You know,

You wake up one day and you've run out of your own toothpaste.

So you go into the bathroom and you see a roommate's toothpaste there and you think,

Oh,

Yeah,

There's no harm,

You know,

I'm just,

I don't have time to go to the store right now and get some toothpaste,

So I'm just going to use it.

Well,

So this precept,

You know,

Is kind of asking one to think about in that situation,

Is that really,

You know,

What should be done or just to think about it.

Or is it important to try to ask the person first if it's okay.

And then the last is really interesting.

It's about intoxicants and refraining from that,

Right.

And so I don't drink coffee anymore.

I miss it terribly.

I love the smell.

I love how it feels going down the body for health reasons,

You know.

And also the menopause,

It's not great for that,

Right.

But I remember when I did do it quite regularly,

It really felt like a drug because now not doing it,

I remember that,

Wow,

My speech was really pressured every time I drink one or two cups of coffee in the morning and then I would just be really impatient and sometimes quick to anger,

You know.

So for some people,

Coffee can be an intoxicant because it can alter the way that we behave and engage with the world.

So just to think about that,

You know,

Think about that,

I mean,

That's an example,

A personal example I'm giving out.

What's interesting is alcohol because there are actually some senior Buddhist teachers whose names I will not mention who have said that,

Oh,

You know,

It's fine to drink a glass of wine once in a while because it goes well with the food or,

You know,

You just want to be social.

And as long as it doesn't alter your consciousness to the point where you might say or do something unscalable.

You know,

So these are ways.

I hope that that seems helpful to all of you as examples on how to begin to reflect on each and every one of these precepts and what's actually cool about them.

You're not looking for an answer.

You're not looking for an absolute.

This is how I absolutely believe it should be.

It's very fluid and it changes,

You know,

And like with the animal examples,

I wasn't even thinking about the precept,

You know,

When it just came upon me.

It was like it was a result of the reflection that I had reflections that I had spent well with this particular precept,

The first one that I mentioned.

And that's just how it has manifested.

You know,

So it's really interesting and fascinating,

I think.

So Bhikkhu Bodhi concludes on Hiri and Ottapa.

He says,

The Buddha asserts that whatever evil arises springs from a lack of shame and fear of wrong,

While all virtuous deeds spring from the sense of shame and fear of wrong.

As the roots of morality,

These two qualities sustain the entire efficacy of the Buddha's liberating path.

As the safeguards of personal decency,

They at the same time preserve the dignity of the human race.

So I mentioned on email that I would also speak about this sutta that was given to Raghula when he was only seven years old.

And it's quite short,

So it's not going to be long winded.

So these were his instructions to Raghula at Mangostone.

And the reason I picked this particular sutta is it's about shame and intention.

So the Blessed One,

Whenever in the Pali Canon we hear the term the Blessed One,

It refers to the Buddha.

The Blessed One came out of seclusion and went to where Raghula was staying at Mangostone.

When Raghula saw him coming,

He set out his seat and water for washing the feet.

After the Blessed One finished,

Raghula bowed down and sat next to him.

Then the Blessed One,

Having left a little bit of water in the water dipper that he used to wash his feet,

Said to Raghula,

Raghula,

Do you see this little bit of leftover water remaining in the water dipper?

Raghula said,

Yes,

Sir.

That's how little of a contemplative there is in anyone who feels no shame at telling a deliberate lie.

Having then having tossed away the little bit of leftover water,

The Blessed One said to Raghula,

Do you see how this little bit of leftover water is tossed away?

Yes,

Sir.

Raghula,

Whatever there is of a contemplative in anyone who feels no shame at telling a deliberate lie is tossed away just like that.

So then Buddha turned the water dipper upside down and he said to Raghula,

Raghula,

Do you see how this water dipper is turned upside down?

Yes,

Sir.

Raghula,

Whatever there is of a contemplative in anyone who feels no shame at telling a deliberate lie is turned upside down just like that.

And then after that,

The Buddha turned the water dipper right side up and he said,

Raghula,

Do you see how empty and hollow this water dipper is?

Yes,

Sir.

Raghula,

Whatever there is of a contemplative in anyone who feels no shame at telling a deliberate lie is empty and hollow just like that.

In the same way,

Raghula,

When anyone feels no shame in telling a deliberate lie,

There is no evil I tell you he will not do.

Thus,

Raghula,

You should train yourself.

I will not tell a deliberate lie,

Even in jest.

So basically what he's instructing Raghula is that when one comes across someone that has no shame at all in telling a lie,

Not only can you not trust this person,

But furthermore,

This person is capable of doing more than just telling a lie.

So it's kind of,

You know,

A very good teaching for a child.

So now moving on to intention.

So this is where Buddha talks to him about a mirror.

And he says,

What do you think,

Raghula?

What is a mirror for?

For reflection,

Sir.

So then he says,

In the same way,

Raghula,

Bodily actions,

Verbal actions and mental actions are to be done with repeated reflection.

So he breaks down the ways in which one is to reflect with these three kinds of actions.

So let's just look at bodily action,

Because it's pretty much the same for all three.

And so this is when the desire to do something arises.

So he says to Raghula,

Whenever you want to do a bodily action,

You should reflect on it.

This bodily action I want to do.

So when he says this bodily action I want to do,

That's with our mindfulness practice and awareness,

Acknowledging and noticing that this desire to do something is arising,

Right?

So that's what the Buddha means by this.

This bodily action I want to do,

Would it lead to self affliction,

To the affliction of others,

Or to both?

So that's part of the reflection here.

Would it be an unskillful bodily action with painful consequences,

Painful results?

If on reflection you know that it would lead to self affliction,

To the affliction of others,

Or to both,

It would be an unskillful bodily action with painful consequences,

Painful results,

Then any bodily action of that sort is absolutely unfit for you to do.

But if on reflection,

And so we're still in the realm of the desire having arisen,

No action has been done yet.

So we're still reflecting.

But if on reflection you know that it would not cause affliction,

It would be a skillful bodily action with pleasant consequences,

Pleasant results,

Then any bodily action of that sort is fit for you to do.

So basically it takes some effort,

Right?

And so what he talks about in this sutta is you start with that,

You do these reflections considering whether it's going to cause harm to oneself or others,

And the consequences.

And then if it's not,

And you proceed with it,

You go through this whole checklist of reflection once again while you are actually doing the bodily action.

And then after the action is done,

Then you go through all of this reflection again.

It is quite a bit of work when you think about it,

But I think that it has very,

Very wholesome results.

So after having done the action,

Then one needs to also go through all these reflections.

And the most interesting one to me,

Right,

Because of course there's speech,

The verbal action is the mental action.

And the reason why that's interesting to me is because even when the inception of the thoughts come up about,

You know,

The thought,

Because the thought proceeds actually doing something or saying something,

Right?

So even with the thought coming up,

I don't know if this has happened for any of you guys,

But it's happened for me.

I've experienced it on both sides.

Me either going down an unskillful path of thinking,

Right?

I'm in a room,

There's something I don't like,

Something I don't like about the person that I'm having to interact with,

And I'm having these thoughts,

Unskillful thoughts of what I might want to do about it.

And that energy is being put out,

Even though it's not being said,

And then that person is reacting to that energy.

And I've also experienced it in the other way,

Where I come in a room and I feel the energy of that person,

Wholesome or not wholesome,

And it affects me,

You know,

Not to the point where I might do something terribly unskillful.

It depends.

It depends on the intensity of that energy.

But it's really interesting.

And so I think that is why the Buddha talks about that as well,

You know,

The mental action,

Bodily as well as speech.

So to conclude here,

Ruhula,

All those Brahmins and contemplatives in the course of the past who purified their bodily actions,

Verbal actions and mental actions,

Did it through repeated reflection on their bodily actions,

Verbal actions and mental actions in just this way.

Thus,

Ruhula,

You should train yourself.

I will purify my bodily actions through repeated reflection.

I will purify my verbal actions through repeated reflection.

I will purify my mental actions through repeated reflection.

That's how you should train yourself.

That is what the Blessed One said.

Gratified,

Venerable Ruhula,

Delighted in the Blessed One's words.

And I just want to add one other piece to this whole intention,

Reflection steps.

And that is something I learned recently at my last CDL conference in April.

And that was,

You know,

We may have good intentions for whatever it is we want to do,

Say,

Or think about,

But we need to also consider the impact that it will have on the person receiving it.

And even ourselves,

Right?

Because we may be criticizing ourselves,

But it might be in a very damaging way,

Right?

And even though we think,

Oh,

Well,

This is constructive criticism that I'm giving to myself,

There has to be the compassionate peace there.

And also,

You know,

The intention to put that out there,

Whether it's in the bodily action form,

The mental action,

Or the verbal,

How is that going to land on the person or the situation?

It's important to do that.

And I know it sounds like a lot of work,

But it's definitely worth it.

And if you guys want to know,

You know,

The steps that I outlined,

It was in this weekly email.

So you can press on the link and get to that sutta,

And you'll see it.

So anyway,

Thank you for your attention.

So I'd love to hear your questions or comments about healthy shame,

Intention,

And impact.

Reviews

Insightful lesson, harmonizes my understanding between toxic and healthy shame. Deepens my understanding of conscience

Healthy shame is a wakeup call to unskillful thought and action. But I think dwelling in shame is self-affliction, the second arrow. Be careful.

Very educational and helpful. A lot to learn and apply

Very interesting and informative. Will listen to it again.