When Things CHANGE: 3 Things You Can DO To Move Past Upset

Change, whether it is of our own making or something that happens to us, often brings upset. In this talk, I endeavor to answer these questions: What can we DO about the anxiety and fear that so often keeps us stuck, resisting or avoiding change? What can we DO to allow the positive stuff to happen in seemly disastrous situations we didn't ask for?

Transcript

Hi,

Paul here.

If recent events have taught us anything,

It's that things change.

In spite of what our thoughts tell us,

Change is always occurring.

It is one thing we can count on,

And yet consistently it's one of the most challenging things to deal with in life.

Change usually comes in one of two varieties.

Out of nowhere,

Unforeseen,

Surprising,

Sometimes traumatic involving death and loss.

It can also come as the result of a choice we make.

Time to break up the relationship that's not working,

Leave the job that's making us miserable,

Move from one house to another in a completely different state.

When change happens,

Or is about to happen as a result of a decision on our part,

Our ego gets involved,

And it's not happy because our ego hates change.

The ego seems to reside in a part of the brain I call the survival brain that keeps us alive.

It's the part of our brain that signals our heart to keep beating,

Our lungs to continue to breathe,

It triggers the chemical secretions that are vital to keeping us alive,

And it does this all without our having to think about it.

It's a miraculous balancing act on the physical level that maintains a status quo because a life depends on it.

Our survival brain is programmed to believe that anything that threatens to change the status quo,

Physiologically or mentally and emotionally,

Is a threat.

The ego wins by keeping us in a state of non-action,

Either frozen in fear or repeating the same action over and over,

Expecting a different result.

So our ego is programmed to regard the changing of people and events and situations in life as bad.

It doesn't like it.

Change equals threat,

And this is where we encounter the emotional pain that can come with change.

The ego looks at everything from a dualistic point of view,

Either or black or white.

The ego ignores the reality that life is not black or white,

And in fact is mostly a palette of greys.

The ego doesn't care that some of life's best gifts come in shitty wrapping paper.

The ego doesn't care that we often have to lose something we thought was important to gain something that is so extraordinary we didn't even know it existed.

If change is something that we are choosing and we're thinking about it,

Ego will pull out fear,

Its favorite weapon,

And create doubt.

Fear of the unknown keeps millions of people stuck in unhealthy situations,

Steeped in misery and discontent every day.

Another tool that the ego uses to keep us stuck,

To keep us in stasis,

Is to bring up our limiting beliefs.

We all have some form,

Some degree of limiting beliefs,

And invariably they will come forward courtesy of our ego when things have changed or threatened to.

Limiting beliefs have a remarkable capacity for clouding reality.

So what can we do to cope with change,

To get through it,

To deal with it constructively?

Number one,

Clear the emotional fog.

And we do this by talking about,

Writing about,

And feeling our feelings.

If you don't do this,

Clear decision-making is impaired.

So find someone you trust and give voice to your fear and any other feelings you're having.

Talk about what you believe are limited options.

Talk about the picture your ego is presenting,

This darkness.

Give voice to it.

You will feel vulnerable doing this probably,

But as soon as we talk about our fears,

They start to diminish.

Imagine all the thoughts and feelings around change and the difficulty of it.

Imagine they're like mold,

And mold thrives in the dark,

So the cure is to bring it out in the sunlight,

At which point it will quickly die.

Another way to clear the emotional fog is to do the work to understand your limiting beliefs.

What are the stories I'm telling myself on the subconscious level that I created in childhood probably?

The quickest,

Most efficient way to do this is to work with a psychologist,

A competent life coach,

A trusted advisor who has confronted his or her own limited beliefs and understands how they operate.

But it is some of the most powerful work you can do in your life is to understand your limiting beliefs and begin to rewrite them.

Number two,

Get proactive.

On the list of getting proactive,

Write down and talk about what is true.

What are you in fact capable of handling?

What resources are available to you?

Who can advise you in this process?

What is one thing I can do right now to move forward?

How can I be more proactive in my self-care?

Where have I been slacking off in my physical self-care,

Emotional,

Mental,

Spiritual self-care?

Let me sit down and make a list of what's really important to me.

What do I really want and need?

Because when I do that,

I may discover that I've been chasing something I really don't care about.

And that this upheaval is all about my confronting that and doing something about it.

Number three,

Put on your spiritual mindset.

Ego thrives on a closed mindset,

A mindset in which you don't even consider the possibility of fill in the blank.

A closed mindset is one that is closed to learning,

Is closed to evolving.

In other words,

It's closed to change.

A spiritual mindset is one that listens.

A spiritual mindset is aware that information and opportunities will reveal themselves in the people we encounter and the situations we find ourselves in on a daily basis.

A spiritual mindset is one that gets quiet through meditation or nature walks or a religious practice,

Some other process,

And is always asking the question,

What would you have me do?

And then listening.

A spiritual mindset looks at all challenges and events as opportunities to evolve in consciousness,

In creativity,

In the experience of love.

A spiritual mindset asks the question,

What is the big picture reason for this happening?

And how can I grow through this?

Ego creates separation.

Ego will tell you you're a victim.

A spiritual mindset knows that we are not victims,

That we are all connected.

A spiritual mindset is always aware that spirit can appear in the cashier behind the counter,

My next door neighbor,

Or the homeless man who's asking me for a dollar.

And lastly,

Spiritual mindset trusts that everything that happens to us is for the best.

So,

Number one,

Clear the emotional fog.

Number two,

Get proactive.

And number three,

Put on your spiritual mindset.

Until next time,

Blessings.

Reviews

Great foundational, information and guidance for the spiritual and healing journey I am embarking on. Much gratitude 🪷💎🪷

Thank u. Love these reminders - Have i been proactive? What is the big picture spiritual lesson?

Thanks for this reset of my spiritual mindset! I forgot about the part the ego plays. It's a reminder to be alert and proactive. 💝🙏

This resonates so strongly. It was just what I needed to hear. Thank you. 🙏

Perfect for right now! I’ll save this one to do frequently and look for more of your meditations. Thank you, Paul. 🙏🏻💚

Beautiful. I'm in the midst - of aging (like us all) - but - my age is 78. We've moved to a new location, and there are important, old friends with whom I've lost ongoing contact. I feel both saddened, and aware to face/make the most I can in the time ahead Thank you for this calm, Gentle reminder that I have resources/can "look inside", ask for assistance, and handle this journey. Namaste. 🙏

Soothing voice, gentle music and a helpful message. This combination is hard to beat.

Very lovely & powerful at the same time—thank you. Definitely something I would like to hear again to solidify as practice.

Perfect timing for me and a perfect reminder of the role of the ego when it comes to accepting change... and remembering to trust all is for our highest good and growth. Thank you. 😊🙏💛 xxx

This is beautiful in its simplicity and yet deeply insightful. My heart thanks you. x

Thank you Paul for this beautiful and thoughtful provoking talk on ego and spiritual mindset. It made me think about a lot this morning and going to find a coach to help me through this. Thank you again for sharing this wisdom.

Exactly what I needed to hear! I was so excited to be participating in your first live! I've been listening to your meditations on fear, Serenity and anxiety for years. I can't wait to hear you live again it was incredible🙏❣

This was so helpful in understanding my panic around change that I have created myself to better my life. I wish it was longer!

So beautiful and informative. A great reminder to trust our spiritual mindset. I will come back to this one when I need that gentle reminder 🌻