A Meditation On The 3rd Step Prayer

This talk explores the 3rd Step Prayer as a spiritual guide for navigating change, releasing fear-based control, and living with purpose. It asks: what happens when we stop running life through survival-mode thinking and turn toward a wiser, more loving consciousness?

The prayer begins with surrender—not weakness, but a brave shift away from forcing outcomes. It invites reflection on how control shows up in daily life: emotions, relationships, perceptions, and the future. It also asks what “God” means—here understood not as a distant judge, but as a loving Presence or Universal Intelligence, accessed through stillness and honesty.

“Build with me and do with me as Thou wilt” explores partnership with life: openness instead of certainty, cooperation instead of going it alone. “Relieve me of the bondage of self” names patterns that keep us stuck—fear, shame, judgment, approval-seeking, and resistance to life on life’s terms—and points toward freedom, courage, and service.

Transcript

In my course,

Finding Serenity,

I describe going to a 12-step meeting for the first time and discovering the Serenity Prayer,

A profound and beautiful intention for recognizing the opportunities hidden within change.

As I chalked up time and sobriety and worked the steps,

Another prayer emerged as a guidepost for living.

Like the Serenity Prayer,

The Third Step Prayer has become more powerful with time.

The Third Step Prayer describes what I see as the fundamental spiritual challenge.

To recognize when my survival mode thinking is holding me back and choose instead to shift into a higher consciousness,

One that is loving and serves the highest good.

So what follows is my take on the Third Step Prayer and the power contained in those words.

The prayer goes,

God,

I offer myself to Thee to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will.

Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power,

Thy love,

And Thy way of life.

May I do Thy will always.

Amen.

So,

Part one,

God,

I offer myself to Thee.

Whether we're in recovery or not,

This act of surrender can be a truly radical departure from life as we've known it.

At the heart of all addictions is the need to control.

Number one on my list is the desire to control my feelings.

To pull that off,

I have to try to control the people in my life because they have a really annoying ability to affect how I feel.

Accomplishing this,

Of course,

Is temporary at best and only creates chaos and dysfunction in those relationships.

So,

Right out of the gate,

The third step prayer is about giving up control,

Which for most of us really is the mother of all contrary actions.

It's like deciding to restructure a business by first burning down the building.

God,

I offer myself to Thee.

How can I begin to find peace in offering myself to God?

Well,

I have to begin by clarifying the God part.

When I see the word God here,

I have to put away the picture of a scowling,

Gray-bearded man in the sky with a checklist of my failings.

That image doesn't work for me.

What does work for me is a picture of God as a universal energy or intelligence,

A loving presence that exists within each of us.

It's at the foundation of that part of me I call my higher self,

A loving intelligence that reveals itself when I pause,

Become still,

And take a look at the patterns of my unconscious thoughts and actions.

And the archaic language in this first line can be off-putting,

That old-fashioned word Thee,

For example.

I avoided using it for years.

I would say,

God,

I offer myself to you.

But recently I learned that in old English,

Thee was the intimate form of you,

The word you used with someone close,

Someone you trusted.

So this first line is not a contract with some distant deity.

It's an offering into intimacy.

The God I offer myself to Thee is a conscious move out of survival thinking,

The part of me that insists I must control everything or I will die.

And instead move into a relationship with a wiser presence already within me.

This conscious shift opens me to change.

I start to become willing to trust something beyond my control,

Beyond my understanding,

And do life differently,

Whatever that means.

I'm handing the keys over to another driver.

I'm climbing into the backseat of my spiritual Waymo,

Listening for that quieter voice,

A voice that is heartfelt,

The voice of Thou wilt.

We come to the next part.

God,

I offer myself to Thee to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt.

We addicts love doing life as a solo act.

It's a point of pride and arrogance.

I think I know what I really want and need,

What is best for me,

What is the best choice in any given moment.

But then all I have to do is review my history,

And it's clear that totally relying on my thinking has brought mixed results.

My thoughts have led me to some painful places,

Right along with the people close to me.

But now I'm conceding to cooperate.

In this commitment,

I'm offering myself to an alien force with no guarantees,

No clear picture of the future.

And that leaves my ego in the corner saying,

Wait a minute here,

Where do I fit into this?

Ego can then dial up the fear that I will become a slave to carrying out the wishes of a captive master.

But then when I pause and reflect,

It's clear that my life to this point has always been a co-creation.

My life has always been the coming together of my intentions with that great mysterious force that goes by many names,

Chance,

Luck,

Serendipity,

Higher intelligence,

Spirit.

God,

I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt.

This is where I admit,

In spite of what fear tells me,

I really don't know what the future holds.

In spite of what my judgments tell me is right or wrong,

I can't be certain.

So assuming there is this thing called God,

And her resume includes creation of the universe,

Hummingbirds,

And Eric Clapton,

I have to ask,

Is considering a partnership with this power really such a bad idea?

So I threw in the towel.

Build with me.

Work through me.

Use me for the highest good of all concerned.

I'm willing to be a work in progress in the hands of love.

I'm available.

I'm willing to embrace the unknown.

And as we move into the next part,

I acknowledge that this partnership will be most powerful when I give up something.

So the next section is,

Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.

Bondage is the act of being restrained physically or psychologically,

Of being stuck,

Tied up,

Limited.

So this part of the third step prayer is a request for help in freeing myself from the prison of my stories about myself.

So here's a few of my selves,

My personality traits that confine me to a lesser version of who I really am.

There is my self-righteous self,

Also called my ego,

Which always needs to be right.

There's my self-centered self that thinks I'm the center of every drama and keeps me stuck in victimhood or believing I'm a savior to someone or something.

There's the version of me that lives in fear.

There is the version of me that believes he's less than or not good enough.

The self that judges people and creates separation.

The self that needs the approval of others to feel at peace.

The self that fears intimacy.

You put all these parts together and you've got a cramped,

Fearful version of me that can't see very far and certainly can't see clearly.

So as I start to look at these versions of myself that keep me in bondage,

I see how much these versions of self isolate me,

Limit my awareness,

And make it harder to recognize that higher self within.

As I'm relieved of that bondage,

Some beautiful things become possible.

Genuine courage shows up.

I naturally live closer to my true purpose in this lifetime.

I can recognize,

Respect,

And put forward my unique gifts,

Not as ego trophies,

But as tools for service.

And I can walk a path that brings more truth,

Compassion,

And a deeper experience of being alive to myself and others.

Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.

Again,

Thy will here doesn't mean a stern god with a cosmic to-do list.

Thy will points to a path of authenticity,

Wisdom,

Truth,

And love.

And that I may better do thy will is kind of a request.

Help me align my choices with what is genuinely life-giving for me and for the people my life touches.

Help me to realize when I'm sleepwalking through life so I can choose to wake up.

Moving on to the next section.

Take away my difficulties.

Life is not easy.

Being human is not for the faint of heart.

Why is life so difficult?

Why the pain and suffering?

Well,

The only reason that makes sense to me is that we are souls having a human experience that a human life is earth school for the soul.

That I am walking a karmic path designed to advance my soul's evolution.

So take away my difficulties is not a demand for a pain-free existence.

It's more like meet me in my difficulties.

Help me to remember pain as part of the process.

Help me to remember that life's challenges are almost always opportunities to evolve.

Lift from me whatever blocks my heart,

Blinds my perception,

Keeps me stuck in old patterns,

To the extent that it serves my growth and the greater good.

Sometimes that looks like a problem being removed.

Sometimes it looks like being given the strength and clarity to go through it differently.

Next section.

Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help.

So this part clarifies why my difficulties should be taken away.

I love this part because it puts my ego on notice.

We want to get through the tough part so that we can be an example to others.

That's the first priority.

Whatever healing strength or transformation I get,

I want my journey through difficulty to be useful to others.

So let my recovery be visible.

Let my healing be a demonstration that change is possible.

Not because I'm perfect,

But precisely because I'm not.

People don't need my perfection.

Let my honesty and vulnerability help others to see that it's possible to walk through the fire and come out more open.

Next section.

Moving on to the next section.

Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of my power,

My love,

And my way of life.

Here I'm saying may my life be a walking,

Talking example that love is stronger than fear.

That connection is deeper than isolation.

And that there is a power rooted in spiritual connection that goes way beyond survival mode.

Next section.

May I do thy will always.

This last line is not just a request,

It's a reminder.

Help me remember.

Because I will forget.

I will fall back into unconsciousness,

Into survival brain,

Into old habits.

That's not a failure,

It's just being human.

May I do thy will always means when I drift,

Bring me back.

When I harden,

Soften me.

When I close,

Open me up again.

And help me return to being a loving presence in the world.

And lastly,

Amen.

Amen is like a mother's last contraction and push that brings a life into the world.

Amen is like a spiritual rim shot.

Amen is like the way football players clap at the end of a huddle.

Amen is like Bruce Springsteen leaping into the air on that last downbeat.

God,

I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.

Amen.

Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear a witness to those I would help.

Of thy power,

Thy love,

And thy way of life.

May I do thy will always.

Amen.

As always,

I appreciate your comments,

Blessings,

And light ahead.

Amen.

Reviews

This prayer didn’t initially set with me but as you expounded on the deeper understanding and meaning, it became something more.
You have a wonderful voice and way of expressing things.
Thank you. I will relisten this again from time to time. 🙏🕊️

Thank you! I use the 3rd Step Prayer all day. This talk is a gift - exploring its rich wisdom & guidance on living a useful & blessed life free from self-centeredness. 🌅💝🙏

Thank you for the most profound & inspiring sharing on Step 3 I've heard in decades! ☮️
Have I missed a Step 2 sharing from you?

As always… Your words, your thoughts and music lead me in a direction that I know is right for my life. This is exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you for your insights your experiences and your ability to convey ideas… A treasure these moments of clarity that you provide ..

A beautiful prayer to start my day, thank you Paul 🙏🏼