One of the pearls of wisdom to come out of spiritual psychology is a 14-word prescription for dealing with upset,
And it goes like this.
How I relate to myself as I'm going through the issue is the issue.
How I relate to myself as I'm going through the issue is the issue.
We'll break this down in a moment,
But first,
A story.
I was 20 years old,
A college student on summer break,
And with the help of my friend Walter,
I got a job working for a customs broker at LA International Airport.
My first day on the job,
I learned that my routine would be to drive a Ford Econoline van around to the freight outlets of the major airlines where I would pick up one of our customers' packages,
An item that was arriving from another country.
At each pickup place,
I had to stand by while a U.
S.
Customs agent examined the contents of the package,
Compared it with the paperwork manifest that I brought with me.
Once the agent signed off on it,
I'd seal the package back up and return to the office with it.
When I got home that night,
I was upset.
I was living with my parents at the time,
And after dinner,
I sat down with my mother and poured out my woes.
Oh,
There was so much to remember on this job,
Details that were completely new and unfamiliar.
I really felt a lack of confidence.
My mother did her best to console me,
Which amounted to her telling me,
It's all going to be fine.
I don't know about you,
But I fantasize every once in a while about what growing up might have been like if my parents were just a little more evolved.
What if my mother understood the idea that how I relate to myself as I go through the issue is the issue?
What might our conversation have sounded like?
And I imagine my mother saying,
It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed.
Yeah.
Overwhelm is a kind of like fear.
Are you afraid of something?
That I'll make mistakes.
And if you make a mistake,
Then what?
The owner will get mad at me and criticize me.
So if he did that,
Then what?
I'd feel ashamed.
I mean,
I should be able to do this.
Walter is no genius,
And he's doing fine.
Should is a red flag word.
I'm your mother,
And I know that you're a big concept person.
Your strength is in dealing with the overall picture of something and letting others handle the details.
So if you say you should be able to do this job,
But what if it didn't pan out?
What would that mean?
That I'm not good enough.
How does it feel when you say those words?
Terrible.
You want to try an experiment?
Sure.
When you catch yourself saying,
If this job doesn't work out,
It's because I'm not good enough.
Switch it to,
If this job doesn't work out,
It just isn't a match for me or for what I'm great at.
How would that feel?
A lot better.
You're smart,
Sensitive,
And fully capable.
Your value as a person will never be determined by your job performance.
Got it?
Got it.
Okay.
How about giving it a couple of days and we'll talk again and see where you are.
In the meantime,
Be careful about what you tell yourself,
Okay?
Okay.
As it turned out,
After a few days in the job,
I was fine.
I was devoting a small percentage of my brain to the work and a much greater part to creatively screwing around and having fun.
How I relate to myself as I'm going through the issue is the issue.
Let's break this down and look at the parts.
How I relate to myself.
This refers to the conscious and unconscious stories,
Beliefs I have about myself.
The words I use to describe myself,
Put myself down or sell myself short.
The things I do or don't do to take loving care of myself.
How I relate to myself as I'm going through the issue.
As I'm going through the issue means the part where I'm suffering,
When I'm in a bad place,
When my peace and serenity have been disturbed,
When I'm in conflict with another person or a situation.
How I relate to myself as I'm going through the issue is the issue.
Is the issue brings me back around to what's at the heart of my suffering.
In my story,
The issue was the belief that my worthiness was tied to my success at the job.
In life,
When I realize that my pain is linked to how I'm treating myself,
I can do something about it.
Like practice self-forgiveness for buying into old false narratives about my worthiness or lovability.
I can take action to care for myself.
I can choose to stop doing things that are dishonoring,
Harming me or putting me in jeopardy.
When I practice physical,
Emotional and spiritual self-care,
I'm able to deal with the people and the situations in my life from a place of neutrality and strength and well-being.
I can make conscious choices that are for the highest good of all concerned.
I can be more discerning,
Which means I can clearly see what's working for me and what's not working for me.
So,
The next time a problem comes up,
Take a deep breath,
Drop down inside and ask,
How am I treating myself in this situation?
What am I telling myself about myself?
Am I running an old story about my value or worthiness?
And if I see that I am and stop doing that,
Does the issue or problem diminish?
If this resonated with you,
I invite you to join me for my course,
Finding Serenity,
A journey into the heart of change,
Acceptance,
Courage and wisdom.
I'll see you there.
