Overcoming The Difficulties In Meditation

Dr. Traci Moreno and I discuss why meditation is an incredibly effective coping skill that can quickly help us regulate our emotions, increase our intuition and strengthen our spiritual and emotional growth. However, there can be many challenges in practicing it. In this video, we discuss these difficulties and how we can overcome them so that we can benefit from meditation in our daily life.

Transcript

Okay,

So today we are going to talk about meditation.

It is,

It's interesting because it's one of the most vital parts of our spiritual journey,

But I think it's also one of the most hated and difficult parts for people.

So,

And part of why we created this group too,

Is to really talk about the the problems with the spiritual journey and how we overcome these things.

We're not,

It's not going to be like all light and love and perfection,

Right?

We want to really get down and dirty into,

You know,

The,

What we see and to be able to help each other through the challenges we have on this journey,

Right?

So,

I will say like for me,

One of the big things that,

You know,

Growing up as an intuitive and kind of having things happen to me as a youth,

Right,

Felt very out of control.

And then once I started to step into that spiritual world,

One of the things that I kept hearing over and over and over was,

If you start to meditate,

You'll be able to get,

Gain control.

You'll be able to connect a little bit easier.

You'll be able to kind of release,

Kind of,

All of that other stuff and just be you.

And I always found it to be,

Like for me,

It was overwhelming.

A kid in his eight,

Like 18 year old,

Going to college,

Kind of trying to find their life and at the same time being told,

You have to meditate,

You have to meditate.

And I was always like,

Okay,

I'm gonna try.

And then I would always have reasons as to why I wouldn't do it,

You know.

It was one of the hardest practices to actually wrap my arms around and start to create.

And a lot of therapists will tell their clients,

You know,

You want to meditate,

You want to do yoga,

You want to,

You know,

Give this like list of recommendations that,

You know,

Everybody should do.

The problem that I find is it's not explained why,

Right.

So do you want to help like explain like why meditation is so important?

Sure.

So meditation for me has always been about just kind of letting go of kind of that mind,

Right.

Your mind is always active,

It's always in motion,

It's always thinking.

And meditation is an opportunity for you to kind of release that and step into that stillness,

Right.

To kind of get into that space where there is no mind,

Right.

There is really nothing is how I kind of look at it.

For me,

It's always been kind of that sacred space where I can just step into a meditative state and I'm good.

Nothing is happening.

I'm not thinking about anything.

It's just we find some like peace and contentment.

And then also even beyond that,

Once we can get there,

We also,

You know,

We're,

It's like we're calming the conscious mind enough to open up and listen to our unconscious mind or our higher self or guides or,

You know,

Whatever angels,

Whatever it is that you believe in,

Any sort of internal messages or guidance,

Answers to come,

To come through.

You know,

Which is like the next step.

Completely.

And I will tell you one of the byproducts that is out there with when it comes to meditation,

The Dalai Lama has like gone through studies.

This is a man who lives in meditation,

Right.

Like that's basically like his life.

And one of the things that,

It's from Harvard I believe or Stanford,

Had done a research on him and they had found that actually that meditative state was actually healing his body.

Oh yeah.

It was providing a sense of healing.

Which really just prolongs life,

Allows us to live a better life,

A more human life.

So it has a,

Really there's no negative to meditation.

It's just a difficult,

I always call it habit,

To kind of step into,

Right.

Like it's that difficult space to kind of say I'm dedicating myself to this and know that nothing else is more important.

I think it terrifies people to think about sitting there for however many minutes,

You know,

And just in silence and try to keep nothing in their head.

And people get very frustrated.

Coming from like the psychology perspective and me personally,

I'll share with you,

Like I've struggled with anxiety and I have ADHD.

And so the thought of like sitting there for any sort of extended period of time,

It's just like I get like sick.

It caught,

That causes me anxiety.

And so I've had to learn,

You know,

That first off why I'm even doing this,

Because it has to become a practice,

Right?

It's not just going to be,

It is very hard in the beginning.

And that's the reality of it that not many people talk about,

Which is why we want to talk about it.

It is hard in the beginning.

And you are going to,

Your thoughts are going to drift.

There's going to be all kinds of,

You know,

The to-do lists and the,

You know,

The,

You know,

The,

The dogs or something at work or,

You know,

Something with the kids or what am I going to make for dinner?

You know,

All kinds of things are going to pop,

Random things are going to pop into your mind and then you're going to be going,

Oh crap,

I'm meditating.

And then,

But it's,

But all we have to do is like keep bringing it back.

Like that is okay,

You know,

And it's normal and it's to be expected because the process is to train,

Right?

We have to practice and train ourselves to be okay with that silence.

Yeah,

You know,

It's funny you mentioned that about the meditation.

I will,

I'll go into like my own personal kind of journey with meditation is over the years,

Right?

Like I go meditate,

You have to meditate,

You want to gain control,

You have to meditate.

When you're in circle,

You meditate because you're with a group.

So it's a little bit easier because there's that group share,

That mind share,

Right?

But when you're home alone,

You're like,

You have to meditate,

You have to meditate.

And everyone's like,

Oh my god,

Debbie,

I can't meditate.

I don't know how to do this,

Right?

And so I was,

Luckily,

In growing up in Chicago,

One of the things that,

I was introduced to a lama and a Buddhist monk and so he was there and he always offered free meditation classes.

And I was like,

If there's anyone who can teach me,

It is him.

And so I actually went on a Saturday just to kind of sit in there.

I'm scared to walk in but I sat and met him and he was one of the nicest people at the Buddhist center and he taught me how to kind of do it,

Right?

And the whole objective,

I will tell you,

Is a lot of people are like,

You've got to meditate and you've got to get in there and you've got to meditate 45 minutes to an hour.

Oh my god,

That would cause me so much anxiety.

I'd die.

That's what,

And when I was there,

Like growing up,

It was like,

Oh yeah,

You have to meditate.

I'm like,

I can't sit for 45 minutes,

You know?

It's one of the things that I've learned is,

You start small,

Right?

Three minutes is a lot of meditating.

Three minutes dedicated,

Right?

So if you can dedicate three minutes at one time in your day,

You're already starting a meditation practice because that three minutes becomes five,

Five becomes ten,

Ten becomes thirty.

No,

No,

No,

No.

It's that three minutes.

Yeah,

Just that's what helped me when you told me that.

Like you said,

Just do three minutes and I was like,

Okay,

Okay,

Three minutes sounds totally doable but even then,

I got to tell you,

Like I would have my little timer and I would be and I have a little meditation room and well,

I guess it's probably really my yoga room but where I meditate in.

So it's,

But I have the timer and like sometimes I'll be like that,

I'll be in it and I'm like,

Like looking at the timer and I'm like,

Oh crap.

You know,

The trick to that is,

Is look for meditation music that is three minutes.

Because then you know you're just listening to the song and when it's over,

It's over.

But I used to do the same thing.

I'd be like,

Um,

But I will tell you one of the tricks that I've learned,

Okay?

When you're first starting to meditate,

I always tell myself,

All right,

I'm gonna push the mute button on to the outside world and I'm not gonna let the world be there,

Right?

And that oftentimes gets me to start thinking about not thinking,

Right?

Mute means no voice,

Which also means no thought,

Right?

And so I started to give myself that early on in my practice.

It's one of the things that the Lama said was like,

Just turn the mute button on.

You don't need to be there.

You only need to be here right now.

And it started to work.

But it's funny because recently,

Literally this week,

I was working with someone and they had mentioned,

Like in their meditation practice,

What they do is the minute your mind starts wandering,

Just put the baby back in his blanket.

And I started laughing because I thought that was the funniest thing.

Like,

And I thought it,

Because even today I will tell you,

Like,

I meditate on a regular basis.

Probably more than I would ever expect most people to do.

And I do it for me,

But when I do do meditate,

My mind still wanders.

It still kind of sometimes drifts away.

And just recently I said to myself,

Okay,

Baby,

Get back in that blanket.

And I started laughing,

But it did work.

I started to kind of get back into that focus.

So some things that I use with my clients in terms of the psychotherapy perspective is,

Especially with things like anxiety and ADHD and trauma and things,

Is guided meditation.

And I know we've talked about that.

We don't necessarily,

But like,

Sorry about that.

The thing though,

Going back to spirituality is it doesn't,

There are no rules.

And just as long as you're doing it,

Right,

There's no wrong way,

There's no right way.

And so it's,

To me,

It's just about fitting it into your lifestyle.

Because that's the only way you're going to eventually even get to that's more,

If there is a right way,

You know.

But you have to start somewhere.

And if somebody is telling you that you have to,

You know,

Sit in alone in a room without a thought in your head,

You know,

With your Indian style,

With the,

You know,

Your hands and,

You know,

The traditional posing for 30,

45 minutes,

Like there's no way that people are going to do it.

So I say just whatever works for you.

And I always recommend start with guided meditation,

Because if you think about mindfulness,

It is totally engaging all of your senses.

And so it helps keep your attention also,

You know,

Because you're listening to what they're saying.

They're guiding you.

You also learn how to do the correct breathing.

You'll learn different breathing exercises.

It could be maybe even progressive relaxation,

Where they guide you to,

Like,

You know,

They'll start at the top of your head,

Or maybe they'll start from the feet up.

And they'll go through different body parts for,

You know,

And you'll just learn different techniques also to relax your mind and body.

And so that seems to work really well for people.

And it also,

You can lay in the bed.

I tell people do it,

Like,

Right before you get up in the morning when you're laying in bed.

You don't have to be seated.

And or do it before you go to sleep at night.

I even recommend falling asleep to,

You know,

Certain affirmations or even the meditation music.

Even if you can put it on so low where,

To me,

It might be creepy for some people,

But I like when it's at a whisper and you just hear like the.

.

.

And for some reason,

It's like so soothing for me.

Of course,

That might be creepy.

But to me,

It's like really,

You know,

It's soothing.

Or even like the sound sleeps people like,

You know,

The ocean,

The thunder,

You know.

That's all for the meditation.

Right.

Figure out what works for you.

Even I say I meditate when I run.

Yeah.

You know,

I mean,

Running,

It's a focus.

You know,

We can only think about those to-do lists and,

You know,

Problems at work or at home or,

You know,

Whatever else is on our mind for,

I don't know,

Maybe five,

Ten minutes of a walk,

A run,

Or any sort of like physical exercise activity.

And then we have to start focus on our breathing.

And that is a form of meditation for sure.

You know,

I.

.

.

So I have a few things to say about that.

Okay.

Go ahead.

I will say like I'm someone who all my clients,

I will always record them.

Anytime we're working on a meditation,

I'll always record a guided meditation with them.

So that they're present during the meditation.

And then they take it home and they can listen.

Right.

I think guided meditation is great for someone who's just starting.

Because it does help you kind of get the key points to kind of know where to go.

Right.

I think for some people,

It's awesome.

Right.

I will tell you personally,

Guided meditations don't work for me.

I'm too focused.

But you're a professional.

No,

But even when I started,

Like with the Lama,

He didn't have like a guided meditation.

It's just like,

Just sit there and start breathing.

I mean,

Like it was really simple.

Right.

Yeah.

But like I will tell you like for my.

.

.

I just put music on and I'm good.

And it can be any kind of music,

Just not death metal,

Because it just kind of brings your energy down.

So it's like a chill music.

Right.

And I'm good to meditate with that.

But again,

That's me.

Yeah.

I will say though that energetically,

Based on your energy,

Different meditations are more appropriate for you to start.

Okay.

Right.

So someone who has a lot of anxiety,

Right,

They have an anxious energy,

A walking or running meditation is amazing for them because it allows you to get your mind out.

Right.

The whole objective of meditating is to quiet the mind.

Right.

And so when you're in that kind of high anxiety state and you go for a run or a really heavy walk,

You'll stop thinking because as your energy is,

Because it's such a moving energy.

You need something more active.

It just starts to chill you.

Right.

Whereas some people who have more of like a calmer energy,

Right,

Or more like a depressive,

Like they have like more prone to depression.

Right.

Yeah.

Yoga is great for that because it's slow.

Right.

It kind of flows.

Right.

Yeah.

When I'm anxious,

I cannot do yoga.

No.

I have to be like.

It's opposite.

And so it's really kind of fine tuning your energy.

And then once you know what works,

It's just starting.

Right.

And I love what you're bringing up too is each day or even hour to hour,

Our mood,

We could be in different states,

Frames of mind.

Right.

States.

And so,

You know,

We could be,

You know,

Maybe down in the morning and in the evening have a little bit more of anxiety or opposite or whatever it might be.

And so we and it's about recognizing where you are in that moment and then also picking the appropriate way,

Like form of meditation.

Correct.

So.

Totally agree.

So we're like,

We're just accepting where we are in that moment and then,

You know,

Picking the appropriate tool for us to use.

Yeah.

That matches our energy.

I would agree.

And you start to recognize it,

Though.

You start to recognize what works.

But I would tell you,

Like in the beginning,

Like my tips,

Right.

Like my first tip would be like kind of go with what you're finding makes you quiet.

Right.

And if you know your mind is quiet,

That's a form of meditation.

Walking works.

Running works.

Sitting works.

Laying in bed works.

Right.

Like all of those forms.

I cannot.

I have been known.

My mentors will tell you that I have fallen asleep and the entire class has left and I'm still sleeping.

So I have no problem sleeping the minute I lay down.

I was laying there doing a meditation one time.

I was just like laying in the bed and my husband had come in and he was like,

Oh,

I thought you were meditating.

But all like,

Oh,

I thought,

You know,

Like it's so judgy.

And I was like,

I am meditating,

Damn it.

There are no rules.

Don't put me in a box.

Can't you hear the music?

I know.

It's the truth.

I was so mad.

I do incorporate a lay down meditation right before bed,

But it's more of like a release.

For me,

It's just kind of my end of the day thing.

But I would say like if you're looking to start a meditation practice,

Which everyone who's listening to this should probably start if you don't already have one.

I would tell you,

Just remember the simple rule,

Right?

There's no rule.

Just do it.

Right.

Take two minutes and just sit.

And even if you sit and breathe for 30 seconds,

Even a minute,

Right?

And you're listening or you're playing music or there's a guided,

If you can do it for 30 seconds,

That 30 seconds will be a minute the second time you do it.

A minute will become two.

It's just about making space for it.

That's the key is you have to commit yourself.

And what I make my clients do is when I'm sitting there and we're talking about their growth and their spiritual journey,

It's like,

Listen,

What time of day are you going to do this?

Because all you have to do is pick one time.

Personally,

I have found and it's changed a couple of times.

But when I first started out for me,

It was that in between dinner and like nighttime.

Right.

So like in my 20s,

Because,

You know,

Doing things later at night,

I would have dinner and then I would wait a little bit and then I would do my meditation,

Freshen up and then go on to my night.

Right.

I have to do it right when I wake up in the morning.

Like before I turn on the TV,

Get the phone,

I have to do it like right.

And I find,

Well,

Especially coming from that more anxious,

Overly active place.

Yeah.

It's I'm like so tired.

I literally just like crawl out of bed and I and I go sit on the mat or I just stay there and just lay in the bed.

And I it's my energy is already pretty down because I have a hard time waking up anyway.

So it's like it works.

And it's all about,

Again,

Going back to like,

See what works for you.

Yeah.

And as you learn,

Even breathing exercises or maybe mindfulness exercises,

You know,

You can even use those different things to go in your mind,

Because if you have I know ideally we want to just not have it.

But like if say if you start it with guided meditation and then maybe you go towards maybe where you're doing almost the guided meditation,

But on your own,

You know,

Where you're doing a breathing exercise that you learned or progressive relaxation,

Body scan,

Maybe even a chakra,

You know,

Doing the chakra colors,

Which that'll be another video.

We'll go we'll go through all of that as well at some point.

And then but that that and then the time goes by a lot quicker.

Yes.

Also,

And then you kind of move towards where you finally get to,

You know,

Have more quiet.

You know,

Like so for me,

Now we're talking I've been on a spiritual practice now 25 years about right,

Like solid.

And in that 25 years,

About 25 years,

Not that I'm trying to age myself.

You know,

For me,

It starts off like I can't do it first thing in the morning.

I have to get up.

I have to kind of get things moving.

I have kind of like prepare my day mentally kind of know what I'm going to be doing.

Then I can go into my meditation and then into my meditation.

I typically start with just I'm going to let go of everything.

And then I start to incorporate.

Okay,

Let me do a body scan and see how I'm doing.

Do I need to add some crystals?

You know,

Someone want to talk to me,

You know,

And I see.

So we'll start to do all of that.

Some crystal videos at some point to add those.

Yeah.

And so like it you just build off of it.

Right.

But the foundation is that just get started.

It's just starting.

Just try it.

And I've got to say and I have to admit that when you first told me like,

Oh,

No,

Not the guy.

You've got to you've got to eventually move to the quiet.

And once I did,

Though,

I'm telling you,

It was the most bizarre feeling of like not feeling like high like,

Like,

Yeah,

Really high or,

You know,

But it was this eerie sense of calm that I had throughout the whole day.

And nothing I'm telling you,

Nothing external could have risen my heart rate,

My blood pressure,

That anxiety,

That anger,

You know,

Like nothing.

I mean,

I was like,

Cool,

Calm and collected.

I was like,

This is so weird.

Like I couldn't even get angry or irritated if I tried.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have a pretty short fuse.

We have a joke in this house.

Like in my in my house,

My children will instantly call me out if I don't meditate because they'll be like,

Oh,

Look at you.

Oh,

Yeah.

You're someone didn't meditate.

And I'm always like,

God,

I have to go do it because I was like,

I tried to get away with it for a minute.

They know they can tell.

They can totally tell because my energy is very different.

Yeah.

Just from it.

And you carry it for a longer time.

And once you feel that all I had to do was experience that once.

And then and I was hooked and I was like,

Wow,

That is the feeling.

I mean,

If you want to talk about,

You know,

Feeling completely in control and emotionally regulated.

Wow.

That is that's like the ultimate better than any pill you could possibly take in terms of like a prescription medication for anxiety or anything.

ADHD,

Even my concentration,

My attention span was good.

It was it was a it was more than balance.

It was like a deep like a peace that I've never felt before.

That's awesome.

Yeah,

I know.

That's so awesome.

It's it's it's so great.

I do.

I'm a big believer.

Like I teach my kids to meditate.

All of my kids,

Both of them,

They meditate.

They have different forms.

And doing it with the family is fun,

Too.

Yeah.

You know,

Partners.

Yeah.

Always like back to back is a fun way to do it.

There's so many different varieties out there.

I've even done it with friends when they were going through,

You know,

Difficult things or,

You know,

We wanted to set intentions.

And,

You know,

There's just so many different options.

Play with it.

Have fun.

Like make it a part.

Figure out how to make it a part of your life and like what works for you.

Yeah.

And there are resources out there.

Both of our websites direct you to meditations.

I know I have some free ones on my website.

You have some on yours.

Yeah.

Plus we have them on Insight Timer.

We have I have a bunch on my my business's YouTube channel,

Free Spirit Coaching.

And then and then also on Insight Timer.

We're both on Insight Timer.

And I have I have mine on the peaceful stage.

There's a couple there.

And of course,

I come from a more,

You know,

Mental health,

Psychological perspective.

And he's coming from more of the the spiritual.

I come from the yaya sisterhood.

I'm more yaya.

But you get to the same place no matter which one you go with.

It's really just about getting on that road.

What works for you.

Yeah.

It's just about improving that life.

So share with us.

Let us know your successes,

Failures,

Challenges,

Difficulties,

How you've overcome things,

How you've started because all of this will be able to help other people.

And I'm going to there.

If you try it,

There is no failure.

Very good.

Because you did it.

I love that.

30 seconds is a meditation.

Yeah.

I don't care who you are.

30 seconds is an amazing meditation.

What he said.

All right.

Talk to you soon.

Bye.

Bye.