Empath: How This Could Affect You & How To Manage This Gift

Being an Empath can be a curse or a Gift. In this episode, Dr Traci and Pasquale talk about common characteristics of Empaths so you can determine if you are one. Learn ways to manage this very special gift.

Transcript

Hey everyone,

This is Pasquale.

I'm Dr.

Tracy.

How's everyone's day today?

I know we're not looking for a response,

But it's important to ask.

Today's topic is super exciting.

It is about empaths.

Hot topic.

What an empath is.

It's like a hot word.

Yeah.

It's like the hot word.

Empath.

What is it?

Am I an empath?

I think a lot of that is pretty big.

I think we should start with just our basic,

Maybe definition,

Of what that is.

For me,

How I always view an empath is an empath is someone who picks up the energy of people's emotions and brings them in,

But it becomes their personal emotions.

You walk into a room and you know someone's mad.

You can feel that someone's mad,

But you feel like they're mad at you.

That's kind of the key,

I think,

To being an empath is that we don't know how to differentiate the emotion,

And so we take it and make it personal.

Yeah,

You definitely personalize it.

What I see in therapy sessions is people,

Maybe what that looks like,

Is people are more emotional,

More sensitive.

They are able to regulate their emotions They're not able to regulate their emotions that well.

They could even be called,

Maybe,

That people are dramatic or that they over.

.

.

What's the word I'm looking for?

Over-emotional?

Yeah,

We'll just use that one.

That's what I've been called my whole life.

You're so sensitive.

You're so emotional.

Yeah,

Exactly.

Yes,

I am because I know exactly what you're feeling.

And they feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders,

Like everything is on them.

Yes.

You know,

And so it's really part of that process.

Well,

Let's go into,

Before we go into how to deal with that,

Why don't we.

.

.

Well,

I can tell you that even before we even talk about how to even deal with it,

One of the big things I always do is whenever I see someone is I actually pull their chart,

And in most,

99% of the time,

Your astrology chart will actually show if you have these empathic tendencies.

Oh,

That's awesome.

So it's a really big thing,

And I always use that to kind of help myself because if I see that they have this empathic nature,

I know that when I'm sitting with them,

I'm going to be dealing with someone who's reading my emotion,

Right?

So,

And I typically test it during that time,

Too.

Yeah,

Oh,

That's good.

But the other thing is,

Is I do want to clarify,

Being an empath is not the same as showing empathy.

Correct.

Because they're totally different things,

Right?

You can say that I have empathy towards someone or towards something,

And that just means you feel bad towards something or someone or something,

Right?

Being an empath is not feeling.

It's feeling,

But it's personalizing that feeling,

And that's the key difference.

And not just personalizing,

But it's that,

Too,

But also,

Like,

We can confuse it for our own emotions.

Yes.

So,

Because that's the biggest part,

Because I tend to not personalize,

But I tend to feel it like it is yours.

It was mine.

But isn't that personal?

It's,

Well,

Because you gave the example of thinking that it was about you.

Yeah.

That,

To me,

Is personalizing.

Yes,

I'm talking about,

Like,

You have that look,

Like,

I got you.

I got you saying something stupid.

Not stupid.

There's nothing stupid.

No,

No,

No,

No.

But maybe I out-doctored the doctor.

No,

But what I'm talking about is,

I will,

Like,

If I'm feeling anxiety or that,

Like,

Agitation,

Anger or sadness,

Like,

I will think it's me that's angry or sad,

And then I start to look within,

Thinking that I'm sad,

Not realizing,

No,

I'm not sad.

This other energy that I was feeling was sadness.

Yes.

But that's,

I,

And then,

And that's part of the separation.

Does that make sense?

Totally.

Okay.

But I will tell you,

I think it comes in waves,

Right?

Because I think the first time you feel the energy,

You start to personalize it and feel like,

Oh,

That person's mad at me,

Right?

But then what happens is,

Is that as the energy stays within you,

It starts to,

Like,

Grow and become more turbulent,

Which then makes it,

Like,

Your own.

Then you start to own it.

Then you own it.

Right.

And I think,

So I think it's,

Like,

The stages of it,

But yes,

I would agree.

Yeah,

That makes sense.

But,

Like,

You're basically taking that on and making it about you.

Right.

Whereas someone who's showing empathy is not.

It's a very different thing.

And so I always like to point that out because,

Because being an empath is such a kind of,

Kind of hot word right now.

Yeah.

A lot of people are,

Like,

Saying,

I'm an empath,

I'm an empath.

And,

And you have empathy,

Which is great because you care about people or things.

Right.

But you're not really carrying that intuitive emotion.

Right.

And I think people are,

I think we are always led,

Even unconsciously,

We're led very naturally to want to find reasons for our behavior or our emotions.

And I think,

Too,

Like,

I think a lot of people are trying to,

That may be more emotional or sensitive or dysregulated,

You know,

Could be trying to look for that as kind of,

Like,

Either an explanation or possibly an excuse.

Yeah.

You know,

So that's really,

You know,

Very,

And it's a very fine line,

You know,

So that's very,

Uh,

Kind of difficult to differentiate,

But I love how you mentioned,

Like,

You can actually validate it,

Validate that with like a session,

You know,

To,

Um,

Like an astrological session.

I think an astrological session and then just kind of playing the emotion,

Like,

Do you feel me?

Yeah.

Not literally like that,

But it goes a little more.

Yeah.

But more in depth,

More detailed thing,

But it's a great,

It's a great thing because I think that one of the biggest things that I have found over the years has been that more and more people are,

Because it's such a hot word,

We're actually identifying more and actually helping them,

Which I think is,

Is brilliant.

Yeah.

And really whether you are or aren't actually,

If you identify with that and that helps give you,

Um,

That explanation or that validation,

Then it's still a good thing.

Like you,

You don't have to necessarily like have it validated.

And that means that,

You know,

I mean,

If this is something that you connect with and that,

And then you can use that to help you just don't use it as an excuse for your behavior and just be like,

Well,

I'm an empath,

You know,

Like I've,

I've,

I've seen that and it's,

It's,

You know,

It's not a scary letter.

Yeah,

Exactly.

And it's not a bad thing.

Right.

And so,

You know,

I think that,

You know,

But I think if you identify that and use that to your advantage,

I'm going to use it as an excuse now.

No,

I am not going to do the dishes today.

I am an empath.

No,

I am not going to help you with your homework.

I am an empath.

Oh my God,

They need like a South Park episode on that.

Oh my God.

I am calling them right now.

You heard it here first.

That was like,

Did you see the anxiety one?

He's like,

I have anxiety.

I did.

I did.

I love that.

This is like the greatest excuse.

I am totally going to use it.

That's awesome.

But you have to do it and you have to do the hair.

I am an empath.

And you can do the hair flip.

Sorry,

But I can't do that.

I am an empath.

Oh my gosh.

Sorry.

I totally digress.

But it's,

It's truly a true thing because I've actually seen that.

No,

I have too.

And it's kind of like,

Okay,

But if you,

But again,

If you,

If you do identify with it and you're using that just like anything else,

Right.

And that's what any sort of coming from,

You know,

Psychology,

Psychologically any diagnosis is really for it's not to label you.

It's to help you guide it's to help guide the treatment.

And so thinking,

Right.

And so even though like being an empath is not a psychological diagnosis,

But you know,

It's still that label.

And so if you use it to help better understand yourself and help you become better regulated,

Then that's a bonus.

And it really doesn't matter whether you are or aren't.

I totally agree.

I think it would help if we can maybe give some examples of what an empath looks like.

Okay.

Like real life examples.

Cause I have so many.

Go for it.

But you have some as well.

But I can start with one.

I mean,

I think one of the biggest,

I think the biggest telltale is when you walk into a place and you see someone and like,

I,

The example I always use is that person just looked at me.

They don't like me.

Right.

And it could just be that they're looking at me because of what I'm wearing and they just love it.

It could be that they looked at me cause I walked into the room and they're just aware.

Right.

But I personalized it.

Right.

I made it about me.

And,

And so like,

That's a good sign.

Like number one,

I always say is like,

When you walk into a room,

Are you feeling personal about it?

Cause if you are,

You're probably picking up something from someone.

I get more where I walk into the room and I can feel like if there's just like kind of like an ick energy and I'm like,

You know,

And you feel like something happened in there before,

Whether it was like an argument or like,

You know some,

You know,

Just sort of bad energy.

Yeah.

I mean,

It could be also positive,

Right?

You can walk in the room and be like,

Wow,

This is a happy place.

Feel it more.

I think you tend to notice it more when it's,

When it's negative.

But yes,

It can definitely be.

I will tell you one of the things is like in,

So in my space where I work every day,

It's like,

It's super sacred,

Right?

Like,

So it's sage and it's cleansed and I,

This bowls are going off and like the music and like,

I make it a point to make the energy of the room be really good.

And usually an empath,

When they walk in,

They'll just go,

Wow,

It just feels so good in here.

And I'm just like,

That's how people feel when they come to our office or other property.

Yeah.

Um,

But I always noticed that right away.

Like it's,

Especially if it's your first time and you walk in and you say,

Wow,

This feels,

This space feels pretty amazing.

You're already picking up something,

You know what I mean?

That's a good example.

Um,

The other one that I always like to kind of point out because I wasn't like diagnosed as an empath until I was like 18 and it was just to clarify that there's no diagnosis.

Correct.

I just want to be clear on that.

Well,

You find that it's more a spiritual term,

Spiritually related term.

It's becoming more mainstream,

But I was just giving like the psychological perspective of what that looks like.

But I just want to be clear about that.

It's not a diagnosis,

But it's,

Uh,

You identify it,

You realize who you are.

Right.

And that was pointed out when I was 18.

And I think for me,

The big,

The big like example was I would go,

Like I grew up in Chicago.

So you go to the mall,

Go shopping.

That's what you did,

You know?

And,

And I would go to the mall and I would be,

You know,

Seeing people and hanging out and doing whatever.

And as I started from the moment I started would be happy.

And by the time I left,

I was drained.

I was exhausted.

I was like,

I wasn't sure what I was feeling.

And I typically would fall asleep in the car.

I would fall asleep when I got home.

And,

And it was just a repetitive thing.

Yeah.

Right.

And it was just that.

Energy does become,

It's like a battery.

It just overloads.

And the more stimuli,

The more you will,

Will drain.

Yeah.

Now,

But with me again,

And it's weird because I think we,

We feel it kind of very differently,

Almost like opposite because me too,

Like I,

I will get sucked into the energy.

So like,

I will get even like more hyper or more,

Like I will,

It'll over stimulate me,

You know?

And I will be like,

I'll like buzz it.

Like I'm like manic or something,

You know?

Like if I'm at a concert,

I'm in it,

You know?

Like I like,

You know,

And then like,

And then afterwards you can like feel the energy.

Like I remember after anytime I had something that had a lot of stimuli or like going to a theme park or something where there was a lot of people and it was fun,

It would take like all night.

I'm like,

My whole body would just be like pulsing and vibrating and you could just feel that energy.

And it would take like,

Till the next day for it to kind of like wash off you.

And I mean,

That's an example,

Like not everyone is going to feel it the same way.

I think anything intuitive,

Like anyone who's typing,

Touching anything intuitive,

You're not going to get it like everyone else.

It's just not how it works.

It's very arsenal.

To be fair though,

Too,

I've also done a lot of work already on it.

So I think that I'm already,

So I feel it a little bit different.

If I were to think back on when I didn't realize it yet and worked with myself on it is probably,

It was probably more like that.

It could be a combination too though.

I mean,

But like,

I think it's just,

I think there's a reality in just recognizing that if you notice that your emotion changes.

With other people's emotions.

With other people around you.

Yes.

That's a red flag.

That's a general,

It's a little feather that says,

Hey,

Right.

Look at this.

Right.

So like,

You know,

Again,

You go to a gathering at a restaurant with three friends and four people you don't know,

And you walk in and you sit down next to some strangers and you're like,

God,

I was feeling really good,

But now I'm kind of like picky or I'm feeling a little shy.

And normally you're not shy.

Right.

Like that's a really good flag of what are you taking on?

Yeah.

And then also I think a common example is maybe with like a partner or a spouse or,

You know,

They,

When let's say they come home angry from work or something and they,

You know,

You will like personalize it and you go like,

They're venting about work.

It's not about you.

But then as they're venting,

You could snap back,

You pick up that anger and then snap back.

And instead of being able to back out of that energy and allow your spouse to have that,

To vent it out and allow them and be supportive of that,

You,

We get sucked into it.

And then now we're part of the problem and not part of the solution.

And now we're fighting with our spouse.

Well,

And now the energy is just clashing and you're going to continue to clash.

It's not even just spouse,

It's anyone.

You could be living with your family,

With your brothers and sisters,

Your moms and your dads.

And somebody comes,

Everybody's fine.

And then somebody comes home upset or anxious or sad or whatever.

And it kind of drains the energy in the room.

Everything.

There was a show that I recently watched that actually had that.

And my son had made a comment and he was like,

Wow,

Do you think that that person is changing the energy?

And I was like,

Probably.

So he's catching on to it.

Right.

But like,

It's just the truth.

Right.

And so I think it's just starting to look for those flags.

Right.

That's how a good way to realize it.

You know,

I remember the first time I went to Mardi Gras,

Which again,

I was,

I was young,

Very,

Very young.

And,

And I had gone and man,

I was like drained.

Like I slept probably for days.

Like it was just not a good thing for me.

And I remember going,

I hated it.

Oh,

I hated being like the people.

How old were you?

I was,

I was 21,

22.

I was,

I was,

I was a baby.

So I went around that time.

I mean,

I went to Florida state university.

So it was just like,

We were probably there at the same time.

We probably were.

Cause it was at that,

I was 20,

19,

20,

21.

We went like four years in a row,

You know,

But I like was,

I'm like,

I'm like,

I remember I sent you the,

That meme one time.

I like will light up.

It feels like the,

Um,

The national Lampoon's Christmas vacation,

Like the house.

That's how I feel.

Like,

I'm just like,

See,

I did.

I did.

I,

I remember when I was there that first time I felt the same.

It was like the energy of being there was like so great.

Yeah.

But then it became,

Oh my God,

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm,

I just can't stop like feeling like it was just like an overwhelming,

Sinking feeling.

And it just continued to go down.

I mean,

I was there for three days and by the third day I was like,

You guys just go.

I'm good.

I'm not going like,

And I couldn't like do anymore.

I'm glad we didn't go together.

However,

Once you know what to do,

It's a different story.

I can go.

And that's also like a lot being able,

You know,

That speaks to being able to allow and accept and to be able to roll with the energy and be able to like back up out of it when you need to,

Because when things do become overwhelming,

You need,

Well,

Do you want to,

We can go into like how we deal with that.

Yeah.

I think we can probably talk about like the basic techniques on what to do.

Right.

And I always go with number one,

Ask yourself if you recognize that I am walking in and I feel a certain way and the minute I start feeling a different way and I noticed there are other people around,

Even animals,

Because animals can affect you too.

Um,

You need to ask yourself,

Is this mine?

Yeah.

That's what I,

That's what I asked.

It's my first question that I asked myself.

It sounds so simple,

But just that check in with ourselves and having that awareness is really powerful.

Yes.

And so like I say the exact same thing and we've never even talked about this before.

I would say,

Just say,

Is this mine or somebody else's?

No,

But it's the truth.

It's the truth.

You need to ask yourself,

Is this mine?

Right.

Um,

And to this day I still do it.

I mean,

I was recently out with some friends and we were out and I was,

I was happy.

And then all of a sudden I was like,

Why am I so mad?

And I had to ask myself like,

Is this mine?

And I'm like,

And then I knew that it wasn't right.

And then I knew like next steps,

What do I do next?

Right.

Right.

And so my,

My first go-to is I do two things.

First,

I try to let the energy go.

And so I really do,

Um,

Ground and just feel myself ground and release.

Um,

And just kind of feel that other energy.

Because you don't want to tense up into it because then you're,

Then you're taking it in and holding it.

So that's what I do.

I try to meet,

I try to just kind of like loosen my body physically and just breathe it and let,

And I,

In my mind I'll be like,

Let it go.

Totally.

And what I always,

What I always recommend is,

Is wherever you're at and you're feeling it and you've already asked yourself the first question,

Which is,

Is this mine?

The number,

And you say,

Yes.

Yeah.

Number two is I need to step away from this moment,

Go to a private place.

And I always tell people go to the bathroom.

I mean,

Like,

I love the bathroom.

Yeah.

But go to a stall,

Right?

Like it has to be a private room where you can shut the door and you could just sit and then just breathe it out.

Right.

Like ground it,

Feel it leave you.

Um,

That,

That is my number two.

Yeah.

So,

And I definitely agree with that,

But I always,

Um,

I talk to clients too about like backing up out of that energy.

So even if you're not able to like leave the room and go to a separate quiet place to be,

To like,

Imagine,

Imagine like we have our energy fields around us.

Right.

And so like,

Say going back to maybe you're at the house,

Like with the family,

Spouse,

Siblings,

Parents,

Whatever.

And imagine that they are carrying this,

Like,

You know,

It's not just their body energy.

It's not just their physical being.

It's that energetic field around them and you have to physically back up out of it,

You know?

And so,

And imagine that around them and then imagine your energy field too.

And like,

Just remove yourself and back up out of that energy and visualize separating your energy from their energy and then allow them to have that energy.

Right.

It's like allowing them to go through their emotion,

You know,

Allow them without you being sucked into it,

Personalizing it.

So then that way you can be part of the solution,

Not part of the problem.

I like that.

I will tell you,

So I have something very similar,

But a little easier.

Okay.

I think it's easier,

Um,

Is I just start to envision that I'm surrounded by an egg.

Like,

Like there's just like,

I,

There's an egg around me and I'm not feeling anything.

Like Mork and Mindy?

Yeah.

Or Glinda and her little bubble.

But like,

He was in an egg.

I know.

I remember his show.

I used to watch it on primetime.

I remember I used to love that show.

Um,

I loved it when they had kids and their son.

Um,

But like,

I just think like if you envision yourself,

You kind of instinctively,

Your energy will automatically pull back.

Um,

And so it's just creating that safe space for yourself.

So,

Well,

And that would be like when we guide clients to,

You know,

Create like a shield or create them,

Create,

You know,

You have,

Um,

You're protected by,

You know,

White light or,

You know,

You're in like that protective safe space bubble.

Totally.

So,

And I think that that visualization really helps to separate that energy and to realize it's not yours.

Like it's pretty powerful.

Totally.

Well,

The thing that I always remind people is remember we are energetic beings,

Right?

So if we're energetic beings,

That means we know how to work with energy.

It's a natural thing for us.

And so it's just,

It's,

It's muscle memory,

Right?

The energy knows what to do.

You just have to tell it what to do.

Yeah.

Right.

And so if you can envision it,

You'll create it.

And so I think that that's the key to it.

Right.

So I would agree with those two.

We're talking about like being in situations,

Like being in places like,

Um,

Mardi Gras or concert and things like that,

Or interactions with people.

But this could also be things that we're picking up on TV with the news,

Especially like with the news and everything,

All even social media,

Every so much,

Just an onset of a flood of information that is overwhelming and usually very negative.

And remember,

Like they want it negative so that it instills fear within us,

My,

And it continues,

You know,

And then that keeps us watching because we need to know what happens.

Fear is truth.

And,

And I,

I agree.

And like,

I always,

What I always do,

What I have done,

I haven't watched the news since 1988.

That was the last time I remember I was done.

I was a TV news reporter for,

And producer for six years before I went back to school to be a psychologist.

And so I have not watched the news since I left the field.

I mean,

Because it was so awful and toxic.

Let's clarify though,

Because it's not just news on TV.

Right.

It could be social media.

It could be anything or anything that you're overhearing or witnessing or seeing,

You know,

It could be very removed,

But you're feeling that weight and you can feel like a responsibility to do something about it.

Or,

Or you feel that weight or you're hearing sadness or fear about,

You know,

Other people,

You know,

In other countries or something like that,

Or politics or whatever it might be that gets you.

Mine would be like,

If I hear something on animals or something,

I'm like,

And then you feel,

You feel that sadness,

You feel that guilt of obligation.

Yeah.

I will tell you,

Like,

I've said that a lot today,

But I think one of the big ones,

Like that I always recommend is,

Is like,

You have to start listening to the energy.

And if you starting to notice that something is upsetting you and you're feeling the energy of that emotion,

You have to start cutting yourself from it.

So,

You know,

Like you can't watch something that's like that,

You know,

And,

And sometimes it just happens and like,

That's like what it is,

But like,

You have to start removing yourself from the energy that doesn't make you feel good.

That's self-care.

That's,

That's important.

Exactly.

And,

And I,

I have a great example of this last night.

I woke up in the middle of the night.

Yeah,

That's another story.

And we,

I woke up in the middle of the night and I was like,

Oh,

So I was just scrolling my phone and I saw this like horrible fight where these kids were beating up on this one little boy.

And it like,

I felt it,

Like I had to block that from like my thing.

And then I was just like,

Oh my God,

I need to move that energy because I couldn't believe what I had just seen.

Yeah.

And I mean,

I was up for like probably two hours after that,

Just because I couldn't like make it move.

And,

And so I think like you,

To me,

If that happens to you,

You got to block it.

You got to stop watching it.

It's not worth it.

TikTok,

Facebook.

Anything.

Anything that has any type of visual,

You just got to block it.

If it's not,

If it's,

If it's hindering your self care and your self preservation,

You,

It needs to be removed.

At least at a minimum,

You would,

You would limit it greatly.

And then you assess how you feel because a lot of people will go,

Well,

I want to be informed.

You know,

I don't want to be,

You know,

Ignorant what's going on in the world.

And there's a difference between being informed and then going down the rabbit hole and watching every detail to this information.

So,

You know,

And ultimately,

You know,

And then we're going into another topic.

I don't want to digress too much with that,

With that one,

But,

But you just have to assess your own,

Your own wellbeing and then take and be proactive about it.

It's there's,

There's a joke in my house because like most of these people can watch anything.

And some of my friends,

They're like into like,

Like serial killers and like that type of thing.

And like,

So it becomes a thing in my house to be obsessed.

Yeah.

And I'm always like,

And I'm going to leave.

I won't be a part of that because the minute I see one thing,

Like my problem is,

Is that it's in my mind and I won't let it go.

Like it will stay there.

Yeah.

Like it's,

It's horrible.

And so like,

That's the caution is like,

You just need to know.

So like everyone who lives with me knows that if it's going to be something violent,

Hurtful,

Something that's like real,

Like real is the best way to describe it.

I'm out.

They won't even put it on when I'm in the room.

Well,

That's good.

Yeah.

Cause I'll just,

Well,

I'll leave.

I can't do it.

So empaths check for your flags,

Right?

Let's make sure that you know what your flags look like.

And if you need help,

You can always reach out to us.

We'd be happy to kind of guide you or post your questions.

Post your questions is an amazing thing to do.

And until next time,

Have a great day.

Bye.