Departed Loved Ones And Their Journey To Stay Or Cross

Dr. Traci Moreno and I delve into the topic of our Departed Loved Ones. Join us for an insightful discussion as we share our personal truths about grief and the connection with our departed loved ones. We'll explore how fear can often hold us back from healing and moving forward in our lives. Discover valuable insights and guidance in this touching discussion on finding comfort and understanding in the face of loss.

Transcript

Hey,

It's Pasquale.

Hi,

I'm Dr.

Tracey.

And we are here today excited for Halloween.

Yes,

We are.

And we're going to continue with the Halloween topics.

So today I wanted to talk to you about loved ones who've crossed over or just really kind of any spirits that choose to kind of stay around with us as opposed to crossing over.

And so because this comes up a lot in grief therapy when you know we've lost a loved one.

And of course we we always say if you if that is consistent with your belief that you know oh they're you know they're here with you.

But it's they're here with you kind of like in different ways.

It could be like either they're what is it that they're like here like close to you like not crossed over yet.

Or they could be crossed over and that there's there's a difference there,

Right?

A total difference.

Okay,

So can you help us understand that difference?

Sure,

It's a total energetic difference.

I think I think what happens is is when we get to the point where we leave,

Right,

A lot of times one of the biggest things are well I don't want them to suffer.

I don't want them to have pain,

Right?

If you actually are in the process of kind of crossing,

Right,

Which I know is not directly answering the question but you know me and I have to go around the block.

Yeah.

We're just taking the route.

I know.

We're taking a course.

But like it's an important one because I think like like a lot of times people are like well I don't want them to have pain.

I don't want them to suffer.

And I'm always like you know what you have to recognize that when our bodies are at that point of extinction,

Right,

When it's starting to end,

Right,

We're being called out,

Right?

The energy is beginning to leave and I always tell people tips like if it's in a hospital don't stand at the feet of the bed because most of the time the person is staring forward,

Right?

And they're staring forward because their angel is forward,

Is present.

And if you're standing at the foot of the bed you're actually blocking their view which is not helping them kind of move.

They're like door not a window,

B.

That one.

So always stand at their sides and just be present.

Exactly.

So the truth though,

They always look forward.

They're always looking.

Even if they're at their side,

They're looking forward.

And you want to make sure that you're not standing in that view.

Because that's you.

I'm gonna be like,

Hello my baby.

I got a long time to live.

Don't you worry.

I agree to be in that old-fashioned bedroom for a long long time before that happens.

But like so you want to make sure she's putting on a dance today.

I'm obvious.

This is a lot of energy.

I don't know if you can feel it,

But it's a lot when sweaty.

Okay,

Come out please.

I'm sorry.

So yeah,

So you don't ever want to stand there because you want to give them the freedom to leave,

Right?

Because once they're at that point,

Realistically it's kind of like their energy just opens and expands.

It's the best way I always describe it.

It's like they just become from like this simple vessel to this free like free spirit,

Truly.

I know.

And it's just become so large and so expansive,

Right?

And it's in that state.

Like we take off a jacket.

Because this is our human bed.

So we're like removing that and like setting ourselves,

Setting our inner energetic body free,

Right?

Totally.

And typically it's that human side that stays,

Right?

The spiritual side is already on its way out.

Yeah.

And is leaving.

So there's really no physical,

Like no true pain for the spirit.

And so when it happens,

It just leaves.

And at that point they get to make choices,

Right?

Because everything is a choice.

You know,

Oftentimes what they'll do is they'll say,

I'm seeing light.

I want to go into it.

I want to join my family.

I want to join those people.

I want to join that party that's happening over there and rejoin the energy,

Right?

Or what I have found is that they just say,

Well,

I don't want to leave this person because I think they still need me.

Or I'm not sure that this is actually happening and I'm dead,

Right?

Like there's some variables there.

And then that kind of shifts them and keeps them kind of here,

Right?

And so what I always say is like,

It's like,

It's a little different.

Because the energy when they're here,

I think,

Is a lot heavier,

A lot more present.

It's just very much there,

Right?

So they're not necessarily feeling their own grief because they're kind of like freed in a sense.

But they can feel our grief.

Yes.

Right.

And this is,

I use this concept when treating people that have lost loved ones through grief.

And obviously,

Of course,

Only if they have a consistent spiritual religious belief,

Of course.

But,

You know,

And we have the stages of grief.

And of course,

We have to honor our grief in the beginning.

But once we get,

You know,

Past all the pain and we get to that point where it's like,

We want to be able to let go and heal,

But we're not able to or we're scared.

And so I try to use that concept to motivate them to really let them,

You know,

Let their loved one go.

Because it,

You know,

I kind of explain it in terms of,

You know,

They are here,

They could be,

They could be waiting here because they don't want to leave you yet because you're,

You've been in so much breeze.

But when you do,

When you can do that,

You're actually allowing them,

You're freeing them,

You're releasing them of that and you're letting them continue on their journey.

Because it's also not just about us.

And me personally,

Like I look at it like,

And this is,

Of course,

Later on in the grieving process,

Not in the beginning at all.

Because we do have to validate our grief and really feel it and we're allowed to and supposed to.

Hundred percent.

So later on towards the end of the grieving process.

But,

You know,

I always think like to myself,

I'm like,

It's selfish for me to hold on to them.

Like,

They've done their time.

Cuddle with him,

Invade.

They've done their time.

I have done my time.

It's so,

I,

That's about it.

And please release me,

You know?

And so,

I mean,

So it can be,

You know,

Depending on where you are in that grieving process,

Obviously somebody who's grieving you want to,

Don't want to tell them that they're being selfish.

But holding on,

You know,

There's a time and a place for everything.

But towards the end,

It can really help us motivate and do it out of love as opposed to that pain.

You know,

I think that's the key word.

Like for me,

It's like when you look at that,

It's,

It's selfish is kind of a good way to describe it.

But really it's,

They're holding on to,

They're not holding on to love.

They're holding on to fear,

Right?

Pain.

Yeah.

And it's that other side,

Right?

And so that's the thing that they need to release is that if they were in a loving state,

I don't think you would want them to say,

Right?

That's true.

It kind of,

You're,

You're holding it on because you're afraid to be alone.

I'm not afraid.

I know what I'm going to do.

I don't know,

You know,

What life's going to be like.

I,

I've spent my entire life with you.

I don't know,

Right?

It's that fear that kind of holds them to that person,

You know?

I never verbalized it like that,

But I really like that because I always explain to people that,

You know,

The goal of healing from grief is not that we never miss them or never cry or,

You know,

Feel that pain anymore,

But it's that we,

When we remember them,

We don't want to,

We want to remember them with love and maybe smile through our tears as opposed to like feeling so much pain,

You know?

And so that's consistent with,

It's kind of like focusing on release them out of love,

Not out of a fear of them leaving us.

That,

That I think is key,

Right?

Is that,

Is that when,

When we're in this space,

Cause we're,

We're all going to move through it,

Right?

We all go through it.

Whether it's.

.

.

No one hurts a man alive.

No,

No.

And do you want to?

I mean.

There's a lot of people that do.

There's a lot of people that I,

I don't,

I don't live forever.

And what,

You know,

So,

I mean,

Us personally,

We,

You know,

We,

We have beliefs.

I,

I like living,

But I think the other side's probably a lot more fun.

I just envision it this way,

But you know,

I think something else to kind of add on to what you were saying was,

You know,

It's been recorded on so many out-of-body experiences,

Right?

Where it's like,

Someone can pass in Australia and you may be in New York,

But in that moment of passing that person,

Even though you're in New York,

Is with you,

Right?

Because their energy is so expansive.

You don't need to impress.

I totally agree with that.

Yeah.

It's more about just being open.

Right.

And,

And I think it's kind of allowing that energy to kind of be there,

But then also say,

Thanks for visiting.

You know,

I can't wait to see you again.

And it said our energy in spirit world can be in multiple places at multiple times.

Yes.

So,

You know.

It's why angels.

Talk about cheating.

I could be like visiting you or my husband,

Couple exes on the set.

No,

Just kidding.

I would never do that.

I won't hear them visiting either.

It was like a haunting that I'd be like.

That could be funny.

Sorry.

I don't plan on haunting a few of you.

You know who you are.

And that is a promise,

Not a threat.

No.

Sorry.

This topic is just so common.

It,

You know,

You have to make it fun though.

You have to make it fun.

Cause it's so interesting to me though.

Yeah.

No,

I will tell you like it's,

It's every time that you've seen someone who is kind of staying,

They really are staying for someone else.

Yeah.

Like if it's related in that way.

And so it's tough because they,

They're,

They don't want to let that person go.

That reminds me of,

You know,

How like,

Um,

How somebody,

People,

Family members could be at somebody's bedside,

Like literally 24 seven,

They won't shower,

They won't eat,

They will not leave.

And then finally,

After like this long period of time,

If somebody convinces them,

Just please,

I'll stay with them.

Go take a shower,

Go get something to eat.

And then they finally go.

And then the person passes.

Yeah.

People feel such a tremendous,

Intense amount of guilt for that.

But I explained to them,

I'm like,

That person was holding on for you.

They couldn't go.

They could,

They couldn't leave while you were there and you weren't meant to experience that.

Yeah.

They were actually waiting for you to leave.

It's,

It's totally true.

I've seen it.

I,

I have,

Yeah,

It's happened so many times in my life where it's,

It's like you,

You kind of,

You wait and you wait.

And then the minute the person leaves,

It's like,

Bam.

Yeah.

And it just happened.

I say,

Oh,

They agree.

It's no,

You know,

Like,

So like in,

In my family,

In my culture,

Like,

It's like when someone's in the hospital,

You don't ever leave them because you're always with that,

Right?

Like you kind of there to support them and will kind of be that additional arm.

But I'll,

I'll tell you after witnessing that so many times,

It's like,

You've got to allow the person that may be in the hospital,

Some space for them to kind of catch up with them.

On their own.

Yeah.

Talk to their angels,

Talk to,

You know,

Their moms or whomever in this past.

Um,

And sometimes they won't do that because you're present.

Right.

Right.

I used to whisper in my Nana's ear and I would say,

Man,

Who,

Who's the first person you want to see when you pass,

When you cross over,

You know,

And every,

Everybody else,

Of course I'm a psychologist.

So this kind of stuff is a lot easier for me to talk about than the average person.

Cause we talk and all the time.

But,

You know,

I,

And I would even tell my mom,

I'm like,

You know,

They would still be like trying to get her to do these things on mine.

I'm like,

Mom,

I'm like,

I know it's hard,

But like,

Please,

Like when you can do it,

Just say like,

It's okay for you to go,

You know?

And,

But that wasn't so moving back to the first part that I was saying,

I would whisper in her ear and say,

What,

You know,

Who's the first person you want to see?

And she,

I just remember she smiled really big and this was,

She was already like,

Um,

Not really showing a lot of facial expressions and not really able to talk.

And she said,

My mother.

And I was like,

Oh my gosh.

And you know,

This is our matriarch.

And it reminded me like,

She's a kid and it was so,

It didn't,

It gave me chills just talking about it now,

But it was so beautiful and it made the experience like so much more peaceful,

You know?

You know,

This is the number one person that people,

When they're ready to cross see is their mom.

In every sense.

Um,

It's.

That they want to see or that they need to see.

It's always their mom is the first one they see.

Always.

If they have a relationship with their mom and.

Mom.

Mom figure.

Mom.

We need to talk about this.

It's,

It's the truth because also remember,

Even if it was dogs,

You'll see them.

I'd be like,

But.

That's you being a mom.

That's you being a mom.

But mom is the nurturer.

Right.

And so.

But when they cross,

They become it because they recognize she.

And so it's always like every single time that I've been in a room where someone's crossing,

Which is probably more times than both of my hands.

Like.

Well,

Then I guess this brings up another topic because then when we are released from that human pain,

That human experience,

We then no longer have all of that possible resentment or all the problems and the pain from that relationship.

Yeah.

And so we,

I feel like we,

I don't know how automatic is,

But I want to say it's almost like this.

I get a sense that it's this,

Like automatic understanding of like a big picture of like,

This is kind of getting into other things,

But if there was some sort of soul contract involved,

You know,

Because this is totally getting onto a tangent,

Which we can cover in another episode,

But,

But is that kind of,

And then we,

We would,

We would want that,

You know,

Because it was such an important relationship.

Yeah.

Well,

You know what it is?

It's remember that you choose your parents for the lessons,

Right?

Yes.

You choose them for the lessons.

And I think it's the lessons that we,

We take from our parents and run forward with,

But once we crossed our vision,

Isn't stuck in this three dimensional human body,

Right?

We open up to this other experience.

We start to see things from different perspectives.

We can actually feel what other people are feeling as that,

In that crossover state,

In that spirit state,

Right?

It's,

It's an energy now.

And that energy understands truth.

It understands and is,

Has learned to let go or sacrifice for sure.

But like,

For me,

It's like,

You know,

You have to remember when you leave this body,

You enter a state of love,

Right?

Like that's the pure vibration.

The hum of energy is love.

And so even when you leave that energy of love,

You start to recognize that perspective of that human side made me feel this way,

Right?

I was angry.

I was resentful.

I am carrying,

You know,

Guilt or whatever that is,

Right?

That's the human side.

And when you move past that and you start to enter that pure love state,

All that other stuff isn't important and you recognize it,

Right?

Yeah.

Which is to me,

Like often has what mediums are so popular today is because today in general,

Right?

Because the medium is actually connecting with someone who is crossed,

Who has a message of,

Please forgive me.

I love you.

I'm here for you because of their human existence,

Right?

Right.

It's super connected in that way.

That's very beautiful.

And so like,

That's the piece to remember is,

Is that when someone is crossing,

Remember they've entered a state of love.

Right.

Or they,

Should they choose to,

Right?

There are some that choose to stay because they don't know if they've gone or they're kind of confused.

And in that state,

It's always good to kind of help them kind of move that on.

And I think that's our next topic for next week,

Right?

Yeah.

Crossing over.

Crossing over.

Like what we kind of,

You know,

Know or think we know about it.

Yeah.

So.

So,

But,

But for this one what,

In terms of not fully crossing over,

But what would be if once they do kind of like we're saying once we're able to kind of release them and let them go,

Like when we start to heal,

In what aspect are they still kind of there for us?

You know,

I always like,

You know,

I like kind of the idea that,

That they're like your angel,

They're your support.

Right.

Um,

It,

They,

They could come around and they could still be there.

Right.

Like,

And I can tell you from my own experience,

Like I still have,

I have a couple of grandparents that stick around and kind of come back,

Um,

And it,

And through my own family,

They,

Like,

They'll visit in dreams or whatnot.

Right.

Whereas my one grandmother,

She never visits me.

She visits everyone but me.

Right.

And,

And quote,

I know we will be talking one day.

Don't you worry.

I have a whole list of things.

Um,

But,

But like,

You have to believe it's because of love,

Right?

Like,

Like she's not coming because of love.

And so it's,

If you're not visited,

It's not a bad day.

Yeah.

Right.

It just means that you're on the right track and just know that they'll always be with you.

You know,

All you have to do is just think of them and call them and they'll come forward.

Right.

So,

So even when you are releasing them,

You don't necessarily ever really lose them.

You're just allowing them to cross over,

But they can still be there for you,

Guiding you.

And a lot of times I tell people like now they actually have more,

Um,

Kind of power.

I don't know if that's the right word.

Yeah.

I bet.

To like,

Look over you,

Guide you and protect you than they did when they were here on earth.

Totally.

You know,

You can continue talking to them.

You can continue asking them questions,

Asking for guidance,

Asking for support,

Help.

Right.

And,

And then feel that and pay attention to signs and,

You know,

Try to connect.

And there's different things that you can do with that.

I will tell you,

Like there's,

There's,

Um,

Like a cultural belief out there that like when someone crosses,

Um,

Like you don't really lose them because they join you and they're part of you.

And so each generation,

It just continues to expand where it's like every grandparent is in you,

You know,

And you're in each of your children moving forward.

Right.

It's a good way to kind of look at kind of the way the energy is of it.

Right.

Because it carries,

Right?

It's not just this divine energy.

It's also there's genetics too,

Right?

That will link us to that divine energy.

Okay.

So this brings a whole nother branch.

We're not going into science because I don't know science.

Well,

No,

Not science.

I don't either.

So.

I have not taken a few strands.

Psychology.

That was it.

But.

I didn't do that.

No,

But,

Um,

Because I think of,

I think of like soul families and I don't think of like blood family.

They're totally different.

Right.

Okay.

They could be a set.

They could be.

Yeah.

But you're talking about the blood and the DNA line.

So,

You know,

It's complicated,

Right?

Like,

Cause what I will tell you from what the way I understand it is,

Is that once you do cross and you've kind of,

And this is a topic for the next set lesson,

But.

Or talk,

But like once you do cross it's everything is broken into tribes is how I understand it.

That's the words I get.

It's like,

Try it.

Right.

Okay.

And,

And so.

That's weird.

Cause that's become like the,

Like a pop culture word,

Like find your tribe.

Totally.

My tribe.

Totally.

And so like,

To me,

It's like,

I think that's their word for family.

And so I don't,

I think that when you talk family on the spirit side of things,

It's not just your mom,

Dad,

And like the people,

You know,

It's not the blood,

It's bigger.

Right.

Right.

And I think that your soul family are people who are somehow connected in that way.

We travel in circles,

Like through life.

Exactly.

And they're just easy.

That could happen.

That's a great topic to talk about because I think soul families are sometimes more important than actually familial families,

Like blood families.

I've yeah.

I've always held importance to that because I feel like our blood family is oftentimes because it is about lessons.

And so,

And unfortunately we learn through like struggles and challenges.

So unfortunately sometimes our family is like sometimes the hardest people to be around and the most difficult that cause us the most pain,

You know,

And that's just reality.

Right.

From the lessons.

Because of the lessons we're having to overcome and learn through this time.

And so I feel like that's not necessarily like our soul,

The soul family.

Yeah.

They're totally different.

Right.

And I always like,

Cause I have someone in my life,

I have,

I know my soul family or several members of my soul.

I do too.

And,

And like for them,

It's like you're,

You are too.

We found each other,

But like,

Like it's,

It's just easy.

Life is easy and we're totally going off topic.

And I'm surprised I'm the one doing this.

I know.

I know.

I know you're redirecting me.

I know.

Oh,

But like,

I think that it's the truth though.

Like,

So like when,

When it's time for that,

Like crossover to happen is just recognize that it is truly a bigger picture.

It's bigger energy,

Bigger.

So let's talk about soul families at another Hana.

We should totally.