Coping Skills Vs. Self-Care, Is There A Difference?

People often assume that coping skills and self-care are one and the same. Although the activities of each can look the same the purpose for engaging in them is quite different. In this episode of Spiritual Psychology Support Group, Dr Traci and Pasquale, talk about the difference and how to use both for your growth.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

I'm Dr.

Tracey.

Hey,

It's Pasquale.

Today we're going to talk about coping skills versus self-care.

I am so excited about this topic.

Why is that?

Because I actually will tell you that in my mind I don't think I ever really separated them.

Right.

In my mind I kind of always put them together even though they're really different.

Yeah,

People will usually think that they're one in the same and they're really not and it's very important that we understand the difference because both are very important in our life.

So let's just we'll just go through the difference.

So what is a coping skill?

So coping skills are you know things it's really activities used for symptom management.

So it's something that we use in the moment when we are experiencing some sort of difficulty,

Stress,

Emotion and we want to use that coping skill to bring ourselves back to a stable level ground.

So the activities themselves can be the same.

So we could use let's say common coping skills,

Meditation,

Exercise,

Listening to music,

Taking a shower or bath,

Getting a massage like you know,

Hanging out with friends.

It could be those things could apply to being a coping skill and self-care but they're being used at different times for different reasons.

Got it.

So then what is self-care?

So self-care would be more of the long-term maintenance you know and working on prevention.

So it's the things we do on a regular basis just to keep ourselves from elevating too much or becoming too stressed or highly emotional and so those that's like laying the foundation of our well-being right and then when we do spike emotionally or stress wise that's when we want to incorporate a coping skill to help us get back down to that level.

So can I use a layman's term example?

Sure.

I used this before.

So if I had a back pain I would get a massage and that would be a coping skill.

Right because you're managing the symptom.

The moment.

Yeah.

Whereas I get a monthly massage is a self-care.

Exactly.

Perfect example.

It relates to me.

And both make a huge difference.

Totally.

So I also want to focus on coping skills too because it's very important that the coping skill the activity that we choose as a coping skill should reflect the intensity of what we're feeling.

So for example if we're feeling heightened emotionally stressed anxious angry anything like that that carries like a higher level of energy within us we don't want to choose a coping skill like reading taking a bath meditating we don't want to do that and in fact if we do end up because that's so calming and relaxing and those are on completely two different scales right and so that mismatch of energy will just actually create that cognitive dissidence and within us yeah it can actually amplify us and and we will just get even more pissed off so like in in like a spiritual sense in the spiritual life we would do the same thing and it's just about managing your vibration right so like if you're in a high vibe moment you don't want to do a low vibe thing you want to do a high vibe thing to get that energy to move yeah so like an example like in what you're saying is like if you're angry with someone don't go meditate about the anger actually go out and take a run you have to release it take a walk or go play with your dog or shoot basketballs but something to move that energy out we need to move energy right and I even explained to people who aren't necessarily spiritual you know that I say think of and think of emotions as energy which they are energy but let's say if that's you know they're not there and that's not important for them to learn so I think of emotions like energy right we carry and we know when we're heightened emotionally we're like almost like shaking like we're trembling you can feel that energy well that energy has to move somewhere or it's going to be blocked within us and so we have to get that out so we do want to do like a more active coping skill that can help us release that energy and that can be like you like you know running walking any sort of physical activity is awesome even like jump sometimes I would just like pace in my room or like jumping jacks in place or the best one if you're really angry what we can release that stress in no time what do you think I'm gonna say something at me read my mind no oh yeah throwing glasses at people oh my god I used to break things when I was a kid I would go out on my go out on my big wheel take like one of my mom's little like chachkis chachkis that's another new word for the day she had crap everywhere all the thousand little glass thing and the psychologist was born oh yeah but you know oh okay so what I was gonna say though is holding a plank plank position and you just like you just bent it out while you're holding it there and your body's just shaking and you start getting like even more and more angry as you're doing it and I'm like just talking to myself like like verbalizing out loud like whatever problem I'm going through and then you just get to a point where you're like where you just like you surrender to it and you just collapse and it and when you collapse on the floor it all of it just releases actually just doing that right now I just felt a release really yeah we'll talk about that self-care after no but I think planks are a good way I never thought of that but a plank is a really good one because I I remember I was recently had taken a class that I didn't want to take that was like a gym class and this person like yells at you to like go faster go higher go harder and and at the end this trainer was like oh and I am X years old and I could do a plank for three minutes so my challenge is that all of you are gonna do it and I was angry because I was like we just did you got the bass in the voice right that's how I was I was like what cuz I'm done but by the time I like did it I didn't last the three minutes I'm not gonna lie but I did it by the time I was done I was actually laughing yeah and you know what a really easy one is too is just stepping outside because when we're heightened emotionally we start to our body starts to close up right our muscles like you know logically our muscles start to contract our breathing becomes labored you know so it and even and we can feel a little bit claustrophobic okay and so even just walking outside even if you're not even necessarily like that's the coping skill walking outside because it just opens us up and you'll find that just walking outside we automatically instinctively just go and we take a breath right and all of a sudden we can even like open our arms up and so and then even to build on that if you you could do some conscious you know deep breaths and and some stretching to open that out and what you're doing is you're counteracting what your body is like physiologically so with that then would you say that people should probably try the coping skill that fits them yes because like I know that like for me I you won't see me run I don't run unless it's to a donut shop maybe to a donut shop I don't even run then I walk gracefully everywhere I go but I would probably walk or take a bike ride I don't have a whole arsenal of coping skills because even something that does normally work for you may not work for you in the moment and we have to be able to pull what what will work in the moment yeah one thing doesn't work we have to have something else that we go to yeah you know or some of our coping skills involve maybe other people like if it's like venting to a friend or I don't know maybe working out if you have a workout buddy you know that's why I always we can't always have things that depend on other people so you know it's we have to be able to you know have a whole kind of list to choose from you know I agree with that I would tell you for me the my what I always recommend whenever someone does have that moment I always tell them choose people last oh yeah and just because there may be a time where people may not be available right and you don't want that to become and you don't want to be dependent big thing yeah and you don't want to become dependent on other people for your own emotional regulation 100% even like you know sometimes you're not able to be able to listen to music you know you might be at work or something like that or in a meeting or you know or or walk outside or even if you know your dog or playing with a pet is one of your coping skills that may not you may not be able to do those things in the moment so you need to have a big a pretty big range of coping skills but I will say I will say this because I do think like having been someone who once worked in a corporate office environment when I did have those moments of coping which I can't many of I remember going I'm gonna go to the bathroom and then I would just go to the bathroom yeah and then flush the toilet a lot or you know because it's just like you just move it and just feel better don't break it that's new well I mean because I call that like power flushing and just power flush the anger away I'm gonna trademark that to me but I think that like there's you should always I do believe like when you feel that you're in that moment it's best not to engage it in a way that will make it explode but actually find a way to step out to right yeah I'm no matter where you're at I mean yeah you could be at church but yeah and even walk outside yeah you know so I love all that I love it so self-care so we need both so I think self-care is most is so important well self-care is the foundation but both are equally as important totally totally different purposes so you need both self-care and coping skills both equal self-love all right bye