Hello and welcome.
My name is Julie and I'm glad you've joined us for this Parent Break.
If your eyes are open,
I invite you to close them and let us take two breaths together to move inward.
We'll inhale,
Release.
Let's invite a lower breath.
Inhale,
Release.
Continue to breathe at a pace that makes sense for you and allow your breaths to draw you further inward.
Today I invite you to look back at the moment you first started dreaming of becoming a parent.
Maybe it was back when you were a child and playing with dolls.
Maybe it was when you met the person who is your co-parent.
Perhaps it wasn't until you knew that the baby was on its way.
Whenever it was,
You probably had dreams and fears that all combined together and you may have started to imagine the things you would do as a parent and the things you would never do as a parent.
Do you recognize some of the things on that imaginary checklist?
Now bring yourself into the present moment.
It's possible,
Even likely,
That things haven't gone exactly as you planned.
You might not be at the top of your parenting game every moment of every day.
You might have imagined children who behaved a lot better than your kids do.
You might have imagined a more supportive partner or more consistent finances.
Of course there are differences.
The person doing the initial imagining wasn't a parent and didn't have a clue what real life would be like.
Now that you're here,
You do have a much clearer sense of reality,
But the expectations you are holding onto for yourself may still be the ones from long ago.
The distance or difference between the expectations you have for your parenting and the reality of your parenting is your parenting guilt.
I'll repeat that.
The difference between the expectations you have for your parenting and the reality of your parenting is your parenting guilt.
Guilt comes along when we thought we would do something and we didn't do it,
Or when we thought we would be someone and we aren't.
Your parenting guilt may feel very heavy.
Guilt gets in the way of parenting.
When we feel guilty,
We tend to give in more and can be very easily manipulated.
The good news is parenting guilt doesn't have to be here.
We have the power to notice it and change it.
There are three ways to get rid of guilt.
Number one,
We can make our expectations more realistic.
Now that we know the family we have,
The time,
The energy,
We can set expectations that are based on our current reality,
Which will eliminate the distance between expectations and reality,
And we can get rid of guilt.
A second way,
We can change our reality and bring it closer to our expectations.
If we want to hold ourselves to an initial expectation,
Maybe that means being firm about bedtimes,
Then we can create a routine in our home that meets that expectation.
The third way is to do a little bit of both.
Get our expectations a lot closer to our reality and get our reality a lot closer to our expectations.
This takes work and can be done once we get clear about the ones that are really,
Really far apart.
Feeling guilty as a parent is something we have the power to control,
But don't start feeling guilty about that too.
We can notice it and we can make small steps to shift the guilt.
I invite you to join me in the three affirmations that follow.
I am aware of my expectations and am bringing them closer to my reality.
I can change my reality to meet my new expectations.
I can let go of the guilt,
Which is holding me back.
I am aware of my expectations and I'm bringing them closer to my reality.
I can change my reality to meet my new expectations.
I can let go of the guilt,
Which is holding me back.
I am aware of my expectations and I'm bringing them closer to my reality.
I can change my reality to meet my new expectations.
I can let go of the guilt,
Which is holding me back.
Let's take one breath together and move forward with the rest of the day.
We'll inhale and release.
If you're joining me live at parent break,
We're going to put eight minutes on the clock for some private journaling.
And if you're listening to us on replay on insight timer,
I invite you to do the same.
Thanks for joining me for this parent break.
