Self-Compassion Amid Chaos

This is a 25-minute meditation exploring the definition of mindfulness and benefits of self-compassion, culminating in a 20-minute Metta practice to alleviate suffering during this chaotic and taxing time. It's a reminder to take care of ourselves as we take care of others.

Please note: This track was recorded live.

Transcript

I am so grateful for this opportunity to practice with you all today.

Today we will explore what mindfulness is,

Talk a little bit about the loving kindness form of meditation that we will practice today,

And practice together around the intention of self-compassion.

When I think of mindfulness,

I think of it as simply the act of noticing.

To be mindful is simply to notice.

It takes effort to intentionally anchor your attention into the present moment.

Being mindful often requires you pull back your awareness out of time traveling back into the past or projecting into the future.

Being mindful is simply the act of rooting down into the current moment again and again,

Without judgment.

Today we're going to do a loving kindness meditation centered around self-compassion.

In a time when I imagine we are all feeling a bit paralyzed,

Stuck at home with so much collective anxiety and suffering,

I know that personally I have found myself being quite critical of myself for every action that I take,

Be it at work or in a concert of not being able to help enough or join us at this really scary time.

Self-compassion can give us some space to breathe.

One of my teachers,

Sharon Salzberg,

Shares that mindful practice helps create space between our actual experiences and the reflective stories we tend to tell about them.

Loving kindness practice helps us move our attention to the current moment.

This helps us move out of the terrain of our default narrative,

Especially if they tend to be based on fear or disconnection.

So what is self-compassion?

I imagine that all of us intuitively know what compassion is.

The word compassion literally means to suffer together.

And that is what we are doing right now.

More so than just recognizing someone's suffering,

Compassion is accompanied with the authentic desire to alleviate their suffering.

It's how you talk to a friend who is really struggling,

When you listen to them and you can say,

I hear you.

That sounds really tough.

I see how much you are carrying.

How can I support you in this?

So self-compassion is the act of extending the same grace and the same patience to yourself in moments of perceived failure and hardships.

So why do a loving kindness meditation of all the forms of meditation that you could practice?

Advances in FMRI,

Brain imagery technology,

Have been able to show that a loving kindness meditation increases activation in the brain circuits that are wired for attention,

Perspective taking,

And positive feelings.

One study found that just seven minutes of a loving kindness meditation boosts a person's good feelings and sense of social connection.

So even if you aren't with other people right now,

Even if you don't feel particularly connected,

You can activate those same parts of yourself.

Humans are primed for connection,

And that begins by connecting to yourself.

And so with that,

We will begin our practice.

I invite you to make yourself comfortable in whatever way that feels for you.

Be it seated in a chair or on the floor.

Do you want to lay down?

Do you want to go for a walk?

Whatever your meditation practice or just your practice looks like today for you.

And when you are in the position that feels comfortable to you,

I invite you to take your shoulders and roll them up to your ears.

And as you roll them back down your spine,

Feel a little bit of the day's tension roll with you.

And begin to check in.

Begin to check in on how your body feels.

Anchor down to what you are seated on if you're seated.

And notice what is making contact.

Can you feel your feet on the floor?

Can you feel your sit bones in your chair or on the floor?

I invite you to rest your hands wherever it feels comfortable,

Palms up or palms down.

And if you're in a place that feels comfortable,

I invite you to close your eyes.

Or if that isn't accessible,

Lower your gaze.

Check in on your body.

What is holding tightness?

Where can you release?

Notice your jaw,

Your shoulders,

Your eye sockets.

And begin to have awareness of your breath.

Without changing it or modifying,

Notice if it's shallow or calm.

Together,

We will take three deep breaths.

Inhale through your nose,

Pulling your breath down into your chest,

Down into your belly,

Inhaling for three,

Two,

One.

Holding at the top of your breath,

Exhale out your mouth for three,

Two,

One.

Push your breath out and hold empty at the bottom of your breath for one.

Inhaling again for three,

Two,

One.

Feeling your spine expand with the fullness of breath,

Exhale for three,

Two,

One.

Inhaling one more time for three,

Two,

One.

Hold at the top of your breath and exhale out your mouth for three,

Two,

One.

Take these breaths throughout this practice if you need them and let your breath be comfortable and anchor yourself.

I invite you to call into your mind the image of someone you care about very much.

Perhaps it's a long-time friend or a parent or a child or a cherished coworker.

You call into your mind someone that you care deeply about,

Who is kind to you.

And if you're seated at a table,

Can you invite them to sit with you across from you?

Or if you're seated in a room,

Invite them into the room.

If you're on a walk,

Invite them to walk next to you,

This person that you care deeply about.

And holding their image in your mind,

Can you say to this person,

May you be happy,

May you be healthy,

May you live with ease?

Can you say it one more time to them?

May you be happy,

May you be healthy,

May you live with ease?

Returning to your breath if you started to hold it.

And let that image of that person fade from your mind's eye.

Next,

Can you call into your mind's eye the image of someone that you don't know super well?

Perhaps if you went outside today,

Someone you passed by,

Someone who lives in your building,

Or when we were in an office,

Worked on a different floor than you,

Whose name you might know,

But you might not.

Or perhaps think of the hundreds of people on this call right now,

Who you've never met before,

But are linked to.

And in that same way,

Can you invite this person,

When you thought of them,

To sit with you at the table,

In the room,

Or on the walk?

And can you say to this person in the same way,

May you be happy,

May you be healthy,

May you too live with ease?

And let the image of this person fade from your mind,

Calling back in awareness to your breath.

Is there anything that you can release,

Any tightness or tension in your body right now?

Next,

Can you imagine someone that you don't know at all?

So perhaps the family of the people on this call,

Or the family of your coworkers,

Who you've never met or interacted with in the background of the Zoom call,

Or even further,

Thinking about all of the people around the world who have been touched,

Around the world who have been touched by this epidemic,

All of the essential workers,

All of the people working on the front lines,

The people at home,

Are full human collective.

Can you invite someone so you don't know it all into your mind's eye,

The idea of this person you've never imagined?

And can you say to them in that same way,

May you be happy,

May you be healthy,

May you be healthy,

May you live with ease,

Continuing to breathe deep down and through your chest.

And now,

Can you think of yourself,

This person who needs compassion and acceptance in the exact same way as we all do?

And can you invite yourself into the room?

Perhaps you call to mind the image of you when you really needed compassion,

Perhaps a younger version of yourself at six or in high school.

Or if this isn't accessible to you,

Can you think of maybe a part of yourself?

You know,

Thank you,

Legs,

For carrying me.

Thank you,

Hands,

For writing.

And can you hold yourself in your mind in the same way?

And if it feels comfortable to you,

Do you want to turn your hands down,

Palms down onto your legs,

Or perhaps a hand on your heart and a hand on your belly?

And can you say the same to yourself,

May I be happy,

May I be healthy,

May I too live with ease?

May I too live with ease?

Inhale through your nose,

Exhale out your mouth.

Continuing to use your breath as an anchor through this.

Can you say it one more time?

May I be happy,

May I be healthy,

May I too live with ease?

And I'm going to let us all sit in this for several minutes,

Just a few.

My voice is going to fade out and I will come back.

Just sit in this one self-compassion for yourself.

So I want to share with you a metaphor that helped me think about compassion and self-compassion.

Can you call into your mind the image of a watering can,

Perhaps a remnant from your childhood when it says lime green plastic vessels or speckled tin?

Can you imagine this watering can filled to the top with hose water?

Day in and day out,

There will never be a day when more water could fit in that watering can.

Its capacity is fixed,

Limited.

For a long time,

I thought that compassion existed like this watering can.

I saw the great garden of beings in the world,

The aching and the needing,

All desperately seeking that same water in the watering can,

The compassion.

And here I was,

A tiny little plant aching to grow in deep thirst,

But aware of my smallness.

Any drop of water that went to me,

That drop of water not going to all the other beings in the garden who needed that water,

The compassion.

It felt selfish to take even one drop of it for myself.

What I know now is that compassion is more like a water wheel than a watering can.

When I say water wheel,

I want you to picture one of those large wooden wheels that are either,

You know,

At a cider mill on top of a river or,

You know,

In a movie where they have a drop rig,

Sometimes they'll have,

You know,

A big wooden water wheel churning the water next to it.

And those wheels,

They move slowly as they're being moved by the river beneath it.

So how do you get the wheel to move faster and generate more energy?

You pour water into the wheel from the top and the wheel turns faster and faster.

That is self-compassion.

The more you pour into yourself,

The faster the wheel turns and the more compassion that is put out.

What I know now is that compassion is not scarce.

Compassion does not live in the fixed capacity of a watering can.

Compassion is the self-replenishing water wheel.

The more compassion we pour into ourselves,

The more compassion we can pour out to other people.

The great watering and healing of our collective garden begins with self-compassion.

So inhale through your nose.

Exhale out your mouth.

And we'll do two more of these deep breaths.

Inhale through your nose.

Exhale out your mouth.

And one more.

Inhale through your nose.

Feel your breasts,

Feel your lungs,

Your chest,

Your belly.

Hold it out for one.

Exhale for three,

Two,

One.

And I'll begin to invite you to bring a little bit of awareness back,

Be it twinkling your toes or beginning to move your fingertips,

Roll your wrists and ankles and your neck,

Start to bring movement back into the body.

And notice what has changed over the past 30 minutes.

How does your heart feel?

How do you feel?

And when it feels comfortable for you,

I invite you to begin to open your eyes and we'll conclude practice.

I hope this helps you find a little bit of peace.

And if you found this difficult,

That's totally okay to practice.

Thank you for practicing with me.

And I'll hand it back to Jana to close.

Thank you very much,

Sarah,

For the wonderful meditation.

We hope that you all enjoyed this and that you're able to join us again next week at the same time,

4.

30 PM Eastern on Monday.

We'll be using the same dial-in details as you used today.

We'll have rotating facilitators each week who will be offering different types of meditation.

I wanted to thank again,

Net Roadshow for providing us with this conference line to use.

And if you'd like to stay posted on future Mindful on Wall Street events,

You can follow our LinkedIn group,

Mindful on Wall Street.

We'll look forward to gathering with you all again.

Thank you again for joining.

We're going to end just a minute ahead of the hour.

I hope that you all take good care.

And this concludes today's call.