How To Deal With Anxiety At Work

This talk will provide you with insights and exercises to immediately reduce your anxiety at work. We will work on the common beliefs that cause your work stress, so that you can feel more relaxed and confident while at work in the future.

Please note: This audio is ripped from a video.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Noah Elkrief and in this video I'm going to talk about how to deal with anxiety at work.

So I've already made a video about how to deal with stress at work,

But in this video I'm going to cover it in a slightly different way.

So if you don't get what you're looking for in this video,

Then I'll have a link at the end of it to try my other video.

So basically,

One of the main reasons that we have anxiety at work is not just because of whether we'll have enough money to survive or enough money to get what we want and all that sort of thing.

Something deeper than that is that we look to succeed at work because we're trying to convince ourselves that we have worth,

That we are valuable,

That we have a purpose,

Basically that we have a worthy,

Valuable life.

So if we do well in our job,

We feel great,

Yay,

I am good,

I have worth,

I have value in life,

I am valuable,

I am worthy.

And if we do badly at a task or at a project or something along those lines,

We feel like a failure,

We feel unworthy,

We feel insufficient,

We feel lacking,

Like maybe I don't have value,

Maybe this isn't where I belong,

Maybe.

.

.

And it makes us really feel like we're insufficient and unworthy.

But on top of that,

Since failing makes us feel like we're not good enough and doing badly in our job makes us feel like we're not good enough,

Then even when things are good and everything is going great in my job and we're trying to believe I'm worthy and valuable,

We still have anxiety about it going badly because just even if things went well for the last 10 years in every single moment,

You don't know that it will go well in the next moment.

So you have anxiety about any upcoming projects,

Any upcoming client meetings,

Any upcoming anything,

Because if you do poorly,

It means you are bad and not worthy and failing.

So you have anxiety about that.

And if things aren't so good right now and you want to have value and worth and you think it's best to have value and worth and that your job performance indicates your value,

Then you're scared of not doing well.

Because if you don't do well,

It means you are not valuable and don't have worth.

So that creates anxiety as well.

So even when things are good,

You have anxiety.

When things are bad,

You have anxiety.

When it's good,

You have anxiety about it worsening.

And when it's bad,

You have anxiety about whether it will ever be good.

And that's no fun.

And that all comes from thinking that your job and how well you do in it determines how much value and worth you have as a human being.

And so in order to be free of this anxiety,

We need to separate those two and really understand value and worth much more clearly than that.

So first of all,

Let's look at the tasks of your job and what that mean about you.

So right now I'm clapping.

Am I a clapper?

Is that who I am?

No,

It's just something that I'm doing in a moment.

Has nothing to do with who I am.

I'm just moving my hands in this way.

Right?

I am not a clapper because I did that.

Especially not now.

I'm not even clapping right now.

But even while I'm clapping,

I am not a clapper.

It's just something that I'm doing.

If I did that every day for 10 minutes a day or 10 hours a day,

I am still not a clapper.

It's just something that my hands are doing.

Right?

So in your job,

You do something with your hands.

You do hand movements all day.

And whether it's like this or like this or like this,

You're doing hand movements.

The hand movements are not who you are.

They are not what you are.

So they don't mean if you're doing this,

I am a programmer.

That's who I am.

So if I'm good at programming,

I am good and valuable.

If I'm bad at programming,

I am bad.

If I'm doing this,

I'm a good construction worker.

No,

You're just doing something with your hands.

It's not who you are.

If you leave that job,

You are still you.

Right?

If you change jobs,

You are still you.

In any moment that you're not doing those hand movements,

You are still you.

That means even while you're doing hand movements,

The hand movements aren't who you are.

So even if how you perform at your job is excellent,

Incredible,

According to the people around you and your bosses,

Well,

That doesn't mean you are great.

It means you have a skill.

It doesn't mean that's who you are.

Right?

So as long as you think that how well you perform a task determines how good you are as a person and your worth,

Then you live with fear.

So recognize that the task that you do and how you move your hands doesn't mean anything about who you are.

The next thing we're going to look at here is simply what do you want most in life?

What is the number one most important thing to you?

Take a moment and answer that.

So for a lot of people that have anxiety at work,

The answer is something like I want success more than anything else.

I want to reach my potential more than anything else.

I want to be worthy and to show that I had an impact and worth and that I was valuable in this life more than anything else.

But I'd like to suggest that that's actually not what you want more than anything else.

What you really want,

What every person that's ever come to me with anxiety actually wants and was able to discover,

Is that you want peace and happiness more than you want anything else.

That's what we all want.

You want to lose your anxiety,

Lose your loneliness,

Lose your sense of lack,

Lose your sense of insecurity,

Lose your insufficiency,

Lose your judgments,

Lose your worry about others' opinions.

You want to lose all of those things more than you want to have value and worth.

So,

In order to see that more clearly perhaps,

Because maybe that's not clear,

Is that we look to success and value and worth because we hope it will make us happy.

So if I asked you,

How do you expect to feel on your deathbed,

If you can tell yourself the story,

I was valuable and worthy and I reached my potential,

How would you feel?

Well,

You would expect to feel good,

Great,

Relaxed,

At peace,

Happy.

So what you really want is those feelings and somewhere along the way you created the idea that worth and value is how you get those feelings of happiness and peace and relaxed and at ease.

So before we can evaluate whether that's true or not and whether value and worth is the right means to get you peace and happiness,

You first need to really discover and really get that you want peace and happiness more than you want value and worth.

And that doesn't mean you can't get success and all those other types of things.

This is purely to discover what you want most.

What's the most important thing to you?

And to help you discover that,

We can also look at,

If I give you two choices,

Have no value and worth according to what you think value and worth is,

But be happy in every moment,

Joyous,

Free,

Light,

Enthusiastic,

Connected,

Loving and all those types of things.

Never have anxiety again,

Never feel insecure,

Never feel insufficient,

Never compare this moment to your idea of when you have worth and value.

None of that.

Or live your life and have value and worth in every way that you think is valuable and worthy,

But you live life with anxiety,

Insecurity,

Lack,

Worry and everything else you currently have and you have it for the rest of your life.

Which do you choose?

I know you may think if I had value and worth and everything I wouldn't have those feelings.

Well,

Let's put that aside for a second.

Hypothetically,

If those were your two options,

Value and worth but incredibly unhappy,

Or no value and worth and incredibly happy all the time,

Which do you choose?

Well for most of us if we're willing,

Sometimes it's hard to admit this and hard to be open enough to see it,

But if you're really willing to be honest with yourself,

Which may be hard,

Is you'll discover you really want peace more than you want value and worth.

And that's irrelevant as long as you think you want value and worth.

Value and worth is the most important thing to get you peace.

But just for right now we need to understand the hierarchy here.

We confuse the goal with the means.

So if I tell you I want ice cream more than anything else,

I don't.

I want pleasure and I happen to believe ice cream will give me the pleasure.

So you think you want success more than anything else?

You don't.

You want happiness and you just happen to believe success will give it to you.

But as long as we confuse the means with the goal,

We live life with a tremendous amount of anxiety.

So now that that's out of the way,

If you've discovered you want peace more than anything else,

Well then the next obvious question is can value and worth give you peace?

If you live a life of value and worth and you get done and succeed in everything you want to do,

Will that give you peace and happiness?

And the answer is no.

But don't believe me,

Don't trust me.

Let me break it down for you.

So in order to understand what makes us happy,

We need to completely redefine what happiness is according to discovery rather than what we were taught and believed from our childhood.

So we tend to believe happiness is given to us,

Like it's not given from somebody else but it comes with success,

It comes with wealth.

Like if I get that,

I'll be happy.

Happiness is something you get from the outside.

But happiness is actually simply the absence of suffering.

Okay?

Because thoughts are what create suffering.

Thoughts about the future create anxiety,

Anxiety about money,

Anxiety about health,

Anxiety about your job performance.

Right?

Thoughts about others' opinions create worry.

Worry about what your boss thinks,

Worry about what your co-workers think about you.

Worry about what your wife thinks about you.

Worry,

Right?

Thoughts All right?

Thoughts What What Thoughts T Right?

Thoughts Going Right.

Oud I Them True Three Two Three Two Three Two Two Three Two Three Two Mr.

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Necessary Look withoutaughters T R talk You c r The past creates sadness,

Guilt,

And everything in between.

Thought creates suffering.

So when you're asking yourself the question,

Can something make me happy?

We need to rework that question a little bit too.

Can that get rid of the thoughts that make me unhappy?

If not,

It can't make me happy.

Nothing can make you happy unless it gets rid of the thoughts that make you unhappy,

Right?

How can something make you happy unless it gets rid of your anxiety,

Worry,

Insecurity,

Judgments,

Anger,

Guilt,

And everything in between?

Nothing can make you happy unless it gets rid of your suffering.

When we're two years old,

We're already happy,

Fulfilled,

Free,

Joyous,

Light,

Loving,

Playful,

Creative,

Everything in between,

Right?

Why?

Because we have value and worth?

No,

Because we don't have the thoughts that create suffering.

So if you had value and worth according to what you believe that it is,

Can that get rid of the thoughts?

Well,

It might get rid of the thoughts that says,

I'm lacking because I don't have value.

It might get rid of the thought that says,

It would be bad if I never get value,

Right?

That's what you would think at least.

But let's take a look,

Okay?

How would you ever know that you have value and worth?

How would you ever know it?

Like I know this is a hand.

How would you ever know that you have value and worth?

The simple answer is you would never know.

It's completely imaginary.

It doesn't exist.

There is no point where you would get to tell yourself,

I know I have value and worth.

You could say,

I believe that I do.

Like let's say you cure cancer,

Okay?

The ultimate value and worth.

I had an impact.

I reached my potential.

I saved millions of people.

You would think that means you definitively have value and worth,

Like it's a real thing.

But it's actually not.

If you believe that you cured cancer,

But you didn't.

So let's say you created something and in trials,

It seems like it's definitely worked out.

But really it's creating mutations that end up killing more people because we don't have a cure for that,

Right?

But you think you cured cancer.

In that moment,

You think I'm so valuable.

I'm so great.

When in reality,

You're actually harming people,

Right?

But you think I have value because value and worth isn't connected to real life.

It's only imaginary.

Or if the opposite is true,

Imagine that you think that you didn't cure cancer,

That your thing failed,

But really somebody else took it and is about to cure cancer with it.

So you came up with the cure,

Right?

Maybe it's even saving lives,

But you don't think you did it.

Maybe you think somebody else changed your formula,

But it's really just yours.

Do you feel valuable?

Do you feel worthy?

Even if you created the cure to cancer,

If you don't think you did,

If you don't realize you did,

You feel nothing because facts don't determine how we feel,

Thoughts do.

There's no such thing as like,

I mean,

Basically reality is for our five senses,

Right?

Well,

Whatever we can experience for our five senses,

Touch,

Smell,

Taste,

See,

Hear.

Now tell me,

What does the smell,

Sight,

Sound,

Taste,

Whatever I didn't mention of value and worth?

How would I know?

So I'm here helping you,

Let's say,

Or maybe attempting to,

Right?

Or maybe I help millions of people or thousands of people,

And so it seems.

Do I feel valuable?

Look,

I'm here now.

The only moment I would ever feel value is if a thought pops up in my head that says I am valuable.

Before that thought pops up,

There's nothing here.

It doesn't matter how many millions of people or thousands of people I'm helping,

It doesn't create anything in my experience unless I go to my imagination and say,

That means I'm valuable,

Which I don't do,

But if I were to do,

Right?

So if you cure cancer and think I have value and I have worth because I cured cancer,

In the beginning,

That will create a lot of pleasure.

Yay,

I have value,

Yay,

I have worth.

And then what's going to happen?

Well,

Then you still have judgments about your partner,

Insecurities about your appearance,

Insecurity about your looks,

Worrying about others' opinions,

Thinking,

Well,

How do I go from here?

I did that now,

But now what do I do with my life?

Or anxiety about whatever.

It's not like that one thought I have value will take your attention in every single second,

Right?

You can see this from your own experience.

Anytime when you,

You may have thought if I get this job,

I'll be happy.

And for the first week or two weeks or months,

You keep telling yourself that same story.

I did great,

Yay,

I'm so happy.

And then that thought subsides and new thoughts take your attention.

That happens in everything that you ever get.

Anytime you get anything you want,

Thoughts pop up in the beginning and say,

Yay,

This is great.

And you lost a couple of thoughts that say,

My life isn't good enough because I don't have this job.

My life isn't good enough because I don't have a girlfriend because nobody loves me.

And then when they love you,

You feel great in the beginning,

Right?

And then that thought stops taking your attention.

And then all the new thoughts,

All the old thoughts start taking your attention again.

It's the same thing with like going on vacation.

When you go on vacation,

The new surroundings act as like a strong stimulus so that they take all of your attention in the beginning.

And then you think the place made you happy,

But it didn't.

It just distracted you from your thoughts in the beginning.

And if you stay there long enough,

All your old thoughts will come back and make you unhappy again.

So no matter what you do in your career,

Or in life,

There will never be a point where you know you're worthy and valuable.

It will just be a thought that sometimes pops up in your head.

And in between when that thought pops up,

You still have all the same suffering.

You still feel lacking.

And then on top of that,

As many people that have come to me have seen,

Is if you had a goal in life,

The let's say make a certain amount of money or achieve partner at your company or something,

And then you still feel lacking,

Well then all of a sudden you create the story.

Maybe I didn't do enough,

Because if I did enough,

Then I would be happy,

Right?

If I was successful enough,

I would just feel fulfilled.

If I was valuable enough,

I would feel fulfilled.

If I was worthy enough,

I would feel happy.

And then we assume I just need more money,

More success,

More impact.

I must not have done enough,

Otherwise I would feel happy.

But value can't make you happy because there's no such thing.

So if you have a certain skill,

That doesn't mean you are valuable.

It means you have a skill.

If you do something and cure something or achieve something,

Okay.

It doesn't mean you are great and valuable and worthy.

It just means that's what happened,

Right?

You didn't determine your intellect.

You didn't determine where you were raised,

How you were born,

What your interests were,

Or that people like you.

It's just what happened.

Stop taking credit for it and thinking that means you're worthy.

Because as long as you think any success means you're worthy and great,

You think failure means you're terrible.

And then you live your life with anxiety.

Anxiety about what your boss thinks,

Anxiety about what your coworker thinks.

All of it is just a failed attempt at trying to convince yourself you're worthy and valuable when there's actually no such thing in real life,

Right?

Show me your worth.

Where is it?

Show me your value.

How can you prove it to me,

Right?

My nose exists in real life.

My hand exists in real life.

Where's your value in your worth?

You'll never have it because there is no such thing in real life.

So that's all I'm gonna say in this video.

I hope it makes sense to you.

I hope you understand it.

That when I say you're not valuable and worthy,

I don't mean you're unworthy and invaluable.

I'm saying there's no such thing.

We're completely ending the comparison.

There is no way to measure.

There is no tool to measure value or worth because there is no such thing.

So we have this idea of values up here and I'm down here or here or here or something,

But let's completely get rid of that whole scale because there is no such thing.

You can't be lower or higher on something that doesn't exist,

Okay?

So that means you're okay as you are.

You're not missing anything now.

You're not unhappy because you don't have enough worth.

You're not unhappy because you're not successful enough.

You're not unhappy because of any of that.

If you have any feelings of insufficiency or lack or anxiety or any of that,

It's simply because you're believing the thoughts in your head to be true and real when they're not.

So if you want to be free,

If you want to feel sufficient and whole,

You simply need to question what thoughts are making you unhappy and feeling insufficient in any moment that those feelings arise.

So I hope this helps you with your anxiety.

Let me know how it goes.

Bye.

Hello again.

If you found my video helpful or you enjoyed it,

I welcome you to click on one of the videos below as you might find them helpful as well.

Or if you want to make sure you never miss another video of mine again,

You can click the subscribe button over there.

And if you want my free ebook,

You're welcome to click the free ebook button over there.

So thanks again for watching and I'll see you around.

Bye.

Bye.

Reviews

Wow. This was so good. So much of our happiness is tied to being worthy and valuable, even outside of the workplace. Time to break that practice. Thanks, Noah!

Thank you 🙏