Do You Want To Love Yourself Even When You Fail?

Can you only love yourself when you succeed? If so, it puts so much pressure on ourselves to succeed and causes us to feel so much shame when we fail. This talk is meant to help you love yourself even when you fail physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Noah Elkrief and today I'd like to talk about the gift of loving yourself when you fail.

So today I'd like to activate that gift in you,

This natural love for yourself when you fail.

When you fail physically,

Emotionally,

Spiritually,

Or in any other way.

So how do you feel when you make a mistake?

How do you feel when you don't know the answer?

How do you feel when you get something wrong?

How do you feel when you fail to achieve what you want?

For most of us we feel bad,

We feel shitty,

We feel broken,

Not good enough,

Defective,

Inadequate.

This can cause us to spend so much time and energy trying to succeed,

Trying not to fail.

This can lead to perfectionism,

I have to get everything right,

I have to always be perfect,

I can never make a mistake,

I have to keep improving.

And it's just a not enjoyable way to live life.

Also this can happen a lot in the sort of emotional,

Self-help,

Spiritual world where it's like I want to be enlightened and then I mess up or I'm doing it wrong if I have thoughts or if I'm believing in my identity or I should be peaceful all the time.

Peaceful equals success.

Failure equals getting triggered.

Knowing the truth equals success.

Being confused equals failure.

Loving,

Being totally loving towards myself or towards others equals success.

And judging myself or judging someone else equals failure.

But it's not a failure.

It's not a failure.

It's not a failure.

Like failure is not a failure.

In other words,

It's kind of like saying the rain is a failure because it's supposed to be sunny.

You might want it to be sunny but the rain isn't a failure.

Does that make sense?

Are you with me?

So you might want yourself to be loving but it doesn't mean you're a failure if you're not loving.

You might want to do everything perfectly but it doesn't mean you're a failure if you make a mistake or you do something wrong.

It's okay.

It's just what's happening.

And so many of us are programmed with this childhood and education ideology of,

You know,

You get more love,

Approval,

Respect,

Comforts if you do well.

If you achieve what you want.

And so I'd like to take this moment now to,

Yes,

Maybe we can go into it.

So you can close your eyes and I want you to say to yourself,

I want to be able to love myself when I fail.

I want to be able to love myself just as much when I fail as when I succeed.

And feel your longing for that.

Connect to your longing to feel total love for yourself when you fail so that you don't only get to experience love for yourself when you succeed.

See if you can feel that longing and maybe there's some resistance.

No,

But if I love myself when I fail then I won't have any desire to succeed.

No,

If it's a really genuine desire you'll still have desire to do well at something,

Right?

Like I have a desire to be loving.

That's genuine.

I can still love myself if I judge myself or if I'm harsh towards someone else by accident and I don't realize it.

I still deserve love.

That's reality.

That's fact.

And I still desire to be loving even if I don't hate myself for being unloving.

You don't have to hate yourself and shame yourself for something in order to still feel a desire to succeed at whatever it is you desire.

So see if you can connect to this longing.

I want to love myself and be happy and treat myself kindly when I fail.

And I want you to imagine that longing and that desire like spreading throughout every cell of your body.

That you can just feel it pulsating from down your arms,

Down your legs,

Into your toes.

I want that.

I want that.

I want that.

I want that.

I want to love myself and feel good.

The same goodness if I make a mistake,

If I do something wrong,

If I'm unhappy,

If I'm stressed,

If I'm if I'm not loving,

If I fail at getting the promotion or doing well with my business.

I want to still feel the same level of self-love.

And see if you can really connect to the tingling enthusiasm of how much you want it.

We all want that.

And once you can connect to that longing,

To that intention,

Let's do something about it.

I'm not sure what yet.

Give me a moment.

Okay.

So I want you to connect to the voice that is unloving towards yourself when you fail.

Connect to that voice.

And maybe that voice is like,

You fucked up again.

What's wrong with you?

Or you're such an idiot.

Or why can't I?

I should have been able to succeed at this by now.

I should be peaceful by now.

Should be enlightened by now.

I'm going slower than everyone else.

I messed up again.

Why can't I get it right?

Like feel this voice.

This unloving voice towards yourself.

Feel the quality of it.

The energy of it.

The,

Yeah,

The sense of it.

What it sounds like.

What it feels like when that voice shows up in your mind and body.

And in this moment as you're hearing that voice,

As you're listening to that voice,

I want you to recognize and acknowledge or ask yourself,

Is it possible that this isn't my voice?

That this isn't actually my voice at all?

Is there a different part of me that is closer to my center,

That is closest to my authentic essence,

That has a very very different quality of voice?

That my authentic me is like,

Hey sweetheart,

It's all good.

Let's learn from it.

Keep going.

Or don't worry about it.

I love you anyhow.

No big deal.

Yeah?

So see if you can recognize or ask yourself that question.

Is it possible this voice,

This quality,

This energy that's,

You know,

Treating me like crap,

Isn't really my voice?

That it's a voice showing up in my head or my emotional body,

But it's not mine.

It's not who I am.

It's not how I genuinely feel about this situation.

I've internalized somebody else's voice.

Which leads us to the next question.

Whose voice is it?

Whose voice is it?

Whose voice is it?

Hmm.

Is it your mom?

Is it your dad?

Is it your babysitter?

Is it your grandpa?

Is it your older sibling?

Is it your teacher when you were five,

Six,

Seven,

Ten?

Who had this harsh voice?

Who trained you that it's not okay to make a mistake?

It's not okay to still not have achieved your goal?

That you don't deserve sweetness,

Softness,

Gentleness,

Support,

Kindness when you mess up?

Right?

Like if you have a baby,

A child in front of you,

And they mess up doing the monkey bars,

We're not like,

Oh you messed up again.

What's wrong with you?

It's like,

Hey,

Let me support you.

What went wrong?

How can we find a way that you can achieve what you want with that?

That is our natural voice.

This supportive,

Loving voice.

And of course,

I love you even when you fall,

Sweetheart,

From the monkey bars.

I still love you when you fall.

Whether you get one bar across,

All the way across,

Halfway across,

Doesn't matter to me.

But if this is what you want,

I'd love to support you with that.

This is our authentic voice.

So who had this harsh voice?

I know it may seem like the harsh voice is yours because it's been there for so long,

But just because it's been there a while doesn't mean it's your own.

So if you can sense whose voice it is,

I want you to look at them in front of you now.

Look at your mom,

Your dad,

Your grandpa,

Your grandma,

Whoever is there.

Your school,

Your whole education system as a whole collective.

I want you to look at them and ask yourself and ask them,

Is this your voice?

Is this your voice?

Is this your treatment that I've internalized?

This harshness,

If I'm anything less than perfect,

If I make a mistake,

If I'm not there yet.

And if this is your voice,

I don't want it in me anymore.

And I want you to imagine that you could take it out of you and either place it at their feet,

Throw it in the fire,

Throw it in a flowing river.

Take it out of you.

Imagine maybe it's in your head,

Maybe it's in your chest,

Maybe it's in your throat.

Find where it is in your body and take it out.

Take it out.

It's like this doesn't belong to me.

I no longer consent to it being inside of my body.

It's not mine.

Maybe you take it out with your hand.

Visualize yourself taking it out.

Maybe you imagine coughing it out or to actually cough it out,

Scream it out.

Get it out of your body.

It doesn't belong in you.

It's not native to you.

It's not native to your mind and body.

Take it out.

It doesn't belong in you anymore.

I'm gonna support you with that now with my eyes closed.

You can do it.

Even if you think you can't do it,

You can do it.

Even if it's scary to do it,

You can do it.

Even if you think you don't know how to do it,

You can still do it.

Even if you think it's impossible,

You can still do it.

It's okay.

It's okay if this is new to you.

It's okay if you don't think it will work.

It can still work.

Take it out of you.

Visualize the color.

Visualize where it's located.

Visualize the texture of it.

Take it out.

If it doesn't work,

Take it out with your hand.

Imagine a vacuum cleaner pulling it out.

Imagine a shovel pulling it out.

Imagine cutting something between you and that person so you're no longer absorbing their harsh energy,

Their harsh perfectionist treatment.

It doesn't belong to you and you don't need it.

It's not native to you.

Rewind.

Rewind your life.

When you were a baby,

You didn't have this harshness to yourself.

If you're trying to walk and you can't walk,

It's not,

Oh I should be walking by now.

And then we judge ourselves.

I'm such a shitty little baby because I can't walk yet.

No!

That has to be programmed into you.

It is not native to you.

Remember who you were before this harsh treatment towards yourself.

Remember.

Remember.

Remember.

Remember the softness,

The ease,

The gentleness,

The natural flow of life that if I can't walk,

Okay,

It's frustrating and I try again and I try again and it's all good and I can still be at peace and still rest.

Maybe I have to let out a little frustration but that's okay too.

Maybe a little sadness that I can't get what I want,

That's okay too.

It's a completely different quality to say I'm terrible,

I'm bad and it should be different than it is.

So give it back.

Let it go.

It doesn't belong to you and remember who you are.

Remember your natural way.

The way of rest,

The way of flow,

The way of ease,

The way of support.

I want to be supportive and loving and kind towards myself the same way I would towards a child.

I want to be kind to myself and connect back again to anything that you've recently done or is still in your experience now that you're mad at yourself about.

I'm mad that I failed to to make more money this year,

To put out my course,

To to be enlightened,

To be happy,

To not judge others,

To be loving,

To be healthier,

To do more yoga,

To whatever it is that you're trying to do and failed to do.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Everybody's failing all the time.

Failure is part of the journey.

Failure is part of the learning,

Part of the growing,

Part of the evolving,

Part of the the growth to love ourselves and to love others when we fail.

You don't just deserve love when you succeed.

You don't just deserve happiness when you succeed.

It's okay that you're failing in your diet,

In your regimen,

In your emotional state of being,

In your mental state of being,

In your physical business.

It's okay.

It's okay.

We're just so tied into this collective programming of how we deserve to be treated is completely conditional and dependent on whether we're able to achieve what we desire or what society desires of us.

It's time to like unplug from that.

Let's just be happy and be ourselves,

Do our best,

Being really honest with ourselves.

Why didn't it work out?

And I love myself no matter what the reason is.

My sincere hope is that this video supports you in softening,

Softening towards yourself,

Letting go of the harsh voices inside of you that aren't yours,

So you can just feel more joy,

Ease,

And peace in your life.

Please let me know your experience in working with this.

I wish you a beautiful,

Beautiful day.

Bye.

Reviews

Just what I needed after a tough day at work! Thank you for your authenticity. ❤️🙏

Wow, thank you I needed to hear this I needed these tools to disseminate the thought pattern inherited from other voices. I needed to reconnect with my own loving voice at this very moment Thank you again for the guidance and clarity in loving without barriers

Thank you for this ❤️