Shifting From Control To Trust For Leaders (Live)

How do you let go of control and trust? This talk is especially for leaders who find themselves micromanaging, stressing about the unknown, or feeling fearful about uncertain outcomes. In this talk, Nik discusses how and why the ego is involved in control through fear and separation, and how trusting can alleviate stress, fear, and empower you and your people.

This is a recording of Nik's weekly Insight Timer lives. Join her for her next live by looking under Events.

Transcript

From control to trust,

The spiritual shift that every leader must make.

We are going to go into a deep dive into surrender,

Trust and co-creation and why they're essential for sustainable impact and visionary leadership.

And you're in the right place if you are a conscious leader who wants to create more impact in the world,

Who wants to live a positive legacy in your workplace and make your workplace an empowering space for people to grow and step more into their potential.

So as always,

We start these 30 minutes with a grounding practice or a meditation.

So if it is safe for you to do so,

If it is safe for you to do so,

Please close your eyes down,

Just let your eyes rest and shift your body so it's in a comfortable position.

If you have your legs crossed,

Please uncross them.

Put your hands in your lap or somewhere comfortable and with your eyes closed,

Just starting to tune into the breath.

And as you tune into the breath,

Notice the quality of your breath.

Notice if it is fast or slow or shallow or wide.

And if your breath is something other than you would prefer,

Now is the time to adjust your breath.

And perhaps you'd like to adjust it to be slower,

Fuller,

Wider.

Tuning your attention into your breath.

And as we allow the breath to become more relaxed and more wide,

We also invite our body to come into the state as well.

And we can use the breath to drop any tension from our body.

So as we breathe in,

We create space.

And as we breathe out,

We may want to sigh and allow the body to drop.

Perhaps starting with your shoulders,

Allowing them to relax.

Allowing your hands to relax.

Allowing your forehead and face to relax.

Allowing the chest and the upper back and the lower back to relax.

Allowing the buttocks and the legs and the feet to relax.

Allowing your entire body to relax with the breath.

Breathing in,

Creating space.

Breathing out,

Relaxing and letting go.

And as we let go,

Just notice the tension and the holding in the physical body that releases.

And this is the shift we must make from control to trust.

Notice in the state of control that your body holds on physically.

And notice in the state of trust,

Your body relaxing.

Your body releasing tension.

Your body dropping.

And I'd love for you to bring your attention down into the root chakra.

And if you're not familiar with where that is,

It sits deep down at the tailbone.

So focus on your sit bones perhaps.

Focus down in that area where the root chakra exists.

And this area,

This energy center,

Is our area of safety and security.

And as you continue to let your body relax,

Let go of tension and holding,

Notice how your body sinks into that seat of safety and security.

And this is where you build trust.

Trust in yourself.

Trust in others.

Trust in the world.

So sinking into that seat of safety and security with each breath.

Breathing in,

Creating space.

Breathing out,

Sinking.

And now that you're comfortably sat in that seat of safety and security,

Imagine that a light exists at the base of this root chakra,

This energy center.

And from that light grows a seed.

And it is upward from this place of safety and security that a seed is sown and starts to grow.

And you can imagine from the seed roots start to grow deep down past your body into the center of the earth,

Making strong roots for whatever it is that you are creating as a leader.

And growing upward from the seeds are strong branches growing all the way up through your body and connecting past your physical body to the universe above.

Breathing into this seat of safety and security,

Letting go of tension and holding,

And allowing from this place your vision to take root and to start to grow.

And you'll notice that the seed is connected to not only you,

But the earth below and through its branches,

The heavens above.

You are in co-creation.

And let yourself be supported by that which is outside of you.

And just taking the last few breaths,

Preparing yourself to come back to here and now,

Preparing for your eyes to open.

Feeling yourself deeply rooted into the center of the earth,

But also elevated and supported by that which is above,

And that which is all around you.

And when you're ready,

Opening your eyes.

So welcome to 24 of you who have joined us.

Welcome everyone.

Thank you for the hearts.

So you have joined me,

Nick Chung.

We are here talking about control to trust and the spiritual shift that every leader must make if you want to create a deeper impact in your leadership.

So it's interesting,

We started that meditation,

As I said,

I have a rough plan of where I'd like to take you to connect you into the topic that we're talking about today.

And today we're talking about from control to trust.

And we went in a very different direction.

And I love that,

Because this is exactly what we're talking about.

We are in co-creation with something that is bigger than us.

And we're also in co-creation with everyone that is around us.

And so that meditation was almost like,

It was a lesson in trusting the direction of where you're going.

So the direction that I had in mind of where that meditation would go,

We didn't go there.

But I have a feeling we went in a more powerful place.

And that place was directed by something that was,

I believe,

Is bigger than me.

Or some of you might call it your higher self,

Your true self,

Source,

God,

The universe,

Whatever it is that you'd like to call it.

And this is part of that powerful reason why we want to allow ourselves to drop into the seat of trust.

Because as a leader,

We can't keep trying to control or micromanage all of the things and think that we know it all,

Right?

There is something really potent with allowing yourself to drop into that co-creative space.

And whether that is you believe in co-creation with just other people,

Or whether you take it bigger to where we did today with more of a spiritual bent to it.

When we drop into co-creation,

We create something much more powerful than we could have imagined.

Because remember that the reason we control things is that our ego really doesn't like the unknown.

So our egos fear the unknown.

And one way we try to control that fear is by controlling things,

Or we like to think we are.

We are actually under the false pretense that we can control the outcomes of anything,

Right?

And so we try to control things under the false pretense that if we do,

We can reduce the number of unknowns.

There will still be unknowns,

Right?

Even this idea of control is false.

We ultimately can never completely control the outcomes that happen,

Because we are working in partnership with others,

And we're working in partnership with the environment.

And if you so believe,

As I do,

We are working in partnership with the universal God or something bigger than us that directs us in certain ways for our best to come out.

So we control because our ego,

The smaller part of us,

Fears the unknown.

It fears not having control,

Because control equals things that I can anticipate,

Right?

If I'm in control,

Then I can believe that I can predict the future.

I can predict the outcomes that will happen.

And as we've said before,

This is false,

Right?

We can't ultimately completely control the outcomes because we're always in partnership with people.

So if we take this back to the workspace that you are in,

Remember that you're not an island,

Right?

You are a leader who has teams around you,

Who has a certain workplace culture that is around you.

You're probably working not only,

I'm not sure about your businesses,

But some of you will be working business to business.

So you have all these external providers that are also part of this co-creation of what it is that you're doing.

And even if we focus on the vision or the big,

Bold dream that you have for yourself as a leader,

And perhaps that is creating these empowered,

Positive workplaces,

Even in that,

You are not the one pulling the strings,

Right?

Making people puppets out of what you want to create.

You have to work.

You are ultimately always working in co-creation with those around you.

So our ego doesn't have this right,

Right?

The idea that we can control all the things and so therefore I'm going to try to like hold onto things tightly and direct people and direct situations as much as possible is a false hope.

So,

A lack of trust really shows this part of the ego that is fearful and it also shows this part of the ego that has this false idea of separation.

I'll say that again.

It also shows this false idea that the ego has of separation.

So remember the ego is formed by I am.

I am this,

I am not that.

You are you,

I am me.

We are separate.

And we know that this is not true.

And as a leader,

A conscious leader who is working on your spiritual self and your personal development,

You come to know that we are all part of one.

And so this idea that the ego is working off this false idea of separation,

The product of that is this idea that we can control things,

Right?

So a lack of trust shows that we think that we are alone.

I can't trust others to do what they're going to say they're going to do.

I can't trust this situation to have the outcome that I want.

So I'm going to try to over control it.

So we are not separate.

We never can be.

We're not separate.

We never can be.

And so there will be in that never any complete control ever.

We will always have unknowns.

It always comes back to the ego really.

When we're anything where we find ourselves in stressful situations,

We can trust that the ego is there.

Remember that.

That's actually a really good catchphrase.

If you ever feel stress or fear,

You know the ego is near,

Is here,

Actually is here.

That's better.

So we control because we fear the unknown.

And it also shows that we have a lack of trust of those around us.

Our ego pretends that we are all alone,

Which is not true.

So we're working all of this control is from this idea of the ego being in this like completely separated mindset,

Separated solo mindset,

Which if I'm to speak about Western society for a second,

Get on my soapbox and talk about this.

This is a problem.

Yeah,

This is a problem that a lot of Western society has is this idea that we are individuals.

We're individuals all working by ourselves.

So let me just try to encapsulate what we've talked about.

Why should we trust on a really basic level?

We should trust because it allows us to stress less.

If we can let go,

We don't have to waste our energy,

Time and attention on micromanaging people or situations in an attempt to control,

Knowing that control is a false pretense.

Ultimately,

We can never completely control the outcomes.

The more that we can get comfortable with that idea,

The more that we're able to let go.

And this is also the work that I do a lot.

You'll hear this a lot on any of my other lives that you come and join me on.

You can also access my past lives.

I record them as talks.

Don't worry if I have mentioned names,

I delete the names.

But you can access all of my other talks on my page.

So if you haven't already followed me,

Go ahead and do so.

I talk about this a lot in terms of the ego holding us in this pattern which is no longer helping us anymore.

So we want to trust because it allows us on a really surface level to stress less.

We don't need to micromanage in an attempt to control which is false.

It also allows us to fear less.

So even though letting go of control is fearful to the ego,

When we learn to trust in something bigger than us,

This divine support,

We return to that part of us that should have always been leading,

Which is our higher self,

Our soul,

Our spirit,

Our true self or whatever you want to call it.

And that part of self is the direct connection to God or the universe or whatever it is that you want to call that.

So that part of self which is connected to something bigger knows things that we can't possibly know.

Remember that the ego is limited only by its experiences and the experiences of others.

And so the ego really is limited by its mind.

Our soul,

Our true self knows the bigger picture.

And it allows us to,

When we trust it,

It allows us to step into this fearlessness that helps us to create our visions and step into our potential if we let go.

So ultimately,

When we trust,

We fear less because we step out of the ego and we step into the resonance of our true self.

And our true self doesn't really have fear because it doesn't have limits.

And it doesn't have these false ideas that the ego feeds us with.

Remember,

Where fear is near,

The ego is here.

Someone please make me a t-shirt with that.

Okay,

So lastly,

We should trust to empower.

Remember that we are in co-creation with the world and not separate to it.

And we need to let go and let God as they say.

And in this letting go and in this trusting,

We allow others to build their self-leadership,

Their self-authority and their autonomy.

Remember that we are not leaders to build followers.

Well,

I'm guessing you're not.

I hope you're not.

We are the sort of leaders,

Conscious leaders are the leaders that want to empower others to have deeply fulfilling,

Purposeful lives,

Which can only come from their ignition of their self-leadership.

And if we're always trying to control people and situations and outcomes,

We don't allow others to ignite their own self-leadership,

Their own autonomy.

So we have to.

This is actually part of the keys of being a conscious leader.

You have to trust others.

You have to let go.

You have to let go of control.

Because then in that process,

We empower others to step up in their own self-leadership.

So we need to trust to empower.

We need to trust to stress less about the things we can't control and to step into that part of us that is not the ego,

The soul,

The true self.

And we need to trust to fear less.

So let's give you some journal prompts,

Some things that you can take away with you now to reflect on and to start to bring this idea from control to trust in your workplaces right now.

So here's the first question.

What is a situation or person that I've been trying to control of late?

What is a situation or person that I've been trying to control?

So that's the first question.

So bring that to mind.

How does this feel in my body?

And this question is really to get you to notice that how control feels in your body,

Because you can use,

Remember that you can use your body to change how it is that you are thinking.

Okay.

The third question is,

If I was to let go of control of this personal situation,

What do I think would happen?

And in that question,

I'd love for you to notice whether it is the ego speaking.

Remember the ego speaks from fear or whether the soul comes through.

Right.

Maybe that's another question.

Maybe the other question is,

Which part of me is now speaking?

And if it's the ego,

You have another question,

Which is,

What would my soul say about this?

What would my higher self say about this?

What is the advice my higher self would give me?

I think that's enough.

Did we get that?

What is a situation or person that I've been trying to control?

How does that feel in my body?

What would happen if I let go?

What part of me is speaking right now?

And if it's your ego,

What would soul say for me to do?

And whatever it is that soul's telling you what to do,

Do that.

And if you're having trouble tapping into that part of you that is beyond the ego,

I'd recommend going and following me on Insight Timer.

I've got so many meditations that drop you into that deeper part of you.

And you can use what we did at the start of this talk,

That five minute thing to drop deeper in,

And then ask yourself what you're going to do.

Okay,

Cool.

Let me have a look.

What have we got going through?

What is your opinion about the saying,

Trust but verify?

We sometimes have these catch phrases that come through,

But without the context,

It's kind of hard to comment a little bit more.

And it is about people,

This trust but verify.

I'll say it this way.

Your soul will know when to trust and when to not.

Now,

I know that we just said let go of control and trust,

But life is full of paradoxes.

So sometimes it is smart to control,

And sometimes it is smarter to trust.

And that is where wisdom comes in.

And wisdom is built from experiences.

This talk that we had today was particularly for those who know that they're kind of over controlling,

Micromanaging situations.

This is not a talk to say,

Always trust and just let go all the time.

I'll put it this way.

In another way,

It's like being a parent.

You're not going to trust that your child can do all the things if they're not actually capable of it,

Or they don't have the skills to do it.

So in that moment,

It is right for you to control situations,

To do things for them,

Right?

And in that same vein,

As leaders,

We use our wisdom on whether,

Is it now the time for me to control or take control of a situation?

Or is now the time for me to trust and let go?

And the scope of this talk,

Particularly for those of you who feel like you're over controlling and micromanaging,

And not allowing your team to like flow and do their thing.

So let me know if that was helpful for you.

What if there is a big gap of nothingness when you let go of control?

That is your ego.

I'm going to point it out there.

That is your ego.

There is never nothingness.

Your ego will create all these scary,

Shitty things so that you stay more in your fear.

Where does fear come?

Always,

Always from the ego.

So if you find a gap of nothingness when you let go of control,

Know that your ego has created another smoke and mirrors to make sure that you stay in fear and therefore not in touch with that,

Which has higher wisdom.

So let's close up the Q&A for today.

Follow me on Insight Timer.

Check out all of my other talks.

I have so many resources for you to connect into the leader that you wish to be.

And then,

Of course,

If you join me live again,

You get to ask these questions,

Which I think are really valuable.

So you get in-person feedback as well.

If you really loved what I did,

Drop me a donation.

And I use these to help me to get my word out there a little bit more and to just give me opportunities to do more of these free offerings that I have on Insight Timer,

Which I've got loads of.

So if you haven't,

Again,

Go and check out all the resources.

There's everything there for you.

I appreciate your time.

I appreciate the efforts that you are making to be more of a conscious leader who empowers the people in your workspaces.

I believe we need more of us,

And I'm stoked that you're doing the work.

And I do hope that I get to hang out with you again.