How To Get Your Ego Supporting Your Big Bold Dream (Talk)

When your ego is in the lead, it limits your potential and your ability to create your Big Bold Dream. In this live recording, Nik chats about what the ego desires, how it limits your potential to create, how to solve this, and get it to support instead of sabotage. She shares three steps to do so from her upcoming book, 'The Conscious Leader'. This is for Conscious Leaders who want to create a Big Bold Dream of positive change in their workplaces (and the world).

This is a recording from Nik's weekly lives on Insight Timer. To join her next time, see her upcoming events.

Transcript

How to get your ego supporting your big bold dream.

Let's start off with a mini meditation to ground ourselves and to bring all of our attention here.

So if it's safe for you to do so,

Just close your eyes down.

If you've got your legs crossed,

Just uncross them and then pop your hands somewhere nice and comfortable in your lap and let the shoulders drop and start to tune into your breath.

Notice the quality of your breath.

Notice how deep,

How long,

How smooth your breath is.

And if you find that it's not to your preference,

Now is the time to change it.

So perhaps you change it to something that's more smooth,

Longer,

Deeper,

Wider and slower.

And as you breathe,

Just noticing how your body can start to breathe with the breath,

How your body is breathed with the breath.

And using those exhales to drop any unnecessary tension in your body.

And that might be tension in the face,

In the jaw,

In the shoulders,

In your hands,

Maybe in your back or your gut,

Maybe even in the seat of your pelvis.

Allowing your body to drop into this moment to relax.

There's no need to hold on.

And bringing your attention to follow the in-breath and the out-breath.

Follow closely the rhythm of in and the rhythm of out.

And some of you may find it easier to follow the sound of your breath.

Others of you may find it easier to follow the sensations of breath.

So you may notice the air going in and out of your throat or in and out of your nostrils.

Some of you may hear that audible sound and you may be following that sound.

Others of you may just feel your body moving,

So your chest rising and falling.

However it is that you are connecting to your breath,

Bring all of your attention to here.

To see and notice,

To observe the breath in and out.

And you may notice as you do this,

That your mind starts to calm down.

Perhaps the thoughts that you had about the future or the past are now becoming quieter or less urgent.

As you focus your attention in the now to the breath.

And if those thoughts return,

Gently asking your mind,

Not now,

We are focusing on the breath.

Knowing that you can attend to those thoughts later,

But for now,

Settling into this moment.

Into the spacious,

Clear moment.

And it's in the stillness that we can allow our higher self or our true self,

Our spirit,

Our soul,

The universe,

God,

Whatever it is that you wish to call that higher part of self or higher connection to self,

Of self.

It's in the silence and the stillness that we can allow it to guide us into the howls of creating the big bold dreams that we have.

And it's in the silence that the ego quietens down and you allow this part of you that is more knowledgeable than your limited ego to take the lead.

To gently guide you on your pathway to creating magic.

And some of you may hear this as a literal voice.

Others will feel it as a tug,

A sensation,

A physical sensation or mental sensation,

A tug towards or away from something.

Some of you will see this as pictures or visions.

And some of you will just have a knowing of the right way and the less preferred way of going about creating a vision.

And the more that you practice this,

The more you are able to tap into this part of you that can gently guide you in the pathway that is correct for you.

Away from the shoulds and the obligations and the buts and the fears that the ego may present to you.

So allowing this part of you to remain in the forefront of your consciousness.

When you are ready,

Gently opening your eyes and allowing the rest of your day to be guided by this part of you.

So welcome back to everyone who is here now.

Kia ora.

Welcome.

Hello.

You're with me,

Nick Chung,

Conscious Leadership Coach and Mentor.

I'm here to help you become a better leader and to create more positive spaces in the places that you work.

And from that have wonderful ripple effects out through the rest of the world.

So today we are chatting about how to get your ego supporting your big bold dream.

And we started with this meditation for you to get a taste of what it's like to have your ego sit more on the backseat rather than being in the lead.

So really the crux of this,

If you want to leave quickly,

You just take this with you.

The crux of this whole talk is your ego should not be in the lead.

Put your ego back into its correct place.

And where is its correct place?

Its correct place is in support of your soul's calling or your higher self or your big bold dream.

That part of you that is bigger and operating bigger than you as an individual.

So if you need to leave now,

Now's the time.

You got the thing.

If you want to stay longer,

Let's dive into that a little bit more.

So when your ego is in the lead,

It sabotages and negates your work as a conscious leader.

And how it does this is that remember that our ego,

One of the prime motivators of the ego is to keep us safe.

So when our ego is leading us,

We operate within the limits that our ego has created for us.

And these are all different for different people,

Right?

I talk about this in my upcoming book,

The Conscious Leader.

And I talk very much about the limitations that your ego imposes upon you.

And this has to do with your identity.

We're not going to go into this too much.

But just remember that your identity,

Which is housing your ego,

Is formed of the beliefs that you have about the world.

So what is the world like for you?

Your beliefs about yourself and,

Therefore,

The behaviors or actions that you take in the world,

Right?

And so each of us has this unique kind of egoic container of which we operate in,

Or of which we can operate in if we allow our ego to be the leader of our life.

And that container,

You can think of it as a container or a cage even,

That limits us in the creation of what it is that we want to create.

And it limits us because of the beliefs that we have about ourselves and about the world.

It also limits us because in those beliefs are perhaps beliefs that you've picked up from society,

From your culture,

From your friends and family,

From those people who you hang out with.

So I'm also very conscious.

A big tip here is be conscious of who you hang out with.

And be conscious with who it is that you share your big bold dreams with.

Because someone else's ego may think that that is too much or too big or impossible.

And when you start to listen to those voices,

Your ego will tend to make itself smaller to fit into that framework.

So be careful with who you hang out with.

Hang out with people who are going to support your big bold dream that you have.

So knowing what we know about the ego now,

The prime motivator of the ego is to keep us safe.

And we keep ourselves safe by being within our comfortable limits.

And our limits are all different for different people,

Depending on how you view the world and how you view yourself,

And therefore the behaviors that you have.

And this is a feedback loop,

Remember?

How we act in the world then gets feedback from the world.

And then that reinforces some of the beliefs that we have.

So we have to be really aware of when we have our ego leading us.

And if it's leading us in our big bold dreams,

The creation of our big bold dreams,

It's going to limit what we can create.

You'll be able to create what's within your limit.

But I have a feeling for those conscious leaders who are here,

For all of those who have joined me today and all of those who are listening afterwards,

You have a dream that is quite big.

Personally for me,

I'm working with workplaces to change this environment that they have.

But the actual big bold dream is that through that change of positivity in the workplace,

We are then having ripple effects out into people's families and into society and into the world at large.

And so the world at large is changing.

So that's my big bold dream,

Right?

However,

If I was to work just within the confines of what I know,

Which is what the ego does.

So what you know is based upon your own experiences and also the experiences that you have witnessed from others.

So media,

Family,

All those things.

So again,

Be careful of what you consume.

Then I don't think I would be able to create that dream.

Why?

Because I am limited.

I'm caged within my identity.

So we need to flip the script.

So if I was just to operate within the limits of my ego,

I wouldn't get that far.

I would probably create some change.

I mean,

I feel like I'm creating change just by being here and maybe resonating with you.

And a couple of you will take what I say today and you'll go and implement that.

And that's great.

But it probably isn't quite the bigness that it could be.

And so we need to take the ego away from the leadership role in our lives and taking a backseat where it supports.

It's in the supporting role.

And I have today,

You know,

Your ego supporting your big,

Bold dream.

But what's behind your big,

Bold dream?

It's usually something other than the ego.

And I call this part my soul or spirit.

I also call it your true self or your higher self.

For some of you,

You may think of this as universal,

God.

It actually doesn't matter what you call it.

I don't care what you call it.

But it's that part of you that you know is bigger than your ego.

It usually is.

And we know when you've created a BBD or a big,

Bold dream that's bigger than your ego,

When it involves others,

Right?

Because the ego is inherently selfish.

It is more about how can I get what I need to survive?

So I can tell when people's big,

Bold dreams become maybe motivated more so from this higher self when it starts to involve others.

And I have a feeling that's all what you have for you.

So how we get our ego to support our big,

Bold dreams that is coming from this higher part of ourselves is we need to reassure it firstly.

We need to build it up in such a way that it is reassured,

Feels safe,

And feels comfortable to take a backseat.

So remember that we're playing with the ego.

What does the ego want?

It wants safety and comfort.

Okay,

So that is the first thing that we need to provide our ego with.

I like to think of my ego as this like little child,

Right?

This little child that needs to be nurtured,

Needs to be taken care of in order for it to take its first steps.

So you can think of it like that.

I go into more detail in this in my upcoming book,

The Conscious Leader.

It'll be coming out hopefully,

Hopefully by the end of the year.

It's been a bit of a struggle.

So one of the first things I talk about,

And there are several steps.

We won't go through that entirely today because of the time that we have.

But one of the first steps is just treating your ego like the little child that it is.

It wants to be safe.

It wants to feel comfortable.

If it doesn't have those parameters yet,

It's not likely to give up the seat of leadership.

Why?

Because it really wants to control and keep you safe and make sure that it's not going to die.

Yeah,

That's the main thing.

I don't want to die.

I don't want to disappear.

So the more frightened your ego is,

Yeah,

The more frightened that your ego is,

The less likely it's going to want to give up its leadership.

So how can I create safety is one of the first things that you get to ask yourself.

How can I create inner safety for myself?

While I am reaching for something that is,

To my ego,

Unsafe.

Why is it unsafe?

Because it's unknown,

Because I've never been there before.

Part of that as well,

And part of what I teach,

Yes,

I talk about safety,

But I'm also a bit of a risk taker.

And so I teach my people to be more risk taking,

Okay,

In a safe way.

And so I like to also reframe what I call scary.

Remember that how you process,

In terms of your nervous system and in terms of your brain patterns,

Fear and excitement,

They look very,

Very similar.

And so often how we interpret those signals within our body,

Of whether it's fear or whether it's excitement,

Is simply our interpretation of those sensations,

So our mind.

So how about,

Instead of finding things fearful,

You find them exciting.

Ooh,

I'm excited,

I'm on the edge of growth.

Rather than,

Ooh,

Crap,

It's really scary,

I want to get out of here.

Same sensation,

Different interpretations.

And so one thing we can do to support our ego to take a back seat is to treat it like the inner child that it is.

Give it comfort,

Give it safety.

Make sure that you can build that from the inside out.

Another way is to reframe how it is that you see things that are fearful to you.

Is it actually fearful or is it exciting?

And I love to take my clients through this in a really physical way.

I have a mix of learning preferences,

But one of my most preferential ways that I learn is through the body.

So I'm a very kinesthetic learner.

And so one way that you can do this in terms of a kinesthetic approach to learning this is push yourself on the edge of fear with your body.

And an easy way to do this,

I was doing this for quite a while,

Is to do something called a fear diary.

And I would try to walk on scary things,

So like a little high beam,

Like a little railing just off the ground.

And I would just feel the edge of where my body went.

Oh,

This is scary.

And then I would pause and I would make my mind go,

This is exciting,

This is something new.

You're progressing,

You're going somewhere you've never been before.

Wow,

Wow.

And getting so used to that sensation and getting used to training my mind to re-label that as excitement rather than fear.

So there are multiple ways that you can do this.

I'm just giving you a few off-the-cuff ideas or ways that I would do this with you.

Let me just recap what we've talked about today.

So we've talked about what your ego wants to keep you safe and why it often is in the lead because it will try to control how it is that you're moving through life and why this is a problem because it keeps you within a cage of your limitations of your ego.

And so then we started talking about how do you put your ego into its correct place,

Which is in support of your big bold dream,

Which comes from something like your higher self.

Two ways we discussed.

One was treating it like the inner child.

So making sure that you are creating inner comfort and safety for yourself,

Whatever that looks like and whatever practices you use.

And second,

I offered a way of reframing how it is that you look at fear,

Remembering that fear and excitement are very,

Very similar in terms of how it excites your nervous system.

So often the only difference is how we are interpreting that in our mind.

So can you flip fear into excitement?

And I gave you an example of how to practice that.

Perhaps you're going to take yourself out onto a scary thing with your body.

Actually,

I started rock climbing again as well.

And that was one of the things I'm really scared of heights.

However,

Because I'm more safe and like strapped up and things,

I can really start to work on that,

The fear versus the excitement sensations and the interpretation of that.

So I've offered you two ways of how to do that.

And so when we come back to thinking about how can my ego support my big bold dream,

First,

It's those two things.

And then the third thing and the last thing,

There's a few more steps.

But the very last step that you have to do to get your ego to support your big bold dream is to remind it that it loves growth.

Yeah,

We're here to grow.

We're here to evolve.

I actually talked about this yesterday on my life.

And I talk about it a lot on my other lives.

We are here to grow and evolve.

And we have to choose,

Consciously choose our pathway of growth for us to reach our potential.

And so get your ego behind that idea.

I love kicking goals,

Ego.

Don't you love kicking goals?

Yes,

I do.

So you can use logic because,

Remember,

Logic is also the language of the ego.

What else do you love?

Oh,

I love it when we achieve something.

Exactly.

So what are we going to achieve?

We're going to achieve something bigger than we've ever done before.

Really?

Are we?

Yes,

We are.

Okay,

So you can have a conversation with the ego.

And I actually do this quite a lot,

Especially if I'm in a bit of a scared spot or I'm feeling a little unsure about something.

I will have a conversation from the perspective of my higher self talking to my ego.

So we can use logic to help our ego come into support of our big,

Bold dreams.

And so with this idea,

You also need to know about your prime motivation.

How I motivate myself or my ego is I am quite goal-oriented.

I am also incredibly fascinated about human potential in all levels.

So human potential of the body,

Human potential of the mind,

Human potential of the spirit.

I think that we're nowhere near reaching our potential,

And I'm obsessed with that idea.

And so for me,

My ego loves that idea.

So when it's in fear,

I go,

Hang on,

Ego.

Remember that we're here to see what our potential is.

Isn't that exciting?

And it's like,

Oh,

Yeah,

I forgot about that because I was just scared being scared.

So find out what motivates your ego.

How can it be motivated?

What does it light up with?

And use that logic to help it come on board to support your big,

Bold dream.

So create safety within yourself.

Start flipping the script between fear and excitement.

And start to use the prime motivator of your ego to get it to support your big,

Bold dream.

I hope that's been incredibly helpful.

There is more to that,

But we're limited by time today.

So let me check the comments.

Any other questions,

Drop them in now.

Okay.

How do you offer ego a sense of safety and comfort,

I.

E.

,

Meditation,

Yoga,

Etc.

?

Yeah,

Any of those things will work.

So you find your way.

I am a bit hesitant to say what I personally do.

Why?

Because we're all completely different.

And what our ego needs in terms of,

Say,

Safety and comfort,

For example,

Will be different depending on who you are,

What you've experienced before.

And so the advice is find what works for you,

For your ego,

To create that safety and comfort.

Okay.

So if you enjoyed today,

I would love to have you back again.

Come and check out my other lives.

I go live three times a week.

So two are talks.

One was yesterday.

One is today at this time.

And then I have a pure meditation session on Monday evenings.

If you feel like this was really useful for you,

You want to support me doing more of these free events for you,

Consider sending me a donation.

I'd completely appreciate that.

And I'm going to leave you with a little bit of homework.

So every single talk I do,

I try to leave you with something to consider so that you can do the self-reflection that is necessary if you're serious about personal,

Professional,

And spiritual growth.

So I highly recommend this.

So grab a pen and paper or grab the notes on your cell phone and answer these questions.

Okay.

So in regards to our ego supporting our big,

Bold dream,

What is the biggest fear that my ego has about supporting my big,

Bold dream?

So the question is again,

What is the biggest fear that my ego has about supporting my big,

Bold dream?

Okay.

Question number two to follow up from that is,

How can I give my ego what it needs today?

And when you answer this question,

Think about the practices that you do,

Or maybe you need to create networks.

Yeah.

Think really broadly about how you can give that which it needs.

And that which it needs is usually the opposite of what it fears.

Okay.

So if it fears,

Say,

I'm going to stick out and I'm going to be shot down for my ideas,

It probably needs support.

The opposite of that.

So that's isolation.

It needs community.

Right.

So think about that.

And then the last question is,

What practices can I use now that can get me to lead with the part of me that is bigger than the ego?

Another way of saying that is,

What practices can I use today to start leading with my soul or spirit or higher self?

And remember that that last one,

It really is a practice.

It's a practice to come out of the ego or the egoic leading of our lives that most of us live in.

And it's a practice of trust to start leading with that part of self that inherently feels at the start scary for your ego.

And the more that you do it,

Though,

The more the ego is going to get excited about it.

Because like,

You know what?

When I let that part of me lead,

We create freaking magic and we create something way bigger and way more exciting than I ever could have imagined for myself.

Okay.

So at the start,

It's kind of scary because your ego won't know where you're going.

Yeah.

And remember that what is known is safe.

And so anything other than that is fearful.

But the more that you do it,

The more that your ego is going to come into support of the big,

Bold dreams and the other visions that you have for your life that are created from that part that is bigger than you.

Alrighty.

Oh,

Thank you so much for your donation.

I super appreciate that.

If anyone else feels like donating,

You can support me to be here on this platform for free.

I do love being here and I'm here three times a week,

Help you guide you,

Provide you with some wisdom,

Some things that I think might be helpful on your journey as a leader.

And if you haven't joined me already,

If you haven't followed me,

Hop onto Insight Timer,

Follow me,

Come and join me for another live.

I would love to hang out with you.

And I thank you so much for your attention,

For your time,

Which is very,

Very precious.

And for you being here and doing the work that you're doing,

Working on yourself to help yourself become a better leader.

That's what we need more of.

The rest of today,

Let's lead with that part that is bigger than us.

Become really aware of that ego coming in and trying to keep you safe and small.

Give it what it needs,

But then lead from that higher part of you today.

That's your mission.

And I'll catch you hopefully next week.

All right.

Ciao for now.

Bye.