This morning,
I opened my eyes from meditation to a sunrise moving slowly through the trees.
Soft light,
Unhurried,
Finding its way into the room.
It fell across the buddha rupa beside me,
And for a moment it felt as though they were speaking the same language.
Not symbolically,
Just simply.
Awakening happens quietly like this,
Nothing dramatic,
Nothing announced.
Afterwards,
I went downstairs and picked up the book I'm reading.
It's called Boundless Heart by Christina Feldman.
I noticed myself reading differently this morning.
More slowly,
And less hungry for information.
More willing to let the words arrive on their own terms.
And something did arrive.
She wrote about loving kindness practice.
About how we include everyone,
Even the difficult.
I do this and I've done this for decades,
So I've heard it a thousand times.
You probably have too.
And yet today,
Something shifted.
Speaking about those who cause us difficulty.
She spoke about practicing.
She spoke about practicing with those who cause us difficulty.
But for them,
For their benefit,
For their well-being.
And I saw,
With a little embarrassment and a lot of tenderness,
How I had subtly misunderstood or maybe consciously misunderstood.
And how I had subconsciously changed.
This for years.
Somewhere along the way,
I had turned this practice into something like,
I'm sending you loving kindness,
You the difficult person,
So that I can cope with you better.
So that I suffer less.
So that I can tolerate you.
So that my life is better.
It looked generous on the surface,
But underneath,
It was still centred on me.
Still transactional.
And what landed today was much cleaner,
Much braver.
The practice is not about managing our enemies.
It's not about smoothing out our irritations.
It's about genuinely wishing those who cause us pain,
Their highest well-being.
Without exception.
Without strategy.
And without a hidden clause.
Not because they deserve it.
Not because they've behaved well.
But because we are choosing not to shrink our hearts around difficulty.
I realise that if you asked me yesterday,
Do we practice loving kindness even for those who harm us?
I would have said,
Of course.
And I would have meant it.
But I would have been operating with a quiet,
Ulterior motive.
To free myself from discomfort.
Today I could see the difference.
And I could also see how these teachings work.
They don't unfold all at once.
They ripen.
We understand them intellectually first.
Then emotionally.
Then sometimes.
Perhaps after many,
Many years.
If we're lucky and persistent,
They land in the body.
And even then we forget again.
Practice deepens.
Practice fades.
Understanding comes.
Understanding slips away.
But it doesn't slip away forever.
Once we've seen.
Once we've understood.
Once something's gone bone deep.
It resurfaces.
And I could look at all those years of previous practice as some kind of failure.
Of getting it wrong.
But this is the path.
Befriending the difficult is not easy.
But it is profoundly transformative.
Because the practices that stretch us the most are often the ones that free us the deepest.
And there's something else I noticed this morning.
When we genuinely wish the highest happiness for all beings,
Even those who make our lives hard,
We don't stand outside that wish.
We are included in it.
The highest beneficiary of all.
I can almost hear myself going back to that ulterior motive in saying that.
But it's true.
We can't radiate goodwill outward without standing inside its warmth ourselves.
Our own freedom is not sacrificed by this practice.
It's strengthened.
So today,
Notice who feels difficult in your life.
Not to fix the relationship.
Not to force forgiveness.
Just to see what happens when you don't harden around them.
When you quietly say and mean,
May you be well,
May you be free.
But today,
Something incredible happens.
Enmity is dissolved.
Tomorrow,
We'll take another step.
We'll look at what it means to live this life deliberately.
Not perfectly,
But consciously.
Tomorrow is about intentional living.
I'll see you then.
