The Kind Voice Within

Transform your inner dialogue from harsh criticism to gentle support. We all carry that relentless inner critic saying, "You're not good enough" or "everyone else has it figured out." This meditation teaches you to meet difficult moments with kindness instead of judgment.

Learn three powerful tools: the Name Swap Practice (imagine speaking to someone you love), "Thank You, But Not Today" boundaries with your critic, and Loving Kindness Mirror work. Discover how changing your self-talk ripples out to transform relationships with others.

Perfect for perfectionism, self-doubt, and that exhausting voice that's never satisfied. Includes guided practice to offer yourself the same compassion you'd give a cherished friend.

Remember: you're beautifully imperfect and don't need to have it all figured out.

Transcript

Now,

Before we begin,

I just want to give you a nice little gentle reminder that you're not supposed to have it all figured out.

You're not supposed to be perfect,

Or polished,

Or always in control.

You are a human being.

And being human means feeling uncertain,

And messy,

And emotional,

And tender at times.

But for some reason,

We hold ourselves to these impossible standards.

And when we inevitably don't meet them,

We start to break out that unkind voice,

That voice that tells us that we're not good enough,

Or smart enough,

Or strong enough,

Or capable.

But what if you can meet yourself in those moments,

Not with judgment,

But with kindness?

Well,

That's what we're going to talk about today.

We'll get down to the very basics of how to speak kindly to yourself.

So let's start to talk about why self-talk matters,

And the way that we speak to ourselves.

Because most of us have this voice inside of our head that is incredibly critical.

Maybe it says things like,

You should be doing more,

Or why can't you just get it together,

Or everyone else is doing better than you.

And we carry these voices from childhood,

From culture,

From just sheer perfectionism.

And we believe them because they sound a whole lot like us.

But they aren't the truest part of us.

They're echoes,

Echoes of fear,

Of comparison,

Of shame.

The way you speak to yourself becomes the way that you feel about yourself.

And how you feel about yourself shapes how you move through the world.

Almost everyone who I have ever worked with has confided me at some point in our sessions about their inner critic.

And I'm sure that you are dealing with that.

So I want to share a story about a client of mine named Rachel.

And Rachel is a great example of how recognizing that critic and putting in the work to find that kinder,

Gentler voice can make a huge difference in not only your life,

But the life of everyone around you.

Now Rachel was a mother of two,

And she was juggling parenting with dealing with a long-term autoimmune condition that left her in constant pain and exhaustion.

She always had to be the dependable one.

She was the one who made every meal,

Remembered every appointment,

And smiled even when she was silently suffering.

When we first met,

Rachel said something that struck me deeply.

She said,

My body is screaming at me to slow down,

But my mind is telling me that I am failing if I do.

She had this internalized belief that her worth was tied to productivity,

To showing up perfectly,

To never disappointing anyone.

Even on days when standing felt like a chore,

She pushed through.

She would ignore every signal that her body gave her,

Because the voice in her head was saying,

You're not doing enough.

And what really broke my heart was how invisible this struggle was to others.

No one saw the guilt she carried for resting.

No one heard the cruel things she whispered to herself at night.

And when we began to work through three little tools,

They slowly and gently started to change her relationship with herself.

The first thing we worked on was called the name-swap practice.

Rachel was fiercely loving towards her daughter.

She would do anything for her.

She would fight anyone who said any unkind word to her.

So when the critics started to flare up,

I'd ask her to say the same phrase,

Only as if she were saying it to her child.

And one day she broke down in tears and said,

I would never say that to her.

Why have I said it to myself every day for 30 years?

And then the next thing we practiced was the thank you,

But not today.

And when the inner critic told her to get up and clean the kitchen at 10.

30 p.

M.

Despite her exhaustion,

She learned to gently acknowledge it and simply say,

Thank you for trying to keep things together,

But not tonight.

I'm going to bed.

And then came the loving kindness mere practice.

And this was very awkward at first.

Looking herself in the eyes felt like too much.

But one morning,

After a particularly tough night,

She stood in front of the mirror,

She placed her hand on her chest,

And she said out loud,

You're still good.

You're still worthy.

And in that moment,

Something shifted.

Over our time together,

That voice of her inner critic,

It didn't disappear,

But it softened.

And more importantly,

Her own voice grew stronger and steadier and kinder.

And there's this moment that still brings me to tears.

And it came months later.

She told me that her daughter was having a meltdown.

And one morning she said,

I'm not good at anything.

And Rachel,

Without thinking,

Got down to her level and said,

Baby,

That's just your worried voice.

You can tell it.

Thank you.

But not today.

In healing her own inner voice,

She was teaching her daughter how to treat herself with compassion too.

And that's what this work is about.

It's not perfection.

It's not performance.

But it's presence.

And the ripple effect of one person learning to be kind to themselves can truly be felt for generations.

So let's walk through those three practices and try and see if we can start to integrate them into your own life and in your daily practice.

So the first was that name swap practice.

And this is a perspective shift that helps you move from that self-judgment to compassion.

And you take what you're saying to yourself and you start to swap in the name of someone that you love deeply.

So this is a child,

A friend.

This can even be a pet.

A lot of people have difficulty connecting to people in their lives,

But those animals can sometimes be really important.

So it's a practice of taking that inner dialogue and putting in the face of that person you love so dearly and just seeing what it would feel like.

What would it feel like to say those words to them?

And you start to catch yourself and notice how cruel it can be,

How harsh,

And how you would never in a million years say that.

So the next time that you start to catch yourself saying something harsh,

Just pause and start to say that exact phrase out loud,

But substitute your name with that dear one's name.

And just ask yourself,

Would I ever say this to them?

It's that perspective shift.

It activates the same neural pathways that are associated with warmth and bonding and calm.

And so if you can call on that dear one,

You can start to actually learn how you would talk to them is how you need to start speaking to yourself.

So let's give that a try just really quickly.

Think of something that you've been hard on yourself about recently.

And just for a moment,

Start to let those thoughts enter in.

What is that negative voice saying?

Don't judge it.

Don't try and make it any better or different,

But just allow for yourself to be aware of it.

And now as you start to hear that phrase,

I want you to bring to mind that dear one,

That person who you love more than anyone.

And just start to picture them seated in front of you.

And you can look right into their eyes.

And I just want you to say that phrase out loud to them.

Notice how they shift.

Notice how those words land on them.

And just ask yourself,

Would you say this to them?

And if you did,

How would it impact them?

Because this practice reveals just how distorted our inner critics can be.

And it gives you the ability to start to untangle ourselves from its grip.

To not only see the impact that those words can have on another,

But also a recognition of what the opposite might be.

So start to think about what would you say if that person in your life was dealing with that problem?

How would you support them?

How would you love them?

How would you be kind to them?

And recognize that those same words can be directed inward.

Now,

The next tool that we can start to use is the thank you,

But not today tool.

And this tool teaches you to acknowledge your inner critic without following it.

It's a gentle form of cognitive diffusion from ACT therapy.

And trying to shut down or silence your inner critic does not work long term.

But when you start to recognize it with curiosity and respond with calm boundaries,

Its power starts to fade.

Creating conflict with that inner voice by fighting back with it doesn't really do any good in the moment.

And it can actually begin to activate your sympathetic nervous system and cause you to begin to panic because you think that you're in a fight.

When a critical voice arises,

What you want to do in that moment is simply stop and just say thank you for your input,

But not today.

You're not fighting it.

You're just choosing not to take its advice.

So just for a moment,

I want you to go ahead and close down your eyes if that feels safe and right to do so.

And start to bring to mind that same self-critical thought that you had from our last exercise.

And just really start to hear it.

Let it be there.

And as you start to see yourself and feel yourself react to it,

I want you to silently say thank you for your input,

But not today.

And then just take a deep breath and let it go.

If your eyes have been shut,

Just go ahead and flutter them open and just see how that changes things.

See how you give yourself the power in that moment and take it away from that inner critic.

And just always remember that you get to choose which voice gets a seat at the table.

And then this final practice is going to be a little cheesy.

It's one that you're probably going to really resist,

But I promise you it's worth trying.

And it's called the loving-kindness mirror practice.

So we've talked about the loving-kindness meditation before.

It's the meta-meditation that is centered around extending well-wishes to dear ones in your life,

To those strangers,

To people you've had conflict with in the world around you.

And this blends that meditation with mirror work.

And yes,

It is going to feel awkward,

But it is powerful.

Now,

Studies show that meta-meditation increases self-acceptance and it reduces that self-criticism.

And so when you start to pair this with mirror work,

It retrains your nervous system to see yourself with more compassion and challenge that inner critic.

So how you practice this is you stand in front of a mirror and you place your hand on your heart.

Really feel into the beating.

And you look into your own eyes and you start to repeat slowly,

May I be kind to myself.

May I be gentle with this moment.

And may I remember that I am enough.

So let's give that a try just for a moment,

Even if you don't have a mirror in front of you.

Just place your hand on your heart.

Just take that deep breath in.

And breathe out.

And just silently say to yourself,

May I be kind to myself.

May I be gentle with this moment.

And may I remember that I am enough.

This might seem silly at first,

But your nervous system is listening.

And over time,

This starts to become a new way of being.

It starts to challenge that inner critic and it starts to replace those negative thoughts.

With gentle,

Compassionate,

Kind,

And caring thoughts.

So to end today,

I want to lead us through a gentle meditation that you can pull out in those times when you're feeling that critic is particularly loud.

When you just need a moment to find that kinder,

Gentler voice.

So just a reminder that these meditations are meant to be done in the stillness and silence of a quiet space.

So if you're anywhere that requires you to be attentive and aware,

If you're driving or if you're with people who need your attention,

Maybe pause this and come back to it.

But if not,

Let's start with a deep breath in.

And then breathe out.

And let it all settle.

And then go ahead and close down your eyes or just stay here with me.

Start to let your body find a sense of comfort.

Settling down into the seat beneath you.

Letting yourself sink.

And let your body feel held.

As you feel into the safety of this moment.

Let yourself connect to the breath.

Breathing in.

And letting go.

Now as you sit in the stillness of this moment,

Letting your body sink.

Letting your body fully relax.

Letting your breath settle.

I want you to bring your mind to someone who you love.

A person who the mere thought or mention of their name just brings a smile to your face.

Start to see them.

Imagine them seated directly in front of you.

And as you look into their eyes,

Begin to imagine them going through whatever life situation you are currently facing.

Imagine them struggling with what you're struggling with.

Going through with what you're going through.

And feeling exactly as you are in this moment.

Begin to look into their eyes.

To see those feelings on their face.

And as you sit there with them,

Begin to imagine how you would support them.

What are the words you would choose to say?

What are the words that they need to hear desperately right now?

And as those words become clear,

Begin to look inward.

Almost as if you could look at yourself and say,

I want you to look at yourself in that same way that you looked at this dear one.

To see yourself struggling.

To see yourself in need.

And just for a moment,

Begin to silently say those words to you.

With a kinder,

Gentler tone.

What does it feel like to care for yourself?

What does it feel like to give to yourself?

What does it feel like to support you?

And as you feel that love and kindness and care being directed inward,

Start to imagine that you could begin to look at yourself in the eyes.

And know that no matter what you are going through,

You are doing the best that you can.

That you deserve kindness.

And that who you are in this moment is enough.

So begin to picture yourself looking into your eyes.

And just say,

I'm doing my best.

I deserve kindness.

This moment is enough.

Who I am in this moment is more than enough.

Let yourself be held by these words.

Let them wash over you.

And remember that you can always return to them.

So let's start to become aware of the space around you.

Aware of the sounds in the room.

Aware of the smells.

With a gentle swallow,

Aware of your taste.

Bringing your hands together in front of you.

Aware of your sense of touch.

And when it feels right,

Go ahead and flutter your eyes open.

Take in the space around you.

And enter back.

Connected and calm.

As you move forward this week,

Continue to find that calm,

Quiet,

Gentle voice.

That voice of support and love.

And remember that you deserve to be loved.

To be spoken to in a kind,

Gentle way.

So we'll end as we began.

With a deep breath in.

And breathe out.

And let it all settle.

Now,

Go take care of yourself.

And I will see you next week.

Reviews

Thank you for this restful meditation 🙏🏻

Thank you for these gentle reminders.

Wonderful thank you. Very touching

wonderful wonderful wonderful 🌸🙏🏻💕