Making Friends with Your Thoughts

Do you sometimes find your thoughts troubling, bothersome or distracting? This meditation will help you find peace of mind even when your thoughts are racing. It includes a whole raft of innovative strategies that you can use to find perspective, clarity and calm, and can be especially useful when your usual approaches don't seem to help.

Transcript

What's a good meditation?

What kind of experiences do you have that leave you feeling satisfied with your sit?

And what do you do when you meditate?

If you're like most people,

You probably set out with the intention or hope for a quiet mind,

A mind in which thoughts slow down or stop altogether.

It's also likely that most of the meditation instructions you've been exposed to encourage you to divert your attention in this way,

That is,

Away from thoughts and perhaps towards the breath or body.

You may also have noted that despite your best efforts to follow such instructions and despite all your wishes,

The mind stubbornly continues to remind you about just who's really in charge and maybe what you need from the supermarket.

Here then is a refreshingly realistic meditation,

One that doesn't require you to make any effort to still or quieten the mind.

Instead you'll be invited to welcome your thoughts,

To lend them an ear,

To listen to what they have to say and to see if you can't glean some useful information even from the most trivial,

Hostile and irritating amongst them.

This meditation is quite long,

It gives you plenty of opportunity to think and lots of space to follow the instructions and to investigate for yourself what goes on in your mind.

If you feel like you've had enough after 5 or 15 or 25 minutes,

That's perfectly fine.

You can continue at another time.

So let's begin.

You need not do anything at all to calm yourself down.

You don't need to prepare yourself by adopting some special posture or intention.

You don't have to sigh or make sure you're breathing properly and you don't have to check in with your body or try getting out of your head.

In fact,

To start,

Simply give your attention free rein.

Let your mind drift,

Unfettered,

In whatever direction it wants.

What draws your attention?

Sounds?

The breath?

Images or memories?

Physical sensations?

Thoughts?

What seems to interest you the most?

Does your mind seem relatively busy or relatively quiet?

Does it have a tendency to rest at one point on one thing?

Or does it move quickly from place to place,

From one impression to the next?

In this meditation there's no need to censor yourself.

You can think,

Dream,

Plan or reminisce.

You can sense,

You can feel,

You can worry.

Or if you find your mind at rest,

You can permit that too.

For now,

Just take some time to check in with yourself and to notice what kind of mood your mind is in.

And now,

Let's make a few distinctions.

First,

Just notice whether you're making any attempt to control your thoughts,

To stop them or change them.

Or are you letting your attention move more or less spontaneously?

Or are you letting your attention move more or less spontaneously?

And are you evaluating your thoughts,

Judging them,

Good or bad,

Appropriate or inappropriate?

Or are you simply observing them with an attitude of neutrality or objectivity?

I'm not suggesting that there's some optimal or correct attitude to adopt here,

Some right way to go about the meditation.

This is just an invitation to be curious,

To get some sense of what is going on in your mind at this moment.

And remember,

While this is a meditation on thought,

You don't even have to think.

If you find yourself absorbed in the breath or drawn to some discomfort,

This too is fine.

Either way,

How is the mental traffic right now?

Is it busy,

Congested,

Aggressive?

Does it feel like gridlocked peak hour traffic?

Is it steady and free flowing?

Or is it light and leisurely?

And how many thoughts do you estimate arise and pass within a minute?

Or are you chanting everything out?

And what are you thinking about?

Does your thinking revolve around some theme,

Some location,

Some time?

Have you got an argument going,

A commentary or a reminder service?

Remember,

It's OK to plan,

It's OK to reflect.

These are useful functions.

You don't have to try and stop engaging in this kind of mental activity just because you're meditating.

You may even choose to engage in some dedicated worrying,

Planning or complaining.

That really is OK.

What's it like inside your head right now?

OK.

Don't you sense attitudes or emotional undertones in the thoughts that arise?

What type of voices or personalities do you hear?

Are they loud?

Skeptical?

Shy or curious?

Maybe critical?

Just as a brief experiment,

Try actively thinking.

In fact,

Think flat out.

See if you can think non-stop.

If you get distracted by the breath,

Immediately come back to your thoughts.

If there aren't any thoughts,

Make some up,

Right away.

I'll give you a minute to try this flat out thinking.

And now let your mind continue at its natural pace.

Are there spaces or pauses between one thought and the next?

How long does a thought last?

Are you thinking in paragraphs,

Dot points,

Fully formed concepts?

And how do ideas register in your head?

As words,

As sounds,

As movie clips,

As images?

The thoughts always arise in the same space or location within your head.

Perhaps they seem to be quite close at times,

Like flies buzzing around,

And distant at other times,

Like the half-heard voices from another room.

Is it possible to tell where a thought resides?

Can you hold onto one?

Can you grasp it?

Do thoughts have different shapes or frequencies?

What qualities do individual thoughts have?

Some stickier or more slippery than others,

Some louder,

Some more insistent or demanding?

Are there thoughts that barely register in your mind?

Thoughts so subtle you're not sure what they are?

Let's try another little experiment.

As the meditation proceeds,

Just note whether you're making any effort or whether there's any habitual attempt being made to monitor or observe your thoughts,

To be mindful,

Or whether there's any tendency to continually refocus your attention on the breath or body.

And now see if you can temporarily relinquish any such habits.

Let your mind move completely naturally and spontaneously,

As it might during a dream or in moments outside of meditation.

Give yourself permission to relinquish all control and just to let things unfold as they will.

Let yourself surrender to the way things are,

Letting go of all effort.

Is it possible to be this relaxed?

Let yourself surrender to the way things are,

Letting go of all effort.

Is it possible to be this relaxed?

When thoughts do arise,

Notice how much veracity you attribute to them.

Do you regard them as facts,

As certainties,

As statements of truth?

You might ask,

Is this thought important?

Assign it a value,

Maybe from 1 to 10,

Where 1 is meaningless and 10 vital.

You might ask,

Is this thought important?

Alternatively,

You might ask,

Is this thought useful?

Notice what happens when you view your thoughts with a degree of skepticism.

You might ask,

Is this thought useful?

And for the remainder of this exercise,

Let yourself meditate in whatever way seems most appropriate to you.

You may like to notice whether any of your thoughts are uplifting or inspiring,

Or simply interesting.

Maybe they seem energising,

Or perhaps your thoughts are somewhat monotonous,

Repetitive,

Overly familiar or tiring.

Notice whether your thinking seems clear or chaotic.

You might ask,

Is this thought useful?

Assign it a value,

Maybe from 1 to 10,

Where 1 is meaningless and 10 vital.

You might ask,

Is this thought useful?

And for the remainder of this exercise,

Let yourself meditate in whatever way seems most appropriate to you.

What kind of relationship do you have with your thoughts?

Are you glad to have them visit?

Could you treat them like unwanted guests?

Or wouldn't you Premium Office help them to settle down on a table in 5 minutes?

So as we draw to a close,

There's a little reflection.

Apparently the Tibetan word for meditation is gom,

And this simply means to become familiar with.

So hopefully you'll have a sense that you've become a little more familiar with what goes on in your mind,

With your thoughts.

And you may even like to give those voices in your head a little feedback,

A little encouragement,

A little friendliness.

You may like to thank your mind for offering those various thoughts for your inspection,

Your study.

And when you're ready,

You can open your eyes and conclude.

Reviews

So many thoughts about this meditation... Thank you!
I appreciate your approach to thoughts. My human mind is designed to have them and this meditation gives me permission to be human.
By the end, I found myself sorting my thoughts according to "value." The unimportant & angry thoughts about the past (recent & distant) were dismissed, and practical, quality thoughts about my day ahead were better organized (I did this in the morning).
As I move into my day, I'm moving with a relatively calm, organized mind, and a sense that I don't have to give all thoughts equal value. I can focus on the thoughts that are useful & true for me today.
I know I'll come back to this meditation. It's an excellent investment of 33 minutes!
Thank you!!

“Ill give you one minute to try this flat-out thinking” lol! First time in my life there was nothing but crickets! 😂 A+

Delightful! Allowing my thought to be paid attention to, then gently moving onto the next category. I used this in the middle of the night to go back to sleep. Thank you. Gail

Nice well paced meditation with plenty of silent periods. 🙏

Brilliant way of practicing mindfulness of thoughts. A game changer for me! Thanks so much!

Thank you! That was really great.

Thanks for thought provoking order within the mind . Interesting !

At a time when I could only grow by no longer fighting and fearing my thoughts, this meditation opened a constructive dialogue inside of me. I realize both me and my thoughts have to stop being afraid, of each other and the world outside of us. Thanks for this.

One word I can say is amazed. I have been fighting with my thoughts for a while. Today, I tried to let them flow and few thoughts hardly came. Even the ones I’m running from, I had to literally remember them , but they kept fizzling away.

An excellent meditation of curiosity on thoughts. Loved the line ‘every time you notice your breath, return to your thoughts’ 😄😄

so different! fascinating stuff

Brilliant! Wonderful “yes and” approach to meditating. Open, freeing, and (after years of mindfulness “training”) hugely beneficial!

Unusual, exceptional, fun to do and was so helpful. I will be revisiting this for sure. Thank you for a fresh perspective!

Particularly loved the spaces which allowed for exploration ❣️❣️❣️

Very interesting, it actually had a calming affect on me. Your sleep meditation works wonders too. Have you bookmarked. Thank you for such insightful meditations. Looking forward to listening to more from your Library. 🤗💖🙏

Very interesting and clever. What sorcery is this?! Joking apart, I found being aware of my thoughts helped me promote the pleasant ones and break the unpleasant. You sent me to sleep in the early hours this morning with another of your meditations and helped me to wrestle free from unpleasant thoughts today. Thanks. Wish your centre was in London!

Great, loved it 🙏🏻💕

Wonderful meditation. It made me smile. Thank you Matthew!

Really enjoyed it! Made me separate My self from My toughts🌷nice without music in the background

Interesting to observe what's going on in my mind and all it's various thoughts🤔 To sit with them and observe what kind of impact they have on me in what way😊 and to realize that it's totally normal for my mind to do this, it's okay, it is it's nature💭💚 Thank you much for these insights and reminder🙏🌹