The Perfection Of Loving-Kindness (Metta Parami)

Metta parami (loving-kindness) keeps this world together. Without Metta, this world would be a very dark place. It helps reduce fear and anxiety and supports every healing process. Humans and other beings love beings with Metta.

Transcript

Good morning.

Today I want to talk about metta parami.

So the perfection of loving kindness is the ninth parami,

The ninth perfection.

And yeah,

Speak a little bit about that,

Especially in this time,

It's very important for us to practice metta,

Loving kindness,

Acceptance,

Tolerance.

So I want to go a bit deeper into this today.

So what is metta?

What is loving kindness?

It's our deep wish for all beings to be happy.

We wish all beings happiness.

We wish for them that they are healthy,

That they are free from suffering by body,

By mind.

We wish for them to be free from all dangers.

So having this strong wish for ourselves and all beings to dwell in happiness,

That would be metta.

We try to speak,

Do and think in a way that is metta.

So there are three levels of metta that we can practice,

Like the metta of mano-metta,

From the mind,

Coming from the mind.

We think in a compassionate,

In a loving way about beings.

That's when we practice metta by our mind.

Then that's also when what we do when we give metta in these metta meditations,

Like usually I do online with you.

Again and again,

This metta meditation,

Like we think of those beings.

We start with ourselves,

Then we think of all those beings who are with us in the same room,

In the same house,

On the same street,

The same city,

Whatever.

And we go out further and further until we embrace the whole universe,

All sentient beings with this loving kindness thoughts.

So that would be mano-metta,

Like giving metta by mind.

Then there is also,

Of course,

Vajjhi metta.

That means vajjhi is speech.

We try to speak in a way that is out of metta.

So we try to avoid speech that is harming others,

Or that is too harsh and makes them feel offended and sad and stuff like that.

Then metta coming from the body.

That means we see there is suffering,

We have compassion and metta,

And we go and do something.

We try to help others also physically.

So three kind of levels how we can practice metta.

And we have to also know,

Yeah,

Metta has a very powerful healing impact,

Like for ourselves and also for others.

If we give metta,

We can heal sicknesses of beings.

Whenever you are ill,

And there is someone who's kind to you,

Who's trying to help you,

It sheers you up.

It gives you more positive energy.

And therefore,

It's much easier also to get out of physical misery,

Pain and sickness.

It's not so that just metta and you can heal every sickness.

I don't want to say that,

But it is very supportive if we have a loving mind,

Loving kindness for beings when they are ill and also for ourselves.

Having loving kindness with yourselves will help you to overcome sickness by body and mind.

It will support it.

There's many,

I mean,

Every psychologist can probably tell you that many of our sicknesses come from non-acceptance.

We can't accept ourselves.

We can't accept others.

We have anger,

Aversion to situations,

People and whatever,

And it results in really getting physically sick or mentally sick.

Anger is actually a kind of mental sickness.

So,

Metta is really helpful also in that.

Then,

Metta also ripens all the 10 perfections.

We went through eight perfections.

This is the ninth,

As I say,

And all these 10 perfections come to maturity through metta.

If you go to the Dhana Bhārami,

If you practice Dhana Bhārami,

Generosity,

Then it will be,

Through metta,

It will be perfected.

If there is metta,

There is loving kindness.

We think in a loving way of other beings and we give,

Then this is a perfect combination,

Giving out of metta,

Out of loving kindness.

Then the second bhārami,

Like Sila Bhārami,

Morality,

Ethics.

We also should have metta with that.

Sure,

It is very important to have these moral principles,

But if they are without metta,

Without loving kindness,

Then it can be very harsh sometimes.

We can be unaccepting if something is not going the way it should,

So that with metta we can also forgive sometimes ourselves or others when it's not really working the way that we tried it.

Then,

Third perfection,

Nekāmā bhārami.

Through metta,

We will be also,

Again,

Forgiving.

We will also be more gentle.

We give up things that are not necessary,

But in a way with a mind of metta.

Otherwise,

Nekāmā can sometimes go into extreme and then we forbid ourselves everything,

Every joy,

Because we think,

Oh,

We have to give up everything.

Then it might create suffering for ourselves and others.

To find our middle way in developing nekāmā or renunciation,

Metta is also a very important factor.

It perfects it actually.

Then wisdom,

The fourth bhārami.

If we practice wisdom,

We try to develop this bhārami of wisdom,

Even there we need loving kindness because wisdom is sharp,

Like a sharp sword cutting through ignorance.

But this sharpness,

Sometimes there needs to be loving kindness as well.

Using wisdom,

Knowing the things as they correctly are,

But without loving kindness can sometimes lead to hurt.

So even there it is needed that we are practicing metta.

Then the next perfection would be effort,

Right,

Having this effort,

Virya bhārami,

Making the effort to overcome anhosam,

To maintain wholesome and to stand above both of them to purify the mind.

There again,

Metta is helpful because the world is not perfect.

If everyone would have right effort,

If everything would be right,

We don't need to be born as a human and struggle.

It's not like that.

So even if things go wrong sometimes we make the effort to overcome it,

But with a loving kindness attitude towards ourselves and others.

It's so important in everything.

Then also when we do the right effort to build up good things,

Again,

It can make us sometimes if it's going without loving kindness in the direction that we feel superior to others,

Because we can do it.

So metta,

Very important.

The next bhārami is impossible without metta.

And that is kānti bhārami,

The patience.

There is no way to develop metta without patience.

And there is no way to develop patience without metta.

They have to go together.

Only if we have patience,

We are able to let go of the things that are unpleasant for us and still have metta with those beings who create that.

It's just very important to have both of them.

The next perfection is sāchā bhārami,

The truthfulness.

As I said before,

Speaking the truth is very important,

Being truthful,

But again,

In combination with loving kindness.

Otherwise,

I might say things that hurt others.

I might say it in a way that are hurtful and that is not necessary.

I can be truthful without hurting others,

But metta will help me with that.

Having understanding for the imperfections of all beings,

Including my own.

And then yes,

Adhitāna bhārami,

Like speaking out or initiating our path to a certain goal.

That is what we call adhitāna,

Like we make determinations for something that we want to reach or want to attain in our lives.

Without metta,

Again,

It will be too much a re-force or try to reach and that can lead us to be frustrated if we can't reach it.

But with metta,

We have this acceptance of imperfection.

We accept it,

We try to do our best,

But if it doesn't work okay,

Then I also have to accept that and still love myself or still love others.

And yes,

Then of course,

Metta,

Without metta is not possible.

And the last one would be ubeikha,

Equanimity.

That's the next parami we will talk about.

And with equanimity,

It's kind of a standing above everything and staying equanimous,

Not getting out of balance,

Whatever happens.

But even there,

Equanimity without metta would cause some friction sometimes.

And then it's getting hot,

We will suffer again,

Then whatever.

Suffer can arise because there is no loving kindness,

There is no metta with the things we are equanimous about.

Equanimity can be sometimes mistaken and people think it's carelessness,

Oh,

I don't care,

I just stand above everything.

And that is an attitude that doesn't have any metta,

Any loving kindness.

So loving kindness is there,

Morality is there,

Patience is there,

And we stand above it,

We try to let go,

But not of loving kindness,

Metta has to be there.

So you see all 10 perfections come to maturity,

They ripen if metta is present,

So important to develop metta.

And I want to speak a little bit about the 11 blessings we get if we really develop metta.

So that's what Buddha spoke about.

You can read it in the Anguttara Nikaya,

When it's written there,

What Buddha talked about the 11 blessings of metta.

He said that time mainly he spoke about monks and nuns and monks.

If metta,

This universal love is,

It is leading to liberation of mind,

If it is ardently practiced,

Developed,

Unrelentingly resorted to,

Used as one's vehicle,

Made the foundation of one's life as a really applied in your life,

Use it all the time,

Whatever you do,

Not just in meditation.

If it's fully established and perfected,

Then these 11 blessings will arise.

So one will sleep happily,

So it's easy for you to sleep away and you sleep happily and have a good sleep.

The second is one wakes up happily,

So you wake up refreshed and you are positive and happy.

Then one doesn't suffer bad dreams or nightmares if you have metta.

Then the gods protect one,

The gods in this case,

All these heavenly beings,

If you call them angels or whatever,

They protect you if you have loving kindness.

Then humans love you.

You are dear to human beings.

They feel you have this metta power and they like to stay close to you.

They want to be with you.

They feel safe in your presence.

They know you don't harm them,

Neither physically nor verbally.

Then non-humans will love you.

So that means animals,

For example,

You can see that if someone has a lot of metta,

The animals like to stay near.

They have no fear.

They know you are no harm for them.

They can feel it.

Animals are more sensitive than us.

They have to have this sensitivity.

Otherwise,

They wouldn't be able to protect themselves from harm.

So they know very well if you have metta,

Then usually they don't harm you.

See this in the temple often.

There are lots of temple dogs,

Of course,

Because people like to throw them away at the temple or just leave them there because they don't want to feed them.

So they think,

Ah,

They probably get food in the temple.

So we have a lot.

But if someone has a lot of metta,

There is no way that they bark at you or they would bite you.

So this is just they feel that there's no problem.

Whereas if you are a violent person,

They can feel it and they bark at you,

Maybe even bite you.

So there's a big difference.

And then it's also said in that Gutter and Nikaya that no fire,

No poison,

No weapon can harm you,

Which is very interesting.

I can imagine the meaning is also if you are a very,

Very compassionate,

Very loving person,

Why should someone harm you?

Normally,

It's not happening,

Except there is some really strong enemy from maybe,

Let's say,

From karma,

From other lifetimes or whatever,

And they try to harm you.

But usually as a loving and compassionate person,

You are pretty well protected through that power.

And then our mind concentrates much easier.

If you have metta concentration,

Focus will develop much,

Much,

Much easier.

And our expression,

The facial expression is,

Is bright is loving,

We have a kind of a very positive radiation.

And it is said we die unperturbed.

We are not disturbed when we die,

We are not shaken,

And much out of balance.

And that is probably because fear is gone,

You know,

Others don't fear us.

And we also become like we lose these anxieties in fear if we have a lot of meta.

And then a strong thing,

A strong experience like death,

Losing your life will not have such a frightening impact on you.

So it helps you even when dying.

And the last blessing is,

If you haven't reached liberation through practicing meta,

So you can attain the banner to practice meta.

But if you couldn't make it that far,

And you are not yet enlightened,

Then you will at least be born in a higher realm that we call the Brahma Loka.

Brahma Loka,

Brahmas are kind of higher gods that only experience bliss and concentration.

This is something we might experience if you practice a lot of meditation,

And sometimes the mind is really very focused,

Really,

Really going into a deeper concentration,

Like what we call Jhana absorption,

Then you have to feeling the body is gone,

There's no more body,

You don't really recognize your body,

All pains that might have been there before are gone.

Body doesn't have any more weight.

So you what you experience is bliss,

Really high level of happiness,

And a mind that is very focused.

So this is what you could say is a Brahma.

A Brahma lives in this state all the time.

So we experience it only when we have good concentration.

But when you pass on and leave this body behind,

You might be just in that state,

No more physical body,

No more fine material body like the Daivas,

The heavenly beings,

The angels have it,

But just mind in deep bliss and focus.

So this is existence that would wait for you if you can't reach total liberation through the practice of of Metta.

So Metta also leads to Jhana if you practice it in in in a correct way to attain Jhana if this is your wish,

It also leads to Jhana.

But you can practice Metta for the sake of Metta of loving kindness,

Without Jhana and you can practice it with for the attainment of Jhana then is a little bit different how you practice it.

Important is we we know what Metta feels like,

What it is,

It's important to know what enemies of Metta are there,

The close enemies and the far enemies.

The close enemies is lust,

Tanha,

Having greed,

Or the strong attachment towards a person,

If that comes up in your meditation,

Then it's not Metta.

So we have to be careful with that.

That's why it's called a close enemy because it's very close to what we experience as Metta.

Like you think I love the person,

But actually it's not real love.

Real love is is wide and can can be given to all beings.

It's unconditioned.

So there is no condition for Metta,

Except Metta.

Whereas this kind of worldly love we experience that is always conditioned,

It's conditioned by the person I give my love to,

That this person is as I want it.

This person is as I like it.

And so I love the person.

But if this person is not like that anymore,

Then I take the love away again.

And don't love him anymore.

Don't love her anymore.

This is egoistic love that is not Metta.

This is wanting.

It has to do with the ego.

I want you to be like that.

If you're not like that,

Then I don't want you anymore.

This is what we usually experience as love,

But it's not Metta.

Metta is unconditioned.

It can be given to all beings if they are close or far,

If they're big or small,

If I know them or not,

If I can't see them or not.

So it's a complete different kind of of love.

And we have to be very careful when we practice Metta not to mistake it with lust or Tanha.

And then there is a far enemy and that is hatred,

Anger.

The mind can't have anger and Metta together.

It's not possible.

They can't exist together.

So either there is Metta or there is anger.

But the hatred is not such a dangerous enemy because it's very easy discovered.

We can see it very easy because it's so different from Metta.

We can see that.

We experience that because they are very different.

But as I said before,

This Tanha lust is very similar.

So it's sometimes hard to distinguish it,

But it destroys the Metta.

It will be not pure Metta if lust comes in.

So we have to be careful with that too.

Yeah,

So we have to know this.

What is Metta?

How does it feel like?

What are the enemies of Metta and try to avoid them?

And therefore also when we practice Metta,

The easy way is in concentric circles as we usually do it in our daily online meditation.

Then you are kind of neutral because you take all beings present here,

All beings present in the house,

In the city,

Whatever in the universe.

And there are some you know,

Some you don't know.

There are some you what you say you love,

Some you don't love,

You don't like.

They are all included.

So it's easier.

But if you do the Metta,

There are different ways of practicing Metta.

If you practice your Metta and you say,

Okay,

I start with myself,

Of course,

And then those beings I love,

And then you practice Metta towards your partner,

Then lust could come in.

So put the partner in the end and first give it to those beings you respect,

Those you really,

Yeah,

You like teachers or whatever that are important for you.

It's easy then to give Metta because it's not this relationship of lust.

And then give it to family,

Whatever.

And then,

Yeah,

In the end,

Also to partner and to neutral beings and also finally to those beings you don't like,

Enemies.

But if you start with enemies,

Probably you won't be successful with Metta.

So try to keep them for the end is better.

Yeah,

That's a bit about Metta.

And I hope it gives you a little bit of input.

Maybe we talk another day a bit more detailed about the four Brahma Vihara,

But I will announce that then.

So I hope you have a nice Sunday.

Stay healthy and happy.

And yeah,

Have a lot of Metta.

I send Metta to you and you try to have it too,

Also for yourself.

Don't be frustrated if there are all kinds of lockdowns and difficult situations.

Have Metta with those that decided,

With those that you are maybe not so happy about right now.

Try to do it with Metta.

It will always be helpful.

Have a nice Sunday.

Bye.

Reviews

Great loving and knowledgeable explanation many thanks, sending metta out to you and all beings💜🤍💜

Clear and insightful. Metta and thanks to you. 🙏😊