Relationship Calm

It can be challenging to remain calm when things in your relationship flare up. Everyone knows how emotionally taxing an argument with a loved one can be. While we may not intend to get angry or speak harshly, sometimes it happens. We might say things we don’t really mean or simply allow ourselves to be triggered. This meditation will help you navigate your feelings and return to love and calm. This meditation can be experienced during the day or at bedtime. If you fall asleep while listening, your subconscious mind will still be absorbing the messages. Background Music: Touch of Grace by Christopher Lloyd Clarke. For the best experience, listen with headphones.

Transcript

Welcome to this meditation for relationship calm.

It can be challenging to remain calm when things in your relationship flare up.

Everyone knows how emotionally taxing an argument with a loved one can be.

While we may not intend to get angry or speak harshly,

Sometimes it happens.

We might say things we don't really mean or simply allow ourselves to be triggered.

Sudden upheaval between loved ones can cause hurt feelings.

You may even end up saying things that you don't really mean.

It's important to remember that everyone gets angry and says things they don't mean every once in a while.

This can cause stress in a relationship.

If you and your loved one have different ways of seeing situations,

Or different ways of handling things,

Especially during arguments and disagreements,

This may result in one or both of you overreacting in times of stress.

This meditation will help you with this.

We are going to begin by embarking on a journey within,

Getting in touch with our body.

Make yourself comfortable.

You may be sitting or lying down.

Feel the weight of your body pressing down against the surface you are on.

And observe your body settling in.

Good.

Starting off with our feet,

Tense the muscles in your feet and focus only here.

Tightly squeeze the muscles in your feet and let go completely.

Go up to your calves now,

And tense both of your calves,

Tensing all the muscles here.

And let it go.

Now go up to your thighs and tense this area firmly,

Feeling all this tension in your thighs.

Good.

You can let it go now,

Focusing on your pelvis and hips,

Tense this area as much as you can,

And let it go.

Let's bring our focus to the belly,

Activate your abdominal muscles,

Making your entire stomach firm.

Feel all the tension,

And let it go.

Great.

Now let's tense our hands,

Making a fist with your hands,

And grip as hard as you can,

Hold the tension,

And let it go.

Up to your chest area now,

Tense all the muscles around your chest and back,

Flex your shoulders and all other muscles around this area,

Holding the tension,

And relax.

Tense all the muscles in your facial area,

Hold the tension,

And let it go.

Very good.

By feeling your body and connecting to it with your mind,

You create a unity between the body and mind.

Now that your body is relaxed and your mind is open,

Invite your heart to open up and receive the following words,

With love,

Peace,

And compassion.

When conflict arises within a relationship,

There are two different ways of responding.

There are those who mindlessly react,

And then there are those who take a step back to process the situation,

And then respond.

The difference is subtle,

But profound,

The factor that distinguishes the two is mindfulness.

When you simply react to situations,

You are in the heat of the moment.

Reaction is all about impulsivity and a sense of urgency.

When you react,

You are allowing your actions to be dictated by your emotions and feelings.

And we've all been there many times,

Haven't we?

Reaction is also tied to your fight or flight response,

Which is all about self-preservation.

When you react to stress,

Or to something your loved one might say that triggers you,

You come from a state of pressure,

Which results in even more stress.

Taking a bit of time before responding is much different,

Because it's all about being mindful of all the other factors involved.

You can still acknowledge the fight or flight response,

But simply let it pass.

When you take a moment before responding,

You're able to act in a calm manner,

Quietly assessing the situation.

It's about choosing how you react,

And making that conscious choice.

Responding allows you to stay calm and acknowledge the stress response,

But allow it to pass.

Responding is actually the opposite of reacting.

It's about suspending that judgment momentarily,

And listening.

Responding is a conscious act,

And it's all about choosing to be fully present in the moment.

When you respond,

You are willing to see and hear the other side of the situation.

That is why you are here today,

To learn how to respond calmly instead of reacting impulsively.

It's a simple shift,

But a powerful one.

Now that you are deeply relaxed,

It's time to focus on keeping calm in the midst of stress.

If you want to continue to cultivate a healthy relationship,

It's important to recognize the things that might trigger you.

Relationships are something we must all cultivate,

They require nurturing,

Caring,

And feeding.

Making your relationships a priority is one of the most important things you can do.

One good way to start cultivating that sense of peace and calmness within a relationship is by expressing that same sense of peace and calmness toward yourself.

Forgive yourself.

No one is perfect,

And that's okay.

Love yourself.

Allow this sense of love and compassion to fill you up.

You might even imagine that the light of the sun is pouring down through you,

Warming your mind and body.

Feel your whole body relaxing even more as you breathe in and out.

Start to become aware of how your heart feels.

Let this warm light nourish your heart and fill you with love.

As part of this process,

You may also choose to send your loved one loving kindness as you breathe in and out.

As you do this,

Mentally connect your energy with your loved one's energy.

Picture waves of loving kindness expanding out to your loved one.

Now see the love in your heart expanding out exponentially and connecting with everyone in your family and extended family.

Feel your heart expanding with each deep breath.

Now,

Focus on how grateful you feel having a loving and supportive person in your life.

Ask yourself what you can do to cultivate more love and more joy in your relationship.

And you can also focus on some things both you and your loved one might do to help support each other better.

From this moment forward,

You are committed to being calm,

Even if you feel triggered by something your loved one says or does.

The truth is,

Everyone is our mirror.

If we get angry,

That energy can actually stir up feelings of anger in other people.

If we stay calm,

Then that sense of peace and stillness can help others feel the same way.

The way we react or respond is powerful.

We can choose to communicate in a healthy manner,

Without overdoing it and getting lost in anger,

But it does take a little practice,

And when you feel anger,

It's okay to feel that anger for a while.

Instead of criticizing yourself for feeling that anger,

Let the energy move through your body,

Give yourself love through these feelings,

And then when it's ready to be released,

Let it go and be kind to yourself.

There are many things you can do to be calm in the midst of conflict,

One of which is remaining mindful.

Practicing mindfulness can help you remain calm,

Even if you are provoked.

The more you practice this technique,

The more conditioned your responses will be.

Imagine for a moment that you and your loved one are having a conversation.

For a while,

Things seem to be going well,

However,

All of a sudden,

Something your loved one says triggers you.

Your old way of thinking might cause you to automatically react in anger and say something unkind.

Imagine this scenario now.

Now see yourself responding differently.

Instead of getting angry,

You find yourself taking a nice deep breath and counting to ten in your mind.

In other words,

Picture yourself responding calmly,

Instead of overreacting.

See yourself responding from your heart,

From a state of peace and presence.

Notice how much better that feels.

It takes a little more effort to respond calmly rather than react.

Learning to have mindful responses helps you to grow past your limitations.

It forces you to consider multiple aspects of a situation,

And it ultimately leads us to a much healthier relationship dynamic.

When your actions are choices rather than impulses,

Your path becomes more conscious and meaningful.

Now,

Picture yourself having another conversation with your loved one.

You are getting quite adept at improving your communication skills.

You are learning how to view both sides of an argument.

You are learning that it's much better to respond calmly than to overreact.

You respond by acting mindfully and taking a step back to acknowledge the emotions and the fear.

When you do choose to respond,

You see the situation from another point of view,

And you gain a fresh perspective.

You strive to keep calm and stay grounded,

No matter what.

The things that used to trigger you no longer trigger you.

You respond calmly,

Even if you and your loved one have differing approaches when it comes to solving problems.

Now,

Picture yourself calmly responding to your loved one.

You might say something like,

I hear what you are saying,

And there are other ways we can look at this.

You might also say something like,

While I certainly appreciate your viewpoint,

I tend to think of this in another way.

Practice responding calmly now for a few moments.

See yourself calmly handling a situation with ease and grace.

How does that feel?

Keep practicing this in your mind.

If you have to take a deep breath and count to ten,

Then do so.

Notice how your behavior acts as a mirror.

When you remain calm,

Your loved one calms down.

Energy goes where attention flows.

From now on,

You focus on remaining calm.

It's easy for you to be calm.

This is who you are now.

It feels like a much better way to live your life.

From now on,

You stay calm no matter what.

You practice active listening skills.

You don't allow harsh words or actions to trigger you.

You have risen above this.

As a result,

Your relationship is much healthier.

You now realize that you can state your opinion and get your point across without getting upset.

Staying calm is not about repressing your feelings.

It's about expressing yourself openly,

Honestly,

And calmly.

This is who you are now.

You have also put a lot of thought into why you used to get triggered.

Becoming more mindful helps you understand what used to set you off.

Now,

Instead of automatically reacting with anger,

You calmly state your point,

Even if it's difficult.

If your loved one hurts your feelings,

You speak up.

You can calmly say,

Hey,

That hurt my feelings,

I'm upset.

Sometimes your loved one may not even realize that their words are hurtful.

Now that you are taking steps to communicate in a healthier way,

Your relationship is stronger.

You are learning to appreciate those little things again that make you and your loved one feel good and appreciated.

Now let's try something else.

Picture yourself spending a quiet evening with your loved one.

Notice how good you feel.

Perhaps you and your loved one enjoy a lovely meal together and share intimate conversation.

Take your time and imagine that now.

You might even see yourself out at a restaurant or somewhere warm and inviting.

Take yourself there now and notice how relaxing this evening is.

You spend a long time at dinner,

Talking about old times and about what originally drew you together.

You laugh and smile and hold hands across the table.

It is a wonderful evening.

It feels good to reconnect.

If you have trouble picturing this,

Just do your best.

Try and picture you and your loved one when you first met.

Get that old feeling of excitement back.

Notice how you treat each other with kindness and respect.

You communicate and connect in a loving,

Intimate way,

And it feels good.

You can laugh at yourself,

Even if your opinions are vastly different.

You may even decide to take a nice,

Long walk on a nearby path.

The sun is setting and it is a beautiful evening.

You begin walking,

Holding hands.

You have no cares or concerns.

Not tonight.

Staying back at home is well taken care of,

And it feels good to relax like this.

You can really let go.

As you walk,

You begin to feel excited at the mere thought of your loved one.

You remember what first brought you together.

You are starting to appreciate all of those little things all over again.

You begin to realize that you and your loved one have a lot in common,

And you can work through any dispute.

Whatever you are currently going through does not matter now.

It is okay to take a moment to focus on you and your loved one.

You have taken some important steps today in support of a healthy relationship.

You remain calm from now on.

You have learned to respond rather than react.

It is a powerful shift in consciousness.

This is who you are now.

Congratulations.

Every time you practice this session,

You will feel calmer and calmer.

Take one more moment to enjoy this peaceful,

Calm feeling.

Now,

You can choose to return to your usual level of wakefulness and alertness,

Or drift into sleep.

If you choose to awaken,

Feel your body and mind becoming more aware of your surroundings.

If you decide to sleep,

Let the relaxation deepen.

I will count to five.

When I reach five,

You will be at your desired level of relaxation or alertness.

1,

2,

3,

4,

5,

6,

7,

8,

9,

10.