Tending Our Grief

Learning how to be with our sorrows is befriending ourselves. This is not something most of us were taught how to do, and yet loss is part of life. Tending our emotions is a gateway to vitality. It is a practice of self-compassion.

Transcript

Hi,

This is Meg Rinaldi of Body Centered Inquiry and welcome to a meditation on Tending our Grief.

We too often are trained to manage our emotions rather than befriend them.

This approach can work for a while,

But when powerful emotions like grief are unleashed in our lives,

We can feel lost at sea.

Learning how to be with our sorrows is learning how to become a good friend to ourself.

This is good emotional hygiene and something that most of us have not been taught how to do.

Discovering how our emotional life is a gateway to vitality rather than a strange dark room we avoid is important.

For this meditation,

You can either sit in a chair comfortably or lie on a bed or on the floor.

Take time to discover what comfort is for you right now.

In times of transition when our reference points are lost,

It's hard to know exactly what comfort is or what we need.

So take your time,

That can be a significant part of this meditation for you.

You can pause the audio at any time to organize yourself in a way that is comfortable,

Knowing that you can make small changes throughout the time that we're together in this meditation.

Make sure you'll have what you need to be comfortable and that you'll not be disturbed.

For now,

Have your hands resting in your lap,

On your body or by your sides as is comfortable.

And consider that as you rest into the earth,

And ultimately we are all held by the earth regardless of where we are,

Skyscraper or lush meadow,

The earth offers dynamic support to you.

So as you rest into that support,

The support comes to meet you.

See if that allows you to let go a bit more.

Give this time to yourself in a generous way.

Allow yourself the gift of small subtle movement,

Breathing and sensation.

It can seem counterintuitive,

But tending to the small,

Gentle and subtle in times like these can actually be a relief.

We can take the time and space to know what we feel and also become more articulate in asking for what we need.

I'll offer here a few lines from poet Denise Levertov,

From her poem,

The Sorrow Dance.

Quote,

To speak of sorrow works upon it,

Moves it from its crouched place barring the way to and from the soul's hall.

End of quote.

Become aware of the support beneath you and take a deep breath,

Letting it go.

It's important to return over and over again to the support beneath you and awareness of your breathing.

Allow your exhale to be as full as it can be.

No need to force,

But rather allow your exhale to complete itself.

And continue to breathe in and breathe out.

Take time to allow your exhale and inhale to become more even.

Go gently.

And if tears want to flow,

Then allow them to do that.

Could you invite a bit more softness and ease,

Openness into your jaw,

Your throat,

Your face,

The back of your neck,

Which is really the back of your throat.

Continue to breathe in and out,

Allowing the inhale and exhale to become more even.

And do this for seven breaths in your own time.

You can pause the audio anytime to respect your pacing.

So breathing in and breathing out is one.

Breathing in and breathing out is two.

And as much as possible,

Allow the inhale and the exhale to become more even,

More equal in the amount of time that you allow for the inhale and the exhale.

Breathing in and breathing out.

Taking your time.

No force.

Allowing each exhale to complete itself,

But you're not pushing the exhale out.

You're just exhaling.

And if you notice,

There's a little pause at the bottom of that exhale.

And then the next inhale comes along.

And being aware of the support that's beneath you always.

And as you work with that,

I'll continue.

There's no right way to grieve.

And there is however long it takes.

We each find our own way.

It's good to recognize and name the various phases in the process by mapping it.

But the map is not the territory.

We can sometimes feel social pressure to get on with it.

But that is often about someone else's discomfort and not necessarily our own process.

It's a delicate balance.

Continuing to breathe in and breathe out.

Allowing for the little pause at the bottom of the exhale.

Basically awaiting for the next breath to come in.

In working with massage therapy clients many years ago,

I observed that those that were actively grieving had a pliancy about them.

The rivers of the emotions flowed,

Roaring and raw,

But moving.

Their hearts were bursting and their bodies were soft,

Open and tender.

I noticed a different quality to those who were depressed.

Something had frozen in them,

In their soul and in their body.

Their musculature had taken on a hardness,

A necessary protection.

Often the image of frozenness came to me as I worked with them.

My intuitive hunch was that somewhere a grief process had been interrupted,

Denied or ignored.

I'll never forget those distinctions that were so obvious to me.

Continuing to breathe in and breathe out.

Turning your awareness to the support beneath you over and over again.

Now bring one hand to your sternum,

Your breastbone.

Listen to gently feel for a point that's generally between the breasts,

On the breastbone.

It might be a bit tender or sensitive.

Don't push to the point of pain,

Rather explore with your fingers for tenderness or listen within for a place that calls your fingers to it.

In Chinese medicine,

This is known as the heart point.

Take time to breathe into your heart point right there as you touch into that place with your fingers in a gentle but clear way.

Take time to breathe in and breathe out with the same intention as before,

Allowing the inhale and exhale to be even in their lengths as much as possible.

And again,

Come back to the idea of doing this for seven cycles,

Seven breaths.

In and out is one breath and listening for that pause at the bottom of the exhale.

Have your arm positioned comfortably so there's no strain on the arm,

Wrist,

Shoulder or neck.

And pause the audio if you need to rearrange yourself.

Breathing in and breathing out with a gentle but clear touch to that heart point in the center of your sternum.

It's tender on all of us.

Bringing in that sensibility of the dynamic earth beneath you that can offer support,

That's continuously available to you.

Breathing in and breathing out in your own time.

Allowing images,

Thoughts,

Sensations to arise and fall away.

When you're ready,

Remove your hand and just rest.

Rest for as long as you need to.

Perhaps you'll even fall asleep.

You probably need the rest.

Breathing in and breathing out and being aware of the dynamic support beneath you that comes to meet you.

And when you're ready,

Take your time to roll to one side and slowly come up to sitting.

Or if you're sitting,

Begin slow,

Gentle movements of your hands and feet.

Lift your weight in the chair and open your eyes.

Allow yourself time to reenter the world.

Continuing to be aware of your breathing and the support that's beneath you all the time.

Know that when you take time to tend your grief or any of your emotions,

You are restoring faith in your emotional life.

You are building trust in yourself.

This is the most important work any of us can do.

Inner work and healing our world are all of one piece.

Be well.

Reviews

The acupressure point was a revelation and like a button that released some deeply held emotion. Thank you for your skillful support through this guided meditation.

What a wonderful kind and supportive meditation. Beautiful pacing. And the “heart point” part was quite helpful. Thank you kindly.

Thank you. This journey thru grief is deep and painful. Breaths help.

Loved the guidance through my body, my breath, attending to my physical experience. Loved when she said, if you need to sleep then do so. You probably need the rest. That is so true. Grief is all consuming and quite tiring. Blessings to you Meg. Really loved that

so helpful in a time of sorrow.

Beautiful. For some reason, I've not been receiving updates on releases, and have had difficulty accessing teacher pages without the app spontaneously closing. I caught a glimpse of this track's title and was able to find it with a direct search though. Definitely worth the effort. Lovely, lovely practice, and I so appreciate the gentle permission (as so many need external support and guidance during times like these) to let tears fall if they wish. It truly is a process, a journey, one that unfolds for everyone in their own time, no matter the pressures from society. Spot on.

Thank you as always for sharing your wisdom, insight, and these practices with us, Meg. I see you and the light within you. Be well. 🤲🏻❤🤲🏻

Wise, compassionate, healing. Deep bows and gratitude.

Very comforting perspective. Thank You!

Thank you, that was so loving and healing. I loved the acupressure element and the massage anecdote

Thank you. I've been struggling with getting past my anxious thinking and connecting with my grief. This helped a lot. I will be book marking this meditation.

Excellent teaching !