Kindness Is All It Takes To Heal

Is it really that simple? Yes, in my experience this is true. We can cultivate kindness as we begin this practice by getting settled, and letting our bodies be comfortable. That's the first way we could be kind. We can work with not believing the inner critic. We can learn about trauma so we really understand what happened to us as a child is not our fault. We can offer ourselves compassion and kindness. We can be on our own side.

Transcript

Get settled in your body,

In your breath.

Get a blanket if you need it,

A pillow.

Get your body comfortable.

That's the first way we could be kind.

We could be kind in our body.

And so often we drive ourselves and we don't do the kindness so much for our body,

Whether that's,

You know,

We drive ourselves over our capacity when we're exercising or we don't exercise at all or we,

You know,

We use food to kind of be kind to ourselves emotionally to help us to numb out from something,

But it's actually not very kind with our physical body.

So we have a lot of history with this.

And the thing about history in the nervous system and in the mind is that we need experiences that are the other direction or the other side in order to start to heal that.

Dr.

Rick Hansen talks about that a lot and other neuropsychologists,

That we need to have a felt sense of safety in our nervous system for that wiring to happen.

So if we've had mostly the kind of experiences where people haven't been safe for us,

Then we need to have more experiences where they are in order for that to really settle into our nervous system for us to believe that that's possible.

And so when we've had unkindness to ourselves,

When we've had this history of being unkind with ourselves,

Then we could start to notice ways of being kinder.

And that's really little things usually to start at least.

And then it grows into this atmosphere where it doesn't really occur to you to be unkind.

And that's a lovely place to be where when we have a nervous system reaction,

We notice it,

We know why it's there.

We don't shame ourselves for having a nervous system the way we might have before.

So we just notice the back of your head and neck and shoulders,

All of those large muscles of the back.

Let your shoulders get kind of heavy.

If you're sitting upright,

Let your shoulders drop down away from your ears.

Your head,

Neck and shoulders,

Your back are all supported.

Notice your breath.

As we're breathing out,

There's that natural inclination to relax.

One of the ways that we show ourselves that we care about ourselves is to tune in and to be present with ourselves.

So if we're feeling kind of jangly and anxious or if we're worried about something,

If we're calm and things are going well today,

Whatever our experiences,

We could just let that in.

This is how I'm feeling right now.

And I don't need to make it worse by wanting it to be different or judging myself for it being this way.

And that's a process.

I'm going to try to be calmer and kinder to myself so that I'm not ignoring what's going on or I'm not resisting it.

I'm really trying to keep coming back to the reality.

This is what it is right now.

This is how I feel.

Right now,

Maybe I could soften my shoulders and feel that relief.

Let your arms and hands settle,

Your legs and feet.

Let the whole forward momentum come to a halt for a few minutes,

Really settle back.

Notice the sensations of the back of your body and the support that you have through your back.

Bring your attention to your forehead and eyebrows.

And if you notice that there's any tension in your forehead,

Which usually there is a bit at least,

You could raise your eyebrows up and then let them soften.

Keep your attention in that area,

The forehead,

The eyebrows,

Your eyes.

And for a moment,

Focus on that empty space between your eyes.

And let's take a moment to notice what the thoughts are that are in the mind right now.

So if you are watching thought,

We're often watching it as it rises behind the forehead somewhere in the neighborhood of the brain.

If you were to imagine that you're kind of just at the back of your head looking at thought,

Or however that comes up naturally for you,

Let's observe thoughts for a moment.

So first we just see what's here.

Usually what starts is there's a bit of a gap when we start to look.

And then some thoughts will come in.

They might be just really quiet in the background or there might be something more urgent.

Try to remain aware of the whole back of your body and that you're watching thought.

And we're focusing on kindness right now.

So we could notice what comes up just with that word kindness.

Kind.

My intention is to be kind.

My intention is to be kind with myself.

One way that we could notice that is that we've brought ourselves to this practice.

We've gotten our bodies settled and comfortable and hopefully we're warm enough and if we're not we could move around and adjust that.

Being kind is a fluid thing.

Sometimes it means one thing.

Sometimes we are able to really soften and let our body rest.

Other times we might need to stretch or move or do something else for a bit instead.

There's really no right or wrong way to do a relaxation practice.

We could just give ourselves credit for being here.

That's such an act of kindness for ourselves that we're here.

And one thing a lot of people work with is the inner critic.

That voice that's always condemning us for some shortfall or something we didn't do well enough or something that's going on.

So we could notice if that's there too.

We just look at it.

Those are words.

We're looking at images of words.

They're made up of shapes.

Some are straight lines and circles and curves.

We could look at them as though they're on the wall on the other side of the room or in our mind's eye and do some tapping.

If words are persistent it can be helpful to do that.

Taking your attention away from the words and into the sound of the tapping on your forehead.

That sensation.

And then we come back to just watching,

Just observing what's going on in the mind.

And at the same time as we're doing that we're softening the forehead and the eyebrows,

Corners of your eyes.

Just the sensation of air as it's flowing in your nostrils.

So simple.

Just that coolness as we breathe in and the warmth as we breathe out.

Softening our forehead.

And then bring your attention down into your mouth and jaw.

Let your tongue rest on the floor of your mouth.

Let your vocal cords be completely still.

Soften the whole front of your throat.

Notice the sides of your neck,

Back of your neck,

Down into your upper back.

We can almost always soften that more.

We carry so much tightness in our neck and shoulders.

And as you're focusing on your neck and shoulders focus on letting them soften.

There really is no threat right now.

No physical threat that we need to hunker down against or protect against.

So acknowledging that we could hopefully let our shoulders soften a little bit,

Let everything settle.

It's not like there's no threat at all.

It's just there's no immediate threat.

There's no reason for our body to be tight right now.

And the kindest thing we could do is to notice that and to let our body soften.

The blood and the other fluids get a chance to move through the muscles more easily.

We get to experience that feeling of softening.

Notice from the front of your throat through your collarbones,

Through your chest,

Through your lower ribs and stomach area,

Navel center,

The lower belly.

And also notice the whole front of your body,

Your face and down into your throat,

Also your shoulders and front of your arms,

Down into your hands,

Your chest and stomach and down into your legs,

The front of your thighs,

Your knees,

Chins,

All the way down to your toes and then into the soles of your feet.

Notice the whole of your body.

And notice that you've brought yourself here,

You're doing a practice.

And feel the appreciation for that,

Of all of the things you could be doing,

That you're here doing a practice.

Your body is softening.

Your breath is becoming smoother.

You might be 3% along on that process or 85%,

But we're here doing a practice.

And that's what really counts.

Notice if there's a feeling of goodwill towards yourself,

Especially when we're struggling with something.

If something's really difficult right now or if we've been caught in a shame storm,

When we're able to rest and be present,

We can cultivate that feeling of goodwill.

We notice that our body can feel that as well when we tune into that.

What does it feel like in your heart center when you cultivate that feeling of goodwill towards yourself?

No matter what it is that's going on,

We could approach that and approach ourselves with kindness,

With empathy,

Compassion,

Especially if we're really caught up in something and we're having a hard time.

Especially then,

We could be kind.

Let yourself feel that in your whole body from head to toes.

You might focus back on your breath if you like,

Letting your belly soften as you breathe out.

There's nothing more important right now.

We could just really be here for ourselves and notice and support ourselves with kindness.

Sometimes life is really hard and sometimes life is a bit easier.

Knowing that it's not our fault,

If life is harder right now or even if our actions have led to something,

We could still be kind.

We could still acknowledge that right now there's suffering.

Notice your whole body,

Head to toes.

Let your body rest.

If you were to focus on your heart center and kindness and compassion that can radiate out from our heart center,

Sit with that for a moment.

What would that feel like?

Let the kindness in your heart center radiate out into your whole body.

Really notice what that feels like.

Set your intention,

Just being aware of that as you move through the day,

Willingness to be kind to ourselves,

Even if it's not.

Notice if there's unkindness and maybe soften that.

Even if there's just a little willingness,

That can be really helpful to cultivate that willingness to be kind.

And to return to that through the day and just at different moments,

Notice the thoughts that are in your mind.

Notice what's going on.

Come back to kindness.

When you're ready,

Open your eyes.

Reviews

Beautiful meditation . Much love and gratitude ❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🕊️🕊️🕊️

I really love the focus and direct speaking to safety and how our nervous systems need more experiences of kindness — especially from ourselves towards ourselves. Thank you ❤️💫🙏

This was a wonderful embodiment of self care. Not simply an affirmation of self love but an actual practice.

Thank you Lynn. I needed the gentle encouragement to simply be willing to be kind. I cannot force self love but I can create room for it to grow