Healing Trauma 7: Disconnection From Our Body

We become familiar enough with the experience in our body that we're able to live in our body as well as in our head. We know the wisdom of our body, and trust it is always trying to do its best for us.

“I completely accept my body as it is”. What would have to change for that to be more true? We go through a guided practice of connecting with parts of our body and noticing conditioning and beliefs. “I make a commitment to my body to take care, connect, appreciate, and to welcome this relationship in a deeper way."

Transcript

Welcome back to the series of talks and guided practices on healing trauma.

Dr.

Gabor Maté talks about the effect of trauma is that we disconnect from ourselves,

Our sense of value,

And from the present moment.

Some of that disconnection is from our emotional self,

Our spiritual self,

And also from our body.

People talk about not being in their body.

Part of this is because of stored trauma,

The uncomfortable or scary feelings,

Sensations,

Energies.

We worked with that in an earlier session.

It is a very worthwhile practice to become aware and become familiar enough with the experience in our body that we're able to live in our body as well as in our head.

We're not meant to be disconnected from the wisdom of our body.

What does that mean?

What might it look like to be connected again with our body?

One way that that shows up is that we are in a confrontational or oppositional relationship with our body.

Many times people will say,

My body has betrayed me.

I think it's accurate to say for most of us that our body pays the price,

That we prioritize emotional comfort and emotional safety over our physical health and safety.

Distractions and addictions are very common.

And in our culture,

We're really encouraged to watch another episode on the series or to think about how we feel instead of actually feeling it in our body.

Fortunately,

There are many ways that we can work with that and come back into connection.

One of them is to do the practices around sensation and energy.

One of them is to do the practices around sensation and energy.

To notice where is that energy located and to describe it like we do a scientist.

Let's review that right now.

Bring awareness into your body and notice if there's any sensation or energy that draws your attention.

And then describe it like you would to a scientist.

Is it moving?

Is it still?

Does it have an image or a color?

What is the shape?

Does it have defined boundaries or does it taper off?

What is the shape of the body?

What is the shape of the body?

What is the shape of the body?

Is it in your throat?

Your chest?

Where is the sensation?

And then notice that there are many places in your body where you don't feel that sensation.

Notice the space around the outside of the sensation.

This uncomfortableness and the associated thoughts and memories that are stored in our body with the sensations are one of the reasons why we avoid our body.

So it's worth doing that connection.

Work to reconnect again with our body.

Become aware of what's going on.

Fight,

Flight,

Freeze comes into this as well.

If we're in a fight response,

We might have some angry,

Hot energy in our body accompanied by some angry thoughts.

If we're in a flight response,

We might be jittery or agitated,

Anxious,

Wanting to get away from our body.

When we're in a freeze response,

We're often in kind of a shutdown state.

We might be holding our breath.

We're breathing shallow.

We're trying to avoid being noticed.

Working with fight,

Flight,

Freeze and the sensations in our body,

The trauma stored in our body,

Are components of this work of reconnecting with our body.

And then we open up the opportunity and the possibility of bringing our body into a friendlier relationship.

Letting go of some of the blaming.

And bringing our body a little bit higher up on the priority of connection and protection.

In our culture,

We're conditioned and trained to have an aggressive relationship with our body.

Many people are frustrated when their body doesn't work well,

Or they feel like our body has betrayed us.

Many people,

Women especially,

Feel that our bodies don't measure up.

Our bodies are not the right size,

The right shape.

We don't have the kind of capacity or health in our body that we would like.

Let's do a simple practice of going through our body and checking in on our relationship with our whole body,

But also the parts of our body.

If you were to say,

I completely accept my body just as it is,

That's a reverse inquiry.

It's meant to elicit what we really feel,

Which might be No,

That's not true.

I completely accept my body as it is.

Notice your response to that.

And your response might be sensations and energy in your body.

It might be thoughts as well.

Well,

Except for that,

I've always hated this.

I've always thought my thighs were too big,

My stomach too squishy.

I've never liked the size of my nose.

Whatever that might be for you,

Let's explore some of those.

What is in the way?

What would have to change for that to be more true?

I completely accept my body as it is.

And we can look and see if that's reasonable,

If it's reality-based.

Why is it that we would need to have a certain size in order to accept ourselves?

That's cultural conditioning.

We are punished for not conforming,

For not having a body that fits in with what society says we should look like.

We are uncomfortable with the smells and sounds of our body,

With the urges and drives,

Especially sexual.

We might be shamed for never being able to sleep or for sleeping too much.

Some children with red hair and freckles are tormented by others and grow to hate their freckles.

We are conditioned to approve of a very narrow range of acceptable,

Acceptability.

I love my face.

Either look into a mirror or imagine that you're looking into a mirror.

Look at your face.

Is your face acceptable?

Is it okay?

What is your inner critic saying when you look at your face?

Look at those deep frown lines.

Oh my gosh,

I'm getting old.

I hate the way my face gets so red when I'm embarrassed.

We have all kinds of associations.

Just something simple like looking at our own face.

We bring in our lifetime of history with that face.

We also might be really uncomfortable looking into our own eyes.

Try that for a moment.

Look into your own eyes and say,

I accept my body just as it is.

Now this might be very uncomfortable because it might be not true.

There might be a lot of ways that we can accept our bodies just as they are.

But if we accept our bodies just as they are,

Don't accept our body or that we're aggressive against our body.

Many of these we can't do anything about.

The size of our nose.

If you're older like me,

The hair on our chin.

Even people who are perceived as good looking or acceptable by society often don't feel that way about their own body.

Look at your face like you would look at the face of a loved one.

When we look at somebody we love,

We don't write them off because they're not classically beautiful.

We see the whole person,

Not just their facial features,

Not just their body.

Could we do that for ourselves as well?

Look at your face and then bring your attention down into your neck and shoulders,

Into your arms,

Upper arms,

Lower arms,

Hands,

Fingers,

Fingertips.

Now some people have well functioning arms and hands.

Other people have a bit more of a limitation.

You might have 10 fingers.

You might not.

You might have good muscle tone.

You might have saggy skin.

As we age,

Our bodies change,

Not usually for the better.

We dry out.

We have less muscle mass.

Our culture reveres young people.

And it can be difficult to stay in a kind connection with ourselves when we don't match up to that anymore.

And yet our arms and hands do a lot of the activity that we do in the world.

If you were to think about it from the perspective of what my hands have felt,

My sense of touch,

We can experiment with that right now,

Putting your hands on your heart or holding your own hands.

Sometimes our hands have done things that we're not happy about.

And we've also done a lot of things that have gotten us through,

We've made meals,

We've hugged people,

We've worked.

Our arms and hands are part of how we do our action in the world.

I love my arms and hands.

What's your response to that?

And it might be a reflection or an aversion around,

I don't like the way they look or the way they work.

You could also bring in the more positive sensory experiences with our hands and arms.

We use our hands for sensing.

We use our arms for protection and for connection.

I love my arms and hands.

What are some of the elements that make that complicated for you?

We could bring our attention to our legs and have a similar inquiry.

I love my legs,

My hips,

My thighs,

My knees,

My calves,

My feet,

My toes.

Much of the time,

What comes into our mind when we pay attention to our legs and feet is some kind of criticism about how they function,

Perhaps,

But often how they look.

Even when we might still have some kind of judgment around their size,

Their firmness,

If we have cellulite in our thighs,

Even so,

Could we still find our legs and feet acceptable?

This is how we get around in the world.

And our legs and feet might function really well.

We might have challenges with mobility.

We might have pain.

Could we still foster a connection,

A non-judgmental accepting connection?

These are my legs.

These are my joints.

These are my toes.

This is my body,

Part of me.

I appreciate what my legs have done for me.

And continue to do,

Even if it might be a bit challenging.

Then bring your awareness back again to your whole body.

And as we're doing this practice,

You might be a little bit appalled at how much judgment that you have about your body.

That would be very common in our culture.

We are conditioned into this.

And part of the benefit of somatic mindfulness,

Of really looking into these kinds of relationships we have,

Is that we get to see it more clearly.

And that's why we're so important to our body.

We get to see it more clearly,

And then we can heal it.

Let's come into our torso.

This is where a lot of the action is when it comes to our relationship with our body.

We have our physical body,

Our front,

Our back,

Our ribcage,

Our heart and lungs,

Our stomach,

Our guts.

We have muscle.

We have fat.

You might have a body that's young and healthy and classically fit.

If you're in a female body,

You might have breasts the size and the shape that feel acceptable to you.

Or you might have a lot of associations of shame or trauma.

Our stomachs are another vulnerable part of us,

Our belly.

When we have an experience of shame in our body,

Especially in our chest and our stomach,

It can really drive a lot of that disconnection.

We don't feel safe enough to connect in a positive way or a welcoming way.

We don't feel safe enough to connect in a positive way or a welcoming way.

Because we have a lot of associations with hurt and with shame.

The functions of this part of our body,

The trauma,

Sexual and otherwise,

That often happens in this part of our body.

These are all things that affect our relationship.

And a lot of the trauma that's stored in our body is stored in our torso,

In our chest,

And in our gut.

This journey back into connection with ourselves could be a gradual one.

It is for most of us.

We become more aware of how disconnected we are,

And we become more willing to be connected.

How could I just use my hands,

Put my hands on my heart,

Or put one hand on my heart and one hand on my belly and notice my breath?

How could I come into closer connection with my own body?

We anticipate,

Perhaps,

Love at some point.

But what are some of the steps on the way to that?

Part of it is physical connection,

Putting a hand on our heart,

Giving ourselves a hug,

Noticing that we're in a body.

Part of it is noticing what it is that we feel and think about our body that's disconnecting or that's shaming.

Once we see that,

We could do some practices like this of noticing what are some of the things that prevent me from having a closer relationship with my body.

A lot of it has to do with conditioning and shaming.

Our body doesn't work the way we need it to work,

The way we would like it to work.

We might have a history of trauma in our body and being shamed for how our body looks or works.

And yet here we are.

This is our body.

When we avoid being in our body,

Because it feels too difficult or scary,

We deepen that disconnection.

One of the pathways back in can be to do pleasurable things with our body.

It could be a massage,

Hugging someone,

Including an animal.

It could be doing relaxation practices,

Breathing,

Softening the muscles in our body,

Exercise,

Going outside and feeling the air,

The air,

The air,

The air,

The air,

Come into our lungs.

There are so many ways that we can start to turn this relationship around.

And once we see some of the ways that we judge ourselves and shame our bodies,

It becomes harder to do that.

Once something comes into our awareness,

Then we have the real possibility of changing it.

We don't have to change it in one day.

That's not really how these long-term relationships work.

And it is very,

Very difficult to change it.

It is very possible to heal and to begin to have a friendly,

Welcoming relationship with our own body.

We can come back home and live in our own body.

That is very possible.

And when we look at ourself in the mirror,

We look into our eyes,

We look at our body.

When we say,

My body is acceptable.

Maybe I like my body.

I appreciate my body.

Maybe I don't like my body.

Maybe I don't I love my body.

This is home.

This is where I live.

I'm not separate from my body.

I'm going to consider my body a little bit more.

When I'm compulsively doing something that disconnects me from my body,

I'm going to pause as soon as I notice,

Take a few breaths,

I'll come into my body.

And maybe what that means is that I'll go to bed earlier.

I'll eat more nourishing food.

I'll get outside into some fresh air more often.

I will make a commitment to my body to take care,

To connect,

To appreciate,

To welcome that relationship in a deeper way.

Reviews

That was thorough and very helpful Lynn
Excellent