Welcome to the fifth in this series of talks and guided practices on healing trauma.
This time,
We're looking into healing our relationship with our inner child or younger self.
All of us have experienced times when we were uncertain about what was going on,
When we were hurt,
And when we did not have the resources to cope.
We've talked about the nervous system having a negativity bias and needing to have the direct experience of safety in order to heal.
There are parts of us that feel alone and scared and hurt.
Part of healing trauma is to resource ourselves as an adult in this present moment.
When we have more options,
More agency,
We can handle things in a different way than we could when we were a child.
We can work directly with connecting with that inner child.
In that quote from Dr.
Gabor Maté,
He talked about the result of trauma is that we disconnect from ourselves,
Our sense of value,
And the present moment.
What we're doing in this healing trauma work is we're reconnecting with ourselves,
Our sense of safety in the present moment.
As we do that,
What's going to happen is we are going to have some experiences return to the surface.
We might have a trauma experience,
But we're not going to have a trauma experience.
We might have explicit traumatic memory,
Or it might be more of a felt sense,
More of an emotional flashback than one with images and memories.
Either way,
We use all of the tools to stay here in this moment.
And one of them is working with our eyes open.
This really helps the brain to know that we're not back in the past.
We're right here now in this moment.
We use our other senses too,
Like touch,
We might hold our own hand,
We might put our hands on our heart.
We might do somatic mindfulness practices,
Like bringing awareness to our feet,
Our seat.
Over the last several sessions,
We've been practicing these tools that will allow us to stay present in this moment.
We need to recognize if we're starting to get too dysregulated,
And then come out of it.
We can come back in later.
If we're getting really dysregulated,
We need to recognize that we're not back in the present moment.
If we're getting really dysregulated,
We need to recognize that we're not back in the present moment.
If we're getting really dysregulated,
We need to recognize that we're not back in the present moment.
If we're getting really dysregulated,
We need to recognize that we're not back in the present moment.
If we're getting really dysregulated,
We can maybe just take a few simple breaths.
We could do some cyclic sighing.
We could look around the room,
Do the five senses practice.
Or we can just notice,
I'm getting a little bit too far into this memory,
I'm going to come back out.
We want to remain aware that we are now an adult,
And that we have more resources than we did in the past.
And that we can do practices that will help us to know that in this moment we're safe.
Our younger self needs to have that as a direct experience.
Part of this disconnection from ourselves is that parts of us feel left behind.
As we disconnect from ourselves,
Which is a natural response to trauma,
It's one of the ways that we keep ourselves safe.
That we find a way to get through what's happening.
And then we go back in and we form a connection,
A bond.
We offer.
That younger self some reassurance.
You're not alone anymore.
I'm here now.
I'm sad that that happened to you.
There's a lot of different ways that we can connect with our younger self.
So let's start by tuning into your physical body.
Notice your body,
Your breath.
Notice that you're here.
Something that can be very helpful in doing this kind of connection work with our younger self.
Is to use a big pillow and a really soft blanket.
We can wrap ourselves up in it.
It can feel reassuring to have some support at our back and some support at our front.
And then bring your attention into the sensations and energy in your body.
You might already have an awareness of certain experiences that you had that were troubling.
And you could bring one of those to mind.
Another way to work with it is just to bring our attention into our body and the sensations and energy in our body.
And see what happens.
See what comes forward.
Once we're in touch with our body and we are aware that we're here in this moment.
We have the support of a soft pillow or blanket.
You could put your hand on your heart and tune into the energy in your body.
Notice what's here.
We are doing a practice of connection.
Connection with our younger self.
As though you're talking to your younger self.
Say these words.
You could say them out loud or in your mind.
I am so glad to connect with you.
You can listen to the phrases as I repeat them.
Or you can say them to yourself.
Listen.
Offer them.
And wait.
I am so glad to connect.
I am listening.
You are not alone.
Anymore.
Sometimes a younger self will come forward.
You might have a sense of an age.
You might imagine or bring to mind a picture of yourself at that age.
If it's a very young child,
You might hold them on your lap.
You might give them a hug.
If it's an older child,
You might still do that.
Or maybe you would sit beside them.
Put an arm around them or look into their eyes.
I am an adult now.
And you can count.
And you can count on me.
You're not alone anymore.
It is safe for you to let me know more.
You don't have to keep any secrets from me.
I love you and I want to know you.
You are so welcome to be here.
Stay connected with your body.
Use your breath.
Allow your breath to be continuous,
Smooth.
If you have a memory come up of a certain time,
A certain thing that happened when you were a child,
You could connect with that younger self the same way that you would with any child.
I'm so sorry that happened.
It must have been so scary for you.
It wasn't right that you were hurt that way.
You didn't do anything to cause that.
It was not your fault.
You can count on me.
I'm here.
I'm listening.
You're not alone anymore.
If you have really persistent images or thoughts,
You could do some tapping.
You could bring that image up onto the wall on the other side of the room.
Put a frame around it.
Take your eyes around the empty space a couple of times in each direction.
Use the tools to stay present.
If you notice that you're in a fight,
Flight,
Or freeze response,
Pause the inquiry.
Come back into regulation and into connection with yourself again.
This practice is something we can do again and again and again.
Just like any relationship,
We spend time.
We tune in.
We pay attention to the energy in our body.
We invite forward that younger self who felt alone and scared and with no one to turn to.
We let them know it's safe now.
We want to know.
We want to know more.
We want to support them.
We want them to know they're not alone.
Even if it never happened before in our life,
We can be that loving,
Empathetic,
Kind presence for ourselves.
I love you and I want to know you.
You are so welcome to be here.
I'm listening.
Stay with that presence.
Stay with your child's nervous system.
Be that reassuring adult.
Over time,
When we connect in this way,
We can listen to what that younger self wants us to know,
And we can reassure them.
Children believe that what happens to them that's bad is their fault.
We can't afford to turn against our caregivers,
Our parents,
And we don't see clearly.
Our brain is not even developed in a way that would allow us to see clearly.
We can reparent ourselves over time by taking the time,
By being present,
Working with our body,
Our breath,
The sensations.
If we notice there's inner critic thoughts coming in,
We can work with those.
We'll learn more about that in another session.
And we can regulate ourselves and come back into presence,
Connect with our younger self and let them know they're not alone anymore.
What happened to them as a child was not their fault,
And that that's now in the past.
Now,
In this moment,
We can connect and offer compassion and kindness.
We're not alone anymore.
