Deep Listening: Presence, Compassion, Connection

Deep listening is a healing practice that restores trust, presence, and connection. In this guided session, we explore how to listen beyond words, attuning to tone, body language, and emotion. You will learn how to suspend judgment, settle your own nervous system, and create safe space for authentic sharing.

Through somatic inquiry and sensory prompts, such as birdsong, ocean waves, and being recognized with kindness, you will experience how listening transforms both speaker and listener. This practice supports resilience, compassion, and mindful presence in relationships and in daily life.

Transcript

Deep listening is something that we do as a practice and as a way of being.

Eckhart Tolle is one person that comes to mind his teachings.

When we're listening it goes beyond words.

It's where it lands and how it lands in us and in the other people.

We listen with presence,

Openness,

Compassion.

And when we listen in that way we really receive what the speaker is saying and they feel received.

We need to bring our full attention to this moment.

And when we're practicing listening we practice setting aside other thoughts,

Other distractions.

What a gift it is to give someone the gift of our undivided attention and presence.

It's hard to listen part of what makes it hard is that we're activated by previous experiences and memories.

Someone says something that has a little bit of a tone of shaming that might land really hard on us because we've been shamed in the past.

Or when they have an edginess to them there's a bit of a anger or fight response going on.

Or maybe somebody is discharging and we're getting activated by that.

There's a lot of nervous system regulation connection here as to why it's hard to listen to people and why it's hard to stay present with an open heart.

Why that can be difficult.

Let's work with that.

How can we stay present in a way that people feel heard?

And that also works for us.

One of the qualities of being listened to is that we're not being judged.

The practice right now is mostly on I'm the one listening and how can I listen more deeply.

Rather than evaluating or assessing or preparing to respond to what's being said to just listen and let it land.

Whatever is being said to let that land.

Sometimes when we're talking with someone who tends to interrupt we'll get a few sentences into something and then they go oh yeah and you know that something like that just like that happened to me.

And so they're not really listening.

There's a response coming up and then there's an impatience to share.

We probably had that happen to us.

We've probably done that.

There's a lot of dynamics here around associations.

If we suspend our judgment in the last example we're just wanting to share.

But other times we're feeling like I don't like what that person's saying.

I don't want to hear that.

Maybe somebody said something that's racist or sexist.

How can we suspend judgment not in the sense of allowing it to be okay.

Just to notice oh I'm responding to what that person just said.

I'm going to breathe.

I'm going to really get in my body.

I'm going to notice.

So we're never pretending that our response is something different.

We're listening to our own body and our own response as well as listening to whatever the person is saying.

Deep listening is not only the words but it's tone,

Body language,

The pace at which they're speaking.

What's our body language?

What's their body language?

And we're listening for the emotions.

So someone says to us you really hurt my feelings when you didn't invite me to that thing.

We might be thinking to ourselves well you know the way to communicate isn't to go you did this and point a finger.

Maybe they're not being that skillful but what's the meaning behind what they're saying?

They're saying you hurt my feelings.

They're saying I felt left out.

They're saying something that you did activated this in me and I trust our relationship enough that I'm willing to bring that up.

What is underneath what is being said?

There's so much that's said in words and some of the words are skillful.

Sometimes people have a real urgency.

They might be very anxious and they're worried about something.

Some people do catastrophic thinking and keep it in their own head.

Some people share that out.

Well what if this happens and then you know if I do this and then that.

There can be a lot of need to just settle our own system so that we can hear.

When we're thinking about and looking at somebody's body language if someone's sitting with their arms crossed over their chest and they've got a frown on their face then likely there's some anger there or maybe there's an unwillingness to listen.

We can tell a lot by body language.

I think this is something that's really important when we look at being a listener being a better listener is how could we allow other people whatever their thing is maybe somebody's emotionally discharging because they're really upset and they don't know how to regulate their own nervous system.

It doesn't mean that we need to sit there and listen to that all the time but just for a moment even to connect with each other as a person as a human being with our nervous systems that are pretty agitated right now could I take a deeper breath and allow myself to listen.

When we're listening to someone we're not trying to fix them or give them advice.

Offering a space where somebody can arrive at their truth and speak that out loud can be very important.

There's not that many places and people and maybe you're lucky in terms of you have a lot of that in your life that there's not that many places and not that many people we can really just tune into.

Some people process verbally so they might start off with something and then as they're talking they gradually get to the realization of how they feel.

Some people kind of do that process more internally and then when they speak they say what they feel.

There's a lot of different ways that this might work but having compassion for ourselves and for each other is helpful because it opens up some space.

On the longer term we don't want to be trapped listening to people who are always discharging or who are really not in agreement with us where we don't have that values alignment and just as a human being to human being we could probably listen more deeply and more compassionately a lot of the time to give people a chance.

This mutual transformation when we listen it changes both of us.

So if you're the person speaking and you're really feeling like the person that you're speaking to is listening,

They're attuning to you,

They're not jumping in with advice,

They're not jumping in with an association of something that occurred to them.

They're really just letting you have some space to talk.

That really changes us and then the person listening it also changes us.

We're approaching this as a healing practice to restore the nervous system,

The trust and to have a deeper relationship with each other.

Let's do some somatic inquiry.

I'm going to say some sentences and we're going to take our time with this.

Notice what's happening in your body,

Your breath,

What thoughts might come up but more than the thoughts even what's your experience in your body.

You could lay back and close your eyes if you want or listen to the words.

Bird song filters through an open window on a quiet morning.

Let the associations,

The images,

Memories,

Bird song filters through an open window on a quiet morning.

Take a few breaths.

Maybe you could hear actual bird song or memories of bird song.

Space you're in is quiet enough to hear that.

And there's another one.

The sound of pages turning in a book.

You might have an environment come to mind.

Maybe sitting in a living room,

Bedroom,

Outdoors.

What comes to mind when you think of that?

The sound of pages turning in a book.

And how does that feel in your body?

What are the sensations?

Does your body feel open?

And we notice our bodies soften.

We feel relaxed and peaceful.

So this next one is more relational.

Someone says your name with warmth and recognition.

Someone says your name with warmth and recognition.

A loved one hums softly while doing something ordinary nearby.

And this might be something that you have as a memory or something that you can imagine.

A trusted person says take your time.

I'm here with you.

Take your time.

Whichever one of those feels most resonant.

Someone says your name with warmth and recognition.

A loved one hums softly while doing something ordinary nearby.

A trusted person says take your time.

I'm here with you.

Let yourself sit with whatever one of those draws your attention.

Notice what shifts when you imagine being heard with kindness.

Are there sensations in your body?

Is your breath easier?

Do you feel more open?

Tense?

Defended?

Curious?

What's going on?

What's your reception,

Your receptivity right now with that?

And let's move into something a little bit more difficult now.

Someone raises their voice in anger across the room.

Someone raises their voice in anger across the room.

And stay here in this moment.

Notice that you're here.

You could open your eyes if you need to,

To just anchor into this moment.

What's your response?

Someone raises their voice in anger across the room.

Yeah,

There's probably a stress response.

We might brace ourselves,

Want to move away,

Maybe hold our breath.

Take a deep breath.

We'll move to the next sentence in this category.

You are cut off mid-sentence during a meeting or during a conversation.

Someone cuts you off.

You're cut off mid-sentence during a meeting.

Let yourself breathe.

Notice what's happening.

How is your body responding?

Is there a memory?

We might really feel that in our throat.

Our words are not welcome.

We have to hold back.

We're cut off mid-sentence.

And now let's move out of that category into the last one.

Let yourself move a little if you want.

Take a deep breath.

Have a reset.

You hear the sound of ocean waves rolling in and out.

It might be the sound of waves on a lake,

Something you're familiar with.

You hear the sounds of ocean waves,

That gentle rolling in and then receding.

Let yourself focus on that sound memory,

Perhaps a visual as well.

The sound of ocean waves.

Bring all of your senses into the experience.

You might hear birdsong,

Smell flowers,

Feel the sun on your face,

Hear the sound of ocean waves.

A close friend says,

I hear you,

I care.

They might say that in words,

They might say that with their attention,

The look on their face.

A close friend says,

I hear you and I care.

Let yourself absorb that.

And the mind might come in with examples of when someone's cut you off or when you feel not listened to.

But right now we're bringing in an imagined or a memory of a close friend who's really attuning to you.

I hear you.

I care.

And then recalling a moment of silence when your mind is still.

You're not worrying about something,

You're not ruminating,

Your mind is just still.

You might notice sensory perceptions,

Like I can feel the breeze on my feet.

But your mind is still,

Recalling a moment of silence when your mind is still.

Notice your body.

Your breath.

And we're going to review them again now with the sense of what feels like it would be the most supportive to carry with you.

We're looking at how we're responding.

We started with the birdsong,

The sound of pages.

Felt relaxing,

Our mind perhaps quieted,

Our body softened.

And then a trusted person says,

Take your time,

I'm here.

I'm here with you.

Someone says your name with warmth,

Recognition,

Happy to see you.

A loved one hums softly while doing something ordinary nearby.

We shift when we're heard with kindness.

And then we went into someone raises their voice in anger across the room.

You're cut off mid-sentence during a meeting or a conversation.

Noticing what happens in our system,

That experience.

And then we came to the sound of ocean waves rolling in and out.

A close friend says,

I hear you and I care.

A moment of silence when your mind is still.

What are you carrying with you as you come towards the end of this practice?

One of the things that I notice is that we're very responsive to other people.

We're responsive to thoughts.

About other people.

We're responsive to something that feels I need to brace myself.

And then also we can move fairly quickly into,

Ah,

I'm sitting beside the ocean and I hear the waves.

Where somebody is wanting to be with me,

They say my name with care.

This is just one of those practices that can bring us into awareness of how we respond.

And as we know more about how we respond,

Then we can take that out into our relationships and practice with each other.

That's something that can really change how we are with each other in relationship.