Compassionate Relationship With My Body

Our bodies are always doing their best for us, often under very difficult conditions. In this somatic inquiry, we explore how we could reduce shaming and pushiness and be kinder and more compassionate with our bodies.

Transcript

We are doing a compassion practice today.

Before we go into that officially,

Let's just get into tune with our body,

Our breath.

Notice what's happening here.

And what is it that comes to mind when you hear that word compassion or compassion practice with yourself?

So much of the time we come into our adult lives with this feeling of we're not okay,

We're not good enough,

We're not worthy,

We're not lovable.

There's so many core deficiency beliefs that come in with us.

And then we live in a culture that's very aggressive,

Especially around perfection.

What is it that we should be doing or need to be doing?

There's this urgency that's so strong.

As we come into a practice,

One of the things that we do is we slow down.

But also when we do an inquiry practice and in a compassion practice,

One of the things that we're doing is noticing,

Am I being as kind to myself as I could be?

And if I'm not,

How is that coming up?

Is it that inner critic?

Is it a feeling of tension in your body,

Like I can't rest?

Take a few breaths if that feels comfortable and really just look into what is it you're feeling right now,

How easy is it to breathe?

Are there parts of your body that are tight?

What's happening in your mind?

Is it kind of a sluggish energy or is it really compulsive?

Is it maybe still and quiet in a nice way?

What's happening in your mind,

Specifically in the thought stream?

And also notice that you're witnessing what's happening right now.

Bring your attention into your being as well.

There's a part of us that's always here that was looking out of our eyes when we were a child and earlier in our adult life.

If you're an adult now.

And when we look into the mirror,

Who is it that we see looking back?

So often we don't look into a mirror.

One of the effects of trauma is that we disconnect from ourselves.

And another effect of trauma is that we get really nasty at times.

So we're either disconnected,

We're not really here for our lives,

And then we're not really making great decisions.

For me,

I just never thought about really what I wanted in life,

Especially when I was a teenager and my younger adult years,

I just kind of drifted.

And so when we're in a disconnected state,

That's what happens.

Or we might be more in a fight response and we're going through life just kind of railing against injustice and things that are happening.

And I certainly have had that for many years too.

As a social justice activist from my 20s through to now,

Really,

Although it takes different forms now.

So when we experience our life through our nervous system,

One of the benefits of practice is that we get to let our nervous system be in our awareness so we see what's going on and also that we see the effects of trauma throughout our life and in this very moment right now.

So that's a lot of words about cord efficiency beliefs and nervous system.

Notice what you feel like in your body right now.

Is there any particular place that you're being drawn to,

Your attention is being drawn to?

We all have our favorites,

So to speak.

So if you tend to carry tension in your forehead,

You might lift your eyebrows,

Let your forehead soften the corners of your eyes.

If you're more of a teeth clencher,

You might want to put some space between your upper and lower jaw and then roll your lower jaw around a little bit,

Release some tension out of the lower jaw.

If you carry it more on your upper back,

You could bring your shoulders up on an inhale.

That release,

You can move your shoulders around.

Notice what it feels like just to be tuning into the body right now.

Notice your mid and upper back,

The area behind your heart center as well.

And then move into your heart center.

It's in that area protected by the rib cage near where the physical heart is.

And notice the front of the heart center too,

The muscles that cover the ribs at the front of your chest and then down into the stomach area.

Many,

Many people hold the tension in their body,

In their stomach,

In their gut,

Which of course really affects our breath.

So when that specific area is attended with,

Just notice what that feels like right now.

Is your body a little bit softer?

Is it a bit easier to take some breaths?

And these compassion practices,

The inquiries are always a little bit different.

It's never exactly the same focus.

But right now,

If you were to focus in on compassion for your body,

Let's take a few minutes with that.

I feel compassion for my body.

Notice what comes up around that.

And it might be nothing.

It might be resistance.

It might be,

Yeah,

I don't really support my body in a very healthy way a lot of the time.

I could be kinder to my body.

But of course we can't be kind to something that we're disconnected from.

Come back into that whole body connection.

Bring your awareness in.

You wish your face,

Jaw,

Neck and shoulders,

Upper back,

Chest,

The gut,

Your arms and legs as well.

I feel compassion for my body.

And I would like to have a more supportive,

Nourishing relationship with my body.

To really be aware,

What does it feel like in my body moment to moment?

And if you're noticing that perhaps you could be kinder to your body,

Maybe cultivate more connection.

See if you could bring that into awareness without shaming yourself,

Without being irritated or aggressive with yourself.

Disconnection is a result of trauma,

Stress.

We didn't decide to live in our head instead of our body.

So you might also notice what is your body's response to this?

Let's settle in in our heart center and listen in our heart for a moment.

And if non-verbally,

Even with words,

But kind of not just in your head,

Letting your body know that you would like to have a more connected,

Kind relationship with your body.

And what would that look like from your body's perspective?

And let your thoughts kind of move a little bit into a softness and just sit with our breath for a moment.

Listen to the body's intuition.

If something comes up,

We could allow that to be here.

There might be emotion,

Sadness,

Lost opportunities for connection.

Many of us have not really been in our bodies for most of our life.

And it's always something that we could come back into now.

For me,

It's been 30 years since I started meditation and yoga.

What a difference that's made.

If you were to offer your body your compassion,

Bring your hands to your heart,

Or if there's some part of your body that you kind of dislike or feel extra disconnected from,

You might put your hands there,

Bring your attention there.

You can have your hands on your belly or thighs.

Whatever part of your body you are critical of,

And let yourself feel your own touch.

Notice your breath,

Let your breath have some ease.

Cultivating a kind relationship with ourselves isn't a 20-minute practice.

It's something we do again and again and again.

The power of our conditioning is so strong.

Notice if there's any inner critic words going on or feeling.

And there's no right or wrong way to do this.

We don't have to be perfectly accepting of our body.

We could just cultivate a relationship.

It's a little bit kinder,

More connected.

If you were to tune into your heart and your whole body,

I know you're doing your best.

Notice what that brings up.

When we make some of those reverse inquiry statements,

It can bring up a storm of resistance.

Well,

It's not very good,

Or it's not enough.

And then we could notice that,

Wow,

I'm being pretty harsh.

I know you're doing your best.

That's one thing I've really settled into over the years of practice.

My body is always trying to do its best.

My body is not my enemy.

My body's not trying to get back at me.

My body's just responding as it does.

We have a nervous system.

We have events in our lives that can be very difficult in our bodies and in our whole experience,

In our whole mind body.

And criticism and harshness and pushiness is never helpful.

Shaming,

When we feel shamed,

We tend to shut down or get angry.

That's not helpful either.

If you imagine yourself as having the deepest,

Most loving,

Compassionate relationship with your own body right now in this moment,

Let your body soak up that softening,

The attunement,

The loving kindness.

And what would have to change for your relationship to be more loving and nurturing and kind and compassionate?

If you were to say,

I feel so much love and kindness,

Compassion for myself,

For my body,

For my emotions,

My heart,

My tender being,

Is there anything that you could do to nurture that?

And it might mean backing off the inner critic.

Oftentimes it means we notice what is our self-talk,

But what is our intention?

What is our inspiration?

Yes,

I want to be more connected in my body.

I want my body to feel loved and appreciated.

I try not to get into too much thinking about that.

It's more of a felt experience of connection,

Empathy.

Wow,

I've made it pretty hard for my body at times by not getting enough sleep or working too much,

Whatever that might be for you.

And especially I've made it hard because I've been so critical and pushy.

I can't always change the outside world.

I might still have that boss who's shaming or I have too much on the go right now or whatever that might be.

Sometimes we don't have a lot of immediate control,

But one thing that we can always do is come back in and support ourselves.

Stop criticizing,

Stop pushing,

Stop criticizing,

Stop pushing.

Let's take a few breaths,

Center again in your heart.

Notice your whole body experience,

Your arms and legs,

The tight spots,

Maybe they've loosened up or softened.

Take a few breaths.

One way that we can show love and compassion for our bodies is to breathe,

To relax and soften our body so that the breath has more room.

You might inquire into,

I'm willing to be more connected and treat my body with more kindness.

It doesn't mean that we're there,

It just means I'm willing to cultivate that kind of a relationship.

What does that feel like?

Let your body soften,

Your breath have some ease.

Or maybe it feels safe enough now for me to be in my body and it might be,

Whoa,

No,

That's not true.

Or it might be,

Well,

It's feeling safer and safer.

I'm on a journey around that.

It feels safe enough now for me to do this practice of connection,

Of kindness,

Cultivating compassionate relationship with myself,

With my body.

Notice if anything has tightened up.

If you have a feeling of,

Here's my brows are knit again,

Or I'm clenching my teeth,

My shoulders are tense.

I notice I'm holding my breath because my stomach is tight.

Let's just go back into the physicalness right now.

One of the best ways we can show care for our body is to breathe and relax.

And we can do that right now.

So even if we don't have ideal circumstances,

Sometimes we have to respond to things that are hard.

We could always have a softer relationship with ourselves.

Oh,

Things are hard right now.

My body is feeling this way,

Or I have this issue going on,

Or I'm in this really difficult situation at work,

Whatever that may be.

And instead of disconnecting,

Instead of moving up into compulsive thinking,

Or going into video games,

Or watching Netflix all the time,

At least some of the time we could dip back in.

You can tell by the amount of tension in my shoulders that there's something going on here.

How could I attune with that?

Take a few breaths.

Notice what that feels like in your body.

You might do a couple of cyclic sighing with that deep double inhale through the nose.

Impress your lips.

Breathe out through your mouth like you're breathing out through a thin straw.

That's such a lovely way to get into the body.

It nourishes our body with oxygen.

It helps us to release tension.

Let's do a couple more,

Big double inhale.

There's so much now that we're talking about somatic mindfulness,

Somatic meaning the body.

So we're aware of our body.

And one of the ways that we can nurture a closer relationship is by letting go of harshness,

Judgment,

Shaming,

And inviting in some connections,

Some kindness,

Some compassion.

Our bodies have a tough time.

For one thing,

Our nervous system is not very well suited to the modern way that we live.

We're bombarded with overstimulation,

With news,

With really hard things.

A lot of people around us are really dysregulated.

Our bodies are doing their best under pretty difficult circumstances.

Oftentimes we're prioritizing emotional comfort over our physical health.

So instead of doing a relaxation practice or going for a walk,

We might eat the ice cream or the cookies or something.

And we could be kind with ourselves always.

That's a practice.

That's a really powerful,

Deep practice.

You can put your hands on your heart and offer yourself some kindness,

Some compassion,

Some warmth,

Some interest.

I'm interested in living in my body and being kinder to my body.

And also,

Of course,

That we're specifically focusing on the body,

But it actually permeates the whole of our mind-body,

Our thoughts,

Our emotions,

Our relationships.

Everything shifts when we're here in this moment in our body,

Being kind.

I'm taking another couple of breaths.

Notice your body,

Head to toes.

And set your intention.

My intention today is to dip back in a few times at least,

Maybe before a meal or before sleep or when you walk outdoors or something.

I'm gonna just come back into and nurture this kind relationship with my body,

With myself.

I hope this was helpful.

And I hope that you're able to really nurture that as you move through your day.

It's so powerful and so important.

I do this a lot.

I find that it's really helpful to stay here in this moment.

Reviews

This is a great meditation for when you need to reconnect with and pay attention to what’s going on in the physical body. It helped me recognise what I need to do to help my body. Thank you Lynn.