Calming Your Inner Critic

If you could interview your inner critic about it's job description, what would it tell you? We can have a mean internal voice that criticizes, ridicules and shames us. This mindfulness inquiry looks directly at the origins of our inner critic and through this practice we can increase awareness and reduce its power to hurt and make us play small.

Transcript

These are mindfulness inquiry questions.

Thoughts will come in.

We're not really trying to reason it out or think it through.

It's more that we're dropping the question in and then listening.

If you could interview your inner critic,

What would it tell you about its job?

What is it trying to accomplish?

Why is it here?

Did it take over for a parent?

Is it an appearance voice?

Bring a recent example to mind.

Maybe there's a tirade going on in your head or a scolding.

Really bring it to life.

Use a still photo or a video clip.

There might be words with it,

Tone of voice.

Just work with whatever comes to mind.

Stay connected with your body and breath.

We have these tools.

We could do tapping.

We could put it in a frame to help us remain mindful.

Take that step back.

Sense into what was the goal.

What was your inner critic trying to accomplish in that specific situation?

What was going on?

You could pause the recording and look at a few different incidences.

Are they different?

Is there a similar undertone with them?

What kind of things does the inner critic say?

When does it come up?

What do you think the underlying drive for that is?

In inquiry,

There are no right or wrong answers.

We're just looking.

What's coming forward?

Is it possible your inner critic was trying to get you to hold back,

To protect you from something?

It could be a social thread,

An emotional one.

And really notice the energy in your body.

Keep your breath steady.

And look at the effectiveness of it.

If there is a purpose for the inner critic,

And there always is,

Did it accomplish its goal?

If it was trying to stop you from saying something at a party,

Was it effective?

Notice if there's any relationship with shame.

What are some other options?

How else could you have met that goal other than shaming yourself?

Is this a shaming experience?

Is that what you feel?

What is your internal experience with the inner critic and how it operates?

Court efficiency beliefs have a big role in this.

There's a fundamental feeling of something wrong with us.

We develop that feeling based on our experiences in childhood.

What if it was never your fault?

Children always take on the blame because that gives us at least a small chance that maybe we could be smarter,

Quieter,

Talk better,

Be more entertaining,

Not be so much trouble.

If it's our behavior that's causing the problems with our parents,

Then we have a chance to change our behavior.

And there's a desperateness in this.

Many children develop a real feeling of there's something fundamentally wrong with me.

And this inner critic develops in part to try to mitigate the damage from that.

So if you have a pattern of an inner critic,

Let's look at how court efficiency beliefs play into that.

As you're sitting with this,

It was never my fault.

We're looking for a reaction.

What's your response to that in your body and in your mind?

The inner critic might have a lot to say about that.

Well,

You know,

You could have kept your room cleaner.

You could have paid more attention in school.

You could have.

You should have.

We were children.

Children have a limited capacity.

And all human beings react and respond to the environment that they're in.

It was never your fault.

Now,

Let's consider if it would be safe for you to let go of your deficiency beliefs.

Is it safe to let go of the inner critic?

What would happen then?

Let your body answer.

Is it safe?

Stay really connected with your body.

Notice your energy.

If there's a tightening,

An emotion coming up,

If your breath is changing,

Is it safe to let go of this inner critic?

What would be the downside of that?

If I were never again to have that inner critic voice,

What would your life be like?

Often we believe that we need that to get us out of bed at the morning to keep us working hard.

All of those things you drive yourself with now through that critic voice,

Would those get done?

At times when we feel safe and we're free from the inner critic,

We're able to be open and authentic.

We're not worried that we're going to be judged.

A lot of the inner critic job is about keeping us playing small so we won't be judged.

Notice if that's part of what's happening here for you.

What is the response in your body and energy and thoughts to that?

I'm worried I'm going to be judged.

That is why I hold on so tightly.

Maybe you really were judged,

Always found wanting,

Never did it good enough.

The memory of how horrible that was is part of what drives this.

Pause the recording any time.

Stay connected with your body and breath and really grounded in witnessing.

And reflect back over the inquiry,

What is the job of the inner critic?

Was it harder to get the job?

What would it take for the inner critic to retire from the job?

Or maybe there's another role it could play.

It could encourage us.

It could help us to evaluate threat in a more realistic way.

Encourage us and give us the support and the nurturance that we need.

What is the cost of driving ourselves this way?

Of shaming ourselves,

Of living in that toxic stew of shame.

This is a pattern or a habit that developed a long time ago.

It's possible to use our adult mind and inquiry and our willingness to get to know ourselves and to be kind with ourselves,

To let this pattern loosen up and actually to turn it around so that we become our own supporter,

Our own friend.

Just like with catastrophic worst-case scenario thinking,

We need to stop.

We need to be aware of it and as soon as we're aware of it,

We need to stop.

We do something to distract ourselves,

We do a breathing practice,

We just notice and go,

I'm not doing that anymore.

Very similar with the inner critic.

The steps to really work with this are to be aware of it,

Kind of set a mindfulness goal,

If you will,

To notice when the inner critic's coming up.

And it can be something kind of outrageous,

But also it's so familiar that we often don't even know that it's there.

As soon as we notice it,

We might do a little mini-inquiry into it.

Oh,

Why is this here right now?

What is the purpose of this?

What is the goal of this?

And how could I support myself instead of shaming myself?

And take a few deep breaths.

Come out of the inquiry.

Stay really grounded in this perspective as you move through your day.

Reviews

Very interesting , will try although for me very hard. The inner critic has been with me all my life and has been very painful.

Beautifully done…this gave me some space and perspective around my inner critic’s voice. Thank you, will return to this 🙏🏼

Lynn this meditation was so incredibly helpful. I will be doing this again and again. Thank you! Janie

I love that explanation . Thank you . Makes a lot of sense . Much love and gratitude to you .🙏❤️🕊️

This was a wonderful meditation on questioning your inner critic.

A really informative and effective listen. I’m feeling the pieces slowly coming together the more I listen to and partake in these inquiries. Thank you

Love the approach of talking with the inner critic. I hear a voice of concern behind the criticism that says I’m not enough. The concerned voice assumes weakness, not strength. It seeks to protect me because it fears that I will not be able to handle the responsibility that comes with being successful. The voice of the protected child says thank you for keepin life safe and warm. But another voice expresses rage at being so deeply underestimated, for not being seen and valued in the way that being trusted can make one feel valued. What if it was never true? This question provides a touchstone through the legacy of inner confusion left by misguided love. 🙏

Useful new way of thinking inner critic, enough time to think, thank you

Interesting, never thought about it that way.. thank you.

Is there a writing/journaling component to this meditation? How to get to inner critic on somatic level. Really good tool for identifying inner critic.

I really liked the statement how can I support myself versus shaming myself.

Highly recommend this meditation if you are a self-critic.

Very helpful. Thank you!

Beautiful. This works really well with my IFS therapy. Will be back as I know the answers will change with the situation.
Namaste 🙏

Really good exercise on self-criticism and shame. I definitely learned some things. Thank you.

Very helpful. Thank you! 😊

Wow. I still feel my heart pounding. This was very difficult for me to complete. I was moving and shifting in discomfort the whole time. I wanted to stop the meditation multiple times but I knew it was best to continue.

The questions you asked went straight to my core. This was amazing and allowed me to get deeper in myself. Thank you

Exactly what I needed!
I couldn't remember how to get back to the cheerleader voice. Will definitely keep this meditation as a reference.
Thanks!

Fantastic reminder, advice, and centering exercise to begin my day with! Thank you!! 🌞

This was extremely helpful and eye opening! Thank you!