Self-compassion is a concept that many of us struggle with.
It's often easier to rush through life with a no-pain-no-gain attitude than it is to slow down and admit that we need to take care of ourselves sometimes.
Many of us are habitually self-critical and consciously or consciously beating ourselves up over our perceived mistakes and shortcomings,
Talking down to ourselves in a way that we never would with anyone else.
In my experience,
Constantly being at war with ourselves isn't really a healthy way to operate long-term,
And it's often not long until the body starts to shout back.
For me,
Learning the skill of self-compassion has been essential for my physical and mental health,
But like any skill,
It's definitely taken some practice.
So in this session,
I'd like to share one of the techniques that has really helped me.
It involves a crafty trick of first conjuring up compassion that's inherently there for others and then attempting to turn a little bit of that inward.
You start by finding a comfortable place to rest if you haven't already.
Relax your gaze or close the eyes and let's get going with a few slow,
Easy breaths.
In through the nose,
Fill in the torso,
And then slowly letting it all go.
A few more breaths like this at your own pace.
As your breathing settles,
See if you can allow the muscles of the face to relax a little,
Letting go of any tension around the jaw and the eyes,
Seeing if you can relax through the shoulders,
Allowing them to fall slightly further away from the ears maybe.
Make any other adjustments you need to feel comfortable and at ease.
With the breath ticking over in the background,
We're going to flex our imagination muscles and ease into our practice of self-compassion.
You could think of this as our warm-up.
You're going to start by picturing in your mind's eye someone you care about dearly.
So it might be a loved one,
A family member,
A friend,
Or a pet even.
It could be a younger version of yourself,
One of your inner children.
Just make it someone who you have a somewhat uncomplicated relationship with,
A deep sense of compassion towards,
And a desire for them to be well and content.
See if you can bring up an image of them in your mind now,
So somewhere close to you,
Nearby.
It could just be their face,
Or you could get creative and imagine them doing something that they enjoy.
So they're in their element,
Having fun,
Feeling safe and free.
Whatever feels right to you.
As you hold this scene in your mind,
You're now going to extend some phrases of compassion towards that person or being.
You could think of it as if you have this telepathic ability to send over support.
A few phrases you could try out.
May you be safe.
May you feel worthy.
May you feel loved.
May you feel strong and healthy.
May you be free.
Any other messages of support that feel right.
I love you,
I support you,
I want the best for you.
Whatever works.
May you feel safe.
May you feel worthy.
May you feel loved.
May you feel strong and healthy.
May you be free.
Picture them taking these messages on board,
Looking at you in the eyes and really feeling the unconditional love and kindness come in their way.
Message received,
They feel safe,
They feel heard and cared for.
Like you've really got their back.
And now we've practiced generating compassion.
Here comes the part that most of us have a harder time with.
We've practiced our ability to be compassionate towards another.
Our next step here is to imagine this person or creature sending back the same level of compassion and love to you.
They want you to feel the same amount of support that they just felt.
For this part you could place one or both of your hands onto your chest,
Feeling the gentle pressure and warmth from your palms.
This is a nice way to signal to your nervous system that you're feeling safe and supported.
This might be more challenging at first but see if you can imagine the person or being that you've conjured up sending those same supportive messages over to you.
Almost right into your chest,
Beneath your hands,
Around the heart area.
It might sound a little strange and kooky but just give it a try.
May you feel safe.
May you feel worthy.
May you feel loved.
May you feel strong and healthy.
May you be free.
Feel those supportive messages coming across and being absorbed.
So you feel safe,
You feel worthy,
Feeling loved,
Strong,
Healthy and free.
See if we can sit with those feelings for a minute or so.
The idea of feeling supported,
Feeling worthy of that support and compassion.
And our final layer here is to offer yourself some words of support to something that's coming from you,
To you.
Still feeling those hands on your chest,
See if you can give yourself a little encouragement.
A mental whisper as Tara Brach talks about.
It could be something like,
It's okay mate or you're safe little buddy.
I see you,
Darling.
I love you and I'm listening.
Whatever language feels the most supportive and nourishing to you.
What words or phrases does that inner child that we all carry about need to hear?
Some reassurance from yourself,
To yourself.
It's okay.
You're safe.
I see you.
So this can get a little heavy sometimes,
Particularly if we've been quietly crying out for some inner support.
So it's okay if any strong emotions start to come up or if they don't.
See if you can rest here a few more moments.
Allowing yourself to settle into that feeling of compassion towards yourself.
One thing to take away is that self-compassion isn't a selfish practice as it might first seem on the surface.
It's an essential part of building a healthy,
Resilient nervous system.
In the face of life's challenges,
It's about tending to yourself and filling your cup.
So you have more capacity to operate day to day and be there for the things that you value the most.
Relationships,
Work,
Hobbies,
Community and beyond.
You become more you and more able to really connect with others when you're not constantly doing battle with yourself.
When you're ready,
You can start to bring yourself back into the world around you.
Noticing any sounds.
Feeling the ground beneath you.
The sensation of the breath.
Wiggling your fingers and your toes.
Wiggling your fingers and your toes.
And then when you're ready,
Gently flutter and open the eyes.
I hope this practice has been helpful in some way.
If you didn't quite feel it today,
That's okay.
Uncovering and altering the often lifelong habit of being overly self-critical is something that takes practice.
This meditation is always here for you to come back to if you'd like.
Thanks for showing up for yourself.
Take care.
