So start by sitting in simple mindfulness,
Aware of the points of contact with the earth beneath you,
And the flow of the in-breath and the out-breath,
Feeling into that long,
Strong spine,
Our inner stability,
And the ability to hold our own boundaries.
And then sensing your soft,
Open front,
Receptive,
Understanding,
That ability to empathize and find care and compassion,
And tuning in to what you're experiencing right in this moment.
If you're feeling relaxed and at ease,
Then savor that experience,
Allowing it to nourish you.
However,
If you're feeling any unpleasant or aggravating experiences,
Or if a difficult memory is coming up,
Then you can move through the four steps of non-violent communication.
And the first is to observe whatever is happening without judgment,
Cultivating the skill of direct seeing,
And describing for yourself whatever you're experiencing in the body,
Feeling in the heart,
Or any thoughts that are moving through the mind,
Describing them as if you were taking a picture of this moment.
And the next step is to identify exactly how you're feeling,
And not just the emotion that seems to have risen to the top,
But also other emotions that you may believe to be socially less acceptable,
Like jealousy,
Shame,
Or anger,
Allowing yourself to name it and feel it.
And this takes us into the third step,
Where we recognize that we only feel difficult emotions when our needs are not being met.
So identify your need or your value right now.
What would make your life more wonderful right in this moment?
Perhaps you have a need for love,
Or care,
A need for connection or understanding.
And noticing if you can meet your own need right in this moment.
Perhaps with a gentle hand on the heart,
Or a caring and understanding inner voice.
There are times,
Of course,
When we can't meet our own needs,
And you may need to request that your needs be met by another.
If this is the case,
Then we can include step four,
Which is making a request.
Remembering that this is not a demand,
But a request of another,
An invitation for them to do something that would make our life more wonderful.
And what we so often find is that they get great joy from doing something that supports us.
So during this practice,
You can experiment with the words you would want to use to make that request of another.
Seeing if you can ask in such a way that the other can meet your need,
Or that they feel comfortable enough to negotiate a different way of meeting your need.
In whatever way feels authentic for them.
And at the end of this practice,
You may find that there's no actual need to engage with another.
Sometimes the rehearsal of our request is enough to give us an insight,
Or to remove the charge,
The trigger,
That has made it feel difficult to speak to them.
So we can simply practice these steps of non-violent communication with ourselves,
And reflect on how they change our relationship with the uncomfortable experience.
And bringing the practice to a close by once again sensing into that strong back,
The back that holds our clarity.
And then opening our soft front,
Where we both give and receive compassion.
