Receptivity - You Can't Fight & Receive At The Same Time

This is a talk and a practice to help those of us who are not used to being in a calm, receptive and allowing place. If you are stuck in defensiveness, in patterns of loss, fear, lack, frustration and resistance, this will be helpful. Who are you when you are not strugling or fighting? Tune in and let's arrive at a new place together with more relief, hope, acceptance, and receptivity.

Transcript

Hello and welcome.

Today I would like to talk about the very subtle yet powerful aspect of receptivity and being in a place of receiving,

Softening,

Allowing and just going with the flow.

And so this is a very challenging thing to do for many of us because our nervous system is usually wired to fight or flight and we're usually fighting something or running from something in our subconscious mind.

The way that the subconscious mind works is so mysterious and there's so many intricate layers of different things that are going on basically beyond our awareness and that can interfere with our receptivity,

With our peace,

With our calmness.

And really a lot of this can stem from childhood and our inability to relax and our inability to allow ourselves to be in the present moment because the way that our mind works,

It's usually moving forwards or backwards.

Like if it's moving forwards,

It's usually projecting more fears,

Unwanted results,

What could happen wrong,

Like all these different things.

And then if our mind is thinking backwards,

It's also like stuck in the past,

Mistakes,

Regrets,

Different things like that.

So oftentimes inside of ourselves we're actually fighting ourselves.

One aspect of us is fighting another aspect of us and this can create a lot of tension and you're basically fighting yourself and then fighting whatever situation that you didn't find a resolution for.

Like for example,

Like say that someone really upset you at work,

Even though it was like 4 years ago,

It was really impactful and it stayed with you and on some level you're still fighting with that person because you haven't allowed your body,

Your mind,

Your heart,

Your spirit,

Like every layer of you to say,

It's okay to stop fighting.

The fight is over,

The argument is complete,

I am no longer in that place,

I am no longer in that situation,

I choose to completely and fully be in this moment.

And allowing yourself to do that with little things that happen,

I mean it can seem like they're little things,

But these are monumental pieces to your ability to be able to allow and be receptive and be soft and just in a place of receiving.

And I find it that most of us have such a hard time receiving because our mind is very focused on stacking everything that's going wrong.

And so it takes such a conscious effort to stack the good,

Stack what is going good,

What are the great things that are happening today,

You know,

Despite the adversity you're facing,

Despite the challenges in life,

What are some good things that you can stack?

Like who do you have in your life?

And what do you look forward to?

And what is it that really lights you up in the morning?

Different things like that.

So these different things are very important because we can't be in a place of receptivity when we are in fear or defensiveness or fighting.

And so if we're in fear,

We're usually defensive,

And if we're defensive,

We're usually fighting.

So those three kind of like feed each other and defensiveness really blocks us from being able to receive all of our life-given gifts because when we are defensive and we are fighting,

We are literally putting up walls all around us,

All around our hearts,

All around our minds,

All around our bodies.

I mean,

These are all invisible walls,

But very,

Very,

Very real emotionally and spiritually on a level that is beyond the understanding of what we can see.

So these walls,

They stop us from receiving and they protect us from receiving like harm and attack and different things like that.

But while they are protecting us,

They're also walls that are built up and they're actually preventing any good to flow into your life.

So there is no good that can flow into your life when you are defensive,

When you are fighting.

You cannot fight and receive at the same time.

So you must either choose like to fight and defend and protect and be in that state or to be receptive and soft and allowing and literally just flowing with the moment and whatever life is bringing you next because sometimes we can be really attached to our goals and to our visions and what we want in life and different things like that.

I know I had a particularly difficult time with that as well with one specific situation and I was super frustrated.

I was exhausted.

I was depleted.

I was really in a place of defensiveness and not just defensiveness,

But fear and lack.

And so from that place,

I was never going to be able to resolve the situation,

First of all,

Nor was I going to be able to like move beyond it and just release it.

And there's just tremendous power in being able to release the things that are not working in our life and just allowing them to fall away.

And I say this for myself as well,

Because I will be one to admit that there are situations in my life that I try to like hold on to and try to fix it.

And how can I fix it?

How can I change it?

And I'll try like 20 different ways and I'm like,

Okay,

Well,

I'm going to come up with five more ways to try it.

And there's this like aspect of myself that is like very unwilling to give up on myself.

But then at the same time,

It's like,

Wait,

Maybe this is not the right time.

Maybe this is not the right person or place or decision in my life right now.

And if it's this hard and it takes this much effort to fight for it,

To defend it,

To protect it,

Like it could be that I'm holding on to it with my mind.

And that's the tricky part about our minds is that our minds like to hold on to things.

They like to have a grip on things and control.

And that being said,

It leads us to a life of like stress and just this constant like effort and this constant fight where we can actually release it all and take some really,

Really,

Really deep breaths and be fully present with ourselves and just allow ourselves and just acceptance,

A very,

Very deep acceptance of what is right now,

What is in this moment and what is in front of you,

Which is more likely not a threat,

Not going to hurt you,

Not going to immediately cause harm to you.

And sometimes,

Unfortunately,

Our minds will create all these narratives,

All these stories,

And that string of thought that just spirals and spirals and spirals deeper into anger,

Obsession,

Sadness,

Depression.

I mean,

All sorts of different dense emotions that are not going to help us be in a place of receptivity,

Allowance,

And just going with the flow and accepting what life is bringing us because life doesn't go based on our timing.

As much as we would like to say,

Okay,

By this time,

By this age,

I should be doing this,

I'm supposed to do that,

You know,

Things like that.

Like life doesn't happen that way.

And it has taken me so,

So long to be able to just come to terms with this and accept the fact that my timing in my mind and the timing of life hardly ever actually align,

You know,

Because there's things beyond my understanding,

There's things beyond what I see and know that can play part in allowing things to come into fruition or to actually just disappear and fall out of our lives.

And you know,

That's the other piece is if something is like literally trying to leave your life,

It's important not to try to hold on to it with a stronger grip.

And I know that I myself did this for long periods of time.

And I created patterns of me holding on,

Me being in pain,

And then eventually accepting it,

Releasing it.

But then it would come back up again.

And I would find myself in these cycles.

And I'm like,

How can I be in the same place again?

But it's not like I was in the same place.

But the thing is that I truthfully wanted this to happen so bad that I had to basically release it in layers.

There's not always like a clear cut way to just like stop.

Sometimes our consciousness works in layers.

So you can probably let go on an emotional level,

On a mental level,

On a physical level,

You know,

Spiritual level,

There's different levels that you can let go.

And it doesn't always happen at the same time.

Actually,

It rarely ever happens at the same time that you're able to just completely release something you want or release an expectation or that painful feeling of,

Wow,

I really have a need and it's not being met.

And accepting that a need is not being met is such a difficult thing.

And it's painful and it's frustrating.

And it brings up feelings of injustice and victimhood,

Various things like that.

Because,

You know,

When you have a need,

You want to meet your need.

Like,

How can my need not be met?

And so that creates a lot of resistance in the mind and tension in the body and different other negative side effects throughout your body.

And then this creates the discomfort and eventually turns into,

You know,

Disease if you leave it unattended.

And so how can you really recover that ease?

How can you move through life with grace?

And how can you allow yourself to stop the fight?

And this is such a big deal and a monumental part of being able to just live a happier,

Lighter life where you're not always stressed and rushed and feeling like you're not enough and feeling like you don't deserve the things that you want or you don't deserve for your needs to be met.

And all these different patterns that can come up,

All these thought patterns that start to kind of stack and want to say,

Hey,

Wait a minute,

Am I not worthy?

Do I not deserve this?

Did I do something bad?

How come other people look like they're getting it but not me?

I mean,

This could just be on so many levels.

It could create a storm of thoughts in your mind that are very challenging to overcome.

And so it's important to just be aware and practice either mindfulness or meditation or movement,

Whatever way works best for you to allow these thoughts to move through you and not to settle and not to sink.

Because once those thoughts are settled in your mind and then they're sinking,

They're just becoming more and more and more powerful as they sink.

And so if you just allow them to flow through and just have your mind be a little bit like a net where the thoughts are moving through the net and not just staying there and stacking and going deeper into the subconscious mind,

Because that's just setting you up for much more pain and much more discomfort down the road.

So all that being said,

I am humbled to admit that I have really struggled with receptivity for a long,

Long time.

Being the older child,

I always had to like,

Take responsibility and figure things out.

And there wasn't really a lot of support.

There wasn't really a lot of encouragement or resources.

So I had to figure things out on my own for a lot of the time.

And so being in that constant mode of fixing,

Of solving,

Of searching for the answers and different things like that,

That can leave long lasting imprints in your mind and in your memory.

Your cellular memory is very powerful and really plays a role into your behaviors and your actions that you take every single day.

And so on a cellular level,

You're so used to being the fixer,

The problem solver,

The one to take on all responsibility.

It is so difficult to later on in life,

Try to be in a place of allowing and receptivity and allowing and just going with the flow.

It is not an easy transition.

And I'm here to say that I keep moving a little bit closer and inching a little bit closer to receptivity.

But I know that I'm not able to still fully embody the receptivity that I would like to embody and be present in.

And every single day,

I've been working on making a 1% improvement,

A 1% improvement to try to get myself to that place that I can be like,

Okay,

Right in this moment,

I don't have to figure everything out.

Right in this moment,

I don't have to solve every problem.

Right in there in this moment,

There's not like everything for me to fix.

And so I can stop the fight.

And I can drop all of these agendas that I'm carrying that are heavy,

And just let it all go.

And the mind doesn't particularly like that the mind likes to stay busy and entertained with all of these thoughts.

And so that challenge of like,

Emptiness and blankness.

It's a little bit of a challenge because the mind is like,

Oh,

What happened?

It's like putting a pause.

And so the mind is like,

Oh,

My goodness,

What's going on?

Like,

I don't understand.

And it can actually trigger even more worry and anxiety and fear.

Sometimes when you're trying to release and relax,

Then when you're not,

And I found that actually for myself.

And so being able to make a commitment to yourself to commit daily every single day for as long as you can,

Improving that 1% and inching a little bit closer to receptivity,

Inching a little bit closer to letting it all go and releasing the need to figure it all out and to have control and to be the one in charge.

And that's the other piece is that I've always been in charge.

So when it's like time to allow another person to help me or to solve something for me,

I'm like,

Wait,

What's going on here?

Like,

Why am I not in charge?

You know,

And it's not like I don't trust the other person.

It's not like the other person can't also make good decisions.

But it's like,

Wait,

It's very challenging for me to step back and take a back seat in something that I've always been the driver.

And that is a part of receptivity is allowing support,

Allowing other people to help.

Asking,

Having the courage to ask for help is such a big deal because a lot of times we don't want to admit that we need help.

So when we don't admit that we need help,

We are not in a receptive place.

And so the help and the support that we need,

It never comes because we're blocking it from coming to us.

So we are literally keeping ourselves hostage in these thought patterns that don't help us in these bodily patterns that don't help us with our cellular memory.

And it's all reinforcing the fact that we need to solve the problem.

We need to be in charge.

We need to be taking action.

We need to be all the time fighting and defending and protecting.

And so that creates all these behaviors that prevent us from being able to receive.

And so actually,

Most people have a very hard time receiving.

It comes naturally for us to give.

Giving is something that many of us are comfortable with and have kind of been able to make it easy to give.

But when it comes time to receive,

What happens?

Can you accept that you need somebody else's assistance?

Can you accept that you're not in control?

And can you accept that the solution can be beyond your understanding?

Because that's the reality of most of our problems is that the solution to our problem most of the time is way beyond our understanding.

Because if it wasn't,

We would have already solved the problem.

That's not usually the case.

And so I feel that practicing mindfulness and meditating and centering myself really helps me to say,

I don't need to fight right now.

There's no need to fight.

There's no need to defend.

There's no need to protect.

And I can just be soft and allow life to bring me solutions beyond my understanding.

Allow other people to come and provide support and guidance and even insights that are beyond what I can see in this moment.

Because that's the other problem is that when we don't have our needs met,

We are very limited to thinking,

Okay,

So this need is not met.

And so on multiple levels we begin to say,

Okay,

Since this need is not met,

I have an urgency.

And that urgency can actually create stress and that fear and all of those things to rise back up again.

And then the cycle starts over and you're just basically stuck in this cycle of having needs,

Them not being met,

You fighting,

Defending,

Protecting to try to get those needs met and then failing at it and being frustrated and then going into negative thoughts and downward spirals and then starting over again every single time.

And I can be the one to say that this is a very exhausting pattern and it doesn't serve us or help us in any way to continue in the same cycle,

The same pattern because we're not receptive,

Because we're not taking a pause and just dropping it,

Setting it down,

Taking a break,

Walking away,

Surrendering and saying,

This is not something I can resolve right now.

And just admitting that can really create like a lot of good things to happen for you and for those walls that you have built to start to crumble and start to fall down and start to say,

Wait a minute,

Now I can actually see beyond my limitations.

Now I can actually see how I was holding myself back.

Now I can actually see how and why this didn't happen on the timing that I wanted it to happen.

So life is just such a beautiful,

Consistently moving stream.

And when we're not in the moment,

Because we're so caught up in problems,

We often miss the solutions.

Like the solution to your problem can be right in front of you.

But if you're stuck in offensiveness,

Fear and worry and lack and loss and stress,

Even if the solution is right in front of you,

Because you're tuned into the problem and the layers of it and the pain of having that need not met,

Then you literally do not have the vision to be able to pick that solution up and begin to even entertain it.

The solution can be right in front of you four or five,

20 times,

And it just keeps going and going.

And then you are meanwhile,

Upset and frustrated that nothing is happening.

Nothing is changing.

Nothing is working.

But if you literally just set everything down,

The solution could fall in your lap effortlessly.

And this is something so bizarre that the more that we need something,

The more that we are actually pushing it away.

So we're able to like,

Set it down,

Drop it,

Be receptive,

The more likely that whatever need that we are needing to be met,

Will actually be met.

But see,

This is beyond the understanding of like the mind wants like,

The need to be met right now.

And there's that like patterns of frustration and past failures and past disappointments and past times when things didn't work out.

And so that can really,

Really begin to weigh us down and be unable to see the solution,

Because we're not present.

And when you're not present in the moment,

You are absent your own reality.

You're absent to your possibilities,

You're absent to the flow of life.

You're absent on so many levels,

And you're missing out on moments that you could enjoy if you were able to just be receptive.

And just able to allow and accept the fact that maybe you don't know.

Maybe you're not understanding the full picture.

And just allowing breathing basically breathing into that present moment so that you are able to basically tune into that receptivity aspect of yourself.

And it's not always going to be comfortable because most of the time we are not receptive.

I'm here to say like most people most of the time are not in a receptive state.

So getting there is more about allowing than about actually getting there.

Because there's not a lot of effort,

You just set things down.

So the mind is so used to overworking,

Overcompensating,

Trying different things.

And it's like,

Well,

All of those things will fail.

What if I just set everything down?

What if I just paused it?

What if I just walked away just for a little bit?

Then could I be more receptive?

Then could I settle more into that place of softness and returning to your innocence,

Your curiosity,

And your playfulness?

Because those are the places that allow you to soften and open and find other solutions to problems.

Solutions that you're never going to find being in loss,

Less and stress mode is not going to happen.

And the more you need it,

The more you want it,

The more unlikely it is to happen.

I mean,

This applies to relationships.

This applies to money.

This applies to every single vision,

Every single goal,

Every single dream that you could have.

The more that you want it,

The more fear that you have of not receiving it.

The more fear that you have of being unworthy,

The more fear that you have of the fact that you don't deserve it.

So all of these things,

They can stack up and begin to create evidence in your life of reasons why you're not going to have it,

Why it's not going to happen for you.

So I would like to conclude today with a challenge to find a place in your body that you feel tension whenever it is that you feel that there's a need that is not met.

For me personally,

It's my left hip.

Like when I noticed that I'm building up anger,

Frustration,

Different things like that,

I feel it in my left hip.

But everyone can feel it in a different place.

Sometimes it's tightness in your chest.

Sometimes it's just like a sore back.

I mean,

It could be anywhere in your body.

But most of the time we are storing our fights somewhere in our body.

And I believe I store my fights in my,

Like I said,

My left hip.

And so by being able to hold it,

Like basically hold myself there and breathe and bring my full presence to it,

That allows a release of energy that allows me to be able to kind of find relief and say,

Hey,

I'm right here with you right now.

It's okay to let go.

It's okay to be receptive.

It's okay to stop fighting.

So I kind of envision a big ball of red charged energy there on my left hip.

And as I'm holding it and as I'm breathing with it,

And I'm holding my presence there,

I visualize that that little ball becomes smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller.

And by shrinking that I expand myself.

So the smaller that this ball of,

We'll call it resistance,

Gets,

The bigger that I become,

The softer that I become,

The more receptive that I become.

And so doing this practice and just listening to myself,

To my body,

My mind,

To all the layers of myself that are in distress and just attending to each one individually.

Sometimes there's not enough time.

I mean,

You got to get on with life.

There's things to do.

You got to work there.

You got to take care of your kids.

So it's not like you can always just sit there and spend all this time on all of these things,

But just even like taking five minutes to hold yourself,

To listen to yourself,

To forgive yourself for feeling that and allow yourself to shift,

Allow yourself to feel something else.

What would you be feeling instead if you weren't in this place of struggle?

Who are you when you're not fighting?

Who are you when you're not struggling?

Who are you when you're not defending and protecting?

And most of us forgot who we are when we're not on those states.

Like most of us have no idea because we live in a world that is consistently changing.

There's threats,

There's all sorts of new events and everything can be moving too quickly sometimes where we're just like overwhelmed.

And I know this happens to me.

And then I find,

Okay,

So there's my personal problems,

The personal problems that I feel sometimes responsible for taking on from family,

From friends,

Our collective problems and on a galactic level,

Just massive energy shifts that are happening.

And all these layers can really stack up and create overwhelm if we're not able to take even just like five minutes and be with ourselves in that moment and allow ourselves to drop all of our weapons,

To drop every defense and say,

I'm going to choose to be receptive.

I'm going to choose to probably be very uncomfortable for a little bit because receptivity can be very uncomfortable at the beginning.

It's just a state you're not used to practicing.

So it can be something that creates resistance in your mind and then even more tension.

So it's not an easy state to just achieve and you never really ever achieve it.

It's more about allowing because our minds are so focused on achieving,

Achieving,

Achieving that we rarely say,

Okay,

What am I going to allow today?

Our minds don't really work that way.

They're not really in the sense of allowing.

So that's why it's super important to tune into our hearts because our hearts are just so much softer or can be much softer.

Sometimes our hearts are full of grief or sadness as well.

So it's not always the very best thing for every single person.

But I do find for myself that my heart allows me to find way more space,

Way more opening,

Way more softness.

And by being with my breath,

By being with the aspect of me that is in pain,

By being able to hold myself wherever it is that I feel that resistance coming up,

I'm able to like move towards it.

And so it starts to shrink.

Because whenever we run away from our problems,

Our resistance,

All the things that come up,

We're only allowing it to become bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

So being able to walk towards it is such a monumental decision to make really.

So I would like to challenge you to find something that you would like to receive in your life,

Something that you've been very frustrated about and wondering why it's not working out.

And find where that pain is in your body or that discomfort of not having it,

Of not receiving it.

Where is that in your body?

And just breathe there and hold yourself there and allow yourself to be a little bit more receptive,

A little bit more soft and set it down and set down the fight and be in a place of curiosity.

Like,

Okay,

Well,

Clearly everything I'm doing and trying isn't working.

I want to open myself up to more possibilities.

And this is a practice,

Like this is not something that you just do one day and it's done and now you're receptive and everything flows your way and everything's great.

That's not at all how it works.

So it's a practice.

And you need to be willing and able to make this commitment to yourself to be more receptive and to be in a place of allowing and acknowledging that maybe all the answers are not within your reach from where you're standing,

But that's okay because you can stand somewhere else and you can stand in a new place where you're not fighting,

Where you're not protecting,

Where you're not defending or fixing or solving.

None of those things.

And you arrive in a new place.

And from that new place,

My friend,

You're much more likely to actually be able to receive or at least gain insight and how you can meet that need that you have and resolve the situation.

Thank you for tuning in today and have a great rest of your day.

Reviews

Wow, I so needed this today. Leaving a charged meeting on culture change at work to go interview for a new job. It helped me to let go and know I can’t show up fighting when I hope to receive.