Working With Anger

This meditation will help you explore your relationship to anger and work to release it in a healthy way. Through supportive guidance Lou will connect you to deeper to yourself so you can let go of any anger, past or present.

Transcript

Let's start talking about why I'm talking about anger.

As many of you,

If you've practiced with me before,

Often I'm working with stuff in my own life that's inspiring that I want to share with you all.

And by sharing with you,

It kind of helps me to catalyze it a little bit.

And I just enjoy sharing what's going on.

So I'm in emotional leadership training.

And each month we work with one of the five core emotions.

Now this can be arguable of five main emotions,

But sometimes it's helpful to just think of these,

Like when you think of what you're feeling,

It's often it's a derivative of one of these emotions and that's,

Hopefully I get it,

Anger,

Fear,

Sadness,

Joy,

Shame.

And so kind of a lot of our feelings are derivatives of that.

And this month is anger.

And part of working with anger is having to do an anger ceremony.

And so last week I actually did three days where I went out into the woods,

Well,

Two days I went out to the woods,

The third day I did it in a different way.

And I was the intention,

We can kind of make it what we want,

But the intention is to think of a person that maybe we're holding anger towards or a situation that we're holding anger towards and see if we can work with it in some way.

And it's a little weird to do.

You can imagine that thankfully it's winter in the Northeast.

So going out on a trail,

There's not a lot of other people,

But it's still a little freaky,

Especially if you're connecting with anger.

Could be a little scary if there's other people around,

They might be kind of freaked out.

This guy's yelling or taking a stick and like slamming it against a tree or doing,

You know,

I was,

For me,

It really showed up and like running really fast,

Almost like I was like pouncing on something.

And just to kind of backtrack here,

I have an extremely difficult time accessing anger in a healthy way.

I am a card carrying Mr.

Nice Guy and based on growing up,

And I think I always had this tendency,

I had people that kind of bullied me that were kind of aggressors in my life as a kid.

And I never really stood up to them.

And the one time I did stand up a little bit,

I actually got beat up.

It's a little,

It's a whole nother story,

But I was never someone had that aggressive,

Angry kind of mentality.

And I always let those people kind of walk all over me in many ways.

And I wanted just people to like me and I wanted to be the nice guy.

And I've,

Oh,

I've taken that through with me my entire life.

So anger and aggression,

I think it also has to do with how maybe my parent or my dad would come home and he would be angry.

I have a very aversion to it.

Like anyone who shows any kind of aggression or anger,

I'm like,

This is not for me,

Get away.

And so if some ways I realized I kind of put that into a shadow element.

And so some of you,

Maybe that resonates with you that you're actually,

You're a people pleaser.

And some of you,

Maybe you feel like you always react with anger that you're so connected to it,

But maybe it's manifesting in unhealthy ways.

So part of,

It's interesting though,

And maybe you resonate with this,

My anger,

Like where it really starts to grab me and then like reacts me is not in things that are big slides from someone where someone really makes me angry,

But in really silly things that happen on day to day that are really inconsequential.

Like my partner leaving stuff that I think I wanted her to do or wanted her to clean and she didn't do it,

That'll get me angry.

Or like leaving a,

Losing a water bottle somewhere,

Like furious or my partner taking something that she said she was gonna leave in the house.

It's these little daily things that tend to create this unnecessary anger.

Because when I say it's a silly anger,

It's in 20 minutes,

That's not gonna matter and you're not gonna feel it.

And it's so inconsequential to life that a practice that I've been doing is to laugh with that anger or to notice when that comes up and see if I can smile and see if I can,

This is to laugh with it.

And there was a situation that came up.

We have these two coffee mugs that are like these thermoses,

Because I like to slowly drink coffee all day.

So I wanna keep it hot and they're great.

But my partner took both of them one day.

So she like left with both of them,

Even though she has one and I have one.

And it got me so freaking angry.

And it was a moment where I was like,

Okay,

I'm working with laughing at this.

Can I smile?

Can I feel it?

Can I smile?

Can I see that this is so silly and laugh with this anger?

So that's gonna be something we're gonna practice with more so on those little day-to-day reactions.

I'm sure maybe some of you can think of those in your own life.

And then in our practice,

We're gonna get into maybe more of a bringing up something that might be a little stronger for you.

Now,

Disclaimer is you're all,

Hopefully I'm imagining,

Maybe not,

But you're all responsible adults.

And so I encourage you,

If you wanna press on the gas pedal with your anger and you feel like you're in a safe space and you feel like you can,

And you feel like you have some time after this,

Where if you still are angry,

That's okay,

Please,

By all means,

Press on the gas.

Or if you're like just not feeling it and if it's hard for you,

Maybe,

Or if you don't feel safe,

Take off the gas.

I'm holding you as responsible for yourself and wellbeing as we move through maybe the more intense part if something comes up.

You might leave here angrier than you came,

Potentially.

And so I ask you not to direct that at me and just to work with it.

It's part of kind of,

We can open the flood gates to something and it can actually be really powerful too.

Like I found in this anger ceremony,

Even though it was so hard for me to connect with it,

There was definitely some energetic releases that happened.

So I also encourage you to play.

I'm gonna offer things and it might seem really weird.

Know that no one's looking at you and you can do whatever you want.

I don't know where you're at in your home or wherever where you have the freedom to do something,

But I encourage you to take this and play and know that there might be some self-consciousness to something I might request and that's okay,

But no one's looking at you.

So know that.

So anything you need to do to shift gears and be moving shoulders,

Taking a few rolls if that feels okay,

Kind of just letting your body find the meditation posture that you are taking,

Whether you're sitting down on a cushion or maybe you're lying down.

Wherever you find yourself,

Let the connection that you have to the ground,

Let it help you to release the energy down towards the ground,

Just getting sense of the physicality of your body,

The feeling of the feet on the floor of your sitz bones and your chair and your cushion.

If you're cross-legged,

Noticing which leg is on top of the other.

And starting to let the breath soften.

Let the breath support you in slowing down,

Letting your shoulders relax.

The weight's going down,

But the spine is still there.

So just let the breath soften.

And let the breath support you in slowing down,

Letting the breath support you in slowing down.

And feeling the back of your neck extending,

Chin lowering a little bit.

Notice if there's any tightness in your jaw,

See if you can soften and release it.

And then soften the area in the navel.

And I'm just going to do a call to action here,

And I'm going to do a call to action here,

And I'm just going to do a couple rounds of a lower belly breath.

And so if you find just in your awareness kind of three inches below the navel,

And almost as if that part of your body was your nose and was breathing in the air,

I want you to imagine that you're breathing down into your low belly,

Feeling that,

And then letting it go.

And just following this in your own pace,

And really feeling like the air is entering three inches below your navel,

And moving down into your low belly.

And notice if you can work with that,

Notice what that does energetically,

And if your mind takes you elsewhere,

Just start again in your low belly,

Breathing in,

And breathing out.

And then adding on to this,

As you breathe in,

As you feel the breath move in through your lower belly,

Like you can imagine that it actually travels up the back of your spine.

And start to actually bring the awareness as you breathe more to the back of your spine,

More through the central channel.

And as you feel the energy move up your spine,

Can you also feel the rootedness of your feet on the ground,

Or your sitz bones in the cushion.

And I offer you,

As you breathe in,

To breathe in relaxation,

And breathe out and expand that relaxation through your whole body,

Or expand it through the central channel.

And then just connecting with your body as a whole,

Letting your breath be normal.

Actually together we'll take one full breath in,

And let that go.

Moving into our work.

And to begin,

Just simply asking yourself,

What is my relationship to anger?

Is it a common emotion?

Do I have an aversion?

Do I fear it?

Do I use it often?

So just noticing,

Not spending too much time intellectually,

But just seeing of initially what comes up,

Without self judgment,

Just welcoming where you're at.

And recognize that for the work that you need to do,

That where you're at is perfect,

Just as it is.

And then I'd like you to just bring to mind a moment in the past week,

Or maybe a couple weeks,

Where you got angry over something that was not really a big deal.

You left your water bottle at a yoga studio,

You lost something,

Your partner didn't do something you wanted them to do.

And see if you can find a moment that comes to mind,

Where it's pretty inconsequential,

That if something real happened,

You would not think of that thing in two seconds.

And as you find this experience,

See if you can stay separate from it,

It's almost like you're watching yourself in that moment.

You can see yourself getting triggered.

Maybe you see what you said,

Or just notice how you felt.

And as you watch yourself in that moment,

From the wiser,

Separated self,

What thoughts come to mind?

Maybe you see it was silly or ridiculous to be so angry.

And this is not to shame yourself around it,

Just see if you can give your past self some words,

And I'll offer some here for you to speak and energetically share with them.

Take a breath,

Maybe you go ahead and breathe with them.

This is not a big deal.

Let yourself feel what you feel,

And let it go.

Again,

Tell them to take a breath.

It's not a big deal.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel,

And let it go.

Let it go.

And notice what it's like to send that to your previous self.

And then I'd like you to switch from being the separate self in the room to going back as you in that experience.

So now you're back and you're actually feeling what you felt back then,

You're seeing it from first person.

Notice if you can sense where this shows up in your body.

Where do you feel anger?

Notice if there's blockages,

Notice if there's temperature change.

And ask yourself,

What is this about?

Why does this get me so angry?

And don't find an answer,

Just breathe with that question.

Stay in your body.

And then while you're in this moment,

Imagine you're now receiving those words from your wiser self.

Take a deep breath.

This is not a big deal.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel.

And let it go.

And so taking that into yourself,

Can you breathe?

Can you recognize the inconsequential nature of this?

Can you let your feeling move?

And can you let it pass through?

And to help you do this,

I offer you what has worked for me and that is to just see if you can gently bring a little smile to your face.

Look at trying to be kind to yourself.

Look at how angry you got over that.

Maybe you can go so far as to laughing at it.

Maybe not.

And if you can't do either,

That's okay.

Just be with it.

And notice as you just bring that little smile,

What that does into your body,

What you feel.

And then together we'll take a clearing,

Full breath in.

And letting it go.

Alright,

So we're gonna shift gears here.

And doing our own little mini anger ceremony.

And so remember,

Be kind to yourself,

Right?

Let yourself go into it.

Let yourself back off if you need.

So I'd like you to imagine that you're about to enter a path in the woods.

And there's no one around.

You're gonna be completely alone.

And before you walk into this path,

I want you to just acknowledge that this is sacred space that you're entering.

Maybe even take your shoes off if you'd like.

Don't worry,

The soil is soft.

And before you enter this space,

I'd like you to call on something that can be a guide for you.

Maybe that's an ancestor.

Maybe that's a spirit guide.

Maybe it's God.

Maybe it's the universe.

Maybe it's however you want to.

.

.

Or however you relate to something greater than yourself.

Call on that to support you.

To lead you.

And then when you've acknowledged this space and feel ready to enter,

I'd like you to start walking through this path.

And as you start,

You notice that it gets a little steeper and you start to walk upwards,

Almost like a little hike that you're on.

And you walk and you find yourself at the top of a hill.

And now you kind of see the view that you've hiked up to.

And this view that you're looking at is representing what has caused you anger.

Or who,

Maybe someone specifically whom you're holding anger or you have anger towards.

And this could be someone that you're currently angry at that's in your life now.

Or maybe it's a bully that you had from childhood that when you think of them,

You can access some anger for them,

For what they did.

And so just seeing if you can connect with something or someone that has caused you anger that you want to work with here.

And notice as you start to bring this in,

Let it enter your body and noticing what's going on.

Again,

Noticing temperature.

Noticing that there's physical sensations,

Tightness,

Tension.

And really see if you can connect.

See if you can breathe in,

Let it grow,

Whatever is here.

Maybe thinking of the aggression or transgression that person did to you,

That situation caused you.

And as you think of it,

Continue to slow down your breath.

Continue to listen to your body.

And as you connect with it,

I'll let you use your own intuition when it feels right,

Maybe when you feel that energy charged.

And I offer you to let this out in a way that feels right for you.

If you have a pillow nearby and you want to just start going off on the pillow,

Letting the energy out.

I offer,

I know you probably have your eyes closed,

But I offer also to place a palm open and one palm like a fist.

And as you feel that anger in your body,

Press your fist towards your palm and you just.

.

.

Maybe there's a grunt,

Maybe there's some moaning.

Maybe you tense your body.

Maybe you start to move your body in a way that's just intuitive.

Maybe you start to kind of bring some tapping into your body and just really let this out.

I could kind of go strongly here,

But I don't want to hurt anyone's ears if they're listening to this.

But if there's a yell and you're in a space where that feels safe for you,

Kind of let it out,

Connect with it,

Move it.

This is your container,

Right?

This is your sacred container to do it.

And maybe you're shouting it out,

Maybe you're bringing that view back in mind and you're releasing it to the sky or to the heavens.

Let something else take that anger from you.

Maybe it's a God I've heard Ram Dass talk about giving our anger or giving anything that's unserving to Kali.

Maybe it's that for you.

I just.

.

.

I'm going to give you some more inspiration to let it out.

Maybe it's just like growling.

Maybe it's low homes.

Maybe you're dancing.

My third day of my anger ceremony,

I'd put on some beats and just kind of ecstatically danced.

And so feel what needs to move in your body.

I'll give you another minute here to just let this out.

And as you do this,

Maybe is there something that needed to be said or needs to be said to this person?

Say it.

Is there a boundary that you need to explain?

Say it out.

Let it out.

Twenty more seconds.

And then if you're not yet,

Kind of shift back into slowing down.

Maybe take a breath.

Reconnect with your feet on the floor,

Your seat in your chair.

Maybe connect to being here in this.

.

.

Well,

Excuse me,

You're still on the mountaintop,

But I also want you to stay connected to your body.

And so start to release anything,

Any last words out into the sky view.

You can start to turn around and head back down the trail.

And before you fully walk out of the trail,

Closing this in any way that feels right for you.

Maybe it's a namaste.

Maybe it's a hand on your heart,

Hand on your belly,

Some way to acknowledge that you're leaving the container for this work.

You're leaving this sacred space.

And you're entering back into the world.

And so just take a moment to do that.

And as you step out of the trail,

Maybe you put your shoes back on if you took them off.

And as you step out,

You are also right back in your room where you're at right now.

Noticing what's present.

Let's take a few calming breaths just to help us settle in.

So inhale for one,

Two.

And then exhale for one,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Just longer exhales and inhales.

Inhale one,

Two.

And then exhale four,

Three,

Two,

One.

And then another one on your own.

And just take a moment to do anything you need to honor yourself for going there.

Maybe you had a tough time,

Maybe you didn't want to do any of the things that I was offering.

That's normal as well.

Maybe you might be angrier than you came and that's also normal.

So just be with that.

You know,

You brought some stuff up.

Maybe it's still here.

Let this be a continuation of your work.

And maybe there's a clearing,

Maybe there's an energy that shifted,

Welcomed,

Whatever is here.

Trusting it.

And in your own time,

Starting to open your eyes and come back into the room you're in.

Reviews

Thank you, Lou 🙏💖
I fight with anger over small things, it’s nonsensical at times. Meditation has helped in general, but I will definitely work with this specific practice you created.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing your own perspective.
Namaste, dear soul 🤗💗💗

Thank you so much for this powerful meditation! I also experience an aversion towards anger, but I am trying to give it more space, in order to release tension which causes so much physical pain and disability. I am really grateful for your guidance. 🙏

It's kind of a power struggle over a safety issue that has me grit my teeth. My roommate agrees to cooperate, but still each day I face the same situation. It's like being in a never ending play. Ugh!!