Stop Seeking Validation

This is an empowering and uplifting practice that will help you let go of the need for external validation and to trust yourself. You will come to realize your innate worth and feel celebrated and supported in your journey. This compassionate practice will realign you with your heart and your truth.

In the first few minutes, Lou shares the inspiration for the practice.

Transcript

Hello,

My name is Lou Redmond and I thank you for being here.

I do a lot of work in schools in teaching mindfulness to kids and training teachers as well as doing motivational speaking with kids and I recently had my first assembly presentation that I was giving and I had four assemblies in one week so they were two on Tuesday and then two on Thursday and I'd worked really really hard preparing this assembly.

I felt really good about what I was going to give and I went ahead on Tuesday and I gave my first two assemblies and I felt like I did all that I can do and afterwards I was waiting to hear from the principal or to hear from teachers if they liked it and I didn't really receive the feedback that I was hoping for.

I didn't really receive much feedback and I took not receiving much feedback as maybe I didn't do such a good job maybe wasn't as good as I thought and afterwards I really felt down and and felt low after this day of presenting.

Fast forward two days later I had another opportunity to give this same exact presentation to another group of elementary school kids in the same exact district so it was pretty similar as far as the audience and after the presentation I received great feedback from the teachers who all had positive things to say and from the principal who had some really nice things to say and I was feeling great I was like oh okay maybe this is better than I thought and I felt really great after that and I was reflecting on this and it was the exact same presentation.

One I felt bad,

One I felt great.

What changed?

Validation.

Seeking validation has been such a part of my journey and I'm sure a lot of us as we do the work of anything where we're putting ourselves out there and so many of us give away our power to other people's opinions without trusting that what we're putting out there is enough and especially when I knew in my heart that I did all I can I did my best but still I waited and I needed the validation from other people to tell me that I did okay and now that's not to say that validation doesn't serve some purpose of course I appreciate when you validate me listening to my practices and say that you enjoy them and helps me and inspires me to really continue to do this work but we have to really understand our relationship to validation and trust that it's the process of sharing ourselves and the process of learning how can we really validate ourselves that this journey is all about so this practice is going to be a practice about helping ourselves come into that place of self validation so go ahead and clear clear yourself to settle in so if there's any movements that need to be taken as we get into our meditation and start to connect with wherever you're sitting chair cushion feeling that support of the ground allowing your body to energetically release and trust this physical support that holds you really dropping into your space and allowing your body to relax and to help in this relaxation allow the rhythm of your breath to bring you deeper creating space on each inhale and grounding and rooting on each exhale and following that for a few rounds maybe repeating in and out or maybe there's a count one two it's using whatever awareness of your breath feels right for you and it might just be feeling it at your chest to your belly and doing a quick scan of your body and noticing if there's any part that is still feeling tense and maybe directing your breath to this part of your body allowing the inhale to create the space and the exhale to release and melt any tension away and furthering this ability to allow our bodies to relax so we can receive and connect with those invisible energies within us and allow the practice to do what it's meant to and together we'll take a full breath in and a full breath out moving into our practice and like you to imagine yourself on a stage and you'll be on a stage standing in front of a crowd so you can imagine any stage that comes to mind it can be an auditorium a business meeting a room a gym can be a coffee shop somewhere that you are standing exposed and vulnerable in front of other people so bring this image to mind and this does not mean that you are public speaking so if you have a crazy fear of that maybe be with that feeling for a moment but what this stage is symbolic of is the stage that you are on in your life the roles that you play that stage or role may be a marketing consultant a mother a teacher a wife a husband an accountant a weekend warrior for me my past every time I used to go out partying it was like a performance what am I gonna wear am I gonna impress can I make people laugh how much can I drink maybe that helps in thinking of the stages that you play and just picking one that feels right at this moment you know once you've got your stage and what role that is in your audience are all the people who witness you performing as much as it may not feel that way in some sense we are performing whether it be a job a task it's not who we really are we weren't always this role so it's not who we are at our core but it's just a persona a performance something that we've taken on in our life and it's not to say it's insignificant by any means but allowing to seeing who are those people that are witnessing this performance could be co-workers families friends just noting all of these people that are watching you on your stage that you're imagining and go ahead and look out at this group of people and ask yourself where do I seek validation or who do I seek validation from it could be in general you seek validation from everyone that you're just doing a good job or it could be a specific person it could be your partner or your boss if I continue with my partying analogy in those days validation for me was sleeping with someone invalidation was being rejected where are you seeking validation on your stage it's breathing and being with this energy for a moment and then ask yourself what does invalidation feel like is it shame embarrassment humiliation maybe it's just a sense of not enough whatever this emotion or energy is again maybe finding it in the body where does this manifest where do you feel this sense of being invalidated and breathing and being with it in your body for another few breaths again And then let's take a full breath in and let that go.

I'd like you now to bring all of those people whom you were feeling invalidated by or those people that you were seeking validation from,

I'd like you to bring them out into the hallway,

Whatever hallway you imagine.

So it could be a hallway at work,

It could be a hallway in a home.

Bring them out into this imagined hallway.

And if there's a few people maybe coming into a circle,

If it's just one,

Just looking at this person one on one.

Just for a moment standing with these people or this person,

Just taking in their energy in this more intimate setting.

And in this space I'd like you to look at each of these people and realize that each one of them feels exactly how you do on their own stage,

In their own way.

It may be different but the people that you seek validation from are all seeking validation from someone else.

Taking in that universality of this experience.

This is not something that just one person goes through,

That often we think it is,

We think we live in this bubble and we're the only people that feel shame or guilt or invalidation when really we all go through it in our own way.

I'd like you to go ahead and have the group hold hands or maybe you hold hands with this one other person to signify this oneness,

To signify this compassion that we all have for each other.

And feel the community,

Even if you might feel a dark energy with some of these people or with this person,

You have so much more in common than you think.

And then as a group I'd like you to all feel yourself and feel yourself in this space,

Breathe in light and breathe out darkness.

Breathe in light and breathe out darkness.

And then breathe in feelings of connection and oneness and breathe out feelings of separateness.

Breathe in connection and breathe out separateness.

And feel this loving communal energy that is being created as you all hold hands.

To help this group come together even more and start sharing and repeating these words and you're welcome to repeat them out loud or silently to yourself.

We are one.

We are whole.

We are one.

We are whole.

And keep repeating those two phrases as a mantra for a little bit and creating more and more energy each time you embody these words.

We are one.

We are whole.

And then letting the mantra go.

And taking a full breath in and a full breath out.

And I'd like you now to go back into the stage with these people.

Only this time you're going to sit or stand in the crowd with them.

Now feeling more connected and more together than you were before.

And in the crowd everyone is feeling excited about who is going to come out on stage for all of you.

And you're feeling that excitement with them.

Feeling that community that you've just created.

And as you share with them the excitement you see walking out on stage is yourself.

And in that moment you realize that you have always been your biggest cheerleader.

And you have always been there watching yourself.

Your best self,

Your highest self has always been there supporting you and rooting you on.

Sending you love.

Your best self is looking out for you.

Even though you might not see them,

Even when you fail or mess up,

They are still your biggest fans.

From the crowd look at yourself standing there.

Maybe you see a scared person or someone that feels unworthy or invalidated.

And you know that you're on their side.

Send them love and appreciation.

And you see that around you that everyone in the audience is sending them love and appreciation.

But all that person on stage cares about is what you think about them.

They don't need anyone else's validation but yours.

Go ahead and send them more of that love by repeating and sending the energy to them.

You are worthy.

You are enough.

You are worthy.

You are enough.

And just as we did before,

Keep repeating those two.

Sending that love to yourself who is standing on stage.

And now let that go and I'd like you to go back into the person who is on stage.

Looking at this other version of you,

Looking at the crowd,

Sending them love and embodying this within.

Repeating I am worthy.

I am enough.

I am worthy.

I am enough.

Stay here for a few moments.

And as you continue to repeat this,

The whole crowd stands up and starts to applaud.

The whole crowd gets up to give you a standing ovation to honor your performance,

To celebrate the realization that you are enough.

And in this crowd cheering for you is everyone who's ever supported you in your life.

So the crowd is getting bigger.

Everyone who is still here and also anyone who is not here and maybe supporting and rooting you from another place.

Bringing all of these people who feel you connect with here in this auditorium,

Those here and those unseen.

And take in this standing ovation and see if you can really allow yourself to feel the warmth and the love as everyone cheers for you.

And as they applaud I'd like you to begin to bow to them.

Bow to everyone.

Bow to those you have sought validation from.

Bow to all of those that are supporting you,

Your higher self,

Those not here,

Those in the corner,

Your family,

Your friends,

All of these people who are rooting for you.

And bow in thanking them all for what they showed and what they taught you today.

Maybe even give them a little namaste.

And then whenever you're ready,

You can let go of the image of the stage starting to come back into your body,

Into your room,

Into your chair or your cushion.

And whenever it feels right,

Go ahead and open your eyes and come back to your day.

Shifting my perspective to realize that people are rooting for me and that I can also root for other people even if those people I feel jealous or envious of.

Switching that jealousy and envy to rooting for every single person has been transformational for me.

And so I hope you know that a big part of what I put out in the world and my practices are to encourage you in whatever stage that you're in,

Whatever roles that you're playing.

And just know that although we may have never met,

That I am sending out with every time that I record these practices,

I'm sending out that energy rooting for you.

And I want you to feel and realize all of your deepest hopes and dreams and really feel that connection to your source and your center.

So I thank you again as always for practicing with me.

I love to hear what you thought so please do leave a comment and always feel free to reach out.

Namaste.

Reviews

Wow thank you so much. I really needed to do this meditation today. X

Thank you for this. It was a good reminder universal need for feeling valuable and approved. However, I think it’s key to remember that we never can get filled up by things that can never fill us up. The key learning for me was being kind to my self and appreciating the growth that is occurring and showing up. Namaste.

Thank you so much. I really needed this. I like how u authentically shares what inspires you. Love your work

This was exceptional! We all get insecure, or we all need validation sometimes in my opinion, and this is essential for healing!

I love the way you take the edge of everyday experiences and shower then with love and compassion which encourages self compassion. 🙏

This is outstanding! I will repeat it (probably many times) because I have a long history of validation seeking. It is extremely helpful to recall holding hands with my dad since he was the main person who I felt I needed validation from. Thank you Lou. ☺️🙏🏻🌹✨

This is the first meditation I've left a review for and I've listened to many wonderful ones. I've been realising that the need for validation has been holding me back, especially when that need is from people I highly respect (usually those in a position of authority but also family and friends). I know I often do not feel enough even though I am. This is usually when I present something and show vulnerability. This meditation allowed me to see that we all seek the same validation at times and to love and support myself regardless of others feedback. We all have a lot to offer whether it's acknowledged or not. Thank you for helping remind me of our connection in this world.

It is transformational to cheer for myself and for others. I found my heart opening and was given the capacity to cheer for others, even those I felt were not open to me when I could observe that we are all the same. Thank you for this powerful practice.

Profound and insightful meditation. So appreciate your real and relatable approach. 💙🙏🏽

Validation from the self - it is all we need. Thank you for sharing the story of your need for validation, but then sharing how to validate ourselves. It’s as if the knowledge of how to validate is in all of us. It is a practice to take it to action that needs reminding. Thank you. Namaste.

I got a lot of confidence in the first part and at the end with everyone cheering but the middle part when I was in the hallway - there was someone that is always critical of my public speaking. And to hold her hand and feel love was very traumatic. Lots of felt sense showing as pressure on my chest. I guess I’m not ready to be that open with a really toxic person yet. 🙏

🙏🏻 thank you for sharing this insight and guiding this journey within whilst feeling safe.. . Innerchild work established here for me- going to the root of it all- the root of my existence and my physcial body. 🙏🏻 all aspects were present for me- my fear- my beliefs- but also compassion and mutual understanding .. The stage has been a great place to have another perspective.. the hallway was a safe place to be. Thank you again!

So valuable, and very helpful! I’ve caught myself seeking validation and stopped myself and attempted to figure out why.
I really appreciate your candid meditations, including bits of your life as an illustration or example. It does help me see myself (having a similar situation), and learning from it.
As others have said, I’ve also grown incredibly from your teachings.
Sending you love and gratitude 💖😘

Thank you for offering a meditation on this topic. The stage visualization fit perfectly with where I am on my life journey. After being a stay at home mom for 13 years, I got a certification to teach fitness classes. And I often find myself seeking approval and validation from the pa

I needed so much to hear this, thank you! Lately I've been feeling so low and unmotivated to do what I do just because of validation, especially since I've started to share my work on social media. This meditation is so powerful and really helped to connect with myself and get inspired to do a good work again. I also loved the ending, it's such a important message. I'll be rooting for you too! Thank you so much!

The visualization transported me to my high school auditorium! It didn’t feel as intimidating as I realized everyone feels the need to be validated. Thanks for this offering.

Thank you, this was exactly what I needed today, thank you, thank you!!! ✨❤️

Thank you Lou, for yet another inspiring and uplifting meditation. It felt great to send myself validation, and to do the same for others, even for those whom I do not usually like to give validation. A great way to start my day!

This meditation is huge for me! Pulling me out of one of the darkest stages in my life, I never feel guilty for using up 30 minutes of my day for this. Thank you thank you thank you🙏🏽 Namaste!

I enjoy the visualization piece of the practice.