Reclaiming Your Happiness

In this heartfelt meditation, Lou reflects on the challenges of holding responsibility for others' happiness. He guides you to explore where in your life you may be carrying the weight of someone else’s happiness or relying on others for your own. Through this meditation, you will reconnect to your center and begin releasing these energetic cords, allowing for greater clarity, self-compassion, and freedom.

Transcript

Hello,

Welcome.

My name is Lew Redman.

Thank you for practicing with me today.

I'm going to share the inspiration for today's practice in as succinct manner as possible.

I am in the midst of making a big change in my life.

Me and my wife are moving from my hometown in New Jersey,

Across the United States to Oregon.

And I'm noticing this real challenge I'm having with leaving my parents who are close by during this time in our life where maybe we are going to be having kids soon and would want their support and also know that they would want to be around their grandkids.

And while we know that this is the next step for us,

For us to move towards our family and the happiness and the life that we are creating,

There is this feeling that I am actually going to let my parents and specifically my mom down.

And I'm going to create unhappiness for her.

I have a background of my mom really living through her son.

And she really gets a lot of joy and purpose out of being a mother.

And so I know I was looking forward to being a grandmother to restoke that purpose.

And I was wrestling with telling them that we are going to be making this move because I could imagine the pain on my mom's face.

My dad always had this martyr energy of it doesn't matter about his happiness as long as mom is happy.

And so this is the narrative that I grew up in.

And I've always been a self-proclaimed mother's boy.

And that's part of the work that I am doing personally is transforming that to be an adult in an adult relationship,

Not a boy in a mother-child relationship.

Now,

I know that will always be there.

Anyway,

I was doing some work around this and really realized how much I was holding a responsibility for my mom's happiness.

And this is not mine to hold.

We cannot be responsible for anyone's happiness,

But our own.

And as hard as it might be for my mom and us moving,

I have to trust that is also what is best for her.

And so I wanted to just offer that as the grounds for our meditation today to think about maybe where you are holding the responsibility for another's happiness consciously or unconsciously.

And maybe also explore are there any people in your life where you are putting your happiness on them.

So allow us to drop into our meditation.

Go ahead and find a comfortable posture,

Closing the eyes if they're still open,

And arriving in your seat.

And part of this practice is exploring responsibility,

Which is a big thing that we cultivate in our meditation,

The response ability,

Our ability to respond to any situation,

Right?

React.

And so there is a real strength and maturity to taking responsibility.

But sometimes we might take on too much.

We might take on things that were not meant to take on,

Like other people's happiness.

And so as you feel the ground beneath you,

Feel your spine strong,

And start to notice yourself in the center.

Almost like you are a tree witnessing all that is around you,

Sensing the space around other objects that might be in the room.

And also sensing here,

You in the middle of all of your life.

What that means is you're in the center of all different parts of your life,

Your relationships,

Your job,

Your family,

Your obligations.

And see as you find your center,

Maybe you notice that in your spine or in your heart,

Take a breath into your center,

And feel what it's like to be and sit in the middle of everything that's happening in your life.

And as you slow down and notice the parts of your life coming alive,

Maybe you notice the energy that's connecting you to these relationships or responsibilities.

Maybe there's like an energetic cord that you feel.

Maybe there's colors that come.

And you might notice the energy that's connecting you to all of these things that are around you.

Cords that feel heavy,

Maybe pointing to relationships where you're holding some of the responsibility for the other in some way.

And maybe you notice others where you are making them responsible letting them hold some part of your well-being.

And then there also just might be other cords and connections that feel lighter or less sticky.

Might be relationships we're not as close to or just other responsibilities,

Parts of our life.

And for now,

See if you can more focus in on who the people or relationships in your life are that you might be holding some level of responsibility for their happiness or giving them that.

Or they are holding responsibility for your happiness.

And see what comes and just breathe and be with it for now.

Relaxing as you open to what relationships or people that are showing up right now.

And then together let's take a full breath in and out.

And letting that go.

Noticing the cord still there,

But not focusing on anyone right now.

Maybe just coming into your own body and experience into your heart,

Into your center.

And I'm going to offer some words and affirmations to connect with the core of the work that we are doing in this practice.

And so this might come really easy for you.

This might feel enlivening.

Or this might be challenging to state or believe.

And I'm not asking you to believe anything.

Just try it on,

Either listening to me say it or repeating silently or out loud to yourself.

I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness.

No one is responsible for my happiness.

I am the source of my happiness.

I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness.

No one is responsible for my happiness.

I am the source of my happiness.

I am the source of my happiness.

Now I invite you to imagine if there is anyone in your life that you feel responsible for in some way.

Maybe it's your kids,

Your partner,

A co-worker,

Even if it's very subtle.

And notice this person or people and see if you can imagine them right in front of you.

And speaking these words to them out loud or silently and embodying its truth,

If you can.

I am not responsible for your happiness.

You are the source of your happiness.

May you feel the truth of your innate happiness.

I am not responsible for your happiness.

I am not responsible for your happiness.

You are the source of your happiness.

May you feel the truth of your innate happiness.

And seeing if you can really feel yourself sending them.

Whatever energy is showing up as you speak that out.

May you feel the truth of your innate happiness.

I am not responsible for your happiness.

May you feel the truth of your innate happiness.

And then let this person go from your awareness.

Take a full breath together with me.

Letting it out.

Letting it out.

We're gonna shift to noticing if there's anywhere that you are grasping to others for your happiness.

Seeing what people in your life you might be gleaning your happiness from.

Maybe you grasp at someone else's accomplishment.

Or maybe you grasp at anything external.

Maybe it's your job that you think that that's gonna give you happiness.

Maybe it's a substance or an activity.

Now this is nuanced and deeper work here.

So I get that these things can give you a sense of joy and peace.

And of course you want people close to you that you love to succeed and you're gonna share in their success.

All of that.

This is just really getting to the subtle levels to see anywhere we might be outsourcing our own well-being.

I do this all the time with work.

With getting that next client or success or achievement.

So I'm right there with you.

See if there's somewhere in your life you're outsourcing or some person you're outsourcing to.

And imagine this person or thing in front of you,

Even if it is a thing,

Dropping back into your center and sharing,

You are not responsible for my happiness.

I am the source of my happiness.

May I feel the truth of my innate happiness.

You are not responsible for my happiness.

I am the source of my happiness.

May I feel the truth of my innate happiness.

May I feel the truth of my innate happiness.

May I feel the truth.

Breath in with me.

Letting it go.

And come back to where we started.

Noticing yourself at the center of your life and relationships.

Sensing the responsibilities you hold.

And notice if any of those cords have shifted.

Maybe they're different colors or maybe there's a different weight or feeling around it.

And there might not be anything.

And that's welcome too.

And so just being with this for another moment,

Honoring yourself for the work,

Remembering the truth that we always have everything we need within us.

And at any moment you can draw from the wellspring of uncaused happiness and love that resides within you.

So enjoy it.

Wishing you so much support for the journey.

And whenever you are ready,

You're welcome to slowly rise back into your room,

Into your day.

Now I get there might be resistances to when we connect with everything is inside of us.

There's so many things that get in the way.

So that is our work,

That is why we practice,

That is why we do any sort of healing modality to clear the things that are in the way of what is already present.

So I wish you so much support as you continue on your path.

And if you're wanting to do more work with me around happiness and fulfillment,

I do have a course here on Insight Timer,

Your daily guide to happiness and fulfillment.

And I'd love to go deeper for 21 days in that course.

So you can find it here.

Thank you so much for your time.

Take care.

Reviews

There is just a quality to Lou’s presence and love that is amazingly wonderful!

Loved your honesty Lou...I'm wrestling with similar thoughts and emotions. This was helpful..thank you 🙏🍂🍁