Hello,
Welcome.
My name is Lew Redman.
Thank you for being here.
If you've followed my work at all,
You probably think or perceive me as a positive person.
And for the better part of the past decade,
I think that rings true.
I tend to see the bright side of things and try to be someone who uplifts the energy of the room.
Yet,
That's not how I always was.
There were times in my 20s when I was angry,
Entitled,
And jaded.
When things didn't go my way,
Negativity would leak out.
Like the one time my friend got a raise,
And instead of being happy for him,
I said,
Must be nice for you,
Why doesn't this happen to me?
I like to think that victim consciousness is in the past,
But it can still creep in.
Here's a recent example that I'm embarrassed to share with you.
You may know my friend and fellow Insight Timer teacher,
Charles Freely.
Charles was selected to participate in the recent 30-day challenge on Insight Timer.
And Charles' track was supposed to release on a Thursday,
But Insight Timer ended up moving it to a Saturday.
And so I'm fortunate that I get to be in a group with him and a couple other teachers.
And so when his Saturday came around,
I sent a message to our chat celebrating Charles,
But then I followed it up with,
Bummer that Insight Timer moved your day,
As weekends tend to get less plays.
After I hit send,
I woke up.
What the heck am I doing?
This is an amazing day for Charles,
And I'm being a downer.
Charles responded that he wasn't even thinking about that.
Charles was just going with the flow.
He wasn't thinking about what he was losing.
He wasn't playing victim.
But I was.
And maybe this comment seems minor,
But it's these interactions that can deflate the energy and make us unpleasant to be around.
We then start attracting people who feed on our negativity and our life becomes a constant swirl of what's going wrong.
As the saying goes,
Misery loves company.
Charles could have easily commiserated saying something like,
Yeah,
You're right,
Lou,
That does suck.
And he might've gone on about other negative things about Insight Timer,
But he didn't.
I share this story as a reminder to myself and also a challenge for you to be aware in each group or interaction,
Whether you are being an uplifter or a deflator,
Do you bring life into the group or do you suck it away?
Some practical things to try to help.
Number one,
No complaining.
This is so hard,
So,
So hard to do,
But if you can track and catch yourself when you start complaining,
This can have a massive impact on your mood and well-being.
I might not recommend this,
But I do know people who create a little rubber band and every time they complain,
They'll flick it as a way to like remind them not to.
I don't know.
It seems a little punitive,
But if it works for you,
Then go for it.
Another thing that you can do is contain venting.
So let's say that you do have something that you want to complain about.
Take five minutes,
Go into a room,
Grab a pillow,
Scream,
Yell,
Complain,
Let it out,
And then leave it there.
Consciously releasing negative emotions can help you avoid unconsciously projecting them on to others.
Next is parts work.
So working with the negativity or the complainer almost as if it is a part,
Creating some separation between you and it,
Asking it how it's doing,
What it's trying to help you with,
Because what you'll find is that the part of us that wants to complain or say what's going wrong,
It's just in its own way trying to make sure it's okay.
It wants what's best for us.
It's just sometimes doing it in a toxic way,
But its intention is good.
And then the last,
You may have heard this before,
It's kind of a classic cliche in a way,
But asking yourself is what am I about to say kind,
Necessary,
Or true?
And I like to add constructively funny,
Because sometimes I know I tell jokes that I don't necessarily know are kind,
Necessary,
Or true,
But I like to think that they add to the energy of the room.
So no complaining,
Contain venting,
Parts work,
Kind,
Necessary,
True.
I hope you take this with you and go out into the world and be an uplifter,
Or at least just be conscious of when you're a deflator.
I do it too,
Like this is not about being perfect,
But just noticing our energy,
Noticing when we shoot down or when we lift up a situation.
And if you want some help doing this,
I have a meditation on here called staying positive and keeping your heart open,
Where we do some of the parts work practice of working with maybe our negative part that we have.
So if that feels interesting to you,
Go ahead and check that out.
And once again,
Thank you so much for listening,
Sending you so much love,
And I look forward to connecting with you again soon.
