Changing Your Identity

This short talk will give you the inspiration to become more aware of the personas you've taken on. You will be motivated to shift your identity towards one that expands you and allows you to become all that you are capable of becoming.

Transcript

If I asked,

What do you do?

What would you say?

The words we use to label ourselves carry energy.

These arguably made-up labels can allow us to expand beyond our capacities or they can keep us stuck in a box of our own making.

I laugh looking back at some of the personas I wore.

My first job out of college was a credit analyst and for a 22-year-old,

Being an analyst sounded fancy and I prided myself in telling it to strangers.

What is it about letters after our name or words under our email signature that hold our esteem?

Later at my company,

A position opened up for a financial analyst.

I applied on the sole basis that I thought it would be cooler to tell people.

I didn't get the job,

Thank God.

A year later,

I was promoted to marketing coordinator and I was so excited to have this new title under my name.

When it happened,

Just like that,

My persona changed.

I felt like my life was going places and all those who received my emails knew it.

It's sad,

But I'm sure I'm not alone.

Titles give us a sense of identity which grounds us in the chaos of the world.

After I left my corporate job,

I learned what it was like to have no identity.

This was equally liberating and terrifying.

If I'm no longer someone,

Who am I?

It was a dark night of the soul,

A feeling of lostness and isolation.

I lay around staring at the ceiling and felt jealous when the mail person came because it seemed they had a purpose.

Many face a similar crisis in retirement.

While scary,

This is a sacred time and we would do ourselves a lot of good on tethering ourselves from our identities more often.

Since then,

I've taken on so many identities in my career,

Including inspirational speaker,

Meditation teacher,

Writer,

Author,

Meditation guide,

Yoga teacher,

Mindfulness educator,

Kids' yoga and mindfulness teacher,

Life coach,

Spiritual guide,

Meditation artist,

Transformational coach,

Facilitator.

I'm still figuring it out.

Some of these titles stroke my ego.

Some feel distant while others I feel embodied in.

Nonetheless,

Depending on how they're used,

They can help or hinder.

They help because they allow us to feel what that energy is like.

I called myself some of these things long before I had anything to show for it.

Some call that faking it till you make it.

Sure,

There's some of that,

But I see it as a tool for manifestation.

If I take on the identity of an inspirational speaker,

How would I act?

What courses would I take?

Who would I call?

Before I published my first book,

I had to see myself as a writer.

I had to wake up and step into this identity or else I could never finish it.

It's in this way we can use new identities to grow into who we want to become.

I'll note that identities can also limit us.

If all we are is a parent,

It might be hard to break into another paradigm.

If we think we're uneducated,

It will spill into our perspective about everything.

Identities can turn into limiting beliefs.

I'm too old,

Dumb,

Unqualified,

Poor.

I'm not creative.

I can never be that because I'm just this.

The longer this is etched in our minds,

The harder it is to shift.

But we can shift.

While identities can help or hurt,

They aren't capital T truth.

We are not what we do.

There are no words to describe the energy and the magnitude of who we are.

Although we are beyond labels,

We can connect with our essence and use it to bring an unnameable quality to our lives.

On Twitter,

I read that we should do something they don't have a name for.

That is where our gifts lie.

One way to explore them is to try on new identities.

So I ask you,

Where is your identity keeping you small?

Don't let your current identity limit you.

You're more than a mother,

Husband,

Wife,

Consultant,

Executive,

Teacher,

Et cetera.

You made the box.

You can break free.

While we can't be everything,

I have no chance of making it in the NFL,

We can find our growth edge and step into it.

So what do you do?

Are you open to trying on something new,

To get a little uncomfortable,

To wear a new identity and see where it might lead you?

I thank you for your time and your attention.

I hope you found this supportive.

If you did,

Feel free to make a comment and let me know what you think and what identities and labels you've worn over your journey.

If you wanna stay connected,

Also you can find my circle here on Insight Timer called Lose Circle.

I send you so much love and continued support for your journey as always.

Namaste.

Reviews

Thanks for sharing 🙏🪷

That talk was very topical for me right now. I appreciate your insight.

When I Do nothing and am empty then I am able to BE everything and am full.

namaste 🙏🏻

Spot on. I medically retired from an upper management position a little over a year ago, and I have not had the time to truly sit with the new identities that envelope me. I have spent much of this time caretaking for an elderly in-law who has since passed away, and that took place right before the approaching holiday season. My husband and I own a small business, but given the small volume of work we do (currently by choice), calling myself a "business owner" seems disingenuous, even if true. I am also a PhD candidate (ironically enough, studying social and group identity in a very specific context), but where I live, saying that is not regarded very highly and has made things unnecessarily complicated at times. I have published a book, but do not write as much as I once did, so that identity doesn't feel current either. My volunteer and semi-professional work in genealogy doesn't quite lend itself to adequate description at the moment, either. I am, after all, multi-faceted, multi-talented, and constantly evolving.

I settled on "researcher" for general use. It is accurate, and applies to many different aspects of my life, personal, professional, and academic. As a former career counselor and vocational rehabilitation rehabilitation rehabilitation professional for decades, loss of a "title" or job description was one of the leading causes of depression and self-esteem issues I saw in my clients. My ability to present them with a job title during our training programs was often cited as one of the best things about the program, on the client feedback surveys. I tried to convey that external titles were nice but internally-selected descriptions - when carefully and thoughtfully selected- could be more meaningful and impactful, and illustrated this by showing how their existing transferable skills could be labeled in any number of ways within the workforce. (E.g., "housewife" = homemaker = domestic engineer = group manager = scheduler = financial advisor, etc as the situation warranted.)

I find myself employing much of my own advice in this time of being a full-time budding independent scholar with thoughts of creating my own consulting business in the future. I can talk with others about my identity just fine; it's filling out forms that still trips me up, and that's largely where "researcher" comes into play.

This identity shift also happens after involuntary job loss/change and sudden onset of disability, not just retirement. It even happens during corporate takeovers and mergers, management changes, and social group leadership shifts. Understanding how to detach personal identity from external circumstances seems to me to be incredibly important, and rarely discussed. Kudos to you, Lou, for recognizing it and bring it to the fore with this excellent short talk. I've saved it so I can re-listen when I need a boost myself in this regard. 😊

Thank you for sharing this with us here. I see you and the light within you. Be well. 🤲🏻💖🤲🏻

Thank you for this interesting topic. I can relate to your story, younger me felt extremely validated by letters and titles. Returning to a child's experience of human being (rather than doing) is my current journey.

Brilliant!! Find your growth edge, There is no name for what I do. Oh, wait! There is: “Paulina”.

Very helpful, thanks. I tend to think about finding my identity, but hadn't considered growing it.

Cool

Thank you - a validating message here I haven’t heard before and so glad to encounter today.

Retiring was strange—I kept recalling what I said when my stepfather got me a summer job in his department when I was 16: “I don’t want to WORK!!!”
Retiring, here I was, not having to work! Would I remember what was so great about not working? It’s taken a couple of years, but I think I’m getting there. The confidence and satisfaction I’ve felt in the work identities I’ve had gives me a lot of encouragement to try new things now.

Awesome perspective, Lou! Your words are always so inspiring and on point 💗
WDYDoooooo? Is the question that I totally abhor 😤.
Your guidance helped me immensely, I’m very grateful.
I’ll be listening again, I’ll eventually be able to grasp my emotions and intentions with ease.
We are all more than “just one thing”.
I am the master of all that is “me” 😌😃🎉
Love and peace to you.
🙏💗💖

I'm a parent but I don't find that label limiting. As a parent I need so many skill sets, the word parent for me is boundless.

Although I will add, I'm also me.

At one point I lost my identity all I did was parent, homeschool, support disabilities, advocate, liaise with school or medical professionals.

I was also a wife. I was trying to parent and wife but I was so drained and exhausted, I had a breakdown, I couldn't be all the things.

To heal I had to find the me that had been swallowed up by the parent and the wife. Now I do yoga, I meditate, I say no, I sleep in if I need to, the house is not perfect, I have boundaries, and I advocate for myself. I give myself time and I rest, I actively rest. Now I'm more of a whole person. I'm also a better parent and wife. I needed balance, I needed to find the me and care for her too.

Thanks Lou, this meditation has shown me a path forward. 🙏🏻

Once again, right on point and I’ve felt the same with titles.

Makes perfect sense, thanks Lou

Relatable I’m a person in recovery from drug addiction and the identity as an “addict” or “I’m jeff and I’m an addict” used in 12 step groups feels limiting in this context - I am so much more than an addict - thanks for sharing these insights :)

Great talk

Been struggling with this since becoming an empty nester. The title and self assigned roles are a source of identity and refuge but things change, and I’m realizing there’s freedom in that. Thanks Lou 🙏🏻🌺

As always, inspiring guidance🙏🏻💝Thank you!🌈🦋

Another interesting experience in becoming aware of ourselves ❣️
Thanks Lou