Hello,
I am sharing with you today from picturesque San Francisco,
California.
I'll be here for the next three months as my fiance Kelly takes a contract at a local hospital.
While on our way here,
We stopped in Palm Springs for what was supposed to be a few days of rest and relaxation.
As it happens,
Life had other plans.
Kelly had a crisis and instead of relaxing by the pool,
She was panic-stricken the entire day.
If there's one thing I've learned about relationships,
It's that when your partner is disturbed by an emotion,
They don't want you to try and fix it.
Problem solving may come,
But when they are really in the grip,
The best way to support them is simply listening and being with them.
We don't have to be therapists to be therapeutic.
Our uninterrupted presence is like a soothing balm to someone's distress.
Emotions are a right-brained,
Non-verbal,
Non-linear process.
Fixing them with a left-brain problem-solving mentality is like mixing oil and water.
It doesn't work.
Being with someone on an emotional level allows each other's hearts to sync and provides space for comfort.
I'll caveat here by saying that after an emotion passes,
Left-brain practices like journaling are massively helpful in processing events.
My thoughts are focused for when someone is in the emotion itself.
It's challenging not to offer advice,
Especially when we think that it could actually help.
In the past,
When Kelly would tell me a charged story,
I literally had to hold back the urge to comment.
After a few minutes of her venting and me saying absolutely nothing,
She said,
Thanks for listening.
And like magic,
All was better.
If I'd butted in and said,
Well,
Here's what I think you should do,
I would have just made it worse.
This recent time in Palm Springs,
She was just happy I was there for her.
When we're in a difficult emotion,
We want someone to verbally or non-verbally say,
I see you.
I love you.
I'm here for you.
That's different from,
I have the answer for you.
After letting the emotion pass,
Then we are ready for problem-solving input.
This advice goes beyond significant others to all relationships.
As we talk less and listen more,
People feel safe,
Heard,
And understood.
Next time someone you know is having a hard time,
Practice releasing the urge to fix and instead just be.
It's one of the most helpful relationship skills you can build.
If you want to practice on being with difficult feelings specifically,
I have one here on Inside Timer called Caring for Difficult Feelings.
So you can just look that up and find that.
And if you're looking to actually enrich your relationship in some way and maybe do a practice that involves your partner either by yourself or maybe you can even do this practice together.
But I have a practice called Enrich Your Relationship.
If you search that,
You'll see a picture of me and Kelly who was mentioned in this share today.
So sending you much love as always.
Oh,
I do want to mention here that if you're on Inside Timer circles and you want to join,
I would love for you to join my circle.
Just search Looz Circle and you can join other people on this path and connect with this beautiful community that we have at our fingertips.
So I send you much support and as always,
Let me know what you think of this little share.
Namaste.
