Creating A Self-Care Toolbox

This talk is helpful for creating the foundation for a self-care toolbox. It is a living document, meant to be added to and shifted throughout the time it is being used in order to best fit the person it serves.

Transcript

Hello and welcome.

Today we're going to be talking about the basics of how to start or add to or organize your self-care toolbox.

What is a self-care toolbox?

Well it's basically a running list that can and should be added to,

To look at,

To consult when we're wanting to figure out what may serve us best to take care of ourselves in a particular moment or a particular time frame that we have.

Now some of these items may be 30 seconds long that we can utilize at any point of our day.

Some of the items may be something that we can plan for when we have our next free morning or evening.

Some of the items may be used for when we have an extended period of time that we can dedicate to ourselves and some may be used whenever we can throughout any given week.

So what exactly is self-care?

We hear many things about self-care nowadays.

It's kind of become one of those buzz phrases.

And generally speaking,

Self-care at a high level aims to promote physical,

Mental,

And emotional well-being.

It's meant to help keep us healthy,

Maintain our health,

And in some cases prevent disease or manage disease symptoms.

Self-care can help us cope with stressors.

And by cope,

I don't mean take away,

But it can make things feel less heavy or just at the very least give us some respite from the heaviness or whatever the emotions are that we're feeling that is causing us stress.

Self-care is not about checking out,

Right?

It's not about distracting ourselves.

Self-care is an intentional focus on or engagement in something that is meant to replenish us.

It's about doing something that gives us what we need in that moment or at that time.

It is literally for everybody.

It's not only for when we're feeling stressed,

But it's meant to be used throughout our lives,

Even when we feel like things are going really well.

Much like our healing journeys or our mental health,

Self-care is really an ongoing commitment to ourselves.

It's something that we want to keep tending to,

Keep putting attention to.

Our world today is very fast,

Right?

And it's moving faster each day,

It seems.

Most of us find that we have ever-growing to-do lists and more and more responsibilities.

Life gets continuously more complex,

Often to the point where it feels like it's even hard to wind down.

And generally this is a pretty clear sign of a dysregulated central nervous system,

Which is essentially where we feel anxiety in our bodies,

Is through our central nervous system.

And with our very fast-paced world today,

Our bodies,

Our minds don't really get the rest and recovery that they really need.

So along that same line,

What we don't want is self-care to be just another chore to do.

We want it to be something that we look forward to,

Something that we truly do enjoy.

We want it to be something that brings us what we need to refill our tanks,

Even if it's just a little bit,

Even if it's just an eighth of a tank,

Right?

We'll take it.

And that's how it is sometimes in life,

Right?

And there's going to be other times in life where we can engage in self-care and fill our tanks up halfway or three-quarters of the way or full,

Right?

And that's great when we can do that.

And other times,

Again,

If I can get an eighth of a tank,

I'll take an eighth of a tank,

Right?

Self-care is ultimately critically important in building and maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves.

And as we know,

A healthy relationship with ourselves is the foundation to a healthy relationship with any other being on the planet.

Self-care can help promote self-awareness,

And that is a powerful key to living an empowered life.

Our self-care does not have to be perfect and often isn't,

Right?

Sometimes it's a 30-second round of deep breathing.

Sometimes it's feeling the sunshine or other elements on our face while our dog is out running in the yard.

Or when we're making our way from our car or bus or train into a building and taking a nice deep cleansing breath before we enter.

Sometimes it's 30 minutes of journaling.

Sometimes it's a half-day of clearing out our closet.

Sometimes it's a solo weekend trip away and enjoying our own company.

And really,

No matter what it looks like,

The idea is to be intentional with it and really soak it in,

Whatever it is that we're choosing to do.

So for today,

I invite you to grab a piece of paper and a pen or pencil or writing utensil.

And if you need to pause the recording to go grab those things,

You can go ahead and do that now.

And when you have the piece of paper in front of you,

Go ahead and flip it to where the long edge is at the top and then fold it into three sections.

So what we'll do is we will divide our self-care toolbox into three categories.

And I'll give you some examples to put into each category if they speak to you.

And you'll notice that some of the examples could really be put in multiple categories and you feel free to add them into whichever category or categories that make the most sense to you.

Also please note that though I'll be giving several examples of each category of self-care,

There are near endless examples,

Near endless types of self-care that we can engage in.

So please feel free to get creative and really search within yourself for the things that fill you up the most.

In the first section at the very top,

We're going to write body.

So I'm going to ask you three questions that you can write down right underneath the word body.

To ask yourself when you are looking at your self-care toolbox.

So the first question is,

Do I need to calm myself?

Second question is,

Am I feeling uncertain?

Third question is,

Am I feeling drained?

I'm going to list several examples of what I might put in the body section of my self-care toolbox and feel free to write any of these down if they call to you and if not,

That's okay too.

And if any of these things,

You know,

Spark another idea that works well for you,

Please add it to your list.

So some examples for self-care that have to do with our body include movement and that may be in the form of stretching or walking or dancing or yoga.

Another item to add to the body section is taking a bath or a shower,

Spending some time outside or even just stepping outside for a couple of moments,

Taking some air in.

Taking breath work can be very helpful.

That would be something like deep breathing or belly breathing.

Another self-care item would be cooking.

Cooking for ourselves or cooking for others.

Drinking water,

Drinking tea.

Sometimes laying directly on the floor is so calming and so connecting to the earth.

It's a really grounding activity to do even just for a few moments.

Creating a bedtime routine is a really helpful self-care item.

Taking a morning routine can be a really helpful self-care item.

Doing a face mask.

Sometimes during really difficult times in life,

Brushing our teeth,

Washing our face,

Those are self-care items and we'll take those.

Sometimes if we are really physically exhausted,

If possible,

Taking a short timed nap can be so replenishing even if it's 10 minutes,

20 minutes if possible.

Or getting a massage.

And massage is something that we tend to think of as a pretty common self-care tool.

However,

For many of us,

Not all but many,

Getting regular massages may not be accessible for many reasons,

Whether it's financially or time-wise or just logistically.

And that's okay.

If it's something we can do here and there,

Great.

If it's not,

That's totally fine.

So take a moment here and see if there are any other items you might add to the body category.

So let's go ahead and move to the second column on our sheet.

At the top of that column,

Go ahead and write MIND.

And then three questions to ask are one,

Do I need to soothe myself?

Two,

Am I feeling overwhelmed?

Three,

Am I feeling ashamed or critical?

So again,

I'll list some examples of what I might put in my MIND section of my self-care toolbox.

The first is meditation.

Meditation is another pretty commonly used or thought about tool for self-care.

And it is,

And it's wonderful,

And it can be wonderful.

And there are some folks who don't enjoy meditation,

And that's okay.

You do not have to do meditation in order to engage in self-care.

If it's something that you do enjoy,

Great.

If it's something that you don't enjoy,

That's totally fine.

I find that a lot of folks who say they don't like meditation really feel that they are quote unquote bad at it.

And there is no being bad at meditation.

There's no right or wrong way to do it.

It's really just a mindfulness activity.

And sometimes engaging in guided meditations can be a little bit more helpful when we're just starting out and doing two-minute meditations or five-minute meditations to start just to give it a try.

Another example of self-care under our MIND section is journaling.

Journaling is another very commonly used example of self-care.

And there's a few things about journaling where some of us can feel really resistant to it.

We want to,

But we feel resistant.

And I find that sometimes the resistance comes from feeling like we have to fill up pages and pages of our journals.

And it really doesn't have to be that.

It can be a few sentences.

It can be sketching.

We can use bullet points.

We can use it for writing down positive things.

It doesn't have to just be for things that went wrong.

There's many different ways to journal.

Another example of a self-care item under the MIND section would be creative writing or reading or balancing our thoughts,

Right?

And we're doing things like mind reading,

Imagining what somebody else might be thinking about us.

Or engaging in all or nothing thinking.

So if we mess up on something,

We may say to ourselves,

Oh my gosh,

I'm so bad at everything.

Why am I so bad at everything?

And really balancing that to,

You know,

There's some things that come naturally to me and there's some other things that don't.

And that's okay.

I'm human.

Right?

Simply balancing our thoughts can be so,

So helpful and such an important self-care tool for us to use.

Another thing we can do in this section is focus on things that we are grateful for or appreciative of.

And this is not at all to discount any pain we're going through or any difficulty that we are experiencing in life.

Right?

It's not meant to push those things away.

What it's meant to do is really balance things out.

Right?

So even if there are,

You know,

Many different things that are going sideways,

Let's say,

In our lives,

Even just finding a few things that we truly are grateful for or appreciative of can be very,

Very helpful during those times.

Another self-care item could be getting organized,

Writing out a to-do list,

Crossing something off your to-do list.

Right?

That may feel doable and being able to cross that off.

Watching something funny can be really,

Really nice for self-care.

Saying no to things,

That's a big one.

Right?

Putting down some boundaries.

And that might be something like,

You know,

I had plans to go to a birthday party and I really just need to take that time for myself.

Sometimes we feel able to do that,

Sometimes we feel we're not able to,

But if it is a time that we're able to,

And if we really could benefit from saying no,

Something to consider.

Listening to a podcast can be a really nice thing to do for self-care.

Working on a puzzle.

Engaging in some kind of mindfulness activity.

And mindfulness just really means focusing on one thing.

Right?

So,

You know,

Even something simple as taking,

You know,

30 or 45 seconds to notice a tree or a plant or an object nearby and just notice its colors and textures and features.

It's a mindfulness activity,

Right?

It can sometimes help stop those swirling thoughts.

Writing out three things that you appreciate about yourself or that you're proud of yourself for.

Sometimes that is a hard one for some of us.

Right?

And that goes along with noticing our negative self-talk and rearranging things.

Right?

So,

Kind of like what we talked about earlier,

Balancing thoughts.

So especially if those thoughts are about ourselves that are negative.

Trying to be a bit more realistic and really truly talk to ourselves like somebody who truly loves us unconditionally would talk to us.

Sometimes taking a class is a really great thing for us to do for self-care.

So take a moment here and think about if there are any other things you might add to the mind category.

Now in the third column,

We're going to write spiritual and emotional.

There are four questions for this category.

The first being,

Do I feel like I need connection?

The second,

Am I feeling lonely?

The third,

Am I feeling scared?

And the fourth,

Am I feeling fragile?

Some items we might put in this category for self-care are things like singing or turning on music or playing sounds that call to you or turning on videos of the ocean or of a rainforest.

Whatever feels like it would be filling for you in that moment.

Another example on this category might be calling on our spirit team or the universe or God or whatever word or phrase we might use for our spiritual connection or support or perspective.

Praying,

Chanting,

Playing an instrument,

Spending some time creating a ritual.

Sometimes reaching out to a loved one is really supportive in this area of self-care and sometimes that's calling and if we feel like we don't quite have the energy to put to a phone call,

Sending a text and just saying,

Hey,

I'm thinking about you or texting a photo or a selfie to that person and saying hello.

Sometimes handwriting a letter is really nice.

Sometimes finding a place to volunteer is a really spiritually and emotionally fulfilling thing for us to do for self-care.

Sometimes this is an ongoing volunteer assignment and sometimes it's a volunteer workday.

There's a lot of places that need folks for a specific day or project or a couple of hours here or there.

Sometimes it can be really,

Really helpful to connect to our community in a really lovely way.

Another item in this category is gardening.

Working outside if we can,

It's very grounding,

Very connecting.

Working with our pets is a wonderful self-care activity or combing your pet if you have a pet who can be combed and who enjoys being combed.

Doing a craft project or an art related project or self-expression is a beautiful self-care activity we can do.

Playing an instrument,

Taking a photo to capture something that represents your mood or represents how you want to feel.

You can also look in the mirror and give yourself a pep talk.

You can bring flowers to a neighbor or to yourself,

Treat yourself to some flowers.

Go ahead and take a moment here and jot down any other potential self-care items you can add to this category.

Again,

What we've worked on here today is really meant to be a foundation for self-care activities.

As you continue forward,

You'll find and discover and create other activities that can and again should really be added to this toolbox,

To this list.

Feel free to keep this list exactly as it is as you wrote it or feel free to get creative with it.

You can make it into a piece of art.

You can make an art project out of it.

You can digitize it.

You can do whatever it is that feels right to you,

However you'll be able to utilize it best.

And again,

Really the best way to decide what self-care tool to engage in is by asking those questions at the top of each section and adding to those questions as you see fit for you.

And knowing that we,

As a for instance,

Could be in the habit of journaling every night before we go to bed.

And if there's a time when you go to journal and you say,

Oh,

You know,

I just don't want to do this tonight.

Don't do it.

That's okay.

Perhaps there's something else on the list to do,

Or perhaps you take that time and you get a little bit more sleep.

The idea is checking in with ourselves.

What do I need in this moment?

What will best fill my tank right now?

So please take a few more moments.

Again,

Look over your sheet,

See if there's anything else you'd like to add.

And I hope this toolbox is well used and well loved and continues to grow.

Be well everyone.